by ChynaMarie
i really like it. please continue with it. i would love to see where this goes.
It's so funny no matter how we try to run away from something it always has a way of finding us. Love/Life is so funny. I'm loving where this story is taking us. Can't wait for the next installment.
Very nice. I'm liking the main characters. Only issue is a few grammar miscues, but other than that very nice keep at it!
I think like some others, the mistakes bothered me. Mainly for the reason that you have a good beginning for a story. While you are doing it for fun, you may as well have it be the best it can be. People are willing to edit for free. You can get someone through the site. I think it would be good to have them help you develop some parts too and just fine tune it. Again, I like what you have here. I am looking forward to the next chapter to see what is going on. I'd love to see a description of Blake. I'd like to know more about their relationship growing up. How much time did she spend with him? Why did they have contact (aside from dad being his dad's right hand man...did he bring her there when he had meetings? or what?)
I'd like to know more about how she got into the BDSM lifestyle. It is interesting to me that she could be into that lifestyle but still be a virgin 3 yrs ago when he took her.
Throw in as much detail into descriptions as you can. I like the direction and hope you'll post again soon.
Geez what is with some of these comments, I just read the story and the writer has "PREY" not pray so what is the fuss about, some people can't wait to rip into a story. Personally, I do see the growth and development in your writing by the way of this chapter, but I do agree that you could add a bit more details and a back story concerning these two and why Baily was in a BDSM(just a really interesting detail in and of itself) to explain their history and stretch out your stories more. But overall it isn't bad and a really good read!
I want an Italian Stallion lol. I think you're doing a great job. Don't let some of this negativity get to you. Its harder to write than people think. And some of the comments they put arent constructive at all. They're just down right rude and uncalled for. Let's grow up people. Great job Chyna. I'm enjoying this story
Ant wait to read more about these two. So exciting! Not the typical. Keep up the awesome work
OMG I HOPE YOU UPDATE AGAIN SOON. I WAS SITTING ON THE EDGE OF MY COMPUTER CHAIR READING THIS. DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT THE LENGHT BECAUSE YOU MADE UP FOR IT WITH THE ACTION IN THE STORY! GREAT READ! E.B.
I usually don't comment, but all the crazy comments on here inspired me to type my peace. As an aspiring writer, I know how hard it is to actually transfer a story from your head onto paper or a computer screen. I commend you for doing that. Thank you for taking us along for the ride. I love any story with an Italian male lead, but what does he look like? What attracted these characters do each other? What is their back story? You also need a definite setting...so more descriptive language about their surroundings. Some of the dialog is a little repetitive, specifically when Blake is referring to her as my love. I think he said it like a million times. After a while, it seemed kind of forced. I'm not going to beat a dead horse about the grammar. If you can, have one a friend read it and highlight all the mistakes. Keep writing and most importantly....have fun while you write. I look forward to the next update.
I juust wanted to say that I have loved your story so much. I also understand how hard it is to try to put something from your mind onto paper, and I just wanted to say thank you for deciding to bring your stories and idea's here. Please ignore the people who say hurtful things without understanding the work that went into to it.
You know I was wondering about he virgin/ bdsm thing as well, but hell I'm almost afraid to make a comment lol. Everybody should realize that these are free stories and just appreciate that fact. I don't mean this as a jabb at the author so its not meant to offend, but you get what you pay for.
Its like OMG what the heck woo wee talking bout some big time drama and right after he finds her too thanks for the update looking forward to see what happens next thanks!!
Now it gets very, very interesting and then it ends for the moment. almost reminds me of something else :>)
come on im waiting and i cant wait no more!!! more more more please
Love everything bout this chapter and can't wait for 3! More drama please, this is so different and refreshing to read!
Omg!!! this is a great story I love it already, please continue this story!!!!!!!
read bio for updates!
If I Don't have the next chapter within 24 hours I will explode......................
Hopefully 4 is the charm..look out for it this week! There is a surprise at the end I know you guys will hate me for lol
I LOVE IT so far.
Continue this story don't forget about it.
I would like to put more depht in my review but I cannot.
But I can say that I love <Mine> good hope you finishe it.
o_O Twist at the end O_o
B.
I like Baily's energy. Blake has her love. He doesn't need to strong arm....I know he will, but there's no need. She gets it and she has him by the short hairs....literally.
First off, I give you credit for attempting to write for this site. It's not easy creating an original story.
That said, "Mine!" just isn't ready for the public eye. There isn't enough development here. Don't rush with your writing; better to spend a lot of time for something great than to hurry and submit something mediocre.
Oh the goodness!!! Blake is sexy!!! A criminal but a damn sexy one!!!
Lol she should have known as soon as he called that he knew where she was and that trying to piss him off wasn't a great idea