by Flory
it sounds as if it was written by a teen boy, not a 20+ woman.
You should use American spellings if you are going ot site your story in America.
It's not even as well-developed as a teen boy could write. This one is flat lousy, unbelieveable, and no fun.
Sorry, give it some work and try it again.
After reading this, I feel cheated, lol. Wheres the horny girl with the horny freinds when I need em? lol (( im in Washington or id seek you out for a duel))