All Comments on 'Little Step Daughter Suzi Pt. 02'

you need to lay out your thoughts better, everything seems rushed and you are missing a lot that makes both parts very hard to read.

'OmegaEntertainment' - Your comment lacks punctuation!

Insert a 'comma' after 'missing a lot'

"you need to lay out your thoughts better, everything seems rushed and you are missing a lot, that makes both parts very hard to read."

Tense refers to maintaining the time of the event(s) so both parties are in synch. It is a touch disturbing for readers to adjust each time this happens.

I have seen another comment which suggested recording yourself reading your work, then playing games the recording while reading the work. The blips will jump off the pages and you can edit before submitting.

You obviously have a fertile mind for written porn. Please write more.