Mistake at the Resort - Alt Ending

The trip home was a blur, James kept on and on talking, most of it went over my head. The words "we got preggers there." Were imprinted on my brain.

James dropped me home and went in to the office for an hour or two, just to tidy up a few things,

"I'll be home by four-ish ok, I won't be long."

He kissed me and drove off.

I sat at my table worried sick that it might be Marvin's, I took a paper and pen and worked back my dates. Last period June 22nd. Holiday July 9th-16th. Now, October. Shit! It did work out to be right, and I would have been ovulating. "SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!"

What should be such a happy time was now a living nightmare for me. I had had sex with James near every day of our break so it was odds on that the baby was his, surely that one time with Marvin could not fuck up our whole lives, not now, not after I had so cleverly gotten away with it.

I received a text from Tina, "I hear congrats are in order, we will pop down once you have the baby if we can. Congrats Chris, love you, bye xxx."

I ran to the basin again.

James must've told Marvin already!

The sickness carried on through the next few months, I had convinced myself now that it was not James's baby, I had not gone through this with our previous two which were definitely his.

It was too late to terminate and to be honest I couldn't put James through that. I loved him more than my own life, I couldn't face seeing him lose what he thought was his child by me pretending a miscarriage.

I was getting fat, I hated getting fat, our sex life dwindled, he didn't want to risk hurting the baby. I still made sure he was satisfied, I swallowed gallons of daily protein from January to April. He didn't understand that I needed a cock, I mean I REALLY needed a cock, I would've given up my ass just to get it.

My hormones were rampant, I was going through a pack of batteries a week. I ordered a new rabbit, one with a little extra for my anus, for some reason my ass was so sensitive and the old one just couldn't hack it anymore.

I was close now, James had taken time off just in case we delivered early.

My waters broke on Wednesday 19th April. The dates worked out perfectly damn it. James had me at our local BUPA hospital in minutes, he broke every law imaginable to get me there quick as he could.

The orderly was waiting with a chair and they rushed me through to our room. It was not like our other births, this was like a posh hotel suite. Tea, coffee, biscuits all set out on a table next to the bed. A midwife sent James away while she checked me over.

"All seems to be fine Mrs. Taylor. The little one will be along shortly."

I chanted a silent prayer in my head for it to look like James, going over the math time and time again.

James came back into the room beaming,

"Well Mrs. Taylor, we've done it I am so happy, I love you so, so much."

It was all too much for me, I broke down. The floodgates opened and I sobbed and sobbed. James held me in his loving arms when a contraction hit, I grabbed his hand and squeezed. He yelled and took my pain. It subsided after a minute.

"Sorry," I meekly said.

He shook his hand out and smiling down at me, said.

"It is the least I can do, I give you permission to break it if you need to ok."

I think I loved him more in that moment than I ever had before.

Another hit, then another. James called the midwife back, she checked me over and made a call.

"Not long now my dears." She said in a motherly tone.

Two other nurses came into the room with trollies, towels and instruments.

It was real now, the baby was coming. Nothing on earth could stop the wonder of birth now.

"Mr. Taylor, I need you at your wife's head. Talk to her, be with her through this next few minutes, be her punchbag ok. You can come down here when delivery starts if you want."

Another, far more powerful contraction hit. I screamed, I cursed, I nearly broke his hand.

"Breathe Mrs. Taylor, breathe."

"Fuck off telling me to breathe!" I screamed.

The midwife smiled, "its ok love. The next one should do it I think. Mr. Taylor, do you want to help bring your baby into the world?"

I looked up at James, he had tears falling from his face, he was in bits. I loved him so much, he was a wonderful father, a wonderful man. I was so lucky.

"Right Mr. Taylor, get these gloves on, gown him nurse. Ok, stand here and watch, I'll get you into the good stuff when baby crowns, ok?"

James nodded like the nodding dog in our car, I smiled at his enthusiasm even though I was in agony.

"OOAARRGGGGG!" another contraction.....

"Push Mrs. Taylor, push."

"Chris, I can see it, it's coming!"

"Ok Mr. Taylor, get in here, hold your baby's head, gently, gently! it's not a bowling ball you know!"

"It fucking feels like one!" I screamed.

"Calm down Mrs. Taylor. Nearly done, one more push when I say ok?"

"OOAARRGGGGG!"

"Push, push down hard now."

"It's a boy, it's a boy love, a mass of black hair, bluey/green eyes just like your mum."

"Take him Mr. Taylor, help him out. Let him see his dad as he sees the new world."

James held our son lovingly as they cut the cord.

I noticed the midwives looking at each other, they looked a little concerned.

"Is he ok?" I muttered.

"Yes, all good. Give him here Mr. Taylor, let me clean him a little and we can give him to mum."

"He is very dark, does that tone down a bit." Asked James.

His words cut through me, I instinctively knew, at that moment I knew why the nurses had given each other such strange looks.

"Yes, yes Mr. Taylor. No worries, it's all good here."

She came over to me giving me that knowing look, she had cleaned our son and wrapped him in a white blanket, all that was showing was his light brown face, bright blue/green eyes and a thick mop of jet black hair. The white blanket showed the colour contrast even more than it would of normally.

We both had blond hair and pale skin.

I was shaking, James came to my side and I could see it in his face, he knew.

His expression changed as he got closer to us, he leant down and touched his hair, letting it slip through his fingers. I could see him try to smile but he was finding it hard. A tear dropped from his eye and onto our baby's cheek. He lightly touched our sons golden brown cheek and wiped the tear off.

He looked from me to the baby, then back to me. I could see the confusion turn to realisation as it dawned on him, the baby was mixed race.

Tears welled up in his eyes.

"Take him James, take your son, hold him. please hold him."

I held the innocent bundle out to him and he looked directly into my eyes, I will never forget that look. A look of disgust, of loathing.

He fell backwards, his hand knocking over a tray of medical instruments. They crashed to the floor, a midwife came running back into the room.

She saw James get to his feet wiping tears from his eyes trying in vain to see where he was treading. She helped him up and he pushed her away. "Get the fuck off me!"

"James!" I screamed across the room, he ignored me and ran out.

"Nooooo! please god, noooo!"

"Let him go love." The midwife said, coming to take the baby from me.

"We see this more than you would care to believe. He will calm down, give him time."

I tried his cell countless times, it went directly to answerphone. I cried for hours, then I slept for hours.

That evening they said it was best to spend the night in and go home tomorrow. My phone was lit up with texts, but none from James.

James had still not returned, it had been eight hours since I had given birth. I had four text and voicemails from my mum. I rang her back.

"Mum, oh mum. Please come in, I need you."

I was crying buckets trying to talk, she said she was on her way now, she lived ten minutes away.

When I first saw her poke her head around the door, I burst into more tears. She rushed to my bed and hugged me like only a mother could do with their child.

"What is it love, what's wrong? Is the baby ok?"

She scanned the room and saw my child snug in its cot beside me.

"Where is James?"

I held her tight, sobbing into her coat wiping my snotty nose on her sleeves.

"What the hell is going on Chris, you are scaring me!"

"Mum, he has gone, James has gone. He ran out and has not come back!"

"What! Don't be silly girl, where is he?"

"Mum, he has gone."

My mum stood up, looked around the empty room. "Ok, now stop it! Where is he?"

She walked around to the cot and peered in to see my baby, she reached in and pulled the white blanket aside.

She jumped back startled, then looked back at me. Back to the baby, then me.

"Oh my god Chris, there must be a mistake."

I sat in silence, my head in my hands.

"Chris! Look at me. Is this your baby?"

I nodded, I could not speak, my throat had closed up, I could hardly breathe. At that very moment James's mum burst into the room nearly knocking the door off of the hinges.

"Is this true?" she screamed at me.

My mum stepped up and told her to calm down, the baby woke and started to cry. Mum picked him up from the crib and cradled him in her arms. James's mum looked over in horror.

"S0, It is true, you slut, you fucking slut! A mixed race child, you fucking slut! My boy is distraught, he is inconsolable. You have ripped his poor heart out! He says this holiday was for you both to reconnect, you opened your legs for others as soon as you landed, you fucking whore!"

She stormed out slamming the door making the room shake leaving us alone. I sat there stunned, my whole world had crumpled. A night of stupid drunkenness had fucked my life, my kids lives and my wonderful innocent husbands life.

That was six weeks ago, I have seen James once since. He came home to collect a bag of clothes, he couldn't even bring himself to look at me. I begged him on my knees to stay, he pushed past me leaving me sprawled on the floor sobbing for his mercy.

The kids won't stop crying, the baby won't stop crying, I can't stop crying.

My life is hell, but I know James must feel worse. I hate myself for causing him this pain. I wish so much I could end it for him.

My mum has moved in with us to help, she is disgusted with me and lets me know regularly. My dad is so disappointed in me, that hurt me so much when he told me that.

My James wont take my calls, he has seen a solicitor and wants out of our marriage. His parents came to take the children so he could see them, they could not look me in the eye either.

They hate what I have done to their son, His mother looked at me like I was scum. As soon as I tried to talk to her she grimaced and turned her head away. They took the kids and got away as fast as they could.

I don't know what to do, James hates me, his parents hate me, my own parents don't like me at the minute, but they will come around, I hope. They are my parents, surely they still love me no matter what.

My children cry, they want their daddy. They do not understand why he does not come home anymore.

My life has gone from an idealistic wonderful one, to a life of despair and constant anguish. My home is my prison now.

I am trapped here with an innocent little baby who has no idea what turmoil his life has led to, and what his future holds. All he needs is my love.

I cannot accept that our whole future has been destroyed by my stupid actions, I will do anything to win him back. He is my whole life, how could I have let myself lose control the way I did.

I need him in my life, our lives. James is adamant that he wants divorce, he will not meet or even talk to me. He has cut me from his life, I feel distraught.

I have had a few text messages from him saying he wants a divorce, I try to return calls but he won't take them.

His last message was that I should get a solicitor, he will not fight for custody but wants me to agree to 50/50 with the kids. He says he will support them no matter what.

I doubt any court would grant 50/50 as it would disrupt the children too much, but I would not fight it. As a dad I could not find even the slightest fault in him, that goes the same for a husband, he was my life and I have fucked it.

I know his parents want him to nail me to a cross, but he is a good man, he will not do anything that would hurt his kids. He hates me right now and to be honest, who could blame him.

I know it is just a matter of time until I get the 'you are served' knock at the door, I pray it never comes and I get the chance to make things right.

I love him with all my heart and it kills me to think how he feels right now, I have lost the right to his love by my actions and he must be hurting so badly.

He must feel alone and must feel he has lost his children, I will NEVER let that happen.

I am so, so sorry for what I have done to him, if I could take it back I would. It is not because I got caught, I hate what he must be feeling, the pain I have caused my soulmate. I too feel bereaved, I have lost the best man I could ever have wished for.

He hates me right now I know, I have lost the only man I have ever, and will ever love. I want to hold him, comfort and love him, I need to make it better, but I cannot. I think I have destroyed my life, his life, our kids life.

What the future holds I do not know, it looks nothing but bleak at the moment. He despises me but I guarantee, I hate and detest myself much more than anyone else ever could.

The End.