All Comments on 'Maverick - The Naked Swimmer Pt. 01'

Wow, great story so far!

The guy had the upper hand and let it slip. Idiot. Without him swimming naked there was no meet. Should have had all the females lined up naked in the locker room for an up close inspection and other concessions before agreeing to swim nude. Good thing he’s so cute - because he’s stupid.

That was a lot of fun! I love that he still gets embarrassed after getting seen naked multiple times. Hot guys who blush are the absolute best! Keep up the good work.

Good story. However when poor Mav was totally bent over on the board, with his hands touching the edge, with his bottom sticking up high, with his ass cheeks very separated and the insides of the crack of his butt totally exposed before the close view of the girls, that were seeing his little butt hole,

someone could have interrupted the coach with a question. Then the coach would respond: "wait a moment and hold the position". The conversation would last almost 15 minutes during which the girls could examine very thoroughly his asshole. I think it would be very awkward and embarrassing for him. What do you think?

From Maude1067 TO Anonymous' fourth comment ending in 'What do you think? The answer is I think that is a great suggestion. I am embarrassed I didn't think of it. Just wonderful. By the way, I see this character (and several of the others I have created) as very naive and confused. Maybe Maverick is a little dumb, but it is difficult to respond to situations like these when you are naked and embarrassed. The fact that at age eighteen or older he could simply 'walk out' but doesn't, shows that he isn't entirely in control of his own emotions. And deep down, maybe he enjoys the situation even if he doesn't understand it.

This is pretty good and I like the gentle CFNM, since it tends to wind up too harsh and abusive most of the time. This is nice and gentle and I like how the girls encourage and tease him rather than berate him and insult him. The attention to his testicles and butt is also nice, as well.

The problem is that you don't describe what anyone, or anything looks like. Since you only gave us names, I don't have characters to attach those names to. Maverick is obvious since he's the only guy besides Xander, but the girls all only have general names, no descriptions or appearances to attach those names to in my head, and their personalities are too similar to allow differentiation between them through dialogue. The result is that I can't keep the ladies straight in my head, so when one talks, I don't have any name-face-personality to record her actions to for building the characters in my head. It actually pants a pretty negative implication that these girls aren't characters, but instead just cardboard standees meant to push the kink along, giving the story a surprisingly androcentric focus. It also has the girls acting almost like a hive mind due to the way they do things in coordinated tandem and all react the same way, which is not how girls really work as anyone who has hung out with groups of girls can tell you.

So all in all, you've got a really good idea with the gentle CFNM and the body focus. You just need to work on your description and fleshing out your characters' personalities more so that they're easier to differentiate for the reader.

Why not have some of the less attractive girls at the school get a look at all of Maverick. The teachers could coerce him into being a nude model for art classes or another situation to expose him to others.