Mike and Sarah Pt. 02: Love Building

She clings to me closer before shaking her head, "No I'm almost done. Let me finish." Taking my hand she starts us back down the path we're walking on before taking a deep breath to complete her story, "I was so shocked by this change in character what had happened to caring partner I had built a life with over the last 2 and a half years? At the same time, our lives were entwined so I was terrified of leaving him, especially as we still had a few months to go on our rental lease. So instead of standing up for myself, I just gave in to him, it was horrible, now he was just using me, and not feeling loved anymore I was unable to take any pleasure out of it. 3 weeks later I was having lunch with the girls from Uni, eventually my old housemate Kerry asked me how it was going with my 'stud' Stephen. I don't know what happened but in minutes I was crying telling the girls everything and how alone and how unloved I felt. When I was done the girls took turns giving me hugs and started plotting out ways to get me away from him. Eventually, Kerry decided I'd move in with her and her boyfriend until I knew what to do. Sandy who was our designated driver drove us back to the flat, and the girls helped me pack up everything I wanted from the house. I didn't want anything Simon had bought for me over the years or anything we had bought together. I just wanted to be away from him. After we packed the car the girls came inside to wait with me for Stephen. While waiting I sent our landlord an email explaining that I was leaving Stephen and would not be renewing the lease with him, but I would honour my half of the rent until the end of our contract. He came home about an hour later and taking notice of the girls he asked what was going on. I broke up with him while the girls recorded the encounter in case he got angry. I told him I'd told the landlord I was moving out so he'd have to find other arrangements if he wanted to renew. He didn't even care he just said something like, 'Oh well it's not like you're the only girl I'm shagging, where do you think I've been all afternoon' and just walked into the bedroom. The girls managed to get me back to Kerry's place where she told her boyfriend to go hang out with his mates because we were having girls' night. After about 2 weeks I realised I didn't want to be in Manchester anymore and started talking to my boss about transferring to the Oxford office, which took about 2 months, and you know the rest."

I stop her again pull her into a hug and put my hand under her chin forcing her to meet my gaze. I take the cap off and use my thumbs to brush the tears away from her face before giving her a gentle kiss. Kissing her again I whisper "Thank you for sharing that with me. It doesn't change anything about what we have."

She takes the cap back and readjusts her hair to make it fit again before responding "Mike I needed to tell you that because that was 6 months ago I've only been home 3 months. I shouldn't be ready yet and somehow in less than a month, I'm developing strong feelings for you that I've never felt before and I'm fucking terrified. You the quiet restrained man who is completely closed off, who lets no one inside his walls have invaded my life in less than a month. I've told you why I'm attracted to you and how you make me feel, but I'm falling in love with you. I know it's harder for you to let go because of who you are, but I'm falling for you regardless and I'm prepared to wait for you to catch up but I can't wait forever."

I consider her confession before pulling her back into me, "Sarah, I don't know where we're going but believe me, you've affected me in a way I haven't felt for a very long time. I can't tell when I'll be the person you need me to be or if I even can but trust me, I've been trying every day since we danced the Cha Cha Slide."

Sarah's eyes flash with anger, "You are already the person I need you to be arsehole, I'm just asking you to learn how to let your walls down and be fully open with me, and maybe let the light I know you have inside you shine a bit more brightly.

Pulling her tighter, "I'll try, I promise, I can't do any more than that."

She studies my face intently before pulling me down to kiss me, breaking the kiss, "That's all I ask babe," She tells me softly. Taking my hand she pulls me back onto the walking path and leads us down the road, "So mister, you know about all my exes, now you tell me about yours."

"Are you sure you want to talk about this?" I reply, "We've spoken so much about the past, I'd much rather focus on the future and what we want".

"Of course you moron, I've already told you what I'm hoping for in the future and what I want which is for you to let your walls down and let me in. I want to know everything so come on tell me about your exes, we've only got about an hour to the Perch so you give me the highlights," She retorts laughing for the first time since we've set off.

"Okay then," I reply slowly carefully considering my words, "We should start with Helen, my first love. We met when we were 13 and pretty much attached from the hip from day 1. I think we knew there was something more going on but really we were best friends until we turned 16 and decided to explore if we had anything deeper. She was there for me through Mum dying, Dad's remarriage and everything else. She was my rock, but I wasn't good for her, I was so desperate to hide my pain from her, that I would end up hurting her when I should've just told her what I was feeling. I never cheated on her physically but I would have emotional affairs and she would retaliate. We broke up often but always found our way back to each other. Just after my 18^th birthday, we lost our virginities to each other. Despite everything we stayed together until I left Botswana, she was actually at the airport the day I left to kiss me goodbye. We rekindled briefly just before I started Uni when I went back on a short trip to see Dad before I started at Newcastle, but it wasn't the same knowing I was going to leave again."

"Are you still in touch with her?" Sarah asks with a hint of jealousy.

"We used to check in with each other once or twice a year by email and send Birthday messages, but no. We met up just after Christmas while we were in Botswana and put what we once had to bed. As far as I know, she's in a happy relationship and I wish her the best. I don't think we'll be checking in anymore," I respond.

Sarah squeezes my hand and simply responds "Good".

I continue, "I didn't date in my first year of Uni because I was still hung up on Helen, and letting go of a 5-year relationship, and I couldn't stop myself from comparing anyone I met to Helen. That ended when after my first year, during a trip to Botswana I decided to go visit my sister in Cape Town, I knew Helen was there but made no attempt to see her. One night overwhelmed by being with Tami, I arranged a night out with friends who went to UCT, not too surprisingly given all our friends in that part of the world were shared, Helen found out about it and tagged along. Anyway, I found out she was in a relationship and after a difficult night, I decided that if she could move on so could I.

I returned to Uni determined to put myself out there and not hold on to something that couldn't be any more. Just after the Christmas break, I met Jenna through friends, at first, I couldn't figure her out, but I was attracted to her. But she didn't seem interested, she would flirt with me but always go off with someone else after the second time it happened, I just started ignoring her and after a few weeks, she texted me declaring she had a massive crush on me and she only went with other people to get my attention. I decided to give her a chance."

Taking a pause Sarah interrupts "Idiot".

"I don't disagree", I respond, "Jenna didn't seem that interested in being with me though, it was more she liked the idea of being with me. In public, she was the perfect girlfriend, but privately it was forced, any affection or intimacy seemed to come with a price. After a couple of months of this, I broke up with her.

"At the beginning of my final year, I met a law student called Elena, she was fun and free with her affection. There were no games with her, in fact, now I think about it she asked me out. There were no games with her she made her wishes known and if I disagreed we'd talk about it. I think we both knew we weren't going to be permanent because like a lot of law students she had a life plan, which didn't really match mine so we just didn't talk about it. We broke up amicably just after graduation and she moved to London we're not in touch so I don't know much about her.

After graduation I went back to Botswana for a year, I didn't really know what I wanted to do plus Dad and Marie had just adopted Maggie and I wanted to be a big brother not just some person they told her about. About 6 months into this I met Rachel. She was an American exchange student who decided to study abroad in Botswana because it seemed to be the most interesting of her options. She and a group of the American exchange students fell in with my friend group, I guess we seemed safe because most of us were from Expat backgrounds. At a party one night one of her friends told me she had a crush on me and I should talk to her, she shut me down so fast I'm pretty sure I got whiplash. I brushed it off and ended up going home with one of the other girls at the party. The next weekend at another party she came up and told me off for leaving with another girl when I knew she liked me. Surprised I offered to get her a drink and start again, instead she threw her drink in my face. Thankfully we were at a mate's house so I was able to get a new t-shirt before making a point of avoiding her, eventually, I got talking to one of the other American girls and making out with her.

It was the next week we finally connected, I was sitting at my favourite bar having a quiet drink when Rachel and a group of the Americans walked in. Instead of following her friends to the table, she came and joined me at the bar. She apologised for her previous behaviour and asked if we could start again as friends, I offered her a drink and not long after that we were basically a couple. We acted like one and our friends treated us like one but we refused to define it knowing in 6 months she'd head back to the States and I'd be returning to England.

And most recently there was Annabelle who was a mistake. I've known Annabelle since we were kids, she is the best friend of my godparents' oldest daughter Scarlett, who's about your age. They started at Newcastle just after I graduated, when I got back from Botswana I decided to move back to Newcastle because it was cheaper and easy jobs weren't hard to find. Shortly after Scarlett reached out to me because she liked having her 'big brother' around and before long we were catching up regularly and having brother-sister dates. Before long Scarlett and Annabelle started coming on nights out with my friends, one night after a little too much drink Annabelle and I got a little too flirty and slept together. Scarlett was furious with us, Annabelle tried to defend us by saying that she'd always had a crush on me and I said Scarlett should be happy some of her favourite people had got together. We tried to make it work, but we had no real connection and broke up amicably a few weeks later. Scarlett still gives me shit about it when I see her.

That was 2 years ago, I moved back to Oxford not long later and apart from a few dates I haven't been in a relationship since," I finish giving Sarah my complete dating history.

Sarah looks at me deep in thought, "I suppose with you being 4 years older than me I shouldn't be upset that you've had 3 more relationships than I have had, I'm just jealous all those bitches got to you before me, except Helen, I was 9," She finishes with a laugh. "Seriously Mike, I needed you to tell me that because I don't want ghosts from your past interfering with us. Knowing your story makes me feel better. I don't care about the sex, you're 27 you have a past, I'm 23 I have a past, I won't judge you for yours if you don't judge me for mine."

"Never will," I say seriously before leaning down to kiss her.

Thankfully my story has brought us to The Perch, which is Oxford's best beer garden, meaning that on a hot July Sunday, it's packed. After finally getting served we decide to just find a spot and sit on the grass and not even bother looking for a table. Instead of sitting facing each other Sarah just crawls between my legs and rests her back against my chest. Once comfortable she quickly claims my left hand with hers and holds it against her tummy. It's comfortable and intimate. Issues start when Sarah asks if we can share a cigarette, I try and reclaim my hand so I can find the cigarettes, but she refuses to let go.

I try and point out that it will be much easier if she gives me my hand back for a minute and she just refuses, before giggling and saying "I like the idea of you learning how to do basic things while holding me."

Laughing back at her I find a way to give what she wants, and after a lot of unnecessary effort, I manage to light us a cigarette. In contented silence, we share a cigarette and work our way through our pints of cider. When we have just about a third of drinks to go I ask if she is ready to move on to the Medley.

"Mike," she starts with concern in her voice "It's such a nice day if the Perch is full there is no way we'll get a table at the Medley, the garden is half size and it's fully outdoors."

I laugh and gently tell her not to worry about it we'll be fine. What I don't tell her is that one of the partners at the Medley is a former senior manager at our pub, and he's played cricket for me and he's told me I'll never have to worry about getting seated when I visit. Finishing our drinks I push Sarah to move so we can go get a pizza, reluctantly she follows me, as we walk the 10 minutes up the river path she grumbles it's a waste of time. Getting to the Medley she's surprised when my friend who happens to be hosting greets me like the old friends we are and manages to seat us within 5 minutes. Leaving her at the table I go and get us more drinks and order our pizzas.

Upon my return to the table, she takes her drink from me before waiting for me to sit down, she gives me a hard look before she decides I need to tell her "Okay Mister Smith, spill. How did we get seated so easily?"

I laugh and explain Oscar used to work at our local and is a decent cricketer and friend. Laughing she asks if there are any other places where we might get special treatment. Grinning sheepishly I respond, "The Dragon."

Looking at me incredulously she repeats "The Dragon. Are you talking about the same Dragon where you took me for our first dinner date last night?"

Enjoying her surprise, "Of course that Dragon, how do you think I got reservations at the best Chinese restaurant in the city for 7.30 on a Saturday night with 5 days' notice?" I respond.

Looking at the realisation in her face she becomes curious, "How do you know the people at the Dragon? I doubt many of the staff there have a connection at our pub."

"They are the best Chinese in the city, I don't get a lot of take-out so when I do I get the best. After a while you get to know the staff, normally I just sit at the bar and order food to go, and I get a free beer while I wait. If the owner is about he normally makes me take a shot of Moutai with him. FYI if you're ever offered a shot of Moutai while with me say no. It's awful stuff, I just accept it because I like the preferential treatment and free beer," I tell her.

She looks at me for a second before anger flashes over her face, "So last night? The great service being led to the table, having my chair pulled out for me, and them giving us the space to talk was all because they know you?"

I carefully consider her question, "Maybe, I don't know a lot of the floor staff, normally I just order a takeaway at the bar. They're a really good restaurant and highly professional so a lot of that was probably just their training, but I guess I am well known enough there that the possibility exists we got some special treatment but I never asked for it and I never will. I won't take advantage of them, I only ever take what they offer, I've never asked for what they give me."

She stares at me hard before accepting the honesty of my statement. Just as she's about to say something else, our pizza arrives. In a move I've never seen before, she takes both pizzas to her side of the table, she carefully splits both in half and swaps them around so we both have half of each pizza.

Looking at her in mock annoyance, "Oi! Who said I wanted to share my pizza?"

She pulls a shit-eating grin before responding "So we can share everything about ourselves in less than a day but pizza is where you draw the line with me?"

Dumbstruck by her response, I just laugh and dig into the pizza while she laughs at me. We enjoy our pizza and slip into the idle chit-chat that seems to come naturally when it's just the 2 of us. After our pizzas are finished, she pulls her seat around the table to sit next to me, we enjoy our drinks for a moment before she leans over and says "Let's take a picture together," Pulling my face down so our cheeks are touching she pulls her phone out and takes a selfie before turning her attention to her phone.

After about a minute she's finished and looks up at me smiling brightly, before I can ask her what she's smiling about my phone buzzes. Looking at the screen I see the notification from Facebook, 'You have 1 new notification'. Guessing that she's responsible, I turn to her, "What did you do?" I ask sternly.

She laughs back at me nervously, "Why don't you check and find out?"

Sighing I open my phone and click on the notification, looking at it I laugh, 'Sarah Timms has tagged you in a picture'. Clicking the link I see the selfie we've just taken with the description "Sunny Sunday Pizzas with my new man".

Looking back at her she seems nervous, "You don't mind do you? I'm just happy," she tells me.

Laughing I respond, "No I don't but you don't know what you've done, you might want to keep your next couple of Sundays free."

She looks at me confused, "What do you mean? Why should my Sundays be free?"

Looking at my phone, "Don't worry about it we have 20-30 minutes before that's an issue. In the meantime why don't you tell me what you mean by calling me your 'new man'?"

She looks at me seriously, "Mike, if you aren't my man you better tell me now, I told you what I want if you don't want the same thing I can leave right now."

I laugh at her gently only incensing her more "Ssh sweetie, I'm not opposed to being your 'man' but shouldn't we have a chat about the status of our relationship before we make declarations? We've only had one date after all," I tell her back laughingly.

Still serious she responds with a bit more anger in her voice "Mike in the last day and a half we've had 3 dates, our shopping trip yesterday, dinner last night and now today. That's not even counting our 3 dinner and movie dates. So we've been on 3 official dates, and have been dating for the last 3 weeks."

Just before I can answer my phone starts buzzing on the table looking at the screen, the name 'Aunt Karen' flashing across my screen. Looking at my watch I realise she's beaten my expectation by 10 minutes. Putting my finger up to her silence Sarah, I answer,

"Hi Karen, how's Edward?"

"Oh, you saw that. Yes, she is quite beautiful thank you."

"Can we do lunch next Sunday? I think so I'll confirm and let you know shortly."

"The Victoria Arms, should I book the table or leave it to you?"

"Thanks, Karen, tell Edward we'll catch up soon."