All Comments on 'Mermaid Hybrid Ch. 04'

Both of them have had their lives touched by a mermaid. Both of them know that the cave was significant. And now, with their terrestrial problem dissipated at least for the moment, they see their daughter standing in a place of position in a crowd of beings that has so changed their lives from ordinary, and all they feel is dread?

I can understand the human nature having a strong component in that feeling, but this is also their daughter, and to some degree the wife's sister again. Shouldn't they have a kernel of hope, of awe, of majesty? And even without those happy emotion in balance, dread seems a bit negative, fear for sure is to be embraced... but dread?

Anyways, lovely story. Thanks for sequentialing the story titles after you decided to continue.

well... that was anti-climatic.

i have decidedly lost interest in this story. it started out wonderful but then lost essence. that and i have grown resentment toward the main character (the hybrid) which doesn't help my opinion of the story at all.

like everyone in the town just left cause of that mermaid glow shit? really? that was lame and stupid. i mean, in the amount of time it took all those mermaids to show up and her to get really stuffed by the king dude they should have gone all Salem Witch trials on Thomas and Jessica. but no, they all just go "well, normally we'd do what most mobs do and harm you immediately but we're going to wait a while first for some unknown reason and... oh wait, i see some glowing shit in the cove, well i better leave now cause i'm a vampire and am allergic to the light."

also, i now sympathize with the population of Aquaville, that's extreme change and they have it forced down their throats. and what are they denying? i mean, to be in denial they have to be denying something? if i was them i might be confused or something but i wouldn't be all like "although i know they exist, and i know there's bound to be quite a few of them, i deny that... umm... fuck it, i'm just gonna be in denial as an escape-goat to being angry."

and another thing, this proves that the population had good reason to be against the hybrid and the change, i mean, now they got a mermaid infestation and a huge middle finger (symbolically) shoved in their faces.

here's how i sum of your story so far.

"man is at sea; man fucks fish creature; man obsesses over said fish creature; said fish creature comes back to ditch the child with the fisherman; the town deny him help because he had a child with a fish-creature and strangely they have a problem with fishermen who fuck fish-creatures; random women shows up conveniently at the last second with convenient sympathy for him and conveniently has supplies for raising the child, (well that was convenient); eventually get's pregnant after years of living with fisherman, (looks like the fisherman didn't get any action for a long time); hybrid grows up; hybrid uses technicalities to get to go to cave; immediately denounces roger's help and character; fucks random statue; although weak, somehow manages to swim all the way back to shore, walk up the coast, and get into the house before conveniently collapsing in front of her parents; convenient women has convenient injection for hybrid; convenient women also has convenient back story for explanation purposes; hybrid wakes up after strange dream and immediately becomes arrogant and confident, (must have been some ride); doesn't explain diddlysquat to parents but tells them she has to do something and rushes out door; fisherman and convenient women meets mob that conveniently stop them before they can stop hybrid; turns out the only one more of a bigot than the pasture is the convenient women, who proceeds to tell them their beliefs are wrong and attempts to shoo them away; the hybrid disregards her parents entirely and has very little care about anything else than sex, statue seemed to like sloppy seconds and is brought to life, (turns out vampires aren't the only ones who need blood to live); only known each other through sex (some of it he wasn't even animated for), somehow immediately declare it love; YAY! she's a queen; bunch of mermaids show up before anyone notice them then suddenly decide to glow when the hybrid and the former statue come out of the cave; convenient mob dissipate conveniently because they don't like nightlights, which conveniently stops the conflict, (looks like convenient women has met her match); turns out that the convenient mob was right about not trusting the hybrid, now she has brought an infestation of mermaids upon them and forced change down their throats like an asshole; parents have reasonably dread about the guy, who've they've never met and isn't wearing clothes, holding their daughter;

...to be continued..."

like the conflict in this story isn't conflict, it's just issues waiting for conveniences which solve the problem almost immediately and decide that anyone against the desired outcome is flawed.

just being honest here.

Thank you for being honest. I have no idea if you will actually get this message. I was wondering how you would improve the story? Help me to understand what you want from this. How would you write it differently? It may not have been what you expected when you started reading, so what was it that you expected? Tell me the sort of depth I seem to be missing and explain in detail how I can change my writing around to satisfy your needs, because simply telling me, in detail, that I did it wrong does not help me write a story that you seem to want to read. I am using the feedback I get as a way to check and balance my own writing. If I am doing something wrong, I need to know. If there is a way for me to improve upon my writing, I need to know. Help me out.

Thanks for the feedback. The dread they are described as feeling is a response not just to what they are seeing but also to the fact that she just walked out without a backwards glance. Everything is changing and there is a very public display of that. the first thing i thought they would feel was fear, though admittedly at the time I wasn't thinking all that much about the complexity of emotions that people can be capable of. This whole thing is a learning experience for me and I will take your advice on board as I write more.

If you want to help him edit his story, Anonymous, maybe you should leave some contact information instead of just venting at him like a 12 year old.

Considering his sentence structure, Randee, I'm not sure he's the best person to put your trust in. The craziest people leave comments here. I would suggest getting an editor or a few people you trust to give you comments. Don't chase after random anonymous posters.

your attitude totally fits your username. XD

i liked it. i don't understand the anon poster that wasn't satisfied with your story-line. if he or she would like a different outcome, then they should write their own story. i hope to see more of this in the future.

I like the story,it's not the usual NonHuman storyline. Keep it up, I don't know where it's going but I can't wait to see where it goes. Keep doing exactly what your doing.

I liked it, but after I read chapter one I was unsure about what order I was supposed to read this series in. The short stories did not flow from one to the other, making me more confused about the order- especially since there wasn't any transitions. By the way ColdColdHeart, I have 12y old son and he is a very consise writer- so don't discriminate unless u really know the age group ur discriminating against. To RandeeFucks234, I really am not trying to be mean or just vent but I wanted to express my frustration in the hopes that other, future submissions will really flow.

@litte confused

Don't be such a karen. Just because someone says you sound like a child doesn't mean they're talking about YOUR child.

Telling an author someone that just boils down to "sucked, didn't like it, lern2write" doesn't help them improve.

Also, figuring out the order is easy if you look at the dates.