All Comments on 'Lynn 01 - The Succulent Succubi'

Wonderful story! One or two spelling errors, but an overall joy to read. The characterization was great, although towards the beginning there was a bit of telling when there could have been showing. Ex being Lynn's nickname, which could have been introduced by thane during the conversation but was instead narrated. Stuff like that, where the narration explains something that can be demonstrated through actions or dialogue. Other than that, that action was really easy to follow and I look forward to seeing what you wrote in the future :)