Many a True Word... Pt. 01

Parties are a great way to see your friends, get drunk and say things that get you into trouble. You know how it is. Somebody brings up sex and you end up saying things that might be true, but nobody wants to hear them.

We were at my buddy Archie's house, and it was that time of the night. We had lit a fire in his firepit and were settling in as it began to burn lower. Most people had left, the beers were flowing into spirits and we had started to get philosophical. There was a pushy lesbian who was insisting that all women hated cocks: hated the sight of them, the taste, the smell, everything. I said I think she might be using a biased sample. She said that because women hated cocks, all sex was done somewhat unwillingly. So I said that in my experience, there were some women who didn't really like cocks, but there were also some women who liked them very much. Who could not get enough of them. And then I just had to keep talking.

"In fact," I said, "I think women who really like dicks? They probably like sex a lot more. Because even if the guy is shit at pleasing her, she's got something to enjoy for herself. Like at least that's something, right? And since lesbians don't like cock, they're definitely going to have bad experiences having sex with men. And then they start having sex with women and have something they like to look at so it gets much more fun, and then they decide that men are bad at sex - when they just don't like the view."

This got some hoots and hollers on both sides of the argument.

This is where the pushy lesbian got in my face. Her name was Kate and she was a tiny little pistol. 5'3", long red hair, freckles all over her scowling face. She was built like a bullet - all force from the shoulders down, and she was used to driving that force forward. She was flat-chested which meant there was no joy in watching her bend forward to argue with me, although I could see she wasn't wearing a bra.

"You're saying men are great at sex, but women just don't enjoy it because they think cocks are gross?"

"SOME women," I shot back. "Like maybe lesbians. And like, yes, also men can be bad at sex."

"Sounds like a great way to shift responsibility," she sniffed at me. "I didn't make my girlfriend come because she didn't like my dick".

At this point I could feel the circle of friends and acquaintances hanging on the argument. Kate was basically calling me bad at sex. Somebody would probably try to switch the subject, I thought. But nobody did. Everyone was hoping there'd be blood.

"Some guys don't like pussy either. It doesn't turn them on, so they don't go downtown."

"More dodging!" she shouted. "I don't have to make my girlfriend come because I find her genitals disgusting. Men always say that." She stared at me. I could tell she was enjoying this, even though she was also incensed. "Maybe you should stop being pussies about pussies."

And this is where it started to get really out of hand. But sometimes, you just have to take the bait.

"And maybe you should stop whining about cocks, when you all know you love them. Even lesbians." I added, because now I wanted to piss her off. "I mean, why do you all buy dildos? You need cock. You just don't want what it's attached to."

"So now you're saying we don't actually hate cock, we're just lying? You're changing your argument. Which is it?" She laughed and other people laughed with her. I kind of wanted to slap her little face then. Or feed her my cock. Both sounded good.

I was pretty drunk at this point too so I said. "I do think some women don't like it, sure. But I think some women pretend not to like it because they're into tits and pussy. And you know what else?" Here I stood up. I walked across our ring of chairs and stared into her eyes. I guess we were kind of flirting, really. I wanted her to fight me because I could imagine holding her down and fucking her. So I leant down right next to her for this next bit.

"I think someone women don't like cocks, but that's what they like about them - they like that they don't like it. They get off on how much they hate it."

"Fucking pig!" she shouted, and threw her drink in my face. Then she stormed off. The crowd around the fire reacted. A lot of oohs and ahhs. Some of them were on my side, but most of them were cheering her on. Her friends went after her. I felt bad - like I had ruined the party. Archie I think agreed. "Dude, no way," he said, pulling me back into my seat.

I knew I'd gone too far. "Sorry" I shouted. :"Just what I've heard," I added, laughing it off. We went on to talk about BDSM, and the feminist girl next to me with big beautiful tits was assuring everyone that consensual domination and abuse was absolutely a thing and respectable.We all loudly agreed and I might have forgotten about it if it hadn't led to all the things to come.

Archie lived a few suburbs over from me, and we'd been friends since highschool. His sister knew my sister, as these things go in highschool. My sister Regina was 19 now, and since I'd gone off to university we hadn't spoken much. She was always a bit stuck up and self important and I'd gone into sport while she had done music. So we were never close to begin with. I thought she might be at the party but hadn't thought much about it - it had begun as a big event with a lot of old school friends. I'd noticed Archie's sister, though: Dawn had become nearly six foot and was bordering on supermodel stature: long blonde hair, perfect big blue eyes and a winsome full-lipped smile. She even had the bikini-ready body of a supermodel, which was really too bony for me. I'd prefer something more like Regina, who was a lot curvier, especially where it counted. But given her face and tendency to wear bikinis I'd spent most of the first few hours trying to get Dawn to talk to me, so I hadn't noticed Regina was there or a bunch of her other friends. Not until my sister poked me on the shoulder sometime around one am.

"Hey shithead," she said.

"Oh hey. Hey pigwhore." We'd had nicknames for each other since I was fourteen. "I didn't know you were here."

"Observant as ever," she joked. "You sober?"

I did the math in my head.

"Yeah. Numerically."

"Can we get a lift home?"

"Who's we?"

She motioned behind her in the shadows. I saw faces I recognised. Tanya and Lydia.

"Hello Just Leaving," shot out Lydia, and the three girls laughed. Four - no five years ago - my sister had introduced me to Lydia by saying "this is my brother, he's just leaving". Lydia used it every single time. At first it made me want to smack her but over time I realised you only get snarky like that if you've got at least a bit of a crush. Lydia had a swimmers body, muscular and taut, with big round thighs that were a delicious caramel colour because of some mixed heritage she had. That also gave her dusky heavy-lidded dark brown eyes and long rusty blonde hair. The permanent smirk on her face was all her own doing and it made me alternate between wanting to slap her lips off her face and wanting to slide my cock between them while she kept her smile.

Tanya was a big girl in every sense. Taller than me and round like a sphere in the middle but she had that fat girl vibe where all the flesh just added more to her sexiness, like she was just one gigantic pair of tits. Of all of them, I knew she was the one out fucking already, crushing horny teens between her big meaty thighs until they begged for more. At my school the jocks would say the same joke - fuck the fat girls, they're the most grateful. But fat girls, in my experience? They loved nothing more than pleasure and shoving things in their mouth. If I hadn't been a dumbass I would have been hooking up with Tanya in Archie's basement instead of bringing Dawn vodka pops for two hours. Although it still felt odd thinking about that - five years ago the four of them had been in my basement watching a Legally Blonde marathon for Reginas thirteenth birthday party. All in socks and pyjamas and pigtails, braces on Tanya's teeth and thick glasses on Regina. Cognitive dissonance is a bitch.

But five minutes later, everything felt different. Tanya was up front next to me, and Dawn, Regina and Lydia were in the back. Suddenly I felt less like a bratty older brother and more like a dad or an uncle, driving the young kids home. I made a detour to get fast food for dessert and they all cheered. While we were eating ice cream the giggling started up from the back seat. I couldn't see who was saying what in the dark, and I think that made them bolder.

"We heard what you said." That was Lydia. Always brash.

"I say a lot of things," I shot back.

"About how women either like dicks or don't." That was my sister. Weird to hear her say those words.

"Is it true?" Lydia demanded.

I shrugged and ate my icecream. "I think so. Some guys are into tits, some into pussy, some into asses. Some women think cocks are gross or just boring. Some fucking love them."

"How can you tell?" I think that was Dawn.

I didn't understand so I turned around. "You guys know about the internet, right? Just say Hey Siri show me some big fucking dicks, you'll get dicks. HEY SIRI," I yelled. "Show me some naked hot guys with really gigantic swinging donkey dicks!"

"I didn't hear that" said someone's phone, and everyone laughed.

Eventually we recovered and Dawn added "No I meant how to guys tell"

I thought about this and I figured out what I thought they wanted to know.

"Listen, every adolescent jackass will tell everyone they meet that they know how to tell which girls are down to fuck, or which ones suck cock, or whatever. Like they've got the secret code to getting their dick wet. Oh ask her out she'll suck your dick you can tell because she's like into punk rock...or whatever. And it's all bullshit. It's just guys trying to act like women are safes and they know how to crack the code."

"The truth is," I said, finishing my ice cream, "is you find a girl you like and you - basically - whip it out and see what she thinks."

This caused a lot of screaming and laughing. "Not straight away!" I added. "But you know, you have to figure that out together." Now I was feeling like the wise uncle again. "That's why first times are weird, you know you like the person and want to jump their bones but you don't know what parts of sex you like. But the fun part is you get to experiment together. But the un-fun part is sometimes you find out you don't like what they like."

"What do you mean?" asked Tanya, biting her lip.

"Like maybe you really like having your dick sucked, but she isn't in to it. She just doesn't find dicks sexy. Or doesn't find sucking them sexy."

"Do you like sucking dick?" Tanya sassed.

"I'm not going to answer that in mixed company," I dodged.

"Do you think I like sucking dicks?" This was Lydia again. Bold as brass.

"Lydia," I said, "I wouldn't dream of speculating and even if I did, a gentleman never tells"

This got lots of groans from the backseat for being super cheesy but the one thing I'd learnt in my short time at college was throwing a bit of gentlemanly talk in was always good for impressing women. They do not expect it - and it gets them going. Nothing makes a girl soak her panties like the idea that a guy is into her but not going to be an asshole about it.

I started the car over the complaining. But the teasing wasn't finished.

"How many girls have sucked your dick?" asked someone, and I realised it was my sister.

"A gentleman never tells that either."

"Okay so none then," said Lydia.

"Or is it one?" I think that was Dawn.

"Oh! - Your true love?" ribbed my sister.

"One and a half?"

"How can you have half a blow job?"

"Just the bottom jaw"

More laughter. They were talking so fast I was losing track of who was speaking and also they were enjoying being tipsy and letting their imaginations run wild. Eventually another question came through.

"What about how big it is?"

I looked in the rear view mirror. There was a lot of giggling and shushing now. Tanya was whispering something back at them.

"What do you mean?"

"You said some girls like cocks but is it like, like what if it's like a really gross cock."

Hoo boy, I thought. Sex ed from big bro.

"Listen, some guys do have gross dicks because they don't wash or something and that's fucked up, but like otherwise...look, if you're a guy into tits, you might like big ones or small ones but also? You just like tits."

"No way," shouted Lydia. "Guys only like big ones, like Tanya's"

Tanya starting slapping Lydia, or trying too.

"I think guys like seeing tits, and I think big ones are easy to see, maybe?" I tried not to look at Tanya, but she was looked at me. "Some guys," I added. "Some guys are ass guys or I guess pussy guys or even like I don't know, feet guys."

There was more groaning and laughing about this. Lydia stuck her now-bare foot between the front seats. "Oh does this turn you on, Rory? Does it distract you from the road". The hysterics got louder.

"Tanya!" shouted someone. "Show him your tits! See if he likes them better than Lydia's foot!" A shapely hand came through from the darkness, and I heard Dawn say "what about a hand job, Roorrrry".

I was grateful when I pulled into the driveway. The laughter was getting high-pitched and crazy and also I was getting hard as fuck with all this talk. I bundled out as fast as I could and told them I was going to bed. "You'll have to do without my sex ed now," I said.

"Oh Rorrry," moaned Lydia. "My feet are so naked. Don't you want to jack off on them?"

"Tanya wants you to fuck her tits," shouted my sister at my back.

"Yeah! Fuck my tits! Come shove your big man dick between them" shouted Tanya, and I thought to myself, girl, you should be so lucky.

"Yeah and we'll suck it," said my sister.

"And you can eat us out" shouted Dawn.:

My father once told me many a true word is spoke in jest. I think that might be Shakespeare even. Definitely I'd had some great college nights where jokes and dares and bluffs had turned into something concrete. But I honestly didn't think anything about the night's conversation would go anywhere. I shut myself in my room and loaded up a dungeon crawling computer game to blow off steam and power down for the night. Slapping goblins around instead of slapping my meat, basically. I didn't want to think about the girls talking dirty. I knew some of them too closely for that. I didn't want to start thinking about Tanya's tits and end up thinking about my sister.

Just as I was going to sleep I got a nice distraction. My phone blinked. 3am now. It was the girl I had assumed was an uptight lesbian, but now I wondered. It was a post that said "sorry I got you all wet. Maybe you can get me wet back someday." Had someone stolen her phone? Or was she drunk? I wrote back "lol. What would you prefer? Beer or spirits?" I figured that was vaguely funny and also let her take any sexual implication back. Then two things happened in very close succession.

First, there was a knock at my door, and it was opened to reveal all four young girls, some in pyjamas, some still in party gear and some halfway in between and half undressed. Second, my phone beeped again and the text from the girl I was now very sure wasn't a lesbian read simply "How about your hot cum?"