Lori a Fresh Start and a New Love

"Tab, I'm going to repay you. Every cent."

"The fuck you will. I don't care about the money. I care about you. You pissed me off. Never took my calls, or messages. You ghosted me, girl, and that hurt."

"I felt guilty, Tab. You were always the one who stood beside me, always had my back. I'm ashamed of the way I treated you."

"Fuck that shit. You're here, and damn you look good."

Tina had been standing watching, I saw the look of discomfort, and tried to get Tab to open up to her.

"Tina is a songwriter, and singer. She has written some amazing songs. We're here in Auckland to try and record them."

"Do tell," Tab said suspiciously. "Are you two an item?"

I thought Tina was going to choke, hearing that. "No, we're band mates, friends. In a lot of ways. Tina rescued me from myself. I was living on my little farm down in Pio Pio. I heard her playing at the local, and she invited me to play along."

"That's not true." Tina gasped. "She saved me, I had some songs, but I'm hopeless on guitar. Lori brought out the best in me. If it wasn't for her, we wouldn't be doing this."

Tabitha moved over and embraced Tina. "Sounds like you saved each other." She stared enquiringly at me. "Where the fuck is Pio Pio?"

When I explained, she laughed so loud paintings on the wall rattled. "You, on a farm. No fucking way. You, the diva of all divas, getting your hands dirty. I don't believe it."

I held out my hands and showed her. They were rough, unlike the old days. No manicured polished nails.

"Oh my god. Well I bloody never. Little miss farm girl. That I would love to see."

"You're welcome any time, Tabs, I'd love for you to visit."

She sighed. "I'd like that too, but I got this place to run."

"Anybody in your life?" I asked.

"Nah, nobody special. A few girls come and go." With a cheeky grin she added, "Mostly, they cum..."

"I bet they do. Tabitha's magic tongue, gives me shivers thinking about it."

"I seem to remember yours was pretty talented, as well."

"I tried to please." We both giggled as Tina watched on, speechless and blushing.

"So what you doing up here, girl? Where are ya recoding?"

"Ben has a place, and he's offered to let us use it and to help out."

"What, that little weasel? He has a studio?"

"Yeah, I've only seen it online, but it looks like it will do the trick. Apart from that, the price was right."

"Who ya gonna get to play on it?"

I'd love to get Amber and Marla."

Tab nodded. "Yeah, they still around, although not sure Amber is gonna be all that happy to see ya."

"Yeah, a bridge to build there for sure. I'm gonna try. I've got a lot of people to make amends with."

"I'll say. You fucked over some good people who really loved ya. Some of them deserved it, like that arsehole Marty Long. If anybody deserved it, he did."

I laughed loudly, although Tina looked shocked. "We're actually here because of Marty. He saw us perform in Hamilton and decided he wanted to record us. He was supposed to get back in touch, but hasn't bothered. Tina and I decided. Fuck the labels, we'd do it ourselves."

"Good for you. I like the sound of that. He thinks he's somebody these days. I see him around occasionally. I still go to as many events as I can. I'm on the committee at the Blues Club. Maybe I could get you a gig there?"

"We don't actually play blues, but it would be sweet as if you could."

"Right then, a room. Do you want a double suite?" She gave me a teasing glare.

"No, we can do a twin share to keep the costs down, or single rooms."

"I don't really have a twin share, not with two double beds anyway. Ones got a double and a single?"

"Sold," I stated firmly. "I'm getting used to sleeping in a single."

Tabs led us up the stairs to our room. It was a decent sized, with a big old bouncy double bed, and off to the side, under the window, a single. It had no bathroom. She explained that she mostly catered for backpackers, and they didn't have a lot of money. She did have two double rooms with en-suite, but they were already booked.

The bell from the front desk sounded, leaving Tina and I to unpack. "Lori, you don't have to sleep in the single. I can take it."

"Oh hell no. You're the star of the show. You get the double."

She blushed. "Don't say that. I'm no star."

"You're the star of this band, sweets. Get used to it."

We settled in and headed downstairs. Tab was filling in her register when we arrived, Tina excused herself to check our gear in the vehicle, leaving Tab and me to talk.

"What's the deal with Tina, is she gay?" Tabs asked.

"No, she had a boyfriend when I met her, but he was a real jerk."

"So, you're not sniffing around?"

"Tabs, she's my mate. We're really good friends. She's straight, for a start. There's gonna be guys climbing all over her. That will be my problem, keeping her thinking clearly. You know the sleazy bastards who hang around wannabe stars."

Tab scowled. "She didn't strike me as a wannabe."

"Nah, you're right. I used the wrong word. She wants to be a star. She says she doesn't, but when Marty showed some interest she was like... Let's go."

As we chatted, I got Amber and Marla's addresses. I wanted to talk to them in person, not by phone. Again, it would be rough, but I hoped our friendship would re-emerge. Amber first, I decided. We had the most baggage to clear.

We pulled into her driveway about six that evening. I banged on the door and she swung it open muttering. "Yeah, what do you want?" Her face dropped as she saw me walk into her vision.

"Oh, my giddy Aunt. What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Hey Amber. Long time no see."

"What do you want Marylyn? Need a car?"

"Fair call. I'm sorry for what happened."

"What happened? She gasped in disbelief. "You stole my fucking car and tried to sell it. I thought we were friends. You screw me over like that and don't even bother to say sorry. You never even bothered to call me. Shit girl, I woulda given you the damn thing. All you had to do was ask."

"I fucked up, Amber. I did shitty stuff, but it wasn't me, it was the drugs."

"Oh bullshit, girl. Don't blame the drugs. It was all you, girl. All fucking you."

"Mummy..." A cute little dark haired girl with curly hair and big eyes poked her head out from beside Amber. "Are you all right, Mummy?"

Amber leaned down, lifted the little girls face in her hand ad kissed her. "It's all good, Honey. Go back and watch your programs, okay?"

The face disappeared and Amber glared back at me. "Get out, Marylyn. Get your skanky arse off my property or I'll call the cops."

Tina grabbed my arm. "Come on, Lori. We don't have to listen to this. Lets just go."

Amber fired off a round at Tina for her troubles. "Yeah, fuck off the pair of you. I don't need the likes of you hanging around here." Her angry glare bored into me, her eyes as cutting as lasers.

"I'm sorry, Amber. I was hoping we could talk. I wanted to apologise." Turning to Tina, I grabbed her hand and pulled her away. Back in the Surf, we headed off to try Marla's address. I tried to hold in the tears. I hated people seeing this side of me. I sniffled as my hand wiped my nose.

"I think we're going to need a different bass player."

"Shit, ya reckon?" Tina blustered. "That girl is pissed with you."

"She had good reason, just like everybody else. I did plenty of shitty things, and now I'm paying for them I guess."

"No, that's bullshit." Tina gushed. "There was no need for her to carry on like that."

"We don't know what's going on in her life, Tina. She might be just taking a bad day out on us."

"Still, it was over the top."

Marla had moved, there was a forwarding address, but when we tried that she had moved again. The number Ben gave me didn't work. It was back to Tabs, tail between our legs.

"Not a good day huh?" Tab said as we sat around her large dining table.

"No, Amber was furious with me. She had reason, but she just wouldn't let me speak."

"There are others," Tab replied.

"Yeah, but Amber, shit she's good, and has those killer vocals. I always loved playing with her. She had style, and that voice. She could have been a star by herself."

"I think I'm gonna have an early night," I said as I walked away up the stairs. Tina sat with Tabs, which suited me. I needed time to think. Okay, there some other names I had on my list, they would probably be as hard as Marla to find. Maybe the whole thing was too difficult.

I drifted off to sleep, even though the sun was still up. I think the whole thing was getting to me.

I slept soundly, it was after nine in the morning when I got up and Tina was no where to be found.

I wandered down to the dining room and was stunned to see Tina, Tab and Amber sitting around drinking tea. "What's going on?" I asked anxiously.

"I called Amber. I thought it might help if she heard from me that you aren't the person you used to be." Tab announced from behind her tea cup.

Amber glanced up, her eyes filled with regret. "I might have been a bit hard on you yesterday. Tab, told me you have cleaned your act up."

"There's tea in the pot if you want a cup." Tab said softly.

With a nice cup of tea in my hands I sat beside Tina. Amber started to speak, but I cut her off. "Amber, I mostly wanted to say sorry for everything. I was a bitch, a self-centred drug crazed idiot. I fucked everything up. I'm not talking about money, or my career. I'm talking about my friends, the people I cared for. I hurt you all so much, and that's the bit that frustrates and angers me. I never wanted to hurt anybody."

"Thanks, babe. That means a lot. I never cared about the bloody car. The cops brought it back anyway. It was that you didn't ask me for help. I loved you like my sister. Shit, I loved you more than that bitch. She is crazy."

We all laughed at that, and with that laugh, the veil of anger lifted. We talked about everything that had happened: her failed marriage. The only good thing being her two daughters, Honey, and Kaylee.

When I mentioned the band she asked. "Am I the first person you asked, or are you coming to me cos everybody else said no?"

"Amber, you were the first name she mentioned." Tina said quickly.

"Is that true?" she asked me.

"Yeah, I don't care what other people say. You're the best, in my opinion. With you and Marla together, I just know we could do something wonderful with these songs. It wouldn't be the same without you."

She gulped down her tea, stood up and said, "I'm in. I'll call Marla. She's working as a produce manager over at Countdown in Avondale. I gotta go now, the girls are with the neighbour. When can we hear these songs?"

"What about tonight? If you're free, come around, and we can talk and we can play you what we have."

"Chur, cuzzie. I'll bring Marla."

"Bring those little babies as well," Tab threw in. I don't see enough of them lately."

"Yeah, no worries, Tab." She said wistfully.

As soon as she was gone, I wrapped Tab in a warm crushing hug. "Thank you, Tab, you didn't have to do that."

She hugged me back, her soft warm lips on my cheek. "Yes I did. You were stuffing it up."

"That's me, a big stuff up."

"No, you're not. You have to remember, though, you burned a lot of bridges. It's going to take a while to repair them. Not everybody will trust you first off."

"I expected that, I wasn't expecting the ferocity."

Tab, Tina and I spend the day touring Auckland. Tab used her influence with the blues club to get us a couple of meetings with venue owners. Surprisingly, we got them. Nothing big, just a couple of weekend afternoon gigs. That was perfect for us, though. It meant we could earn a few bucks without making too big of a splash.

That night, Marla turned up with Amber and her kiddies. The girls were gorgeous, so much like their mum. Big almond eyes, dark flawless complexion, and cheeky little grins. Tab was all over them, and they obviously knew her well.

Like every great hostess, she cooked. It wasn't flash, but the little girls loved the spicy spring rolls and chips.

Marla, unlike everybody else so far, was happy to see me. Our reunion was much nicer than the earlier ones. I explained what we were doing and she sighed sadly before saying, "I'm sorry, dude, but I'm fucked. After the band broke up, I played in a couple of cover bands, but they were crap. I needed money, so took the job at Countdown. It was better than staving. I sorta fell out of love with music. Sold my kit, and I'm not sure I can afford a new one."

Tab laughed loudly. "Drums you say. Come with me."

She led us down to the garden shed, and there under a pile of plastic covers was a Gretch maple kit. A lovely grey marble, with silver flecks. The hardware was all rusty, the skins were all stuffed. But the kit itself looked to be in fabulous condition. There were even cymbals.

"Where the hell did you get this?" Marla gasped.

"A Tennant tried to run out on me. I kept these. They've been sitting here for two years. I don't think he's coming back."

Stunned, I was again hugging Tab, this time I kissed her. I couldn't help it. She was like my guardian angel. The feel of her succulent lips on mine brought back wonderful memories, illicit, red-hot memories. She had been the one constant in my fucked up chaotic life.

I felt her body pressed against me, her lush bountiful breasts caressing mine. It wasn't just the thanks, this had always been much deeper than that. As we separated, our eyes momentarily connected. "Jesus, you two, get a fucking room will ya," Amber said laughingly. Tina looked uncomfortable. We had never really talked about past sexual experiences. I wondered if she had witnessed women kissing.

We all helped carry the drums up to the house. Marla started making a list as she began to dismantle them. The kids had a blast, banging away on the drums as I helped Marla.

Within an hour, we had all the old skins removed and Marla had figured out which cymbals sounded half decent. We looked at her list and I saw her grimace. "This is going to be tight. I'm not exactly raking it in at Countdown."

"Don't panic. I'll get all the bits and bobs you need tomorrow."

"Lori..." She giggled. "Shit that seems weird, calling you that."

"It's who I am now. This is a new start for me. I'm trying to put Marylyn behind me. I hate all the things I did to people..."

Tab gave me a squeeze. "Hey, it's okay. The people who love you understand. Smack is a terrible master. You get one chance, babe, and as long as you're fighting, we'll all be beside you."

Amber walked over and hugged me as well. "Yeah sorry Cuz, I shouldn'ta gone off at ya like I did. I knew it wasn't you."

"Nah, you were right to have a go. I earned it. All I can say is thanks, I won't let you down."

Tina looked a little lost. She had hardly spoken throughout the entire conversation. I opened my arms and gestured with my finger for her to join the hug. As she slipped under Tab's arms, Marla followed and we shared a group hug. That was sweet, but was made even sweeter when Amber's two little angels pushed their way in and it turned into a giant hug.

We adjourned to the dining room, and I asked if they were all available for a jam at Ben's studio tomorrow night. Amber, said she would have to organise a sitter, but would be there. Marla said if we could pick up the drum heads, she would be there as well.

"Well you bitches aren't leaving me out. I'm definitely coming. I'm dying to hear these new songs," Tab said,

In bed that night, Tina seemed a little distracted, not her usual bubbly self. We lay in the darkness, the only light the glow from her mobile phone as she played. "Lori, you and Tab. Were you an item, like a proper couple?"

"We were. We bounced around from being friends, to being occasional lovers, to living together. Loving, fighting. She was the one love of my life."

"Do you still love her?" she asked, with a little animosity seeping in.

"Yes, I'll always love her. She was part of me. She pushed me to never give up. When I thought I was never going to make it, she's the one who pushed me."

"You guys seem so close. I feel like the odd one out. Sorry, I don't mean to whinge."

"You'll get used to the girls, they're sweet. Let them into your heart and they'll be there forever."

"It feels like I'm butting in," Tina sighed.

"Don't be daft. You're the reason we're all back together. Remember, this wouldn't be happening if it wasn't for you."

She looked forlorn, lonely. I had never seen her look so vulnerable. I lifted my blankets and said. "Come here, you silly thing. Come on, have a snuggle."

She sneaked under the blankets, into my arms and we cuddled up. I played the big spoon and she wriggled her arse getting closer. My senses were instantly alive, my mind spinning out of control. She was a gorgeous sexy delight. She smelt intoxicating, her body hot and soft. Even her cotton PJ's couldn't hide the deliciousness that hid beneath that fibre-wrapped bundle of joy.

My arms draped over her front, and he grabbed my hand in both of hers. "How do you think tomorrow will go?" she asked in a breathless whisper.

"I think it will be amazing. I know those girls. They will enshroud the songs with their own magical weave. I can't wait to hear their take."

Tina wriggled her cute tushy back against my lap, and it drove me wild. I hadn't had sex in a while, apart with my friend the dear little rabbit that turned up from an online store wrapped in bubble-wrap. Having Tina, who I had admired since our first meeting, having her right there, in my embrace. The lavender smell of her hair shampoo, a little hint of scent. My nose twitched as I tried to undo the smell., what was it... rose... No more subtle than that... Carnations... Whatever it was, I felt it seeping into the pores of my skin.

"Are you and Tab going to become lovers again?" she asked, the innocence of her question vibrating around my head. "Where the hell did that come from?"

"I saw the way you embraced. She is still in love with you."

"You're confused, Tina. Yes there is an undeniable love between us. That come from years of being friends, confidantes, lovers. There's a difference from loving somebody, and being in love with somebody."

"You're not in love with her then?"

"No, I love her, but what happened between us, that has passed. I'm not sure we would ever get past my betrayal. I destroyed the trust. That will never return."

She reached behind to rub my thigh comfortingly. "I'm sorry, sweetie, That seems so unfair. It's obvious there's love between you."

"Always will be."

She wriggled again, trying to get closer. "Do you mind if I sleep here with you. It's nice to have some human contact. Since Paul... I have been feeling it."

That was not a comfortable night at all. Every time I moved she was there, her head resting on my shoulder or my breast. I was in a constant state of arousal, my thighs were sticky, and there were tingles emanating deep within my core. I worried my arousal was detectable. My nose twitched as the earthy aroma seeped into my being.

I was so glad morning arrived and I could escape this glorious hell. I had to climb over her to get out of bed, and she grabbed me, pleading, "No, please stay, just a little longer."

"Tina, I need to pee, and I'm definitely in need of a shower." I have her a quick peck on the cheek and rushed off, slinging on my robe. At least the other guests were mostly all female. Ther semed to be a mix, backpackers and young girls.

At breakfast, I asked Tab about it. "Yeah, I try to take in as many young girls as I can. The other guests pay the bills. Most of the young girls come from broken homes, and they were all in trouble. I'm doing my bit to make sure they stay out of jail," she said.

"Wow, shit girl... You are doing a wonderful thing. God, I am proud, never guessed you would grow into an angel. You were always my angel. I guess now I gotta share."