Marion Comes to Stay

When my father-in-law died, my mother-in-law, Marion, announced that she wanted to sell the family home. 'It's far too big for me. And I really don't want to live in Woodbridge anymore,' she told Louisa, her daughter (and my wife). 'Most of the people we knew here have moved away. And we really only came here to be close to your father's parents. But they're gone. And now he's gone too.'

'Where would you like to live?' Louisa asked.

'A little cottage somewhere over your way would be perfect,' Marion said. 'I don't need four bedrooms and three reception rooms.'

She was right, of course.

'Well... I don't imagine we will have any trouble in selling the house,' Louisa said. 'But finding you a cottage... that might be a little more difficult.'

And then, about six weeks later, Louisa arrived home one afternoon to say that the house was sold. 'And I think we may have found a cottage too. It will need quite a lot of work. But, with the proceeds of the house, Marion will be able to afford the renovations with enough left over for a world cruise. Or whatever it is that eligible widows do these days.' And then she said: 'And, in the meantime, Marion will need to come and live with us.'

'Ah. Right,' I said, possibly with less enthusiasm than Louisa had been hoping for.

Louisa smiled. 'It's not ideal, I know. But it should only be for a couple of months or so.'

I nodded. 'I was thinking about....'

'Roger and Valerie. Yes, I know. But I'm sure that we can work around it.'

Roger was... well, Roger was Roger. And he was Louisa's bonk -- not to put too fine a point on it. And, somewhat in the same manner, Valerie was my bonk. Occasionally, all four of us got together. But not very often. Usually, it was just one on one. Although I did sometimes like to watch Louisa and Roger. And Louisa did sometimes watch Valerie and me. 'Perhaps Marion would like to watch,' I suggested.

Louisa laughed.

The week before the exchange date on Marion's house, Louisa went across to Woodbridge to help her mother sort and pack.

'How is it going?' I asked when she phoned at the end of the first day.

'You wouldn't believe how much stuff two people can collect,' she said.

I laughed. 'You might want to take a look around our place sometime,' I suggested.

'Oh, we're just beginners,' she assured me.

When Louisa phoned on Wednesday night, she could barely get her words out. 'I found Marion's stash,' she said in a sort of stage whisper.

'Her stash?'

'Her toys.'

'Her toys?' And then I suddenly realised what Louisa was talking about.

'What do I do?' Louisa asked. 'Just pretend that I never saw them?'

'Well, I guess every girl is entitled to a dildo or two,' I said.

'Or two!?' Louisa said. 'She has six or seven! And a super-duper strap-on harness. Plus a few other battery-powered bits and pieces.'

Was I surprised? Well... yes and no. I was a little surprised. But I wasn't totally surprised. Not when I thought about it. Marion could be quite... well... saucy at times. Especially after a few glasses of wine. 'Gosh, I don't know,' I said. 'Are they in some sort of container?'

'Yes. One of those plastic storage boxes.'

'Well, maybe just leave the box where you can be sure she will find it, and then she can sort it out. Just make sure that it's out of the way by the time that the moving guys arrive on Friday morning.'

'Who would have guessed?' Louisa said.

I just laughed.

Valerie came over that evening. 'Louisa's mother is coming to live with us,' I told her.

'Live with you!'

'Just for a month or two. She has bought a cottage over in Lower Soustead and it needs quite a bit of work doing to it before she can move in.'

'Is she...? I mean... well... do you all get on?' Valerie asked.

'Not sure,' I said. 'We've never spent more than a day or two with her.'

And then, after a long pause, Valerie said: 'Does she know about Louisa and you? Does she know about your... umm... arrangements?'

'Goodness! I don't think so,' I said. 'It's not really something that one talks about. Certainly not to parents and the like.'

'So you and Louisa will have to be a bit careful then,' Valerie said. 'Put a lock on the playroom door perhaps.'

I laughed. The playroom was a room in the basement. We had it all set up for fun and games. In addition to the bed, the playroom had a sex swing and a selection of big, soft, wedges. If you could think of it, the playroom was where you could do it. It was also where you could watch yourself doing it. One wall was conveniently covered in mirrors, as was part of the ceiling. It definitely wasn't a room that I would want to have to explain to my mother-in-law.

'What takes your fancy?' I asked Valerie. 'A habanero? One drink and make it kick?'

Valerie smiled. 'Why not?' she said. 'We're only young once.'

I took the seriously-chilled bottle of tequila from the freezer, and then put four blocks of ice into the shaker. Then I added three parts tequila and one part dry vermouth. After that, I added a halved habanero pepper and gave it all a bit of gentle shake. 'And we'll just let it steep for a moment or two,' I said.

'Would your mother-in-law be shocked?' Valerie asked.

It was a good question. If Valerie had asked the question earlier in the day, I'm pretty sure that my answer would have been yes, of course she would be shocked. But after Louisa's revelation.... 'Not sure,' I said. 'Lou said that her mother has a pretty impressive collection of dildoes. And a super-duper harness.'

'Harness?'

'Of the strap-on variety. At least, I assume that's what she meant.'

'Really?' Valerie said. 'Oh, well.'

'Exactly.'

The super-charged tequilatinis were perfect. Icey cold yet fiery hot. 'Cheers,' I said. 'Or whatever the say in Mexico.'

'Cheers,' Valerie said.

Louisa phoned the following morning to let me know that the moving chaps would be dropping off a few boxes at our place on Friday morning, before taking the rest of Marion's stuff off to temporary storage.

'Did you manage to navigate your way around the umm... toybox?' I asked.

Louisa laughed. 'Yes. Mum saw it and said: "Oh, that's my toybox. I think I'd better put that in the boot of my car. Don't want the moving chaps losing that!"'

'Oh, well... sounds like she's not intending to retire her toys just yet,' I said.

'No,' Louisa said.

On Friday, the moving guys arrived shortly after three, and Louisa and Marion arrived about an hour later. 'You chaps probably want an early supper,' I said, 'so I thought that we could go down to The Eagle.'

'That's a good idea,' Louisa said. 'I could murder some scampi and a bowl of salad.'

'Local pub,' I explained to Marion. 'I'm sure that we've taken you there before. On Fridays they generally put a couple of extra fish dishes on the menu.'

Louisa and Marion got Marion's bedroom organised, while I made us a pot of tea. Then, after we had had our tea, the girls both showered (not together, obviously) and we strolled down to the pub.

The first person we saw when we arrived was Roger.

'Oh. Roger,' Louisa said. 'Meet Marion. My mother.'

'Your mother?' Roger said -- suave bastard that he is. 'Your sister. Surely.'

Actually, the pub was where we had first met Roger. He had just moved to Eckstone and he was looking to 'meet a few of his new neighbours'.

'Roger was nice,' Louisa had said as we walked home after meeting him for the first time. 'If I wasn't married to you, I might want to bonk him.' (Louisa had had a couple more wines than usual.)

'If you weren't married to me?'

'If I wasn't married to you.'

'You'd want to bonk him?'

'I think so.'

'Just bonk him?'

'Oh, yes. I wouldn't want to marry him or anything.'

'Of course not,' I said.

Louisa had laughed.

'Well... you could,' I said. 'If you want to.'

'Could what?'

'Bonk him.'

Louisa had laughed again. But I think that's when the seed was planted. And then, a few days later, when Louisa and I were watching telly (but not really watching telly, if you know what I mean), she asked me if I had been serious.

'About?'

'Me bonking Roger.'

'Oh, yes,' I said. 'Why not? I can imagine that you two might be quite good. Perhaps I could watch. Maybe pick up a few tips.'

'Are you serious?'

'About watching? Oh, yes,' I told her. 'I think that might be a big turn on.'

And that's sort of how it all started. Although I didn't watch the first time. In the end we decided that it would be better if Louisa conducted the audition by herself. We didn't want to put Roger under any undue pressure. I watched when they did it for the second time. And it was quite a turn on. Although perhaps not in the way that I had expected it to be. I met Valerie about six weeks after that.

'Roger's very nice,' Marion said, as we made our way home from the pub that first night of her stay with us. 'And very attentive to Louisa. You'll have to watch him, Jack.'

'Watch him?' I said. And Louisa almost choked suppressing a laugh.

Marion returned to Woodbridge the following week. Just for one night. The Woodbridge Gardening Society had a little 'going away do' for Marion. And, since there would be a sherbet or two, Marion decided that, rather than driving, she would stay the night with Angus.

'Who's Angus?' Louisa wanted to know.

'Gus? He's an old friend of your father. Well... he was, anyway. Not anymore. Obviously.'

While Marion was back in Woodbridge for the Gardeners' Party, Louisa and I had the house to ourselves -- for a limited time only -- and so we took advantage of the opportunity to invite Roger and Valerie over. Valerie made a brilliant salmon quiche for the occasion, and Roger, whose brother is a wine merchant, arrived with a couple of bottles of Sicilian Trebbiano. Perfect!

'How are things going with your new housemate?' Valerie asked.

'So far, so good,' Louisa said. 'And she is most taken with Roger.'

'Oh? So you've told her then,' Valerie said.

'Good heavens no! But we ran into Roger at the pub.'

Roger just grinned.

After supper, Louisa and Roger took our bedroom, and Valerie and I took the playroom. 'I have a birthday coming up,' Valerie said. 'I thought that you might like to buy me one of those strapless strap-ons.'

'A strapless strap-on.'

'So that I can have a go at pegging you.'

'Sounds fun,' I said. 'We'll need to get a large bottle of lube too.'

'How was the gardeners' party?' I asked Marion when she returned the following day.

'It started out a bit... slowly,' she said. 'People were a bit stiff. But then Gus -- Angus -- pepped up the punch. While no one was looking, he added a whole large bottle of chilled orange vodka. That seemed to get things going. By the time that people started drifting off, around nine, Milly Mackintosh was lit up like The Blackpool Tower on Christmas Eve. I suspect that there will be one or two unexpected hangovers this morning.'

'And how was your friend Gus?'

'Gus was... umm... Gus was Gus,' Marion said. And she smiled.

It was the following week. We were having supper. Marion had spent most of the afternoon over at her cottage. Checking on progress. Making decisions. And she seemed uncharacteristically quiet.

'So... how is it going over there?' I asked. 'You seem a bit quiet.'

'They... umm... seem to be making progress,' she said.

'Seem to be?'

'Well... you know,' she said. 'And there are lots of decisions to be made.' And then she said: 'I'm thinking that I might get Gus to come across and have a look at things.'

'Gus? Your gardening friend?' Louisa said.

'Yes. Well... your father's old friend, really,' Marion said. 'He used to be an architectural draughtsman.'

'Could be useful,' I said.

Marion nodded. But she continued to frown. And then she suddenly said: 'ENM.'

Louisa and I looked at each other.

'Are you familiar with ENM?' Marion asked.

'ENM?' Louisa said. 'Are they architects?'

'No,' her mother said. 'ENM. It stands for Ethical Non-Monogamy.'

'Ethical Non-Monogamy.'

Marion nodded. 'Relationships,' she said.

Louisa and I both smiled.

'It's not like cheating or anything,' Marion said. 'It's all above board. Everyone agrees in advance. There's no sneaking around behind the other person's back. And when your father got sick....' Marion gazed off into the distance as though she was trying to remember something. 'We... umm... still.... But then we talked about it. And Gus was... well, you know. And Gus talked to his wife about it. It was all above board. Your father even came and... umm... supervised a couple of times. But then he left us to... well... just get on with it. So.... There. Now you know.'

'Now we know,' Louise said. 'And we are both very pleased for you.'

'You are?'

'We are. It sounds as if you found a perfect solution.'

'Oh.' Marion seemed a little surprised. 'Yes. Well... the thing is, I'm telling you now,' she said, 'because if Gus comes over to help me with some of the cottage decisions, I'm thinking that I might get a room. At the hotel. Or perhaps Gus can get a room. But... well... anyway.'

'Oh, don't do that,' Louisa said. 'Bring him here.'

'Here?'

'Yes. Bring him here.'

'You would be all right with that?'

'One hundred percent,' Louisa said.

'We're not getting married or anything,' Marion said. 'Gus is not leaving his wife. We're just....'

'Ethically non-monogamous,' Louisa said.

'Yes.'

'Quite a few people are,' Louisa said.

'Yes,' Marion said. 'Although perhaps not in Woodbridge.'

'Perhaps not in Woodbridge,' Louisa said. 'Although you never know.'

'I suppose not,' Marion said.

And then, for a few moments, we all just sat there.

'Roger,' Louisa said, eventually, 'who you met the other night. Roger is ethically non-monogamous.'

Marion nodded, as if to say: Yes, I can well imagine that.

'Roger and I get together once every week or so,' Louisa said.

That seemed to surprise Marion. 'You!? You and... Roger?'

'Roger and me,' Louisa said, smiling and nodding.

Marion looked at me. And I also smiled and nodded.

'And, at some stage, I expect that you will meet Valerie,' I said.

Marion looked back at Louisa. 'Oh? I didn't realise that you also... well....'

'No, no. Valerie is Jack's ENM partner,' Louisa said. 'I have quite enough on my plate with Jack and Roger. Although I do sometimes like to watch Jack and Valerie. As, indeed, it sounds that Dad may have enjoyed watching you and Gus.' And Louisa nodded. 'There's something about watching real people, isn't there? Especially if it's real people you know and love. Anyway, we can discuss that on another occasion. In the meantime, just tell your ENM friend Gus that he is more than welcome at our house.'

'I will,' Marion said. 'Yes. I will. Thank you.'