All Comments on 'Marie's Choice'

but it needs to be finished

A good start but it needs a part 2.

Thank you.

If I find you are having an affair ...? I think that has already been determined.

Can't wait for Chapter 2. There's a lot of the story yet untold.

It's just a bunch of words. It might be the middle of a story, but it has no beginning or end, so it's not a story...just a bunch of words! I don't usually give out 1 star but if an author can't make more of an effort than this then that's all he deserves.

Consequences and choices.....you left us hanging with neither having been done..

Is there more? No mention of further chapters. She has won no matter how you look at it, it is obvious from the story line that this is not her first time and yet the husband just walks out?

is bad. Language. Punctuation. Cohesion. It lacks a lot.

This whole thing sucked monkey balls. I'm not sure what rock you crawled out of; but please go back.

Bad writing, bad everything else - best suggestion - quit

This is his first entry, give good helpful suggestions instead, not cruel un-useful criticisms. No one starts off as a great writer, it takes time. I hope the old guys and gals help give helpful suggestions and maybe one or two can take him under his wing to help out. Don't destroy someone who is trying.

" he let myself go" .... Oh dear does it get any worse ? It did .... "we live in the rural south" .... " Their girls ranged in age" ..... All this in the first three paragraphs ?

Basic errors in grammar that a third grader wouldn't make.

If so, then you have some work to do. Let me mention consistency and logical characters. This guy appears to be bipolar. You have him acting like a total pussy one minute and a tiger the next. Hell, he all but bent over and took it up the ass for her boyfriend and then after he kissed her ass to get her to ask her boyfriend to leave you want him to act all tough and give her ultimatums. Of course she's been fucking other men but he wants to pretend that she hasn't because he doesn't "know" what's happened yet? Pussy or tiger, make up your mind because he can't be both. Doesn't make sense.

If English is not your primary language, or if the substandard writing merely reflects the racism in your story. Either way, give This was a confusing bunch of words and nothing more.

I hope those who gave negative feedback offered to edit.

I say just go back and polish up the story a bit, its not that bad.

Decent tale, all told. Hubby isn't going to put up with shit from wifey. Hopefully, he nipped her bullshit in the bud. The problem is your writing ability. My advice would be to get an editor on here who will help you out.

3 Stars, not a horrible first effort, but yeah. The editors on here are fairly good, from what I've heard.

What was that? A first chapter? Where is the rest? That wouldn't have filled up a full page on a spiral notebook so it won't rate this.

Also, you could have made the characters a bit better. The descriptions are clipped, and make them seem like cardboard. Almost no emotion is shown except at the end. Not bashing, just giving some constructive criticism.

A little rough, but you have to start somewhere. Take the advice you got that you think will help. Ignore the rest for now. I wouldn't carry on with this story. I'd come up with a new one and make it a little better. Then another. Then another.

The man in your story is fairly real. I'd keep him and put him in a different situation for the next story. The wife is a cartoon so she needs more work.

Don't tolerate personal attacks in the comments. If they attack your story, it's fair game, but personal attacks are out of bounds. Consider deleting them. They don't help you learn to write better stories.

and it was an anticlimax moment. How was he going to guarantee that the sitter would release the children to him. All his wife had to do was call the police to prevent from removing the children.... For that reason we needed to know a bit more.

and not enough closure, TK U MLJ LV NV

I don't know any men who would have given her a choice, I couldn't ever kiss her again, let alone live with her stupid slut ass. Is this part 1.

need to complete.

What consequences? She's flaunting her angry vengeful cheating in his face and all he can do is mutter some toothless drivel about consequences. Maybe he could lash her twenty times with a wet noodle after her next gangbang.

go black and I never want you back ,is how I feel. she is forever dirty and it can not

be washed off.

I gotta say, the anonymous "nigger" commenter must be the most worthless of his race. Why not leave a nigger comment with a name and address so that we can chat about it man to small dicked coward?

"Perhaps that's why she would try her luck, cause you probably don't know how to fuck?"

Its always is he this or is he that. WHAT THE FUCK DOES IT MATTER!!

She has been, she is currently, she most likely will be a scuzzy slimy skank slut. She is the one cheating on him not the other guy whose just a mobile dick for her.

FOCUS.

So he caught her in the midst of a cheat. What does she do?

Blames him; why are you home

Blames others; their boy friends

Rationalizes; you were my first

Minimizes; their affairs

Appologizes: NO

Act embarrassed: NO

Act like person concerned about her marriage: NO

Dialog Is stiff, and the story is half written. Try to speak the lines as though to a friend, and copy the words and punctuation. Adding the interracial bit seems irrelevant to the cheating, unless you wish to portray the husband as a bigot. If you yourself think interracial sex is an abomination, and assume the audience agrees with you, you piss off a chunk of your audience Thad has a more tolerant view.

This is a boring stupid going no where story

It's a start.

THE REST OF THE STORY???????

WTF! This was a total waste of printed space. Might have been worth reading if it even had a modicum of sex. Not even one cuss word! Put away your Microsoft Word, it ain't doin' you no good, Brudda.

We know she's having an affair. Fucking cheating cunt. What happens now?

If this is only a two part story; it didn't go anywhere.

Terrible writing. Did you actually read this story before posting?

I recommend checking over punctuation and verb tense though.

...she comes home in the mentioned state, tells her husband that, if he leaves, she would fuck the whole weekend, and her husband goes to explain, which consequences cheating would provoke?!? Are you nuts?? She h a s cheated already, she was on a date and she fully expected to get fucked by another man in her home. No man would accept that. Either her husband just pretended to be mad - or his an idiot!

What rubbish are you trying to sell us here?

AGAIN with old "You're the only man I've ever had sex with, and I was curious" excuse!

What's the point? If the other guy(s) are no better, then you have cheated for nothing. If you find one that IS better, then what? Continue cheating with him? Leave your husband? "Settle" for your husband? Wouldn't it be better not to know?

Good start but needs the response and the hopefully happy ending from husband waking up and grabbing the bull by the horns

What now"?

Why is he giving her a choice? I can't fathom how in these stories these guys always give a second third or fourth choice. She is damaged goods and can't be trusted. I know, in reality it would be a very short story so I guess for the sake of the story let it go on a bit longer.

He brings him into the house and then talks down to him? No. A mistake is one thing. She needs to go.

But what about her response and btb

forever we hope.

That's my only comment.

Were you bored and just gave up?

1 star - a really bad idea.

So poorly written. At least it was short.

.

1 *

boring

What was that,it's bloody awful