Mr Computer Cleaner Ch. 07

"Geeze, what fool would want to become involved in a full car restoration?" commented Dio, causing Hackett and his crew to point at him and almost roll off their seats laughing.

Finally it was time for Dio to go. Hackett would be attending the wedding and Alfie and Billy shook Dio's hand, wishing him all the best.

"You know guys," said Dio warmly. "I appreciate the care that you are putting into this project and are especially appreciative that it's been done without payment. What I shall do after Alice is finished is to hand her over to each of you for a full month to drive her when and to wherever you wish."

They all thought that would be great.

"Alice?" asked Hackett, not aware that the MG had a name.

"Oh, that name just popped out," said Dio. "Perhaps when the repainting is being done you'll be good enough to add the name Alice in script near the bottom of the panel just to the rear of the lower door hinge on both sides – not too large, mind you."

"Right," said Hackett, walking Dio out to the ute. "Now, this person Faye Lloyd-Oaks that Mrs Fleming phoned to say she would like me to partner tomorrow. What's she like?"

"Great – I've met her a couple of times. A bit younger than you, almost as tall but with a bigger chest and far more hair. You'll like her and she may decide to stay the night if you ask nicely."

"I didn't mean that!" Hackett said, coughing to cover his embarrassment.

As Dio went to drive off, Hackett appeared alongside the driver's window. "What did you mean ask nicely?"

"Ask the question very romantically and try to look as if you expect her to say no."

"But this will be our first date."

"Look, Hackett. People tend not to waste time these days. In fact, she may very well ask you to go home with her. Oh no, that would be so embarrassing for her. The man should do the asking. I know, I shall ask her during the supper waltz."

"Good idea, Hackett, you cunning old dog." Dio drove off, wondering if he was mean not telling Hackett that it would be continuous catering from the start of the Wedding Breakfast. Never mind – perhaps he could mention to Faye during the evening that Hackett looks to be rather keen on her.

He took a phone call from Carra. "Hi, darling. I'm bringing Shona home with me as after our party we'll be going straight home to mama's for the night as arranged. Shona said she'd go for a long walk in the reserve if you want nookie before you go to your stag do.

"Is she beside you listening?"

"Of course."

Dio gulped. Then Shona knew Carra was offering to have sex with him. Jeez!

"Nah, tell her thanks, but I'm saving myself for my wedding night."

There was a pause as Carra relayed the message. Dio was shocked. He hadn't meant her to do that, he was just being sarcastic. Oh well.

"She's wondering if declining the invitation makes much difference and the girl bursting out of the cake at you stag night obviously will have a little surprise for you."

Holy shit, girls do talk to each other like that! "If anything should confront me like that at the stag party I shall decline, and you may decide to be similarly chaste with the male stripper at your hen's night."

"Dio! We are nice girls; nothing like that would occur at our party."

"Will your mother be there?"

"No."

"Who is organizing it?"

"Louise – she volunteered, bless her."

"Then there will be a male stripper, I promise you. Bye."

He terminated the call. The phone went and he glanced to find who the caller was. Carra! Dio grinned, and placed the phone into the holder without answering.

He called on two clients and then went home, to find the two girls already there. Stroppy Shona met him at the door.

"Want me to take a walk or are you saving it for the little sweetie at your boys' only?"

"Neither and hullo to you Shona. A nice kiss on the cheek would be nice."

She smiled, kissed him and said, "You are a clever Dick, aren't you? You have a very smooth way with women. I've almost forgotten what I was on about."

"You were saying just how perfect I am for Carra."

"There you go again, Mr Smoothie. Mr Smoothie's home, Carra! And he doesn't require me to go walkies."

The stag party was a great success, finishing without any complainants calling the police and the only damage was two broken glasses and a beer jug. There was also a complaint from an entertainer that her bra and panties had been stolen by guests. The proprietor called it one of the most civilized stag nights he'd ever witnessed.

There wasn't a floor show with a girl bursting out of a cake. So smart-ass Shona had been wrong, thought Dio, just as three women had burst through the doors calling for the bridegroom-to-be.

Willing helpers brought the struggling Dio to them, and the one dressed as a High Priestess called, "Strip him!" Her two assistants undressed Dio but left his underpants on. They played around with him, the High Priestess producing a riding crop that she used to slap him with, but reasonably gently. She then commanded her two assistants to rub themselves against him, which they did, sensually much to Dio's embarrassment and to the delight of the raucous onlookers. However, at all times they left areas covered by his underpants untouched.

Dio found later that Ronnie rather than Mike had organized the evening, which explained why he'd not been 'violated'.

"Silence please!" commanded the High Priestess. "Dio, I have the power to grant you a wish, your final wish as a bachelor. My assistants and I promise to do anything you ask?"

Dio's mates whistled and hollered, advising a multiple of choices, mostly obscene.

"Silence please!" commanded the High Priestess. "Dio, what is your wish?"

Adopting a small boy's voice, Dio said: "I want you to lay off me, to take off your masks and to stay on and drink with the boys."

There was wild cheering mixed with laughter His wish was then granted.

Dio arrived home just before 11.30. He had intended being home by 11.00 but had not been allowed to leave.

The phone went, it was Louise.

"How did it go?"

He replied great, he'd escaped being seriously molested and felt elated but tired. He asked how Carra coped with the stripper.

"Very well, actually. He's a six-four entertainer who dresses and pretends he's a transvestite. But he fully stripped to prove very obviously that he wasn't. He made some indecent proposals but Carra rejected all of them, very well mannered, really. She finally relented and exposed her breasts and he kissed them, leaving big imprints of his lipstick around her nipples."

"She did what?" cried Dio, flabbergasted. His Carra did that.

"I told you what she did. We all loved it, screamed and carried on. She's such a good sport, Dio, you very lucky man. Well, I should led you hit the sack. Good night, sweet Dio. I shall always love you."

"Bye, Louise. Love you too. You really are something, you know. See you tomorrow."

* * *

The Wedding Day dawn chorus brought Dio awake with a soft smile on his lips. He'd mostly drunk light beer (also known as lamb's piss) the previous night, so did not have impaired vision, a headache and general malaise that generally are the aftermath of alcohol bingeing.

He rolled over, grabbed his phone and called Carra.

Cal answered.

"Sorry, I am under orders not to wake her."

But Dio was ready for that fend off. "Where your calls to Carmen on your wedding day turned away?"

"Yes."

"And you want me to suffer just like you did?"

"Oh, shit. Okay, I'll wake her to take the call and have my heart ripped out by you know who."

"Just stand tall, Cal, and give her your best lopsided grin. She'll probably grab you and pulled you back to bed."

"We've had a month's supply the last two nights. Oh damn, what am I saying?"

"Hullo, Mr Groom; how are you?"

"I'm actually fine and dandy. Drank lamb's piss most of the night."

"Good gracious, is that a spin-off home industry for sheep farmers' wives?"

"Perhaps, but then again perhaps not," said Dio evasively, to avoid having to tell the whole story in detail.

"What are you wearing?"

"Oh darling. That reminds me of the first ever telephone call you made to me. I'm wearing a g-string but really they are not suitable for sleeping in."

"Oh, groaned Dio. I've got something here for you."

"Go take a cold shower, you naughty boy. And have a lovely morning. I love you ... dearly."

"I love you too, darling. See you at 5:30 and don't be late! Bye."

"Bye."

At 9:50 on the beautiful Saturday October morning Sarisha's husband Amol arrived driving a black Mercedes hire car to collect Dio. Already in the car were Mike and Ronnie.

They went to Sly the tailor, who had insisted on dressing them to preserve his respected reputation.

Sly was a master of such occasions.

"Over there on the table," he said.

On the table were lined up four rum and cokes. Sly's stereo began pumping out a polka and suddenly the mood in the room lifted.

The suits were lovingly assembled on the appropriate bodies and Sly fluffed around until he was satisfied.

He then poured five rum and cokes, this time joining in.

Dio and his two attendants returned to Dio's mother's house and stood in the lounge talking for a few minutes and then went outside where Dio and his mother used to sit and dine.

"Anything?" Mike asked.

Dio shook his head. The party had been fully briefed about these two visits with the words "possible visitations" being used.

Ronnie took a phone call; he and was needed urgently at his office. Dio tossed him the keys to the ute. Amol drove Dio and Mike to meet Philip at the farmhouse. Philip led them into the sitting room where, as arranged, the original furniture and fittings remained untouched. A professional removal firm would that afternoon take the entire contents of the room for storage in the hall at the old school site.

The men all sat down and waited quietly. Philip opened his mouth to say to Dio

"Anything?" when his eyes bulged.

Amol and Mike were aware of it, too.

"Keep calm, guys", Dio called to his pre-briefed but skeptical companions. She's only here to be with me for a few minutes and then will go. No harm will come to you."

Two minutes later the presence seemed to have dissolved and the men regained their normal composure.

"That scared the crap out of me," confessed Amol.

"I knew what to expect but it was just so unexpected, like nothing I know," Philip said, shaking his head. "The whole area around me seemed to be filled with something but like nothing I can explain."

"Neat, eh?" Dio grinned, then turning serious he urged: "Please don't share this with anyone apart from your wives but then only if you're confident they won't blab. This is a thing between me and Alice. If word gets out I'll be mobbed by cranks, bible-bashers and spiritualists. I've trusted you to share in this revelation. Only Carra and myself, you guys, and of course Alice, know about this."

"Well, I can't possibly tell Celina," Mike said, rap-tatting a for-finger against the adjoining thumb to represent a gossiping mouth.

"It's been a fantastic experience," Philip acknowledged. "I only half believed you when you first told me about it. I'm pleased you have done this for us."

Dio knew he'd have to press Philip to keep it confidential.

"Yeah, thanks, enjoined Amol. "My lips are sealed and to be safe I shall not tell Sarisha – she'd be spooked. Anyway, the difficulty is how to describe something you can't see or hear – it was just something really big that I could feel. I'm now aware of the meaning of the phrase, 'a presence'."

"Well put," Dio said. "Philip, can you keep quiet about it?"

"Yes, absolutely; I'm aware of the downstream problems for both of us if word gets out. Of course, I shall tell Ella. She knows about it in general terms and will keep her mouth shut. When you build down by the river we want to share in the experience if Alice decides to visit you there. I think by replicating this room you will be doing the right thing; you have only felt her presence in this room."

Mike decided it was time to move on.

"Come on guys, down to Coffee Exotic for a light lunch. We'll eat out at the back. Susie's been practicing the Dance of the Seven Veils. Her veils are actually tea-towels, but who cares?"

They enjoyed a very long lunch, with Susie completely unabashed stripping right to the dropping of the very last tea-towel amid enthusiastic applause. She had been forbidden by Dio to touch any of the men but when they were leaving dressed only in her panties, she gave Dio a very erotic farewell kissed with even Mike being rather impressed.

Amol took them on to the lake smoothly and ahead of schedule, as they had been invited to call in to have a drink with Alec and Melissa Simpson.

"Oh, don't you looked wonderful," cooed Melissa, moving straight into Dio. I could do with a little piece of you myself."

"Melissa!" cried Alec, pouring the whiskies and pretending to be shocked. "Dio is as good as being your godson."

That retort made Dio very happy.

They stood on the lawn with their drinks looking across the lake.

"I'd forgotten this place existed," Mike breathed in awe. Each year when we close over Christmas, Celli and I go all over the country looking for perfect spots and here is one of the best, less than an hour from home."

A blaring car horn sounded and a long white Mercedes went passed at high speed.

"There goes the bride and her parents," Alec called. "That's my goddaughter."

"And mine," Melissa sniffed, dabbing her eyes. "Come on, we better go," she said. "They are going to relax in the lodge until the wedding music starts. But we must not be late as Carmen wants everything perfect."

"Look," said Alec, with military-trained alertness. "A chopper swinging in from the nor-west." A few seconds went by before the civilians saw it.

"It will be the nobs of the entourage from Argentina," Dio informed them grandly.

"What, Carmen's mum and her buddies?" Alec said, applying a laid-back spin.

Dio was impressed at they arrived at Lakeside Manor.

Flags of several nations were flying, a huge marquee had been erected on the lawn for the wedding breakfast and because the sun would go earlier, as the lodge was tucked into the sou-west end of the lake under steep hills, and lighting standards had been erected around the entire perimeter of the huge lawn. He noticed that a string of poles ran up the nearby hill, and a ten foot width of scrub and bush looked newly cleared right to the top. A small platform had been erected under the topmost light standard.

Melissa was clutching Dio as if she owned him. She whispered, "Carmen has asked Alec and me to stand in as your parents. We hope you don't mind. She didn't want to tell you in case you objected. Her theory is that you would not want to make a fuss when told only moments before the wedding starts."

"No, no. I am honored," Dio said, genuinely touched.

"Alec, Alec!" shrilled Melissa to her husband standing only six feet from her. He wants us. We've been approved as parents!"

"Dio, you must excuse Melissa," Alec said dryly, wiping back a straying lock of his limp white hair. "She's been beside herself ever since Carmen made the request. As you know, we only ever had two daughters and..."

"It's okay, Alec. I'm chuffed."

"You're a nice young man, Dio," Alec replied gruffly.

They were escorted down to the front of a raised platform. The arena was already almost filled with people.

"Looks more than 200 people to me," Dio observed.

"It's capacity at 250," Melissa said proudly. "Carmen and I made sure of that."

A tall red-hair woman in a green gown, looking as if she'd just stepped out of a women's fashion magazine, came up to Dio and his attendants. She was carrying a camera with another two hanging off her neck.

"Hi, please ignore me," she said, and took several photos of Dio, Mike and Philip and then of the larger group surrounding them.

"You look gorgeous, you guys," called Celina.

"Bags first pick," said Louise, and Sarisha just stood beside her two girlfriends, staring at Dio, her eyes brimming.

Dolores arrived, in a flaming red crossover gown and very high-heeled shoes. She motioned her guests to their seats and tottered down to where Dio stood.

She reached up to cup his face and kissed him gently on the lips. She then greeted Mike, Philip and the Simpson's and took her seat.

Right on 5:30 the curtains behind the raised platform parted, revealing a five-piece band comprising the leader on keyboard, a drummer, a double-bass player, guitarist and saxophonist.

There was a brief drum roll, reaching a crescendo, then fading. A fluttering sounded and two dozen white doves were released.

The band played 'Here Comes and Bride' and Carra and her father Cal began the long walk to the front, where Father Bryan had appeared, greeting men he'd met at a pre-wedding briefing as well as Dolores' dinner.

Dio expected the bride would look gorgeous, and his expectations were exceeded although initially her face remained covered. He soaked up the image of the approaching Carra. Her hair was in a high bun and attached to that by a comb was a chapel length antique white mantilla. Underneath she wore a full-length white lace wedding dress, with bell sleeves.

"That mantilla was her great-grandmother's which Carmen wore at her own wedding and the wedding dress was Dolores' which she brought with her and has given to Carra," Melissa called softly to Dio. "Doesn't she look absolutely stunning?"

Dio replied, "Does she what!" He looked across to Dolores and Carmen. Both were hand-in-hand, crying radiantly.

As Carra neared, through the blusher (veil) Dio caught a flash of teeth. Cal grinned warmly at him as he brought Carra on to the platform in front of the congregation. Immediately her hand reached for Dio.

Eventually the tension was over for Dio, hearing the instruction, "You may kiss the bride."

He gently lifted the veil and was greeted with a wondrous smile. She was beautiful, he paused looking at her until Louise called, "Hurry up." He kissed his bride, triggering a long round of cheering and clapping.

The band broke into a rousing tune that Dio had requested and requested until Carmen finally consented, 'I'm Getting Married in the Morning'.

It was a perfect choice. Most of the congregation streamed towards the two bars singing with the band, while others lined up to congratulate the bride and groom. "Why are those young women crying so?" Dolores asked Carmen, as she watched Celina, Sarisha and Louise near the head of the queue.

"Don't be upset, mama, but I think the young man to whom you have taking such a liking was a bit of a bad boy before he met your granddaughter."

"Upset? I would have been upset if he had been unable to sow his oats before his marriage," Dolores said wickedly.

With drinks in their hands people began moving to tables ready for the wedding breakfast, Dio was amazed to see Rod, his half-sister's husband, stand up and commence the role of master of ceremonies.

"Good evening. I am Rod Oldham, husband of Dio's half-sister. The wedding photographs are being taken just across in the lodge, so the bride and groom will be joining us within thirty minutes. So please attack your drinks and plates of hot finger food will be brought to your tables as starters. Now, here's something that my not unattractive mother-in-law told everyone at my wedding when she was denied the opportunity to speak. She jumped to her feet and shouted:

Do you know why is it more important for women to be pretty rather than smart?

Because men can see better than they can think.

It was perfect weather – a truly balmy night. The sun had gone behind the hill and the perimeter lights were switched on, as were strings of colored lights above the tables in the marquee.