Lori a Fresh Start and a New Love

I gave Tina a dirty look, and she at least had the decency to blush and look away.

It quickly became apparent that his personality matched his attire. He wanted to be the big shot. Buying all the drinks, and he wouldn't shut up. I did my best to ignore him, but that was hard. Tina realised what a big mistake she had made and tried to take his attention. I think she had been conned by dickhead Paul into setting this up. He was trying to curry favour by finding Craig a date.

It was as we were standing at the bar having some drinks that he started going on about going back to his place for a smoke and some drinks. He grabbed his crotch with one hand, and said, "You might even get some of this."

"Big is it?" I asked.

"I ain't had no complaints. Most girls can handle it."

"Honey, if it isn't at least the size of a decent dog roll, I'm not interested. Flop her out and gizza look."

"What the fuck?" he gasped angrily. "Fucking old tart like you would be fucking lucky to get some."

"Fuck you, arsehole. Bet it's a tiny little thing. I think I'd rather cut my leg off." I leaned in and gave Tina a kiss and hug. "I'm going home. Thanks for dinner."

She whispered, "Sorry babe. Paul said he was nice." As we finished our hug, she said, "I'll walk out to your car with you."

The moment we were outside, she burst out laughing. "Shit, I'm sorry, chicky babe. What a knob head."

"Yeah, and then some. Don't you ever do that to me again."

We hugged again, and I fired up the old Surf and headed for home. At least the dinner was nice. I got a few admiring glances from blokes at the bar, which made me feel a little better. It was worth the effort.

It had been a long time since I had taken much notice of what I wore. I had fallen into the life of farmer girl: jeans or leggings and a bush shirt or swanni. Now that I was back performing, I needed to change that.

Funny, it was the gig at the rugby club that got things moving. We got a gig for the King Country rugby club in Te Kuiti. The local publican saw us, and offered us a couple of gigs. That got Tina all fired up. She developed a web page, and social media pages. Old dickhead Paul proved useful for one thing. He took some pretty good recordings of us performing on hid phone, and we included them on the pages.

That got us a few more gigs, Taumarunui, Te Awamutu, Tokoroa, Bennydale. It got to the stage we were turning away gigs. It took us almost nine months, but we were now playing two gigs every week, that grew to three when we picked up a couple of Sunday afternoon lunch time slots at Waitomo and Otorohanga.

I guess they were starting to add up, and we got a couple of really good gigs in Hamilton. One was for a gallery opening, and the money was great.

Tina and I had a blast. Driving all over the place, she was so much fun. It was like girls day every weekend. We set out on a road trip, turned the music up loud and sang our hearts out. Paul was becoming a nightmare for her, though. He was such a jealous controlling bastard.

It all blew up at a gig in Te Kuiti. During a break, a bloke who had been giving Tina the eye came up with drinks for us. He set about talking to Tina, and it was clear that he was interested. Tina never really gave him any encouragement. He was just one of those guys.

Paul flew off the handle and charged over, screaming, "Get your fucking hands off my girl." He was a big intimidating guy, but that's sort of where it ended. When the fight broke out, we quickly found out he was all hot air. He got the absolute shit beaten out of him. If that wasn't bad enough, we had to listen to him whine the whole way home. It was the straw that broke the camel's back for Tina.

They had a huge row, and she kicked him to touch. I tried to play the supportive friend, but it was hard to hide my joy.

"Come on, love, don't cry. He wasn't much of a loss."

"He might have been a shit, but at least he was my shit," she sobbed.

"Don't worry sweetie, there's more shits floating around the ocean. You'll find another."

She scrunched up her nose. "How do you do it? Living out there all alone, you don't even have a cat."

"Fuck that shit. The last thing I want is to be known as the crazy cat lady. Truthfully, Tina, I enjoy being alone. I miss the sex, can't deny that, but I don't miss all the drama and bullshit. Always having to explain things, why you forgot their birthday, or having to do shit you really aren't interested in."

"Fuck, I'm really envious. You have all your shit together. Own your own place. Here I am at 23, and I've got nothing. I think Dave has had enough of me at the pub. He's sick of me not being able to work weekends. I've either got to give up the music, or the barmaids job."

"It's your call Tina. This is your gig, not mine. I'm only tagging along." I tried to say the right thing, but inside, I felt terrible. The gigs were not only money in my bank, but I loved performing again. I had forgotten how much I loved it.

"No, chicky babe, I couldn't do it without you. It's us now, you and me against the world. Trouble is, I need the pub job to pay the rent. Bloody Paul was supposed to be working. I couldn't afford that place, but he talked me into it. 'I'll have a job soon,' that's what he promised."

"He's gone now, so you need to make your mind up. I love playing gigs with you. Really love it, but if it's not working for you..."

She jumped into my arms, her head on my shoulder. "I love it as well. If Dave fires me, we'll just have to find more gigs. Or I could ask around town. Somebody might like a flat mate."

She wasn't hinting, or if she was she was cleverer than I gave her credit for. "Tina, if it makes it easier for you, there's a room here you could use."

Her big eyes opened wide, and she peered at me. "How much would you charge?"

"Jesus, sweetie, we're friends. I don't have a mortgage, if you can pay something towards electricity then that's all. Maybe some groceries occasionally."

Her grip tightened, and she kissed my cheek. "God, you're a life saver," she gushed. "I'll pay my way, you'll see."

"I never doubted that, sweetie. Do you need a hand to move?"

"Yes please, I don't have much."

Two weeks later she had moved in, and things sort of worked out. Dave didn't fire her, they agreed to reduced hours, working only Monday to Thursday. The weekends were ours.

Having another person around the house was fun, but it didn't help that it was Tina. I guess I had more than a little crush. She was gorgeous, bubbly, funny without even knowing it. I started to feel things I hadn't felt in a long time. I could see it was going to cost me a fortune in batteries.

She wandered around the house in next to nothing, walked out of the bathroom soaking wet in nothing but a towel. Yeah, note to self. I was going to have to stock up on batteries.

She helped in the garden, and that was nice. It suffered a fair bit of neglect lately. Travelling, and now I was back playing regularly, the old urges came raging back. I started writing again, songs and poetry. For years they had been dormant, long since assumed to be dead.

Now, I couldn't stop. Having Tina around sort of levelled it out. If only I could drag my eyes away from her svelte seductive form as she moved...

I guess it had to happen with the number of gigs we were getting. We managed to get four gigs in Hamilton. On a couple of occasions we had turned down gigs, because if it was only one, it wasn't financially viable for us to drive up to Hamilton, then pay for accommodation. This time, we managed to get four gigs. One of which was at the Factory. It was going to be the biggest gig we had ever had. What made it more palatable was Tina had recently made contact with an old friend who offered to put us up for the trip.

The drive up was one of the most fun days of my life. Tina was just such great company. We laughed and joked about all sorts of things. She talked about her childhood and her days at the Catholic girls school. Of course, that led to her asking about my life.

I fobbed her off and felt bad for doing so. My life had been such a mess I now felt embarrassed by a lot of it. I knew at some point it would bite me on the arse. I hoped that I would find the courage to tell her before that day rolled around. Yeah, great plan...

Tina's friend Kathy was a hoot. We turned up just after lunchtime on Friday, and she already had her husband cooking on the barbecue. We were barely in the door before we had drinks shoved in our hand.

"Bloody hell, Kath. We've gotta play tonight. You get me pissed and I'll forget my words," Tina complained.

"Fuck off, you wanna live the rock chick life or not?" she replied laughingly. "Come on out back, Will is already working on lunch."

Will turned out to be just as much fun. Tina and Kath spent the afternoon telling stories of their misspent youth, chasing boys, even some stories about after they had caught a few.

Christ, I laughed my tits off...

That night, Kath, Will and a bunch of their friends came down to our gig. It was a great crowd, with Kath and some of her friends cat-calling and whistling like bloody shearers. They created the atmosphere that dragged Tina out of her little daze and we rocked the place.

Not the way we usually did shit, but this was fun and it didn't take long to win the audience over.

We were pretty shattered when we got back to Kath's place. With another even bigger show the next night, we crashed, going straight to bed. Climbing into bed in the little single bed made me feel like a kid again. With Tina in the other bed staring at me, she said laughingly, "This is like being a young girl again, having a sleepover."

"Yeah, first time in a long time since I slept in a single bed," I said between giggles.

It was funny; we started talking and Tina told me about her first date, about losing her virginity. I told her some selected stories, and we laughed softly through our collected tales. It was well after two in the morning before we ran out of steam.

It was a Saturday night gig, and we were opening for a new group that the local radio station was promoting. I had played the Factory many times, and always as the main act.

Walking in Saturday about five for sound checks brought back some memories of some of those nights. Shit, I even recognised the grumpy old sound engineer. I guess I hadn't aged as well as I thought, because he didn't recognise me.

Maybe it was my ego, but I was considered a hottie myself when I was at my peak. Not even that grumpy old fucker recognised me. It was a kick in the bum.

Sound check went pretty smoothly, I mean it wasn't much of a set up. Two chicks, two acoustic guitars and a stomp box. Not exactly taxing for a good sound engineer. We played three songs, and they had it nailed.

Walking up to the sound booth, the old fucker said. "You girls sound sweet as. It's gonna be a great show."

We stowed our stuff in the changing rooms and went off to get dinner. Poor Tina was petrified. "Oh my god. I can't believe it. Shit, that was only sound check. I'm shaking," she confessed.

"You'll be fine, just relax. Imagine we're at home, just you and me. Close your eyes and listen for my cues."

"How the fuck can you be so calm?" she spluttered. "I mean, have you done this before? I'm scared shitless."

We both laughed at her confession. "Tina, it'll be all right. I've played a few shows like this. Once we get past the first couple of songs, it will all go away."

"I friggin hope so." She giggled crazily, pointing down to her legs. "Look, my knees are knocking."

It was like old times all right. We had actual changing rooms, no squeezing into the ladies loo, pushing each over as we tried to get dressed. Out of the blue, Tina grabbed me in the tightest embrace. "I love you. God, you've made such a difference to my life. This is like a dream come true."

Having her gorgeous lithe body crushed against me, her sweet voice filling my senses, I felt my heart pounding, and the desire to just kiss her, to feel those lips on mine. It was overwhelming.

"I love you as well, sweetie," I replied, settling for a kiss on the cheek. "I'd given up on music. I had dreams as well when I was younger. I felt like my time had passed."

"Rubbish!" She gasped. "You're the only thing holding this together. You're beautiful, you play guitar like you were born to it, and your voice. Bloody hell, I wish I could sing like you."

"Tina, you need to believe me. Your voice is one of the best I have heard anywhere. You could, no should, be a superstar."

There we were, standing in the wings, waiting for the MC to call us onto the stage. Tina held my hand so tightly I thought she was going to crush it. Then it happened: the call. "Lets welcome to the stage, this amazing new act from the heart of the King Country. Tina, and Lori."

I'd like to say there was thunderous applause and we were welcomed onto the stage amongst joyous applause. The reality was much different. We walked out to the sound of a few people clapping. They were all there to see the main act: Chisolm Stone. At best, they were going to suffer through our performance.

Tina looked terrible, her face was pale and the fear was so evident. I took the lead as we strapped on our guitars. "Folks, over here we have Tina. Give her some applause. All the songs you hear tonight are written by her. Come on, give us a little love."

There was some applause, but it was muted. I played the intro into probably her best song. She was supposed to join me at the end of the riff, but as I turned and looked at her, I could see she wasn't going to make it. Leaning into the mic, I started singing. I was through the first verse and just coming into the bridge when I heard her voice, faltering, but present.

She looked at me and a little smile crept into her look. When she started playing guitar, it all fell into place. I stepped back and she took over the vocals, allowing me to play guitar.

This song was a killer, it had it all: a great melody, awesome lyrics full of emotion and tragedy. The chordal changes allowed me to riff away on guitar. It sounded so good I got carried away during the lead break. I stomped the shit out of the tiny stomp box. Tina had the sense to just let me wail away.

When she came back with the vocals, there was genuine applause. The crowd were into it. Like every performer, once Tina heard that applause, she lifted as well. The set, it was only forty minutes, was way too short, gone in a flash really. What made it all worth while was the applause. Okay, it might not have been thunderous, but god damn it was loud. There were wolf whistles and calls for more.

This wasn't our show, so we accepted the applause gratefully and took our leave as the stage crew flooded the stage to swap out the gear.

Off the stage and out of sight, Tina was again in my arms. She held me so tightly. "Friggin hell, Lori. Oh my fucking god. Did you hear that? They liked us."

"Yeah, sweetie, I think you're right."

As we hugged, the stage manager walked over. "Fantastic show, girls. Let me get these guys set up and I'll shout you a couple of drinks. Meet me at the bar in about twenty minutes. I wouldn't mind having a chat about some future gigs."

Tina and I walked over to the bar, and we got accosted by some people from the crowd. They all wanted to congratulate us on a great set. We had been standing at the bar for a few minutes when I heard a voice behind us.

"Well I fucking never. Marylyn, how have you been, girl?"

I knew exactly who it was without even turning. "Hello, Marty. Long time."

"Yeah, babe, a very long time. I bloody knew it was you. The moment I heard that bloody guitar riff, I flamin knew it was you. Un-bloody believable."

Tina looked completely confused. "Marylyn? What's he talking about, Lori?"

"Using your original name, very sneaky, babe." Marty mumbled.

"Lori, what's he talking about?"

Marty shook his head in disbelief. "You really don't know?"

"Know what?" Tina spluttered.

"Your band mate... Marylyn." When he saw Tina was just as lost as before, he snapped. "Oh for Pete's sake, girl. Lori, is Marylyn. Come on, I know you're you,g, but surely you've heard of her."

Tina's mouth dropped open and she said with a painful glare, "Is that true? You're 'The Marylyn'?"

"I'm sorry, Tina, I wanted to tell you. I just couldn't find the right moment," I said apologetically. I could see the sadness mixed with anger creeping into her expression.

"All this time you've been lying to me. Why?"

"Because I'm embarrassed by the things I did, the person I was back then."

She turned and walked away, looking angry and dejected. Marty's eyes followed her. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, Marty, She didn't know."

"Oops, sorry darling. Hard to believe that she didn't recognise you."

"Piss off. You're the first person to connect the dots. Even grumpy old Eamon didn't pick it."

"You're kidding, nobody?"

"Nope, not a single one."

"Well I bloody never. So where are you living?"

"Down country. It's not important."

"Marylyn, I think you guys are pretty good, and the songs are fine. I was hoping we could have a wee chat about your future."

"Marty, the songs are Tina's, she writes them all. You should be having this chat with her."

He nodded, as he rubbed his scruffy stubble. "The songs, you're right. They're good, and the girl's got a fair voice."

"Fair my arse. She's got the pipes, Marty. Don't bullshit a bullshitter."

"Yeah." He sniggered. "Fair enough. She's good, but she'd be nothing without you. The pair of you, I haven't seen chemistry like that on stage for a while."

"Thanks, I think. What have you got in mind?"

"You better sort your shit out with her before we talk. Are you clean?"

"Ever since I got out."

"Good to know, what about pot, do you still smoke?"

"Yeah, it's my one vice, oh, apart from the occasional drink?"

"I've got some great weed if you girls can sort it out."

I left him at the bar as I went to try and find Tina. It wasn't hard; she was two doors up the road sitting with her knees drawn up under her chin, hiding in a bus stop. "Hey, sweetie, how you doing?" I asked sitting beside her.

"I can't believe it. You made a complete fool of me. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I hate the person I was back then. I'm completely and totally ashamed and embarrassed. I was a nasty selfish bitch."

"But you could have told me. You knew I was your biggest fan. I never believed all those things."

"You should have believed. They're mostly true. I stole from my friends, I cheated my record company out of thousands.?"

She looked horrified. "It was true?"

"Most of it. I didn't fuck half the people they accused me of, but the criminal stuff. Yeah, guilty as charged."

Her look said it all, any respect for me had just vaporised. She sat there, tears slowly dribbling down her cheeks. "Tina, I went to jail and it was hard. I was supposed to be drying out, but fuck. There are more drugs inside than out. When I did get out, I promised myself never again. I was never going back and I would pay back every cent I ever stole. I'm not that person anymore."

"But we're mates. Why couldn't you tell me?"

"Because of that look of contempt that's written all over your face right now. I was scared of losing you. Believe it or not, you're the best thing that's happened to me in a very long time."

She grimaced, her features drawn and tight. "I feel the same. Nothing made sense until I met you. You found all the good things hiding in my songs. You gave me strength, empowered me."

"And it's the same for me... I had totally given up on music. I had my little farm and it gave me the peace and quiet I needed. Let me get clean. I love who I am now, Marylyn is dead."