Lori a Fresh Start and a New Love

She laughed. "You have made a huge change in your life, Lori. I'm proud. You know I have always loved you, even when you ran off."

"I'm sorry, Tab. I'll try and make it up to you."

"Be yourself, don't get sucked into all the shit that's gonna be knocking down your door."

"Tab, I love these songs, but they're not what's happening now. You know what I mean? These songs aren't going to make a splash. Maybe a little ripple."

"Don't undersell yourself. I can see how excited you are over them. Half this bloody country is our age. If they rock your world, then they sure as hell will rock ours."

"You may be right. I'm nervous. I've got everything wrapped in it now."

"I know you better than you know yourself. If you want it bad enough, it'll happen."

"I want it more for Tina; she's got stars in her eyes."

"Yeah, she reminds me of you when you were eighteen. All that ambition, all that desire to burst into the spotlight."

"I was a bitch."

"Yes, you sure were. No question."

Tina walked in just at that moment, I sensed Tab getting all gooey and affectionate. Tab opened her arms and they shared a kiss. Over breakfast, we talked about the first rehearsal. I called Ben to see if we could use the studio for rehearsal. I was surprised at how eager he was. Maybe his studio wasn't doing as well as he insinuated? Anyway, he was onboard, saying he would be there about six.

When I passed that on to the girls, they were all on board. The only thing for me to do was pick up all the drum heads, and hardware. As we drove through Manukau, I noticed a cash converter's pawn shop. Walking in, I was blown away by the amount of music gear. It didn't take long to find some cymbal stands, a new snare stand, and a very comfy looking throne. For less than I was expecting to pay for just the hardware alone, I managed to pick up two very nice Sabian cymbals, a twenty-two inch dry ride, and an eighteen inch crash.

Then it was off to the Rock Shop for new drum heads. Marla had given me a very specific shopping list, which I was able to fulfil. While we were in there, I had a play on some of the electric guitars. All I had at the moment, was my acoustic electric. It was nice, but I would kill for a Telecaster like my old one.

That was one of those decisions I would always regret. I sold it for a hundred bucks when I needed a fix. Paid two and a half grand for it, sold it for a hundred. What a dumb bitch.

Tina watched, and even had a play on a few herself. It was one of those moments of drooling desire.

Back at Tab's, she already had dinner cooking, and having Marla turn up only raised the spirits, especially when she saw the drum parts.

The studio was a nice rehearsal space. Ben had it open and ready to go when we turned up. Tina busied herself getting chord charts and lyric sheets out, plugging in her guitar and tuning.

Amber brought her own amp and guitar, Marla was busy tuning and setting up.

"What are you going to play, Marylyn?" Ben asked.

I dragged out my beat up old acoustic, and he scoffed. "You're playing that beat up old thing?"

"Yeah, what's your problem?"

Sheepishly he replied. "I've been feasting out on footage of the Marylyn of old, shredding madly on that old cherry Tele you used to play. I figured you'd have something like that."

"Nah, this'll do me."

"I've got an SG that really sings if you wanna use it. Play it through the Vox and it's got an awesome sound."

"Nah, I'm happy."

It didn't make sense to use the electric. What we needed was a sound that we could replicate live.

Tab watched on like an excited fan, talking non stop.

We were ready to go. Our first song, 'Are You Ready,' was a nice ballad: it had great lyrics, which I loved. Tina was a maestro when it came to words. She had screeds of poetry and songs. Not all of them were that great, but this one in particular resonated.

I started playing to give Amber and Marla an insight into what we were looking for. What surprised me was Tina; she was so timid. She strummed away on her guitar, but she was so quiet it was almost inaudible.

She definitely struggled a little with stage fright. I had seen it on a couple of different situations.

I took over, it was actually Tina's role, but I took over and sung loud, my guitar powerful.

Amber was first to come in with me. She waited for the chorus and slid up the neck letting her bass sing. She was, as expected, right on the money. Her bass pattern was smooth and rhythmical. She fed off my melody and in no time she was on it comfortably. I knew she had it when she started to dance. Her body swayed, her head swirled, her head rolling with the beat, her eyes tightly shut.

When I came back to the verse, she joined me with a nice melody. For a small woman, she had a deep and resonant voice. She easily found an octave-down sweetly melodious echo.

Tina finally found her voice, but rather than take the lead, she fell into a backup vocal. It was sweet, but that was her song.

Marla came in with a rhythm that fattened everything. She wasn't a popular drummer because she could be busy. By that, I mean she had a habit of taking away space. I loved her drumming, I loved the way she broke the rules, the way she found ways to build emotion, to create changes in feel and sound.

Amber felt it, as well, her bass line tightened and she fell more into Marla's groove. We went over the song once more, and it came together beautifully. When we finished, Tab was clapping as loudly as she could, cheering with her approval.

The girls all had smiles. Ben walked in, applauding lightly. "Choice song. You still got it, girl," he said to me.

Tina had shrunk back a little, and it wasn't until I asked the group what they thought that Amber spoke up. "Tina, babe. I thought these were your songs?"

"They are," Tina replied defensively.

"Yeah, well where were you, girl? I could hardly hear you. You gotta step up, chick. You got sweet pipes, you gotta let em loose, girl. You can't let Lori carry the load."

I thought she was going to cry, but Amber was quick to wrap her in a cuddle. "Babe, I didn't mean to pick on ya, but you gotta help. Lori said you sing lead, well, do it girl."

I walked over and joined the hug. "Just relax, chick. Take a breath, we are all in this together. Nobody's gonna ride your arse, just let it out. Let us hear that beautiful voice."

She hugged me back and gave me a little nod.

We went through the song again, and this time, rather than step towards the mic, I stepped back. Tina started timidly, but with Amber supplying her awesome backup harmony, The real Tina shone through and her confidence built quickly. That gave me the chance to shred a little. Quietly, just sitting under the vocal, but after the chorus, I let it out. This had been building within me for a long time.

What held me back was Tina's guitar playing. It was better, but not good enough on it's own. With Amber in beast mode and Marla supplying the thunder, I was free to let rip.

I sounded good, and I slid deeper into the lead break, letting it carry the song to a new crescendo.

Afterwards, Amber jumped all over Tina. "Girl," she cried out loudly. "That is what I wanted to hear. Fuck me, chick. You got a voice. Shit. That was fucking hot."

Tab walked in, still clapping loudly. "Oh god, that was stunning. Just stunning."

Ben walked in like a rabid fan. "That shit rocks. Fuck me, you were good. All you needed was some distortion, maybe a tube screamer, and shit, you need some delay or chorus on that guitar Maryl... oops, sorry, Lori."

"We'll make do," I replied. He was starting to annoy me going on about it. He might not know my personal circumstance, but going on about the guitar was pissing me off."

We moved on to some of the other songs, and the girls were just as impressive. The best part... Tina came out of her shell for real. She was so into it, she just about swallowed the mic. With Amber becoming more familiar with the songs, her vocals grew as well, and now we had a three way harmony going, and I could swing off Amber's octave shift. What surprised me even more was when Marla started singing along. She couldn't manage a harmony, but she added strength to the mix.

Afterwards, we sat around having a few drinks which Marla brought along. A nice Chardonnay, and a very crisp Sauvignon Blanc. Ben had a few beers in his fridge, and that kept us going. Funny, since living down on the farm, I had developed a real liking for beer.

When I was at my peak and getting invites to all the big events and parties. I turned my nose up at beer. 'Philistines.' I used to throw at them as if I was too good. Yeah, looking back, I was a stuck up diva bitch.

We chatted about the songs and different arrangements, where to use more guitar. It was a fun night. On the drive back to Tab's place, Tina gushed about the songs. "Wasn't that amazing, all those voices, and the drums. Wow, they just made it sound so different. It was like, holy shit aye..."

"Yeah, Marla, she's good all right. I could never understand why she was never popular. I think she's awesome."

"Babe, you were all fabulous." Tab said with her happy bubbly contagious voice. That got Tina going again, and by the time we pulled into her driveway, you would think the songs were already number one hits. Bloody hell, they even had me going.

There wasn't much sleep that night, either. Tina just wouldn't shut up. She was so giggly and effusive. When she slipped under my blankets again, I was lost in a world of swirling emotions. She was my friend, my flatmate, my band mate. I wanted her so bad it hurt, but at the end, if I got it wrong, it would destroy everything.

Thankfully, she was drunk and ran out of steam. It didn't stop her from wriggling her cute little bum into me. When I rolled away to try and get some breathing space, she rolled with me. It took her no time at all before her hands were full of my swelling breasts.

I was sure she was asleep, but it had me so fucking horny I thought I would burst. The feel of her wet lips on the back of my neck didn't help. Those feelings amplified when her hand slid between my legs, my puffy pussy lips filling her caressing fingers.

I had to move her hand, or the whole thing was going to boil over. "No," she whined sleepily as I placed her hand on my hip.

I had to roll her back over to stop her roaming hands.

I thought the morning might be awkward, but no. It was like she had no recollection, either that or she was trying to bury her embarrassment by pretending it never happened.

I gave Tabs a hand with some housework and some gardening. She almost had a heart attach when I went out to give her a hand. "No way, you, gardening... Has hell frozen over?"

"You'd be surprised what I can do. I grow all my own veges, run some sheep."

"Bugger me, you're a right old country girl, aren't ya?"

"I get by. I had to, Tab. I sank every cent I had into buying the place. I was living on getting work around the community. Worked as a roustabout for a shearing gang. Picked fruit, pruning. You name it, I did it."

"Why did you buy down there. Surely it would have been easier up here. You know. Friends and all."

"No, I did my research. They were the cheapest properties in the country, and it gave me a chance to start again. A new life, where nobody knew me, no judgemental finger pointing. That's why I used my real name. No more bullshit."

She hugged me as tears flowed. "It's been fucking hard, Tab. I mean really hard. I had no friends, nobody to lean on. I made it up as I went along."

Her dirty hands on my face, and as she held it and kissed me, felt so right. I let my body lean against hers. I felt her breasts heaving with nervousness, as was my own. My arms circled her neck as the kiss deepened. I felt her moans of pleasure in my throat as our tongues played together.

We were so lost and giddy, we tumbled over on the grass. We sat up giggling, her deep green eyes peering lustfully at me. "Lori..."

"Don't say it, Tab. I can't commit at the moment."

"Is it Tina?"

"Yes and no. I do love her. She helped me find the love of music again. Do you know, for the first six months after my release, I never turned on the radio. I hated music. Blamed it for everything. Then Tina came along and like a beacon, led me back to it."

"Are you in love with her?"

I giggled mischievously. "Lust more like it. She's young and beautiful. No, I'm not in love. I just want to make this a success for her."

"What happens after you finish recording?" she asked.

"I dunno, Tab. Go back to the farm, try to get some decent gigs and try to find a way to market the bloody album."

"The kiss, I know you said you couldn't commit now. What about after?"

"After, well, that's a whole different ball game. I'm not playing around anymore. I don't want games. I felt it, and I think you did as well. After all this is over, if you're still interested, then so am I. You are special, Tab, so extraordinarily important to me. I never forgot. It was only guilt that stopped me from calling."

"I love you, Lori, I've never tried to hide it. I have always been honest with you. It broke my heart seeing you sleaze around with all those selfish jerks, selling yourself for a fix. I always thought I would be attending your funeral at some point. Honestly, I lost respect for you, but I never stopped caring."

"Don't worry, I lost all self-respect. My self-esteem was so low, snakes stand taller."

Tina wandered out looking confused. Seeing the pair of us lying on the grass, staring into each others eyes seemed to shock her. "What are you two doing? I thought you were gardening?"

"We ran out of puff." I said guiltily, I didn't like lying to her, but I didn't know what was going on with Tab. Did this have legs, could we get those feelings back? The trust would be hardest.

"Guess I better help out then," Tina said, falling to her knees beside us as she grabbed a hand full of weeds and started yanking on them furiously.

With the three of us going hard at it, Tina asked Tab about the B&B and what she was trying to achieve. Tab went into detail about how she tried to offer somewhere for young girls who were in danger of domestic violence because the parents were breaking up due to said family violence.

It turned into a bit of fun, we had a little weed fight, throwing clumps of weeds back and forth. Tab disappeared for a while, but returned with sandwiches and a couple of the tenants came out to help.

Tina, god she has a knack of getting people to open up. In no time flat, she had the girls telling their stories, and even explaining their desires about where they wanted to take their lives.

I could see the surprise and admiration on Tab's face. I helped her carry the empty food try inside, and she explained. "Those girls have never once opened up to me. That girl Tina, she is good with them."

"Yeah, it's her super power. Ten minutes with her and you're blabbing like a baby."

"Keep her away from me then. I have some skeletons I don't want revealed." We goth giggled mischievously as we walked inside.

Amber and Marla appeared together for rehearsal, and their smiling faces explained how up for it they were. As we were setting up, Tina said, "I wish I could hear us, what we sound like. I feel like it's incredible, but I'm not sure if it's my ears or my heart."

"We could run tape tonight just for fun?" Ben offered.

"Yeah, it could be handy," I replied. "Lets do it. Maybe not the whole session, pick three or four songs and let's record them."

"Can you ditch the acoustic then? It would be so much easier with an electric. I'm telling you the SG has an awesome sound. You won't be disappointed."

"Nah, I've got a sound hole cover. We can use that."

Amber wandered over to where she had put her gear down, and returned with a guitar case. "You might like to use this one." When I looked into her eyes, there was a cheeky glint which wasn't going to be extinguished until I at least opened the case.

"What's in it?" I asked nervously.

"Stop fucking around, girl. Open the damn case. I promise you'll like it."

Kneeling beside the case, I flipped open the catches and swung open the lid. "What the fuck?" I gasped in absolute shock. "Where the hell did you get that?"

She laughed. "You weren't the only junkie selling shit for a fix."

Staring out of the case was my 1958 cherry red Telecaster. I knew it was mine, my initials were still carved in the P90 pickup I added.

Staring up at her, I was shocked "Where did you get it?"

"I told you. I paid fifty bucks for it from some washed out dude on Queen street one night. I kept it as my lifeline. I always expected to hock it off to pay for the girls clothes or food or something. It was my nest egg in case times got tough."

I lifted the guitar out of the case, and it felt right. It had been my favourite guitar. At one point, I had like twenty different guitars. This is the one I never wanted to sell, but when the smack demon strikes, and you're to weak to fight it off..."

It still had my original leather strap. Slinging it on, the action felt tight and low, the frets rounded in all the right places. A quick tune up, and it sounded great even without an amp.

"You don't mind me using it?" I asked timidly.

Amber frowned, her dark features getting darker by the second. "I'm not loaning it to you. I'm giving it to you."

"Babe, I can't afford to pay you for it."

"Fuck... Don't make me slap you, bitch. I said it's a gift."

"You said it was your nest egg. This guitar is worth like ten grand."

"It's worth what I paid for it, fifty bucks. If you don't have that then give it to me when we play our first gig."

"I can't take it, Amber. It's not that I'm not appreciative, but I know money's tight for you and the girls. Tab told me how many jobs you work to keep food on the table. This is too much."

"It's yours; it always was yours. The universe works in strange ways. My ancestors have a saying: 'He aha te mea ka riro ko te hiahia o te taiao' It means what is meant to be, is meant to be, it is nature

"Amber..."

"Stop right there. Don't insult me. If at some point I need money, I'll ask." It brought about the biggest hug. The tears wouldn't stop, they flowed and my shirt was wet. Hers wasn't much better. Her makeup was smudged and her face streaked. "I need to clean up before we play." She rushed off to the ladies room.

Tab walked over and hugged me as well, taking time to dry my eyes. "Wow, see. Do good and good things happen, babe."

Tina looked stunned; I assumed she felt a bit left out. All of us girls apart from her had history. We could write a book about the tours we were on. The arseholes we met. The shitty hotels, the parties, the drugs and the fuck heads we slept with.

She was the odd one out. I waved for her to come over and join in. Marla was too busy tuning her shiny new drums. Yes, the universe had provided, well, friends had.

We talked about how the songs would fit in a set, and which ones went where. As we stepped up to the mics and Ben waved for us to start, it all fell into place.

I loved that we started with 'Peaceful Heart.' It built gradually, a good warm up song. It allowed us to build into it. Tina was strong from the outset. She really let her voice ring through. Amber's bass was fat and defined, the rhythm solid. Marla entered the fray with a driving full accompaniment.

My guitar, the tele singing beautifully through the VOX, a sound I was so familiar with. I felt more in control, able to cut through when needed, and able to add a little bite, even without distortion or overdrive.

We played the whole set, and it felt so tight, we flowed from one song to the next, our four voices meshing and sounding as one.

When we took our first break, it was smiles all around. Marls brought out some new bottles of wine, and we sat mellowing.