(Mis)Adventures in Toontown

Henry hated Toons. He was an adult when they first invaded our reality (Or did we invade theirs? The debate raged on), and as a respected professor of Math, and a serious man all around, their inherently chaotic nature meant their very existence was nothing less than actually insulting to him. So much so that not even fond childhood memories of watching Tom & Jerry and The Jetsons could overcome his contempt.             

So he chose to avoid them whenever he could, which made it all the more disturbing to Henry when he noticed he'd accidentally wandered into his city's ToonTown one day. His mind had been elsewhere, thinking of some equation or other, and he only noticed where he was when he almost bumped into a...weasel?             

"S'cuse me, mister!" it said as it hurried around him, dressed in a mailman's uniform.               "Just like a Toon," he thought. "Always in a hurry, head in the clouds! And ugly to boot!"

And here came another such example - strolling up to Henry was a red, male bovine, puffing away on an oversized cigar. He took no notice of the smaller Toons around him: if they didn't move away in time, his huge beer belly, pressing up against his wife beater to the point it looked like it was about to rip, would simply knock them off of the sidewalk, sometimes even into oncoming traffic (not that they were ever in any danger, as Toons are famously unkillable).

His gargantuan gut was far from his being his only striking feature: there was also the enormous bulge outlined through his blue jeans, something the more equally-sized female Toons he was now passing on the street all seemed to be (loudly) commenting on.             

"I'd like a piece of dat!" yelled one Toon, an exaggerated parody of a human woman.               Any follow-up she may have planned was cut off by her suddenly being bashed over the head by a massive hammer, itself wielded by another would-be female mate, a clown with big eyes and even an even bigger chest. Her rival now dazed (with cartoon birds circling her head, of course), she took the opportunity to shoot her shot.

"Slut can't even handle an ol' mallet ta tha head!" she cried. "You need ta come home with me, hunk!"

Despite this attention from the opposite sex, though, he had his sights firmly set on Henry. On top of that, and scarier still, was the look in the bull's eyes: it was one of pure hatred and malice, an expression Henry had seen on many a student's face after a particularly difficult test.

The cow finally reached him, and Henry could now take in his full size: he was enormous: at least 7 feet tall and probably 5 feet wide at his broadest. Henry may have considered himself the antithesis of a Toon, but the scale of the cow made him gulp in such an exaggerated way that it would not have been out of place on a television screen on Saturday Morning.

"And just what I needed ta see taday - annuda muddafuckin' human, thinkin' he can just barge his way into our town!" he said angrily, glaring down at Henry.

A crowd was beginning to form, and shouts of "Hell yes!" and "you tell him!" could be heard from the gathering audience

"Now see here, sir!" Henry began to explain, before being cut off by the ranting bull.

"On da day my own fuckin' wife left me, no less! Sure, I fucked her sista, but you should see da ASS on dat broad. And dem tits too! Dat heifer needed a good fuckin' milkin', and her faggot husband wasn't givin' it ta her, dat's fer damn sure!"

Henry wondered what any of this had to do with him, but before he could ask, the Toon cut him again.

"But she'll come crawlin' back ta me, da stupid bitch! She's nuttin' widout me! But just in case..."

Now there was a mischievous look in the cow's eyes, as he used his thick tongue to move the half-finished cigar toward the front of his mouth.

"Hold still, buttercup," he said, before blowing an absolutely absurd amount of smoke straight into Henry's face.

But somehow, physics never quite operating correctly in ToonTown, the cloud expanded to cover Henry's entire body. And when it cleared, it revealed that Henry had been transformed into...a pink female cartoon cow!

She was in every way the bull's opposite-sex counterpart: tall, wide, and with a huge, round belly. Her rear and bust were outrageously big as well, which suffice to say, did not go unnoticed by Bill (he never did manage to introduce himself, but that was his name). His clothes had changed as well: gone were the tweed jacket (replaced by a tied plaid shirt that didn't even cover her nipples), khaki pants (replaced by daisy dukes that were being swallowed by her ass crack), and suede shoes (replaced by cowboy boots).

"Holy Toledo!" Henry yelled, his eyes popping out of their sockets, his pupils transformed turned into pink hearts, and his actual heart now beating so fiercely it was almost bursting out of his chest. "You make my wife and her sista' look like fuckin' dime-store whores!"

All of this would have horrified Henry before, but Henry was...no more. If we could read his...er, her mind, we would find only the presence of Barbara, 2D heifer, born and raised in ToonTown. And as for any math skills, forget about it. She couldn't add 2+2 if she tried! But what she did know was that she liked what she saw in Bill: his long horns, handsome face, bulging stomach, throbbing biceps, and, most of all...

"Why don't ya really show me how much ya fuckin' love me, ya big stud," she said, as she approached Bill and cupped his huge testicles through his pants.

"Dat's it," Bill roared, and in one sudden motion, he ripped all of Barbara's clothes off, revealing her in all of her naked glory. Then he did the same to himself, finally freeing his huge erection, itself already leaking a profuse amount of precum. Not wanting to waste a single second, Bill threw their clothes into the air, past the clouds, past a passing airplane, and into the grinning Sun that shone above them, disintegrating them instantly.

As the crowd grew even larger around them, the two bovines began to have sex (ironically) doggy-style, right there on the sidewalk. Even the traffic on the street had come to a complete stop, to better witness the spectacle! And what a sight it was! The force of the two huge bodies colliding with one another was actually causing cracks to appear on the sidewalk!

"Give me dat big fuckin' dick!" cried Bertha, yelling so her lover could still hear her over the roars and cheering of the crowd. "Take me as ya' new wife! Put some goddamn babies in me!"

And Bill certainly was giving it all he could, even grabbing her by her long, blonde hair to better give his thrusts a little more oomph (though he continued to puff away on his cigar all the while). But he could somehow sense she needed a little something extra to really push her over the edge. Luckily for him, they were in ToonTown, where opportunities for the extraordinary are never in short supply!

Down the street from this public indecency, a wolf (in classic burglar's apparel: a black and white striped shirt, black pants, black cap, and domino mask) had just robbed a bank, and was now absconding with the loot (in a brown bag with a $ symbol on it, naturally). Pursued by two pigs - literally, pigs - he maneuvered his way through the crowd. Then, leaping over the rutting couple, he left his pursuers, unable to jump nearly that high (being pigs), in the dust.

The pig-cop in the lead managed to make his way around the new lovers safely, but his partner, still lagging behind, was not so lucky.

Bill, with a mad expression on his face, grabbed the second cop with just one of his enormous hands. "Come here, ya fuckin' mug!"

Still pounding away, his tremendous, hairy belly pressed up against his wife's huge ass, he began to mold and reshape the pig into a living dildo (ToonTown physics at it again)! He then pressed the newly fashioned sex toy against his lover's anus, and, well, that seemed to do the trick!

Bertha and Bill came simultaneously, causing them both to let out a "Mooooo" so loud that it shattered nearby store windows and car windshields. Not only that, the orgasm caused Bertha's asshole to spasm, sucking in the pig-cop-dildo!

The two lovers collapsed, and the crowd, being Toons and therefore in constant need of entertainment, began to disperse. Spooning on the cracked sidewalk, cum leaking out of her new vagina, Bertha admired the wedding ring that had spontaneously appeared on her finger when Bill filled her with his seed (one had appeared on Bill's ring finger as well, at that same moment, but he wasn't as enamored with it, not being a dame and all).

"Whaddaya say we take dis show home?" Bill growled after a few minutes had passed, his mind having finally cleared enough for him to think.

Bertha turned and gave her husband a deep, passionate kiss. Floating hearts danced above their heads as their wide tongues wrestled with one another.

"Ya sure ya can keep yer mutts off me until then?" she said with a wink.

Spoiler: he could not.

...

Epilogue

Bill and Bertha remained happily married in the years to come, eventually having 10 little Toon-cow babies. Bill's wife did try to reconcile with him, but he was uninterested, as Bertha was both fatter and more beautiful than she was or ever would be. Plus, though Bertha had no memory of it, believing she had always been a Toon, Bill knew that he was the one who had "made" her, and that made Bertha "his" in a way that made all other potential partners mere afterthoughts.

Nobody ever came looking for Henry, or even cared that he had gone missing, as he was unloved and unwanted as a human. Too bad, so sad, what a shame. And all of the students in his classes were given automatic As due to the disappearance of their teacher.

And the pig-cop did not emerge out of Bertha's ass, ever. She never had trouble on the toilet either, leading her to believe that he had been simply absorbed into her somehow. They say Toons are unkillable, but her husband may have just inadvertently proved that maxim wrong. Not that he or Bertha really cared. The police officer's family and friends did, however, and would hold a vigil every year at the spot where he had been grabbed by Bill, forever sealing his fate.

But why did Bill have transformation powers in the first place? Do all Toons have that ability? Or is Bill just a wizard of some kind? And if there are Toon police, why wasn't he arrested for murder, or for, you know, egregious public indecency?

Eh, forget it, kid - it's ToonTown.