Lockdown Love

I started giggling and the giggling turned into laughter and soon James was laughing with me. "I'm so sorry," I said wiping my eyes, "But it was laughter or tears and now I seem to have both."

"After she died," James explained, "I was offered the job in Sydney and I was in a position to take it. I tried to arrange for Alison to collect the ashes but there was always an excuse."

We sat together on the couch leaning into each other lost in our own thoughts. After a while I looked over and saw James was asleep. He looked so peaceful. I removed his glasses and placed them on the table in front of us. I tucked a strand of hair behind his ear that had spring free and I leant in and gave him a gentle kiss on the lips. I don't know what came over me, but it seemed the thing to do. I thought of fetching a blanket from his room but did not want to go in there uninvited so grabbed a cushion from the other couch and propped his head in what looked like a comfortable position. I then let myself out, trying to be quiet as I closed the door.

No wonder he had such mournful eyes I thought as I walked to my flat. I thought back to when James and I were staring into each other's eyes and there was more than the sorrow he often showed, there was a tenderness I found endearing. It was not late, but I still took a quick shower and climbed into my bed, exhausted after all the emotional sharing of the afternoon.

I was awoken by someone banging on my door. I looked at the clock beside my bed and realised it was just after 2am. I threw my robe around my pyjamas and answered the door.

"Oh Charli," cried one of the second year girls, Jen who was accompanied by a third year boy, Dave, We're so sorry to contact you in the middle of the night, but the condom broke and I don't want to have to do what Charmaine did last year."

I brought the two of them in. Charmaine had come to me telling me of her suspicions she was pregnant after a night of unprotected sex. She was and decided to terminate her pregnancy. I went with her to the clinic and held her hand. It was one of the hardest things I had done as a nurse.

"OK, sit down you two," I indicated where to sit, "So Dave, you had cum in the condom I assume."

"Um, well, yeah," an embarrassed Dave whispered.

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about, Dave, especially because the two of you used precautions, but as I always say, condoms aren't failsafe 100% of the time. Usually I'd send you to the university pharmacy where you can get the Morning After Pill over the counter, but seeing we are in lockdown I'll investigate things in the morning. You two need to try and get some sleep, but good on you both for thinking of doing something about it now."

I ushered them out of my flat and tried to get back to sleep. I was wired though. I was trying to work out how to get Jen the morning after pill. I knew Sandi, one of the other nurses at another college was a Nurse Practitioner and could prescribe certain medications so I figured I would pick her brains in the morning, hesitant to call Trent.

The last time I looked at my bedside clock it had gone 5. I was awoken again my knocking on my door just after 7. Again, I threw on my robe and went to investigate.

"Good morning, Charli," James said passing me a hot cup of tea, "I thought I'd come bearing tea before our run this morning."

"Mm..." I sighed taking a sip, "This is a great brew. I'm sorry James but I had an interrupted night and I forgot to set an alarm."

"It's all good, Charli, we didn't plan it," James said apologetically, "I just knew you ran every day and I should not have assumed and woken you unnecessarily."

I could not be angry with anyone who brought me a cup of tea so I invited James in and told him I would get ready and be with him in a few minutes.

"I hope it wasn't my revelations from yesterday that troubled your sleep, Charli." I heard James through my partially closed bedroom door.

"Nah," I replied tying my hair back, "Medical drama in the middle of the night- I'll sort it after the run, there's nothing to worry about."

As I was tying my laces James apologised for falling asleep on me the night before.

"I woke up and was surprised my neck wasn't sore, but then I felt the extra pillows around me."

"You looked so peaceful, almost like you were relieved to have your story shared with someone else." I said tying my final lace into a double knot.

"Let's run the other way today and see if it makes any difference," James suggested.

It was different, not better, not worse. James set out at a faster pace than the day before, but he ensured I could still match his strides. I suspected if James took the proper strides his legs were built for, he would leave me in the dust.

As James and I were eating breakfast a dejected looking Jen came and sat with us.

"Bloody hell, Charli, I rang the pharmacy at the shopping centre down the road and they told me I had to physically be there for them to be able to give me the medication." Jen was angry by this stage.

"I'll make some calls for you, Jen, try not to stress, you've done all the right things." I tried to reassure her.

James knew not to ask any questions, but I suspect he assumed what Jen was after.

"See, this is what pisses me off. I don't have the scope to prescribe anything as I am not a Nurse Practitioner like Sandi up the road and usually, I would just send the patient to the pharmacy, but this lockdown makes things harder. I was going to call Sandi after breakfast and run it by her." I tried to nibble on the toast and marmalade I had made myself, but I was not hungry.

I excused myself from James and went to make some calls. Sandi told me it was a very grey area. She suggested I call Jasmine, a pharmacist friend of hers and see what she had to say. Jasmine was very helpful. She told me that she would send over a few packs of the morning after pill however requested that when I needed to give one out, I rang and ran it by her or one of her colleagues. It was a great solution and sorted in minutes. She told me she would courier them to me and I should have them within the hour.

Jen was thrilled when I knocked on her door to relay the news. I was glad Dave was still with her providing reassurance. I explained that once the medication arrived, I would bring It to her, but I also warned that it can make some people feel very unwell and she was to let me know if that happened to her.

Before meeting the courier, I quickly had a shower. I figured I'd spend the day in my office catching up on a report that was overdue and going through the materials Maddi and Trent had provided. I smiled when I reached the ring snips and placed a pair on my desk to offer for James to take and use if and when he wanted to.

Grabbing a sandwich from the dining hall when my stomach started rumbling, I returned to my desk and put the kettle on for a cup of tea. Waiting for me was an email from Julian stating all residents were to be screened for Covid-19 that week asking me what resources I would need. Julian said he had been liaising with a pathology company and they would provide the tests, but I would be required to take all the samples.

I worked out what PPE requirements I would need. I sent the list to Julian, just as James knocked on my door. I smiled seeing him leaning against my door frame.

"Hello you!" I said as I stood for a hug, "I've just sent Julian an email outlining all the PPE that I will need to take nasopharyngeal swabs from everyone. I'm just hoping no one googles it before hand as it is a nasty procedure."

"Charli, it's Sunday and you're working!" James said as I sat back down in my chair. "What do you usually do on a Sunday?"

"Well," I thought for a moment, "There's so many galleries that always have new exhibitions and the autumn leaves will be in full show over the next few weeks so a walk or run around the gardens is always awesome this time of year. There's often a Sunday afternoon concert at the recital hall that can be worth catching too."

"I don't think I ever picked you as being a classical music lover, Charli," James said sitting on the couch in my office, "But I was planning on going to this afternoon's recital- one of the recent graduates from the conservatorium was playing Bach on the harpsichord."

"Just a tic, James," I said turning to my computer and bringing up the recital centre page, "She's still giving the concert and it will be streaming online- it starts in 20 minutes."

"Um, Charli," James said pointing to the ring cutters on my desk, "Are they what I think they are?"

"Oh yes," I replied handing them to him, "There were three pairs in the stuff Maddi brought. They've been used, but also wiped over with a disinfectant wipe. Not sterile, but cleanish. And just so you know, I wasn't going to offer to help or anything, but I figured when you were ready..."

"Thank-you, Charli," James said sincerely, "You are very thoughtful, and it is something I have been considering since I arrived down here. Now this concert. I have some speakers in my office that we use for teleconferences- perhaps we should head there to listen?"

I agreed and we locked my door and went to James's office.

"Charli," James cleared his throat, "I would like to think that had we not been in lockdown I might have turned up at the recital hall and seen you there and perhaps sat with you if you were alone, but one thing this lockdown has done is provide the two of us the means to talk about things outside work and I want you to know how much I appreciate that."

I smiled and kissed him on the cheek as we sat down together on his leather couch. It was a lovely concert. James turned his computer monitor to face us on the couch and the speakers gave us a good enough sound quality, although it was nothing like being in the venue. Another difference between the concert venue and the office was James was unable to turn his phone off and was interrupted a few times with different questions. He was so apologetic, but I did not mind.

As the concert finished, James fetched two glasses and a jug of water from the small fridge in the corner of his office. He apologised it wasn't gin but told me he was conscious of not keeping alcohol in his office, especially when a lot of his time was spent counselling residents about overindulging.

"Charli," James almost whispered, "I'm not sure if you did any counselling after Justin, Nicholas and your father died, but I started therapy last year with a psychiatrist to talk about things."

"No, I definitely saw someone for a while there," I replied, "And it helped quite a bit. Well it helped put things in perspective I suppose."

"Mm..." James seemed pensive, "Perspective. Evaluation and looking at things from different angles. Sorry, yes, no, I'm seeing John tomorrow via videoconference and I wanted to tell you because I plan to talk with John about you."

I was quiet. No one had ever told me they were discussing me in therapy before.

"Charli, do you remember our first meeting?"

"You mean the meeting where Julian told us that the coronavirus was a beat up and nothing to worry about?"

"Yes," James laughed, "That one! The thing I remember about that meeting was you were the only person who introduced themselves telling us what you wanted to do. Remember Russell talked about his membership of all these boards and how much money he oversees for the college, but there was nothing else. You were the only person there who appeared to have been listening. And your beauty, well I probably don't need to mention that!"

I went beet red and told James I did not know what to say.

"Charli, I have so enjoyed our time together over the last few days in particular. I have never felt so comfortable with anyone before, especially a woman who is so beautiful as you. I have told you things I have only told John before. I just want to let you know that I want to be here for you throughout this and I am trying to figure out where we go from here, but I do like spending time with you and, oh, why is this so hard?"

I was already sitting next to James, but I reached over and placed my hand in his.

"You looked so peaceful last night, James" I explained, "I wanted to get you a blanket, but I was too scared to go into your room, so I propped your head with the pillows. Before I left though, I did kiss you gently, on the lips. It felt like the thing to do and I will also admit that I find you incredibly attractive and I think I'd like to spend some more time with you too."

"You did kiss me?" James looked at me with a mix of excitement and apprehension, "I thought it was a dream! We were floating above the college with our hands holding each other and the choir was below singing, 'If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with.' I remember it as it were clear as day."

I remembered that song, it had been one of Dad's favourites and Justin and I had danced to it at our wedding. 'Turn your heartache right into joy, She's a girl and you're a boy, Get it together, make it nice, Ain't gonna need any more advice' I thought of these lyrics and remembered Dad singing them to me. Again, I was crying.

"My dad used to sing me that song, but he almost always focussed on the last verse" I said quoting the lyrics as I remembered them.

"Charli," James brushed some hair out of my face as he cupped my chin, "I'm going to still take the advice of John tomorrow though, because I want to work through a few things. You can probably guess I'm scared witless, but I know I really like you, Charli."

"I really like you too," I said as we gazed into each other's eyes. I could hardly believe I was opening up like this. Our lips were getting closer together when James's phone rang again.

"Alison," James sighed, "To what do I owe the pleasure? Aha, hmm, ok. Well be that as it may, I'm down here and we are in lockdown. The fuck? No, you most certainly cannot join me down here. I beg your pardon? Look, sorry Alison, I have been telling you for years that we are over and for the record, I no longer wear the ring so perhaps this time you will believe me."

James hung up and I sat there in silence. James reached into his pocket and removed the ring cutter tool. He placed it around the ring and with a push, the ring was no longer whole, and he removed it from his finger and threw it across the room.

"That fucking bitch!" I had never heard James swear before, "That fucking bitch!"

I sat there not knowing what to do or say. James finally started laughing.

"That, as you may have gathered was my long time estranged and soon to be ex-wife." James told me shaking his head. "She rang to tell me she had just gotten out of rehab and the doctor there told her that because we hadn't divorced after 15 years it must mean our marriage is worth saving. I can only imagine she's been to some fundamentalist claptrap her parents believe in but, fuck me!"

His phone rang again. "Oh great, it's the mother-in-law! Hello? Yes, she has just rung me. No, she is right, our marriage is well and truly over. I am moving on with my life in a new city with a new woman by my side. She is amazing and wonderful and caring, and I have told her about Alison and Charlotte and she's still not scared to be with me so I must be finally doing something right. No, Barbara, I'm sorry, but Alison and I should never have married in the first place. She never loved me. She never loved Charlotte and saw her as an inconvenience. I told the police she should not be charged after she drowned our daughter, but in retrospect I am beginning to think that that might have actually helped her. Even if Charlotte hadn't drowned our marriage would not have lasted much longer as I do not tolerate infidelity."

James stared at his phone in disbelief after Barbara hung up on him.

"James, I will admit I don't know what to say and I don't know what to do." I said gently after a few minutes.

"Oh Charli," James hugged my head into his chin as we sat on the couch together, "I'm sorry you had to listen to me lose my temper. It's not my finest quality."

"I can see that you're angry," I offered, "And I will give you space if you need, but I am here for you at any hour of the day or night."

"Charli," James whispered, "Can I just hold you for a bit longer. I'm shocked I didn't make you run away!"

"For what it's worth," I whispered back, "You may have gathered, but I'm team James all the way! I will leave you to fight your own fights, but I plan to be here for you as long as you are here for me."

Eventually James eased my head into his lap as he had done to me the night before. I was soon asleep. I woke to see the light had almost gone outside and it was dark in James's office. He too had nodded off. I sat up causing James to stir too.

"I forgot to add that I do love a Sunday afternoon nap," I joked as we smiled at each other.

"We missed dinner again," James commented, "And I was looking forward to the Sunday roast they usually prepare.

"You should have woken me!" I protested.

"I think I was asleep soon after you, dear Charli." James smiled.

"James, before Alison rudely interrupted us, I got the impression we were going to kiss. Did I read that wrong?" I probed.

"Hmm..." James smiled as he leant towards me and gave me a gentle but delicate kiss on my lips, "I think I remember something like that..."

I heard James's stomach rumble and offered to order a pizza for us to share. James accepted the offer with another caress of our lips. We walked towards the gate together to collect our delivery. Several other residents were also waiting for various food deliveries.

"I won't ask what you two have been up to this afternoon," Jackson quipped "Because you both missed the rubber they tried to pass off as roast beef tonight in hall!"

"Oh Jackson," I laughed, "I suspect your imagination is very fertile, but I doubt you would believe our afternoon included an online music concert and the Dean took a few telephone calls. How are you and Simon enjoying isolation? Is he still in bed?"

The other residents laughed even though I was concerned I might have overstepped the mark, but the way most people were laughing, including Jackson indicated I was fine.

"And I hope I will be seeing everyone tomorrow morning at 7 for our run." I said looking at everyone, "Oh and Dean will you be joining us as well?"

"Um, yes Nurse Charli, I believe I will." James smiled and Jackson and several of the residents cheered.

With preparations for Covid-19 testing throughout the college planned for Wednesday, I did not get a chance to talk with James after our run on Monday morning. A handful of students turned up and seemed to enjoy the activity, all promising to be back on Tuesday. With no formal dining hall in the evenings we sat amongst the students, with distancing measures in place to see less diners at a table and were able to talk with them as we ate. The atmosphere was still positive with residents positive about their new normal.

"It's like Swedish prison, Charli," one student explained, "We've all got the keys to our rooms, but no one can leave the premises!"

I returned to my office after dinner to look through the PPE that had been couriered in already. I was making lists of the things I still needed to do for the testing to run smoothly. Lost in thought staring at the boxes in my office it took a tap on my door for me to notice James was standing there leaning against my doorway again.

"Come in!" I exclaimed, "Close the door. I think you can find a path to the sofa!"

"All this PPE is bringing back some interesting memories," James remarked.

"One thing though, James," I came and sat down beside him, "I will try and do my own test, but if I chicken out, do you think you could remember how?"