Mel's Repressed Desires Ch. 02

I opened with the story of Katie, nights laying besides each other, or she in my lap as I stroked her hair, watching TV. I was honest in my attraction to men then and now, my attraction for Katie that I didn't recognize.

I did a long paragraph on Katie and I's last meeting and my shutting her down after she told me she loved me and our distancing soon afterwards and meeting Donnie.

"I couldn't" I wrote leading into my abuse. "I felt betrayed before and in that moment was scared and just ran. She saw it as rejection but looking back is we'd only had talked. I met Donnie a couple weeks afterwards and we feel in love quickly."

I told her what I loved about sex with men and then talked about Ruthie.

"I don't think I'd ever give up cock," I wrote. "The need to filled that deeply, to feel the rhythmic pounding of a man's hips against me, finding my spot and being relentless. Ruthie brought me to orgasm and there was a little void even there. It was amazing and I want to return to that garden again and again."

I gave her the exact date, time down to the minute that she first recently parted me in the kitchen and then her tongue found my moist, heat. I told her our family situations, proximity and the openness we had moving forward. I took her back to our meeting and what I felt and what it means to me to have her interest and how I felt I was exploring now in real time.

I told her how amazed I was with Kandy's journey and her being embroiled in a path I told her I wasn't sure she chose for herself, it just appeared and she followed. I told her I felt the love and power of her relationship with Charlotte, even though it was general and didn't go into detail. I compared our endings with our past loves, and admitted to her, and myself, that I had "loved" Katie.

And then I finished my email with a statement and then my question:

"I've learned that a connection is valuable, no matter how it fits or doesn't fit into your life. I've let a lot of connections die and am ready to cultivate connections better moving forward to see what fruit is produced and the surely positive effects on life's journey. I cherish that you call me Melanie because, while it may be my name, its unique to us.

Question: Of the main players in your life, Charlotte, your Dad and your Mom, what are the things you've taken from them that are positive tools in your life and what one thing hangs as baggage weighing down your journey?"

I was happy sharing my life with her, just like that, with a stranger that I felt closer to than some of my bridesmaids three years removed from my wedding. I was happy with my question as her parents and Charlotte's influences will start a story that could go in any direction, and surely answer many questions. I shut down the computer and spent the day focused on Miles, napping and getting some things cleaned up from the end of my work year.

I called Donnie before lunch and asked him to get some chicken to grill sometime this week. It sounded like I was catching him out and about in Des Moines, his tone was weird and he answered my request in a vague way. I swear his breathing was elevated, assuming maybe he was working. Donnie said he would get some chicken on the way home and I hoped he wouldn't space that off.

I fed Miles and let him play a little longer and he wore himself out and went down just around 12:30. Once he did that I went and got my camera out from behind the box and went downstairs to upload the pictures to the hard drive. It was amazingly easy I remembered and it did it smooth, taking only a few minutes. I looked at them on the bigger screen, happy with some, unhappy with most, the lighting of the room the main problem.

I searched "Picture touch up" and found that there were things in the application I had opened them that could adjust the picture. I played around with the adjustments and found I could make my skin a little darker and clear some of the roughness away. I ended up with a front shot of me bending forward showing my cleavage and a full frontal shot that I thought were very nice.

The full frontal shot, I could tell, was when I was talking to the camera as if were Ruthie in the room, my lips open as the air passed through them. I had said something like, 'for you my Love' breathy and pushing my chest forward for her to inspect. The adjustments just made it polished and I stared at it, trying to feel that person I was, or projected, at the moment.

The other, showed the imperfections of my body to perfection, the sag in my natural breasts over my hand, showing slight nipple and my neck pushed out, mouth again slightly open, eyes fixed into the lens and my hair just messed enough to scream sex. I was giddy with my own image, sending some quivers in places not felt, at least not without physical stimulations.

I glanced at all the lingerie shots I took, making myself a little wet seeing the skin with the different colors and lace. My "lovers", plural, will be benefiting from my exploration sooner than later. My hand slipped downward to pet my smooth self, quickly inserting, I was readying myself.

"You got Mail!" the familiar AOL advertisement and notification rang through the thick, sexual tension I had created for myself from myself. The butterflies of seeing the naked and lingerie wearing images turned to eagles soaring in hope of finding an email from Kandy.

I scrolled to the icon clicked on it and it was a response from her! Re: My History & my question." The whole email read:

"Melanie:

Thank you for sharing and being so open to listen to my story. Yes, reading and digesting what is shared online is listening and I take a lot of value from my online relationships (I'm exploring, always). Giving your name and lending to what it is that is "us" right now made me tear up and smile all at once.

Charlotte owns my core, my core being and soul. So I carry her strength in life and in bed, having taught me so many lessons in a relatively short time. I have risen above the loss of her, which of course in the baggage and what holds be back from flight and reaching any relationship heights. She taught me vision to see purity in people and it's what I saw when you held my gaze, your purse heart open for me to explore and the opportunity I see to teach you while developing us.

My Dad infused the fire of competition into my heart, it drives as I strive to make a difference, to make a living to make love, to make it through every day better than the day before. His baggage is one of burn hot and fast flame outs, just like the relationships in his life, beside mine, the one that has been truest, most honest and always there.

My mother doesn't rank number three on my list, not at all. She disowned me when I was a baby and the only good thing she gave me was the void she left without her being present. The third most important person in my life are all of you online, and in my life one way or another, a sisterhood of love and strength which, the only baggage claim I can make is I can take you all home, all to bed or all in my family.

I want to extend a standing invitation to coffee any morning at 8 a.m. at Caribou Coffee just off Jordan Creek. It's close to my apartment and I start my day there everyday, just give me 48 hours notice as to when you can be there. I'll send you a coupon for free coffee and a free admission to the zoo from my stand. You can bring that adorable son of yours as well."

With much anticipation - Kandy."

I shot an email back quickly at her asking if Thursday morning was suitable, as Donnie had to go in to work and I could drop him off at the golf course and he could adjust from there. I could shop until whenever and I didn't care, truthfully. He had to stay over anyway, so he could find rides or taxi, I figured, as the warmth between my legs was amazing and this was happening.

I went upstairs and laid down, petting myself over my shorts, just wondering, anticipating, and thinking. Miles stirred a little, but he would always play for a while, as Mommy played for a while, slipping my finger over my clit and inside, imagining the sweet face of Kandy, or Ruthie or even that hot gal on my favorite sit-com that gave off lesbian vibes. I gasped and shudder with a small orgasm, my quickness climaxing with Donnie had proved to be present even in self love.

I got my shorts on and took Miles downstairs for a snack and I aloud cheered to see Jacob and Ruthie appear out back. I watched her beautiful body lean over as she put him in a bouncer so that he could walk in on the cement and sat on her lounge close by. She was wearing a T-shirt, but rolled up the sleeves, and nice short jeans shorts with frayed edges. I had my workout shorts still on, sports bra and sport tank so I grabbed Miles and whisked him into the back yard with me. Ruthie waved and smiled large as I approached.

"Girlfriend, great to see you," Ruthie said sing-songing looking at Miles, getting up and gesturing with her hand. "Whoops, I see you're missing something. Let me take that precious boy off your hands while you get you some of your wine."

She was just off work and the alcohol was hitting her brain, her light beer open and she took a drink, taking in the beautiful day. She had placed Miles in a similar bouncer and brought the bottle and a glass my favorite red, left from the other night. She said she was dying to tell me about her day, "but before Jerry and Donnie ruined the mood, she wanted to ask me some serious girl "stuff.""

I got a little nervous, taking a long drink as she scooted down her lounge chair to me as I sat down on its end. Her long, tanned and recently shaved legs curled up as she sat between my feet.

Without hesitation she moved up, sitting in my lap and kissed me, mouth on mouth, no hands, just lips, no tongue, just the beauty of her lips touching mine. She lingered there a long time, slowly trading spots on our mouths. I opened my eyes for the first time, her's closed just soaking the feeling in, my moist inner thighs now emitting a slight aroma.

My hands were free so I put one up to her cheek and ran it down to her chin and down her neck. I placed it on her breast and just fumbled over the cloth, knowing we were pretty much out of site from neighbors eyes. I slipped it under the tank and under her bra, playing with those perfect nipples. She sighed on my mouth and then pulled off, my hands still there, her eyes now meeting mine.

"So are we going to do this? Are we going to be a thing?" Ruthie said, now taking one of my hands. "I'm talking no strings, but something, doing things, doing fun and sensual things?"

"Oh my God, Yes!" I said, almost shouting, smiling, turning my head embarrassed for a second. "Shit, I mean of course."

Ruthie smile big again, her hands up now to my face and kissed me softly, "I mean we're not going to be running naked around the house ALL the time, and we're not going to let the boys know when, other than maybe driving them crazy with PDA around them."

"I'm in for all of that," I said, leaning in for one more kiss hearing Jerry's truck pull up and it was time to let go of her breast, and just be there. He came over and threw several innuendo shots in my direction and even made reference to Donnie and if "he was ready for him tonight".

"Hey, where's my little cock-sucker at?" Jerry he added with a smile and an unapproved glance from Ruthie before disappearing to change in the house. "Yeah, I'll cool it, my bad."

"He really was kinda freaked out, but then, well I did let him fuck me in the arse and we talked," Ruthie said coming back out, even later admitting she just goes with the flow when Jerry's drinking. "I don't see him letting Donnie do that again, but who knows after a lot of beer with anything."

I nodded and moved closer to her, she drew me in with her smile, beauty and charisma a almost physical pull I hadn't felt in a long time that of a new thing. Sure the emails with Kandy were great, but that didn't seem real at the moment and this was real, it was in front of me and it felt comfortable and exciting.

"Will you teach me?" I said generally in reference to the 'doing things' comments. "I mean, I..."

"Honey, you relax and let Ruthie be our guide on this journey," she said, looking over her shoulder to be sure Jerry wasn't listening. "I'll plan for some separation, and maybe a little get away soon."

"What are you two so intense about," Jerry said coming out of the garage instead of the back door. "Last time I saw you two that intense...."

The glare from Ruthie stopped him from completing the comment he was about to make and he turned and went back into the garage. Ruthie's eyes came back on me and her hand was on me knee, just letting our eye contact continue.

"Girl's night needs to be a thing," she said to me slightly hushed. "I told Jerry I wasn't that into you and that it was the alcohol. As long as all three of us don't end up in bed he won't think to much, I mean other than thinking we're doing it all the time."

"That's a thing?" I asked, really wondering. "You guys have done that before and would do it again."

"Honey, I want you all to myself," Ruthie said.

We both laughed and tended to the boys who began crying about something. Jerry came out, we had a pretty normal late afternoon and Donnie joined us. We sat out and had a few more drinks, Jerry and Donnie just seemed to pick up as if one man had never sucked the other man's dick.

I did wonder for a moment if they'd have similar conversations as we did, and it excited me a little to think about them sneaking around like Ruthie and I were planning. I figured they wouldn't have a problem with us, but the excitement of doing it all behind their back seemed fun so why not think they'd turn into BJ buddies.

"Do you do email much?" Ruthie asked me.

I said I used it for work and family and I gave her my email address. I admitted I had started getting on more and hoped Donnie wouldn't mind because he used the computer for work a lot

"I'll throw some ideas at you," Ruthie said and we packed up for the evening. Donnie had sprinted in the house and was online getting ready for the long weekend he mentioned. I fixed dinner and Miles and I ate alone while he ate finishing his work. I was happy he had a decent job for the summer even if it took him away from us. With all of my thoughts of Kandy and Ruthie I liked the separation, devoting my mind to the two women

Donnie stopped and came out of the computer office to watch some football. He was tired from everything that happened and fell asleep on the couch. I took advantage, and I went back to the computer, giddy seeing that Kandy had shared another email.

This time it was simple, with a nice piece of writing that said:

"Two lives meet randomly, yet feel like old souls.

A stream of consciousness alike, on a pathway to merge, perhaps,

to find duality."

Love,

Kandy

PS - A have a photo for you attached.

Oh my. My heart raced, my crotch brewed a quick wetness thinking of this beautiful young woman sending me a picture of her likeness. I fumbled the mouse, scrolling down, seeing the file named "Thinking of you" and I clicked on it, half expecting an innocent shot somewhere in the mall or outside. I was mistaken.

She was holding the camera up into a full-length mirror, fitting her entire body. Kandy's silky tan, slightly freckled, skin was prominent as was the bright red hair, I hadn't noticed since it was up and in her hat at the food stand. Her public hair was prominent and red like the rest, her breasts beautiful, young, with medium sized nipples, one being played with by her free hand.

I stared at the picture, soaking her in, one hand slipping down to pet myself, feeling naughty with Donnie napping in the living room. I inserted a little, just thinking of what her body, her scent, her lips must feel like, smell and taste. Donnie stirred a little, but I didn't hear him get up and I pushed deeper inside myself, sighing then pulling out.

I studied the words, having already deciding to send her one of my pictures, and maybe taking more inspired by the thought of her. I wanted to respond in kind to her words, to puzzle together real meaning, not just words to attract.

I studied the last line the most, the first part "A stream of consciousness alike..." Then the finish, "on a pathway to merge, perhaps,

to find duality."

I focused on the word duality, going to the search engine to find it's definition, which read - "1. the quality or condition of being dual. the novel's deep duality about human motive". I liked this thought, it felt like it signaled her full intent for separation while exploring each other and joining our "pathways" while we "merge". The word "perhaps" was nice as it signaled no pressure. My first line came quickly and read:

"A glance produced a spark and a spark produced inspired interaction between sight and touch."

I glanced back at the first line in her writing, that summed up her feelings of our encounter, so I did the same. The second line took me a little longer, but I was very pleased.

"My heart's capacity to let more in seems vast, a void present that needs filled, ready to find more, to join with others."

I was happy with that, it showed the willingness to explore and it didn't dismiss my husband nor my new relationship with Ruthie. I went to my photos and pulled up the shot I knew I was sending, the full frontal from the waist up, thinking and posing to Ruthie with an aggressive look.

I attached it and hit send, worried that Donnie might wake up. I was ready to log off when I heard, "You got Mail!"

Startled, since I had just sent email to Kandy, it couldn't be her. I went back to the inbox to see Ruthie had already send me an email, I envisioned created soon after we separated for the night.

The email from Ruthie was entitled - "Just a thought" and it read:

"Mel:

I have a soft spot now for your soft lips pressed to mine and I am satisfied just being around you. I have always found women more attractive, intelligent and able to read my spirit better than any man I've been with sexually or otherwise. I want us to be natural friends and super natural lovers, sharing intimate escapes.

I hope we can find time together, I'm thinking maybe I can take off some mornings or afternoons this summer and we can send the kids to daycare. Just tell Donnie you want Miles to start socializing earlier than the beginning of the year, that works for me."

Excited to be on this journey with you - Ruthie"

Donnie and I had actually talked about sending Miles to daycare that so I could get some things ready for the next school year. My head was swirling, and with Donnie sleeping soundly just feet from the screen, my plotting to steal time away with two women broadened.

"Ruthie:

Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays would be excellent for any kind of quality time together. Not this Thursday but I am yours afterwards :D.

Mel"

Donnie woke and I signed off, going to bed knowing he would do his usual Internet things before coming to bed. Alone, with thoughts of two women I spent more time massaging my inner-self, fingers rubbing my clit, my nipples, building up to climax then falling deep asleep. I didn't hear him come to bed and got up early to run the next morning.

Jogging in the coolness of Iowa summer morning I let my mind focus again on my husband. I felt a little guilty about the attention I gave to "my ladies" (a term I thought of as I rocked against my hand, orgasming to the vision of each of their faces). We would spend this Tuesday together, and I thought, we had connected a lot lately. I loved Donnie's new sexual aggression, making me giggle a little that he was so responsive at the same time I was finding ways to pleasure myself without him.

Both that Tuesday and Wednesday were filled going to parks, taking walks with the baby in the stroller and when Miles went down to nap we would fuck on the floor of the living room. Or in the kitchen or upstairs, as Donnie had become sexually assertive both in finding opportunity, but in moving me around, taking me from behind more.