All Comments on 'Marie's Choice Ch. 02'

After reading both parts so far; is there any direction to this story???

Give up and just enjoy other submissions. Or....get an editor, understand the need for credibility and development of your characters, and give us something we can remember between submissions. This is garbage. 1*

Not much depth to these two characters, and are you seriously gonna drag this out over a series of short paragraphs that take about a minute to read?

Non-Erotic drivel. Enough said. Get an editor!!

A rudderless ship has more direction than this hogwash.

Sometimes it takes a while to get it down, but please make the effort to learn how to write. Sign up for writing classes and a writing workshop afterwards. Then get an editor and have him or her proofread your stuff. These are the problems I see right off the bat:

1. Cardboard characters. Your characters have no "life" in them. They seem to be just shambling through like zombies.

2. Chapters are TOO SHORT. Honestly, both of your current submissions could be posted on one page with room to spare.

3. Story jumps around haphazardly. The flow isn't there, man. Another part of writing classes and workshops is instruction on how to get your tale to flow so that it's a lot more readable. As it stands, it's like a mediocre train wreck.

I had to give this one 1 Star, but don't lose hope. You could have some talent after some classroom and/or workshop instruction on how to write effectively.

Wasted time reading a few paragraphs. No content here.

try to make each chapter AT LEAST 2500-3000 words. this chapter is - what, about 300 words?

This tale is going nowhere, very slowly. Do something.

But it is hard to tell... I suggest you get with the program and give us something we can put our teeth into...

First, you need an editor. These short, choppy sentences are distracting and difficult to read. Second, you need to develop your characters more. Keep trying...

Why don't you wait until you have a chapter written and edited before you post? The two parts you did post are maybe half a chapter.

Both chapters could have been Combined and made a better story. I hope he does use the Gym and find someone to replace her Skanky Ass.

This marriage is toast.

if her pussy assed husband is anything like the comment made by the last bitch ass anon that only use the word "Nigger" because his mom was a nigger lover. Believe me, that whore got passed around by the worst of us.

Slim picking in loving wives today. The week has been a total disaster in good erotica. Sad.

The motivation for the wife's open adultery sounds more like what you would hear from a teenage girl not a married woman and mother of an 11 year marriage. According to the author he is far from a simpleton but why does she act like one ? Why does the husband after seeing her disgusting display of slutty behavior not lash out and put her immediately in her place ? So far the story has many missing parts and almost no character development and unless it quickly gets a lot better it will consistenly get 2;s

I had to go back and re-read chapter 1 because it made so little sense to me and I wanted to understand what the hell was going on, and then I realized that you've basically written introduction twice, with two different takes on your main character. In one "chapter" we see him confronting her, without the backstory, in the second chapter, we see a different confrontation moments after but with a backstory.

In the first, he's this hardliner whose values and background wouldn't "allow" him to put up with her shit, and he's going to throw her out and do this and that, and basically live the BTB dream.

In this one, he's basically agreeing to an open marriage. That's not a consequence - he's giving her what she wants, and behaving in the same atrocious way, and in the meantime, they're both providing horrible examples of parenthood to their three little girls.

Their "choice" seems to be little more than behaving as wife-slut and husband-slut.

Learn how to construct a plot in the first place. Then learn how to create realistic dialogue. Finally, longer chapters might make this a coherent story, but even that is doubtful. You make both characters seem "stupid" and confused simply by the poor writing.. You create a situation that you did NOT set up properly, and your attempt at development in the first paragraphs is so boring and confusing to follow that it makes no sense and justified nothing in the characters. Seriously, find an editor. However, no one might want to edit this in the first place because there is so much to fix.

I hated that show, this is worse. How could he have 5 sisters but 7 of them went to live in a "Baptist Children's Home"? And what the hell is that anyway? Is it an orphanage? Is it a home for Baptist children? A home for the children of Baptists? And if dear old dad knew where they were, why were they there? If he worked at the family store, wouldn't the gov't know and then wouldn't the courts make them live with him?

One small paragraph and more answers than questions so you can imagine how little sense the rest of your story made.

...and about 20 sentences you actually dare to call a "story"? What´s next: Chapter 3 - just a title and a few greetings? This plot has potential . you appearently not..sorry.

Improve or stop.

You lose audience when you release the story in such little pieces. It's hard to remember from piece to piece. Plus in this snippet nothing much happened. Apparently in some previous page she fucked somebody, and somehow he found out, and isn't much bothered because now he has the green light to do the same.

No drama, not much plot, not much story.

Sit on the snippets until you have 15-20 pages in word, and then put them up.

I think it will go better for you.

I gave it a 2 for effort; but the story did nothing for me at all.

BDEarth

Ya ain't said nothin' but shit so far

closet faggot. can't breed son. useless wimp.

So he reads porn and encourages her to socialize more. THAT means he wants to be a cuckold? Is she brain damaged?

for a really good story and to help offset the asshole of LIT's usual vote of 1 Eat shit annony you old ugly fat fag with ED

Ewwww...ygh...urgghhh....gack!

Really bad,

From chapter one

Was there a fucking point to this useless two-parter? Really?

One star

Maybe it's for the best. You're lost anyway.

Needs to be completed

He going to go after other women with her watching? Not a good idea. Part 3 is needed and more than one page.

Your writing career was very very short. But, better than me, you tried!

Unfinished story always 1/5, don’t waste your time reading this drivel

If you are suffering from insomnia

Author...why fucking bother if you never intended to finish this saga? And I bet that you will get all riled up when you read over the negative comments left by disappointed readers. That is the challenge facing any contributor to the Literotica site. You enjoy the brownie points and learn to improve from the criticisms. It comes naturally with the territory.

This story is nowhere near finished. Until it is, no vote from me.

WTF is it with these authors not finishing their stories? Just don't write the thing to brgin with

I do not think being in the Air Force is much that is different than Me being in the Army which Both Her and Her Lover would be shot on the spot of them Entering His House as they did . The fact He is a Southern Boy is another reason He would have acted the same way . I agree with the Comments below You did not finish the Story and the Lets go to the beech and Go from there is Bullshit for any Man You are not much of a writer If you can not see you didn't finish this story .

0 star - stupid story

Was this written by a bot? No emotions at all. 1*