Miss Martin

If the day had awakened in Mary feelings which heretofore she had not realised existed, her greatest pleasure until this time being the parsing of the works of Virgil in the original Latin, it had also resulted for Miss Martin in the awakening of desires which she had believed existed only in the works of Greek lady poets.

She was therefore able, by reliving such delights in her mind, to reach once more the heights of ecstasy by the indulgence in that vice for which her unfortunate niece was so regularly chastised.

Thus it was that that evening the poor girl received a double chastisement, for Miss Martin had not forgotten the need for an exemplary punishment on account of her eavesdropping. This however did give the girl the opportunity to question her aunt upon the strange nature of the sensation which she had felt between her legs.

"Thank you dear Aunt," she said as, with lower cheeks glowing, she straightened up from the position she adopted to receive her well merited chastisement, for she was a well brought up girl and knew the value of regular chastisement for the moral development of a young person.

"It was a pleasure," said Miss Martin, "do not mention it. I will only be too pleased to oblige you on any future date on which it is well merited."

"You are too kind to me Auntie, too kind to me indeed. However I would be most grateful if you could vouchsafe to me a further kindness."

"If dear child you have indulged in further wickedness deserving of posterior chastisement please do not hesitate to present your posterior and it will be most thoroughly chastised."

"Dear aunt you do me a kindness beyond that which I merit, but indeed I was not thinking of that. Dear aunt I do believe there lies a spot between my legs which, if stimulated in the correct fashion, would greatly benefit my well-being."

"You are correct in your assumption dear child, do you wish that I should demonstrate the method by which it is so stimulated?"

"I most assuredly do dear Aunt."

"In that case it is necessary for you to lie back and part your legs, but I do feel it incumbent to point out that any such stimulation to the well-being must be succeeded by a chastisement of the posterior to ensure that the humours of the body are kept in balance and the holistic well-being is maintained."

So it was that by the time that Mary retired to her bed that evening her posterior was emitting such a warm glow that the provision of a hot water bottle was considered to be an excessive luxury.

Miss Martin awaited the arrival of the portrait of her niece with a degree of expectation not quite fitting in a lady of the highest society. She had pondered long to what best use the portrait could be put. Should it be placed in the family album of photographs? True this being the first photograph of a member of the family which had been taken it would be necessary to first purchase such an album; however she had at length dismissed this notion, the beauty of the pose was such that she decided that it should hang in pride of place over the mantleshelf of her villa in Denbury. In such a matter she did not consider it necessary to consult with Mary; she was but a girl and it was she, Miss Martin, who had both commissioned and paid for the portrait.

Mary, when she heard of this proposal, was somewhat ambivalent on the matter. She was indeed proud of the part she had played in its production, on the other hand she was unsure of the notion that she was to be displayed, be it in facsimile only, for all the world to see.

"Would that be quite proper dear Aunt?" She queried when the notion was first put to her.

"Absolutely," replied Miss Martin, "the original, created by a baronet no less, was much admired by our own dear Queen, a lady who, as you undoubtedly know, would permit of nothing improper to be discussed within her hearing. Furthermore, it is well known, the painting was modelled by a lady of the highest quality."

Mary was thus much reassured and consented readily. Miss Martin thereupon sent word by the penny post to Mr Pointdexter that he should have the portrait, upon completion, framed in gilt and delivered to herself forthwith.

Oswald had struggled somewhat with the development and enlargement of the portrait, having given his word of honour not to set eyes upon it in the process. He had, if truth been told, been much smitten with the young lady and would fain have gazed upon her likeness again; but the word of a gentleman, and Oswald was nothing if not a gentleman, is, as is well known, his bond; and Oswald would have walked naked over hot coals before breaking his bond. He therefore determined that he would work, both literally and figuratively, in the dark, and by dint of the use of a very low intensity light he accomplished the development of the negative and the enlargement of the print without once giving himself the opportunity to admire the young lady depicted thereupon. The picture was duly framed and packaged and sent to Miss Martin in Denbury upon the omnibus.

Word of the presence of the portrait, though not the precise nature of the costume worn by the young lady, soon spread amongst the society circles of the market town, for portraiture by photographic imagery was at that time new and had, as we have already noted, been condemned as a work of the devil by that doyen of such society, the wife of the rector, Mrs Twinge; and as is well known to students of human nature, there is nothing like a whiff of the forbidden to stir the interest of modern society.

So it was that at the riparian picnic held the following day by the rector's wife the talk was of little else.

"Perhaps your niece would care to take a seat," Mrs Twinge had found that her opposition to the art of photography had condemned her to a difficult moral position, for she was now unable to condone it, but was as fascinated as all as to the rumours beginning to circulate regarding the nature of the portrait.

"I would prefer to stand," replied Mary, the tenderness of her posterior as yet not permitting of such a position.

"My dear," the words slid out of the mouth of a tall languid gentleman of indeterminate years and sycophantic nature; this was Mr Snipe, the curate, dispatched by Mrs Twinge to burrow deep and discover the nature of the portrait. Mr Snipe prided himself that he knew the minds of young persons of the female gender and could bend them to his will, a belief in which he was almost totally mistaken.

"My dear," he said, "how good it is of you to forsake your eleemosynary duties and grace our humble event with your radiant presence."

"Indeed," replied Mary, wary of the smooth tongued curate, but at the same time strangely flattered by his choice of the epithet 'radiant'.

"I understand," continued the curate, "that you have recently sat for a portrait utilizing the technique of photochromic reproduction. I fear that dear Mrs Twinge is somewhat adverse to such adventures, but I feel that we modern men should embrace these modern times!"

"Indeed," Mary could think of little else to say.

"Indeed yes, dear girl. May I," and here he adopted his most sycophantic and ingratiating tone, "may I venture to enquire in what manner you were attired for this most wonderful portrait."

Mary looked at him somewhat taken aback, it would not have behoved a young lady of quality to propound an untruth, yet she found it difficult to admit to the actual nature of the portrait.

She opened her mouth, and yet no words emanated. She was saved from this predicament by the arrival of Miss Martin, whose capacity for dissimulation was hardly better, yet on this occasion she coped admirably to rescue her niece from her discomforture.

"You refer, Mr Snipe," she cried, "to the fine picture which we endeavoured to emulate and which now, by happy happenstance, hangs on display to the general public in the Royal Academy Summer Exhibition," at this point perhaps Miss Martin got excessively carried away by the exuberance of her own verbosity,"Indeed Mr Snipe, I do believe that Miss Mary's portrait would grace even such an exhibition itself!"

"Aunt!" Expostulated Mary, but her aunt was not to be gainsaid.

"What a pity, Mr Snipe, that we do not have such an exhibition in Denbury!"

"Oh, but dear Miss Martin, we do indeed!"

It must be here admitted that in making this statement Mr Snipe had not entirely restricted himself to the narrow path of virtue, but had allowed himself to be diverted onto the primrose path of mendacity, for indeed there was no such exhibition in Denbury. However he qualmed his conscience, a thing of which he was truly possessed even though he was an ordained minister of the Church of England, with the thought that he would straightway organize such an exhibition.

Although he argued that in so doing he was merely ensuring the truth of his assertion and thereby regaining the narrow path of virtue, I am sorry to say dear reader that his motives were somewhat affected by his strong desire to see the nature of the portrait himself.

Miss Martin now realized that she had somehow been led into a situation where the portrait of her niece, attired in nought but three yards of chiffon and standing in contrapposto upon a raised dais was to be the prize exhibit in the Denbury Town Hall.

The notion filled her both with a sense of horror and with a sense of excitement. Surely, she argued with herself, such a pose as has been adopted by no lesser person than a baronet and friend of The Queen, and which is currently exhibited at the Royal Academy, cannot but grace the walls of Denbury Town Hall. Her mind was made up.

"Then my niece's portrait shall be so exhibited!" She exclaimed, "and you, dear Mr Snipe, may unveil it."

"Aunt!" Exclaimed Miss Mary.

It cannot be said that Miss Mary was intially overenamoured of the notion that her portrait was to appear in the town hall, she was however dependent upon her aunt both for her place in society and for her moral education. She did however make one stipulation. She knew that once she saw the portrait her embarrassment at the notion of its exposure would be such that she perforce need to contradict her aunt and retire to a refuge for indigent young ladies, she therefore stressed to her aunt that none were to look upon the portrait until its unveiling.

The work of organising the exhibition fell to Mr Snipe, although in the execution of this duty he was much hindered by the assistance of Mrs Twinge. The motivations of these two worthies in taking upon themselves this arduous task, were diametrically opposed; for rumours now circulated strongly that the portrait depicted Mary in a state of classical beauty, and in truth all lovers of art understood full well the meaning of that phrase. Mr Snipe could be euphemistically described as an amateur of the classical female form whereas Mrs Twinge regarded it as a temptation of Lucifer and looked forwards to condemning the portrait openly upon the public stage.

Mr Snipe had encountered no difficulty in obtaining sufficient paintings to mount an exhibition, for it is well know that all young ladies in society feel themselves to be expert at the execution of an aquarelle. If however the quantity were indeed sufficient, quality was however sadly lacking. So it was that Mary's portrait in photochromic tint, was the centrepiece of the show.

The flames of interest were furthermore fanned by the fact that the portrait was to be unveiled at the opening of the exhibition. Rumours abounded as to the nature of the portrait. It was variously held to depict: Aphrodite arising from the waves, Andromeda chained to the rocks and Diana bathing, but by far the commonest belief was that it emulated the Rokeby Venus.

Tickets for the opening, nominally costing but two shillings and sixpence were passing hands for sums in excess of five guineas. The portrait was hung in pride of place; the unveiling to take place at precisely two of the clock. Even the Honorable Oswald Pointdexter had bethought himself to attend, seeing in the exhibition the opportunity to court that publicity which a gentleman should not openly seek, but cannot be expected to forbear when its result is to further his renown among the society of culture.

Mary had, as befits a young lady of modest demeanour, initially determined to eschew any part in the proceedings; but her aunt had at last prevailed upon her to attend and receive the rapturous adulation of the populus. Mr Snipe had prepared an encomium upon the life and virtues of the young girl and Mrs Twinge was already writing her husband's sermon for the following Sunday denouncing it in the most vitriolic of terms.

So it was that at a quarter before two all the worthies of the town assembled for the unveiling. Mr Snipe coughed, withdrew a paper from his pocket and started upon his address.

"When beauty comes to us, in the form of a girl,

Of peerless features, and a golden brown curl," Mr Snipe was overly fond of Alexandrines and the sound of his own voice.

"Get on with it.." A voice cried out from among the audience whose deeper respect for the forms of classical oratory had not been so well honed as those of Mr Snipe.

Mr Snipe stopped, "But there's another fifty-three verses," he said.

It was not perhaps the wisest thing to say, pandemonium broke out, and Mr Snipe was forced to abandon his address.

"Ladies and gentlemen," he announced, "I give you Miss Mary!"

With a sweep of his hand he whipped the covering off the portrait. As if struck by the mighty hand of God the tumult ceased and for three seconds total silence reigned. Followed by a long, loud and plaintiff scream. Mary had seen her portrait.

Mr Snipe turned round to see what had brought about this transformation in affairs. There depicted in full view of the whole of polite society of Denbury was a girl, wide eyed and open mouthed, seated stark naked upon a pot de chambre.

The words tumult, pandemonium and riot hardly describe the resulting affray. Some ascribed it to the fit of the vapours affected by Mrs Twinge, some to the hysterical screams of Miss Mary, some to the weird expression that transfixed the face of Mr Snipe, but most to the attack, savage and brutal, verbal and physical, of Miss Martin upon the unfortunate Oswald Pointdexter

It was as he gazed upon the scene that the Reverend Ebenezer Twinge, rector of Denbury, was suddenly struck by enlightenment. Hitherto the Reverend Twinge had not been one for whom enlightenment had been an important facet of his faith; indeed his faith had little of the spiritual about it. He was a follower of the evangelical wing of the Church of England, a man who believed in a vengeful God, who had for some reason, possibly some act of random evil during his childhood, sought out vengeance to be inflicted upon him in the form of Mrs Twinge.

But suddenly, as if a curtain had been drawn back from his eyes to reveal the truth hidden behind, he realised the ways of a vengeful God and the part he was to pay in their realisation.

Mary had become possessed, it was a fact as clear to him as if it had been written in fire upon tablets of stone, and the demon must be driven out. He had to act.

Slowly the realisation that the Reverend Twinge was behaving in a manner not appropriate to that of an ordained clergyman spread among the rioters. The first to notice something strange was Mary herself, for she suddenly found herself accosted by the Reverend gentleman; this was in itself a surprising event, but even more surprising was he grabbed her muslin dress and tore it quite off, leaving her, as she wore no underwear in line with the fashion of the day, like Patience upon a monument, naked. The second surprise was when she found herself placed across his knee in that position which presents to the owner of the knee, a bare posterior which may, by the judicious application of the palm of the hand, be chastised in a fashion appropriate to the needs of the moment. Her third surprise was that the Reverend Twinge should find the needs of the moment quite so compelling.

The rioters stopped and stared in fascination. The appropriateness of the action of the clergyman was evident to all; he was after all the rector and thus of course any action by him would be appropriate.

Mary felt her posterior becoming somewhat warm, then she felt a strange sensation, a sensation which was uncontrollable, and to the accompaniment of a noise of exceptional volume and even more exceptional rudeness the reverend gentleman succeeded in his exorcism.

The trial of Miss Mary Carmichael upon charges of committing a lewd act in public was the cause of much debate in the Twingeyan social circle. Some held that fifty strokes of the birch upon the bare posterior, a month stark naked in the pillory and transportation to Australia for life rather mild by way of punishment, others disagreed, feeling that it was extremely mild.

As for Mary herself, her gratitude to her aunt knew no bounds. She had always wanted to see a kangaroo.