All Comments on 'Mary's Intro to Submission'

... but it read a little like a shopping list I thought. Congratulations on your first story and keep on writing, Four stars, thank you and welcome to Literotica.

This is very, very monotonous. There is absolutely no emotion in the actions or the dialogue. You need to work on your punctuation; read up on quotation marks. You are supposed to use them when you write dialogue, in case you weren't aware. Also, work on your transitions. Nothing flows in this story. It's just one statement after the next, which makes it incredibly tedious to read.