All Comments on 'Memory Deficit'

Still laughing. Great story....

5 stars, because you earned them.

Cagivagurl

Different and original

4/5

I'm confused by the ending. It was Detective Cook who was solely responsible for the attempt on the MC life? 4 stars.

Hilarious. I love it. Five stars, of course. Randi.

No other writer on Lit can match Stev2244 for dry, understated humor. He is the gold standard.

Ok different but very hard to follow. I appreciate you trying new things though so please do keep it up.

I couldn’t make the connections and his kids are worthless thieves and his wife a stupid vain headcase.

It was pretty funny (although Dani's reveal didn't land as well as I hoped), but I feel it would have been even more effective if it was a little snappier. A few too many alright jokes mixed in with the really hilarious ones.

An outrageous satire on murder plots. All I can say is the two kids must have gotten their intelligence level from mom’s genes. 4 stars because there are too many opportunities for an even stranger ending like convincing his wife that if she would just sign a postnup he would do away with the prenup.

Our guy seems to be mainly brain dead. Like hiring Mike. D

I found that hard to follow, but mixed with the brain trauma I thought it took me into a mind that was slowly recovering from trauma and that was interesting. Or maybe I was just befuddled. Either way it was fun.

What a story!! Amnesia all the way. I just can’t seem to remember what came after what. This is my second read. 4*

Several scenes with Det. Cook but no jelly donuts? Still fun, though, following the threads through a menagerie of liars. Or apparent liars, I can't remember whether they were truthy or not. Viele Dank.

Amusing for a while but, I would have been happy getting to the punchline about a page before the author finally got around to it.

Very funny. Could have been the three stooges

Fun read.

Great story, well done.

This is actually a pretty terrifying horror story — it shows how much things can change and how alone a man can be when everyone's plotting against him. Most guys would've been dead ten times over, so well done to the fictional protagonist for surviving two attempts on his life.

Good story, very funny but probably could and should have been a page shorter than it was with all the repetition and reiteration it contained. No doubt, though, that this author's work is well worth looking out for.

The exploding banana bit was just epic. Genuine LOL.

way to long - boring

The story fell flat at the end, but the humor and the twists involved still made it a great story. Stev should be a comedian, maybe he is.

Great to have you writing again, continue to do so.

That kind of went nowhere.

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3 ***

Jesus Christ, someone polished this? You have got to be kidding. So far below your normal standard it’s not even worth talking about

Witty, clever, humorous! A very fun read. Can you imagine being surrounded by people lying to you? Like, aren’t we all… 5*

Nice.

Hilarious. Thank you

It went from intriguing to farce in three pages

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(Thinks)

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Nope. It started with farce and had a consistent tone.

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Thank you?

I didn't even read past the first half page before making this comment. The first interaction with the doctor acting like that was TOTALLY bogus. No doctor would do that, PARTICULARLY with the family in the room. A hospital administrator and lawyers would have been the next point of contact.

I know you were trying to be clever and funny but the first two pages just dragged along and felt repetitive . I think I’d rather get a root canal then reread them. Final page and ending redeemed you somewhat, so 3 stars.

This was a poor disjointed tale. The amnesia thing went on way too long. Everybody in the world was involved. Supposedly he was lucid before he left the hospital but by his own admission he was confused. Then supposedly being a smart businessman, he put himself right into the clutches of whoever had tried to kill him. This was al just too much.

That was fun. Thanks

What JohnD46 just said.

Hooked

⭐⭐⭐

Agree with JD good fun read

Wow, what a ride.

Confusing, disjointed, humorous and utterly ridiculous, and a very difficult read waiting for something to happen or maybe not happen, who knows? I certainly don't, duhhhh, what did I just say? Sorry, I must have amnesia, did I spell that right.............................

Nice read but outrageously stupid.

Silly

Good story!

5

Exceptionally stupid. Only entertaining to a gerbil running in an exercise wheel.

I thought it was funny. Not sure what people are talking about. I took the tone as intentional.

This thing was like watching that buffering signal on a computer screen when the internet signal is lost, just keeps going around in circles and nothing happens

Honestly, this bored me to tears. Monotonous, devoid of emotion and paper-thin characters and plot. You've done a lot better, but we all know you're one of her favorite puppies, so you get constant invites.

You set the banana blow-off up perfectly.

This was a mess.

Damn! That was a hell of a ride! Poor chap was surrounded by pathological liars and idiots and it took a bang on the head to clue him in! 5* story, very enjoyable.

Great story!!!!!

Well done!! 5 stars from here!

Clever and funny

OK with a great premise of faux amnesia, but just a bit too unbelievable.

Wow, that was a wild ride! A textbook example of a story that doles out the information slowly, so the reader doesn't know any more than the protagonist about what the hell is going on. I think some readers perhaps misidentify tongue-in-cheek humor as statements meant to be taken seriously (like the doctor, for example). I wish Tom much happiness and a long life--but he clearly needs to dump those two kids.

Thanks, ohio

Fun! Maybe the bump on his head knocked some sense into him and he's finally able to see how awful his family was treating him. But, it sounds like everything is going to work out for him, now that he is a bit more observant.

I don't understand some of the negative comments. Have these people no sense of humor?

Quirky. Well written but requires too much suspension of disbelief to accept the MC would wait weeks and weeks before calling a lawyer to alter his will, reconfirm his Pre-Nup, and establish an intense investigation of his partner--none of which he ever did. Such a clueless wimp would never have built the wealth all parties coveted, nor accepted that his wife was simply worried about his leaving her; she had too many convenient ties to too many of the suspiciously avaricious characters. Humorous but insubstantial.

MLJ

That was a waste

Really implausible.

Pure rubbish.

Very funny how pretending amnesia can get you great results. Watching cartoons helps too.

What an absolute piece of crap

More twists than a twizzler,! I had to laugh when he gives Joe the PT cruiser to work on, that alone is funny as hell ( PT cruiser makes FIAT look good). Congrats that the pieces all ended up fitting, with a story like this it is easy to leave something hanging . As crazy as it was, it worked that the wife wasn't the guilty party but the lusted after.

One note, it would be hard for cook to cover up that the car was tampered with, a detective doesn't do that, a forensic tech does it.

This one is sure the cat's pajamas! Magic Mike and the exploding banana; now that's true inspiration for you. 5 stars!

??? Where the MC was born... the Planet of Apes ? Utterly nonsense. Really bad.

What a cluster fuck and that's being kind to this mess.

Thank God this polished. I'd hate to think how bad it was before the polishing. You also might want to take a hard look at your polishers. The grit they're using is way too course.

Congrats. This rises into the ten worst stories I have ever read.

That was a difficult read

"I couldn't really blame her" - and then there were no likeable characters, just an idiot-fest.

Very weak. Flow was never there, choppy and confusing. Not sure what you were after, bu it missed the mark with me. I hung in there until the end, but ultimately, it was a story about pretty much nothing. BTW, his wife is a cheating skank slut, no matter what she claims!

Absolutely ridiculous story.

Unlike the last 2 lines of this tale one can NOT polish this turd.

I see what you were trying --- but you missed by a mile. Hard to follow or read, it was just to disjointed -- 3* for the effort.

It was pretty funny at times, but the biggest laugh was when you invoked the rabbit in “hare-brained scheme!” What a riot! Nice nod to Glenn Close and Fatal Attraction.

Well done. Funny without being silly

That was a fun, ridiculous romp!

Thanks for the chuckles.

Good effort.

Well-crafted that it even perplexed me just as how the MC was feeling.

But the ending was a bit of a disappointment.

And it really wasn't clear to me who did the brakes or for what.

And Dani's explanation felt so nonsensical I keep thinking which was the idiot, the MC or her.

If the author's goal was to confound the reader,

then Congratulations -- you managed to do just that to me.

But again the ending was a dud.

And confounded me to no end.

Kind of obnoxious, and far too shallow and dim to be worth decoding all the slapstick and confusing dialogue. So someone tried to kill him to get his wife, but the wife didn't know about it so she didn't suspect it was attempted murder. But then his son implied that He knew something about the bogus brake job and tried along with his sister to cheat their father out of money? And the stupid cuck thinks he can fix his children with some tough financial retraints?

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And the police investigating his reckless driving and the insurance companies that paid for his car and paid his medical bills didn't have someone look at the car when the driver claimed his brakes failed? Like one cop, known to be crooked, could just cover all that shit up?

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Kind of a stupid story. Its obvious why.

I thought it was funny as hell. Was everyone stoned except the MC? It's amazing what having money does to some people.

HUH??

I have never been a big ste2244 fan. Kind of convoluted but the story had its Mullens where it was kind of funny..

Not all the story worked like it's supposed to but it had its moments

Good idea, not so good execution. The author should have worked on it more. Maybe this contest deadline was too short? It's not the first submission I read that looks like an unedited draft...

Too many loose ends and the story was incomplete. But I still appreciate the effort.

Why would his son tell him to have Joe do his brakes?

Very funny, but did she sleep with those two guys or not?!

The exploding banana was hilarious..

A silly story, not at all well drafted. A mercy three stars.

JPB

Good job

Very good and funny, I would've sworn it was an HDK story, it had his rhythm, timing, and setup.

All in all a solid 5*.

I see some potential here, but you did a pretty good job of burying it under really bad writing.

What about the PI and his lies where does that fit in?

So totally out of left field. Still laughing.

Stev you really fumbled the ball on this one. Not only stupid but very hard to follow the logic flow too much subterfuge in trying to be nifty...

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2.9***, hooyah barely

Great bit of fun

Weird tale

Slick story. You had my imagination on the edge the whole time. Did he really have amnesia or was he lucid throughout. I was constantly waiting on the other shoe to drop. Not sure I buy Dani having no direct involvement, but on you know for sure. Probably one of your best stories to date - 5.0*

Slick story. You had my imagination on the edge the whole time. Did he really have amnesia or was he lucid throughout. I was constantly waiting on the other shoe to drop. Not sure I buy Dani having no direct involvement, but only you know for sure. Probably one of your best stories to date - 5.0*

hard to follow wtf was going on.

Not humorous or that satirical?!!

Was pretty funny, but I think you milked the amnesia a bit too long.

then what?

Brilliant, loved it

"He started insinuating things about you and other women, and I believed him" - Why do they always believe the guy they know wants to get itno their pants.

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Assuming (bad word) that the prenup was fair, she should want to keep it if she's afraid of him leaving.

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I guess we know why the YouTuber never posted the last chapter!

Fun story to read, I don’t think I’ve read anything quite like it, here before. Thanks for giving us something light hearted. KS