All Comments on 'Mistress Joan Ch. 01: Punishment'

It is a good first offering but a story occupying one page or less don’t do well unless it is exceptional. A full page is about 3750 words so if next time you could aim for 5000 plus you would receive a better response because you’ve given the reader something to get their teeth into. But you have got the basics.

A few things need sorting out such as “She” and “Her” should be “she” and “her” unless starting a sentence but you are correct in using a capital letter for Mistress when you are referring to a specific person as you are here. The same thing applies to “sissy.” I would use a capital because she’s referring to a specific person so therefore “Don’t worry though, Sissy. I’ll add those strokes onto your next punishment” and similarly “Like what you see, Sissy?”

There isn’t any information in your profile but I assume, because of your use of the word “bum” you are British. You later on use “ass” and I would suggest you use one or the other. I’m English and I tend to use “ass” for a story set in the USA and “arse” for the UK. But that’s just my preference as is using “come” for the feeling of arousal and “cum” for the end product.

It’s “swished” not “wished” but apart from that error I like swish because it’s not often used and every writer should try and make their stories a little different from others to make them stand out.

These are minor points and did not spoil my enjoyment of the chapter. I look forward to reading the next instalment.

Thoughtful critique by "Emirus".

I love details in corporal punishment...details of the positioning of the sissy...the presentation of the buttocks for the cane...the description of the device the sissy is bound too...a little more detail would be wonderful, but this was an enjoyable read...thank you!

This was - is - a superb piece of writing from a sissy's internal perspective, and I say that even though i am not especially into the corporal punishment element of things. The attention to detail, always capitalising Her when She features directly was a masterpiece of attention to detail.

I think you could add some stuff around the external detail of appearance and so forth, but that's just the fetishist in me and it may something you are deliberately avoiding.