Lucy's Changing Life Ch. 02

The Wish.

Summer, 1984

Months and months had gone by and each time the weekend's missionary assignments were posted onto the Church notice board, Lucy groaned inwardly as she was never sent to the town she needed to be in order to execute her plan. It would be a tough ask of the circumstances anyway, but for it even to start, she needed to be where she could get the necessary supplies. Her palms went sweaty as she looked at the board:

Charlottesville: Lucy and Anna

Her heart sang for a moment until she felt a tap on her shoulder that made her jump out of her skin. She turned whirled round with a panicked look on her face to be greeted by the smiling face of Anna, thankful that it was not someone else, her Father maybe; the Church First Minister had an annoying way of seeing when she was keeping a secret or lying. Anna peered at the board.

"Seems we two are paired up for Saturday" she commented. "I'll pick you up from your parents' house at nine o'clock".

Lucy liked Anna. 10 years her senior, she was tall, with a round face and kind eyes that looked out on the world with a little sadness. She had married one of her cousins and had two rowdy children that she was always trying to keep in line, thought they were not hers, the couple having adopted, seemingly unable to have kids of their own. They appeared to be a burden on her nerves. The thought of having to marry one of the younger members of the congregation and make his babies made Lucy's stomach turn.

Of course, coming out was completely impossible in the Church, without being excommunicated or worse. One of the girls a couple of years older than her was now living with a woman in New York. She was never talked about, not even by her own family, and events involving her were a taboo subject. It was as if she had never existed. The 18 year old Lucy often fantasised about their lives together. Jobs, friends, other things.

She simply nodded, her plaited straw-blonde hair barely moving an inch under the square of cloth tied over the top of her head- her Mom was always quite strict with the arrangement to make sure it sat just right. She lined up with all the other missionaries to receive the box of flyers she was supposed to ensure she handed out in Charlottesville the next day.

She looked at her shoes as the line shuffled forward, round toed, sensible shoes. Her legs poked out of them, clad up to the knee in woollen socks, despite the fact it was the height of a stifling, burning summer. Her dress too, was a plain, grey fabric, done up to the neck where only a little white frill provided any sort of decoration. She pushed her glasses up her nose, bored, and took possession of her flyers.

Anna arrived at the door promptly on Saturday morning, her dark brown hair tied back in a bun. She was brushing her teeth when she heard the door being answered by her Mother who asked the same mind-numbing questions she always did of any of the other women she came into contact with in the Church. "How is Fred / Tom / Hank?" and "Aren't Billy / Sarah / Bobby" growing up fast? She rolled her eyes as she finished and whispered under her breath "It's like living in fucking Stepford". Her name was called up the stairs.

"Lucy! Come on dear, Anna here is waiting"

The train was hot, and the journey slow and dull. With nothing to read except a bible and the flyers in her bag, Lucy took to staring out of the window. At Richmond a girl around her age boarded the train, carrying a cloth bag slung over one shoulder. She wore cork-soled open sandals without socks so her painted toes poked out from the hem of her long white summer dress. The train was full so she simply stood in the space in the middle of the carriages where the sliding doors were. Every so often, the sunlight would catch her dress and show the outline of her legs. She had long brown hair and poked and swiped at her mobile phone every so often, some content or other making her smile with her very wide lips that somehow made her even more pretty when they lit up her face. Lucy caught Anna watching her as she stared at the beautiful girl and quickly turned her attention back to the window.

Charlottesville baked under a cruel sun that afternoon. As they emerged from the station, people cast hesitant, suspicious looks in their direction, mostly due to their attire before looking sharply away lest they be accosted by the proselytizing women in their severe garb. They went a little way towards where they intended to make their pitch that day before Lucy summoned up enough courage to vocalise her thoughts:

"Anna, why don't I go down to the University? That way we can cover both sides of the city".

Anna looked pained that she had been asked the question and put in a difficult position. "Your father is very clear that you should be chaperoned at all times." She said, before pausing a moment, some subtle change in her expression hinting at a thought, maybe a memory within the older woman. "But I can trust you I think, you're such a good girl" she said, lightly touching Lucy's shoulder. "I'll see you back here at four. Don't be a minute late though."

Lucy hoped that her joy at being let off the leash didn't show, but she tried to give Anna her sweetest smile and nodded before moving off at a normal pace down the street. When she turned the corner though, she picked up her feet, walking briskly towards her target despite the heat. The streets in this end of town were a little less well kept than elsewhere, litter collected in the gutters and music blared loudly from open windows.

She at last came to face the shop with its black painted frontage and a dark red window blind that completely obscured the interior. The window was painted with the words "Roslin's Occult Bookshop" and she bit her lip as she stood across the street nervously before she stepped off the kerb, crossed the road and up the other kerb, and opened the door, which gave a little tinkle as she did so. The cool interior of the shop was a welcome relief from the fierce summer outside.

The shop assistant raised her eyebrows as Lucy entered in her churchgoing clothes. To Lucy's eyes, she was the very embodiment of freedom, a black crop top, almost a boob-tube, with an exposed midriff, cut off leather hotpants and fishnet tights, and heavily made up in the goth style; purple-black lipstick, heavy eyeliner and many piercings. Her earlobes were stretched out with large plugs. Oh to live like that! she thought as she looked around, bewildered for a moment at the dark interior of the place, at the many bookshelves crammed full of old and new texts alike, hand-made signs above each denoting the field of interest "Wicca", "Demonology", "Mysticism" and so on.

The goth smiled, really very pretty behind her attire thought Lucy, another instinctive pang of guilt rising in her as she tried to suppress her homosexual thoughts. "Are you sure you're in the right place honey?" said the girl. "You look kinda lost". Out of place is really what she meant, though obviously trying to be kind. Lucy swallowed, terribly nervous. Her bag contained a thick slab of flyers proclaiming the benefits of Millenarian Christianity and she was stood here in a place where she knew she should not be. She nodded silently and held out a carefully scribbled note.

The girl behind the counter eyed her for a moment as the items were lined up one by one. "Do you know what you are doing with this stuff?" she asked her. Lucy kept tight lipped and nodded, licking her dry lips. The Goth took in a deep breath and got out a little ladder which she used to climb up to the upper level of the shop, kept off limits to the general clientele. They were the only two present so she tried to strike up conversation as she got Lucy's list together.

"You don't look like the normal devotee of this particular spirit" she said, before taking another glance at Lucy clutching her bag. "All those years of repression finally catching up with you huh?" Lucy blushed and shuffled her feet as her purchases were added up and an ancient cash register was used to produce change. "Be careful with this" she was told. "These things are sometimes better endured. Trust me, I know" she added with a humorous roll of the eyes.

"I will" said Lucy before adding "Thank you" and leaving. Back out in the street, she took around two thirds of her flyers and binned them in the nearest trash can, making it look like she had convincingly got rid of a sensible proportion in the time she had been absent. She looked at her watch. Quarter to four. "Perfect" she said to herself and hurried back to the station where Anna waved as she spotted her down the street. She smiled at her, feeling a little guilty for having used her in this way.

"How many have you got left?" she asked Lucy as she walked up to her. Lucy fished in her bag and grasped the remainder of her bundle of flyers, hoping the other contents of her bag would remain hidden in the bottom of it, which, thankfully, they did. "Not bad" said Anna, "Good enough to ensure we don't come bottom of the table I think. Come on, I'll buy you a Hot Chocolate before we go home"

Her fat aunt's snorting snoring could be heard loudly, even from down the hall. A herd of elephants could march through the house and she would not wake Lucy knew. She had no lock on her door and what she was about to do next was very dangerous given the reactionary nature of the Church. She opened her built-in wardrobe, revealing her limited range of austere looking clothes and unflattering stiff leather shoes and crouched down to remove the floorboards. Beneath was a small wooden square chest, the key for which she kept about her person at all times. Putting it on the bed she opened it to reveal her acquired supplies from the day and something else, a small glass bottle containing a tiny amount of red liquid - her own menstrual blood.

She unfolded the small lurid crimson square of cloth, a makeshift altar marked with an embroidered pentagram, the edges adorned with images of a naked woman on each side, a snake curled around the body of each depiction, and lit the thin black candle. Upon the cloth she lay a single, white flower. Unscrewing the small glass phial carefully, she drizzled the pure white petals with her own blood. Opening the small pocket sized book in her kit, she began to chant quietly. The first words were in a language she didn't understand, so she spoke them as best she could, the portion of the rite that was required regardless of what was uttered next, the supplicant's own prayer to her Goddess, of her own devising:

I wish, I wish, I wish, I might

Become a demon, a creature, of the night

By Lilith's kiss this body and mind

With her spirit become entwined

A beast enrobed in flesh I'll be

And my beauty entrance eternally.

As the rites instructed, she then blew on the flower and whispered "Goddess Lilith, hear my prayer".

And then there was nothing, not a sound, nor a flash of infernal fire, or any change in her body. She sighed, her shoulders slumping in disappointment. She shook her head, thinking herself foolish for even believing in this stuff anyway, almost as foolish as her father in his blind convictions.

She carefully packed away her accoutrements, locking them in the strongbox she kept all of her most secret possessions in. She neatly folded her clothes, as her aunt would surely check that her behaviour was not lax whilst her parents were absent, and pulled her nightshirt over her head before sliding between the sheets. She desperately wanted to touch herself, but again, knew that her sheets too would be checked come the morning.

Her sleep was not interrupted until her mother entered her room without warning the following morning and drew open the curtains. Lucy rolled out of bed without having to be asked to, Sundays were always the same routine, and it was Lucy's responsibility to assist with a myriad of tasks that had to be completed prior to them leaving for Church so that afterwards the congregation could socialise over an open air meal sat at bench tables.

The morning passed without incident. As she peeled vegetables her mind went back to the previous night and the ritual she had performed. Even though it had been for nothing, even the rebellious act of performing that forbidden rite in her father's house had provided her with a little welcome excitement.

Later that morning, she walked up with her Aunt and her mother to church, her Mom extremely well turned out, as the Minister's wife. The pair of them were required to sit in the front pew so that they could be called upon to lead hymns and perform readings and listen to her Father berate everyone from the government, to the foreigners, to gay people, to the military. Truly, was there anyone he didn't have an axe to grind with?

The sun beat down incessantly and she tried to shrug off a little light-headedness as she climbed the steps in front of the church house. Each one seemed to make the sensation worse. Her mother said something but it sounded muffled, as if she had cotton wool in her ears. As soon as she entered however, the sensation was ten times worse; her head swam and her stomach turned over. She stumbled a bit and clutched at her guts. She desperately searched for something, and spying a small waste bin in the corner made a bee-line for it before vomiting noisily in it. Her head buzzed angrily before darkness took her, hands lifting her up and carrying her outside.

When she came to, the first thing she heard was her Aunt fussing. "Oh! Oh Lucy!" She exclaimed "You poor dear!" The first thing she saw, however, was Anna's concerned face staring down at her, providing her with a glass of water. "Here, drink this" she said kindly, pressing it into Lucy's hand. Here came her Mom. "She's fine. A little bit of heatstroke I would expect." Anna told her. "I think maybe a lie down in a cool room might do the trick." She smiled weakly up at the kind face, and when Anna stroked her cheek with smooth fingers she felt immediately a little better. "I...I'm ok, I can walk" she said, getting to her feet. As she was led off home, she looked back over her shoulder. Anna was stood at the door of the church.

Looking back at her.

Next Saturday, following a mind-numbing flyer-distribution session with her Aunt and Mom, Lucy sat on the train, fidgeting. Her clothes felt tight on her, constrictive and uncomfortable and she would squirm and shift her position as the carriage rattled along. "What is the matter with you Lucy?" her mother enquired in a slightly vexed voice. "Can you not keep still for five minutes?" She pulled at her skirt a little. "Sorry, I just don't think this fits very well anymore." Her mother looked at her thoughtfully. "Put on a bit of weight maybe?" she replied. Then, after a pause, the words she dreaded. "Maybe it's time you got a boyfriend, trust me you will be more motivated to stay in shape when you have a husband to please".

Lucy made a face of disgust, ostensibly at her Mom's comment about looking good just to please a husband in subservient fashion, but inside, at the thought of dating a boy, kissing a boy or marrying a boy.

Back in her room at home, in front of her dressing mirror, she ran her fingers round her waistband. That was still as slim and flat-bellied as ever it had been, but she realised that it was her hips that were wider. She thought she had stopped developing by now, but maybe one last, late growth spurt accompanied by a pronounced body shape? It was possible. She took her sweater off and lifted one of her bra straps. It was digging into the top of her left breast, and the pale flesh was bulging a little over the top of the material. She winced as she released it where it was pinching her, rubbing the red skin where it had been rubbing her all day. She judged that she was possibly a whole cup size larger than she had been only a week or so previously.

She stood and turned from one side to another in the mirror, admiring her womanly shape. It felt very natural on her, not cumbersome or as if she were carrying too much weight. The thought occurred to her - was this what her spell had given her, rather than things one traditionally conjured in one's mind when thinking of a demon - tail, horns and hooves? She daringly pushed her hair high up onto her head and leaned towards the mirror with a wanton, pouting lipped expression on her face, allowing herself to feel just a little of the sexual expression that was so often denied her.

Her Father's footsteps on the stairs startled her back to the current moment and she quickly began to dress into the change of clothes that had been laid out for her, luckily a little more forgiving than her serious attire from earlier in the day. A knock on the door allowed her to flick her hair behind herself and call out "Come in Daddy". Her father entered, and looked at her without a hint of a smile, his black and grey hair slicked back from his forehead, his black shirt done up to the neck. "All ready for Harvest tomorrow?" he asked her. "Yes Daddy." she replied with a nod of the head. "Good girl" he continued "I know I can rely on you to make me proud"

The following day, the day of the harvest festival, she had sat through the service and her father's sermon managing to control herself, despite swimming head and churning stomach. She did, however, draw a few anxious glances, including from Anna, who drew her to one side in the Church Hall.

"Lucy honey, are you quite alright, you looked quite ill this morning?" she asked in that kind voice with those beautiful big brown eyes. Why did she have to be so damned perfect and amazing? thought Lucy.

"It's just that...I'm going through some changes at the moment." She told Anna.

The older woman looked at her with that slightly world weary expression she often wore but her face was sympathetic and she wore a smile of reassurance. She looked around them and when she saw no-one was looking took her off to one side for a moment into a side-room used for the storage of kitchen items intended to churn out endless plates of wholesome food for Church functions. The room had one plate glass window, deliberately fogged up with chalk, and rows of crudely constructed wooden shelving. The air was close and stuffy.

"Sit down for a moment" Anna said, and the younger girl plopped ono the only rickety chair in the close confines of what was little more than a cupboard.

Anna looked at her sympathetically. "You're finding life here increasingly difficult aren't you?" she asked Lucy, though it was very much a rhetorical question.

Lucy was used to being a good liar on this subject. She shook her head. "No, not at all. I'm absolutely fine, all I need is the love of God and my congregation." The words were well practised and rehearsed, and they sounded it as well.

She crouched down so that he face was mere inches from Lucy's, her hands on the girl's knees. Lucy could feel herself shaking, her recently enlarged breasts heaving. They felt heavy. Anna wasn't about to let her get away so easily however. "I saw you looking at that girl on the train the other day, and it wasn't just that you wanted her clothes or her friends was it? Though I'm sure they would be nice to have too." Lucy felt a fist grab her heart for a moment, though she somehow suspected she wasn't about to be given away. "You might be able to fool your parents with that line, but not someone who's the same as you" she said to her softly.

Lucy's heart ached in her chest. So, this woman who had befriended her was gay as well, but forced into a sham marriage that had no love and produced no children. Unbeknownst to her at this point, this was because Anna visited a Doctor every few months in the next town who prescribed her birth control pills. The sunlight streamed through the misted up window behind Anna and made her brown hair shine sleekly. She wore no makeup but was still incredibly beautiful Lucy thought.