All Comments on 'Lynn and Leif Forevermore Ch. 29'

I love the story and the characters. I look forward to the updates and no joke the foreplay is HOT!

But I gotta say there is too much repetition. I'm assuming it is to relay reassurance but it happens each chapter at least 5 or so times. Just a brief example in this chapter in the beginning where he tells her she is a grown sexy woman, those words come again right after and this happens often almost like you were seeking filler I make this assumption because that's what I did when I wrote my papers.

Also, They are wayyyyyyyyy to Shakespearian. What I mean is you start almost every speaking part with "Oh,...." THIS IS NOT AN EXAGGERATION. the last two chapters annoyed the shit outta me (even though I didn't stop reading). This chapter was a little better with the "oh's" .

And this little girl thing is starting to get a tad creepy it's not even bordering on a sub and dom thing its just getting weird.

and just and observation you said your character was a "hippie" he was a little too sexist and insensitive to be a hippie but hey it must work because I can't wait for an update... What the hell do I know... but I beg of you PLEASE STOP WITH THE "OH'S"

Love Lynne and Leif but each chapter seems to repeat the same sickeningly sweet words. Its too much for me so I either skip through a chapter or skip it all together.

Please consider limiting the use of the following words- light black, little, sweet, and sexy. A thesaurus can help you to expand your diction. Perhaps it's time to end this series. Or for me to stop reading it. I enjoy the progression of her emotional healing with Leif's love, but the word choice has been making me crazy.

I really do not want to discourage you but after spending a considerable amount of time reading this and refraining from commenting I feel it is important that I give some feedback on this story. Firstly I was interested in the characters, at least initially. Despite my increasing irritation with the repetitious, unrealistic and often child-like language I kept reading because I liked the essence of the characters and hoped you would develop them as the story went on. However in the last few chapters the writing seems to have taken a step back and the repetition of thoughts, language and oh dear goodness if I see the words cute, little, old assed, new assed, naughty, nasty (and what on earth is light black skin?) in your writing it would be a moment too soon. Far from developing the characters they are now almost child-like, underdeveloped and bordering on creepy. Their speech is utterly unrealistic and their behviour rings profoundly untrue. I did care about them before but frankly now I really don't feel comfortable reading about them. Neither they or your writing sounds natural. You really need to read more good writing and take time with yours. Consider when you write a phrase or a paragraph if you have expressed the essence of it previously. Your audience is capable and clever. We have good recall. I'm afraid I'm now done with this story. It did have promise but only delivered such disappointment.

Okay, I have read your comments and feedback on the story. I appreciate the time that you all have invested in these characters. I value the time you spend reading this story.

I also want you all to know that I do spend time trying to edit my work, before I submit, but I also see how some of the scenes may have gotten tedious to read. When you take a time to leave a comment, it helps me to improve my writing,

I am trying to strike a delicate balance here and tell a story about a woman who has been abused and denied kindness on a very basic level, and a man who doesn't realize how kind and gentle can be until he falls head over heels in love with her. It's really supposed to be set up so that the more he sees her thriving in his love, the sweeter he wants to be with her.

And then you have the whole issue with her family only showing her conditional love. Being raised very strict, and never having a real chance to play, and be free, the way most folks are growing up. She's also been raped, and while she might be book smart, she's lived a very sheltered life. So I'm trying to tell her story from that perspective, and how she finds strength and security, her sexuality (most imprtant piece) and the things she missed when she was growing up, and kindness and care in Leif's arms. From his perspective, he is learning that being a real man is treating one woman with tenderness and care with the devotion he feels for her, rather than screwing every woman who walks.

It is not my intention to tell a story with creepy, under developed characters, but since I have seen so many of you say that, I appreciate your feedback. I was in the middle of writing another update, but I'm going to scrap this update for now, let it sit a little while and try to incorporate some of your feedback and suggestions into my next post.

I am a black woman who was abused by men and women from the age of 4, and trust me if i had met a man like him, i would not be a 44yr old who gave up relationship and sex over 15 yrs ago. She is already coming out of her shell. I sadley have never been loved, but your story makes me feel good, even though it is fiction i am so happy for her, for finding him.

The love between these two are so beautiful and tender, it just warms my heart! Please keep going, this story is amazing.

Forgot to mention the brother and his girlfriend in the restaurant scene. And still no clue what happened to the cat

:-)