Mr Computer Cleaner Ch. 07

"I found Rod had the great gift of the gab when we had them to dinner," Carmen had earlier told Dio.

Listening to Rod's booming voice as they posed for photographs Dio asked Carra she'd known that Rod had been appointed MC, replacing old Bert Shields, Cal's lawyer and celebrated raconteur who'd just had a minor throat operation. "No, I knew nothing about it. I'm finding mama is not telling me everything any longer. She's changing, shifting her emphasis back on to daddy, which I must say is as it should be. I do believe they have commerce their third honeymoon, although you will have been aware of that after as we caught them at it, didn't we!"

"I guess she felt the pressure of the wedding planning coming off and had to find a new interest," Dio chuckled.

The wedding party entered the marquee to a boisterous reception with more people eager to personally congratulate the bride and groom

Before taking their seats, Dio and Carra went and spoke to all members of the wedding party, Carra's parents, the Simpson's who were sitting in as Dio's parents and Rod. They then went to Dolores and then across to the next table and greeted Carra's other grandparents, Richard and Pearl Fleming.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, announced Rob. "On behalf of the bride's parents Cal and Carmen I welcome you all here. Dio looking around here you will now have some idea of the extravagance your mother-in-law expects when you invite her and Cal to pop over for a Sunday roast. Carmen only met me recently. Later that evening she said told me that I was an amusing man with a big voice. 'I have a little job for you,' she said. "And here I am. Her last riding instruction to me this morning was to liven you all up at the start – she told me that all her friends were sad to see Carra being taken away from her. I said yes, Rose, I will do that. I've never been very good with names."

Not many of the guests laughed.

"I was sitting outside on the No Smoking Sign having a fag when the Calcium Kid came along – that's my way of remembering Rose's husband's name. So Calcium and tells me this joke that he always recites were asked to tell a joke. It's really good:

A guy goes into a watering hole and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After gathering up his courage he goes over to her and asks, tentatively,

"Um, is this seat taken?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.

Naturally, the guy is completely embarrassed and he slinks to the other end of the bar. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he yells at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"

That produced gales of laughter to set the tone. While the meal was being served the band, which had shifted into the marquee and now joined by a woman singer, presented a selection of popular songs, beginning with 'Don't Cry for me Argentina' and then 'Waltzing Matilda' again Dio's choices gained by winning over a reluctant Carmen who didn't think they were appropriate. But when she saw the Argentine team led by her mama applauding the favorite from 'Evita' she saluted Dio, and then again after Cal and his parents and a few Aussies in the gathering outdid the applause of the visitors from Argentina when the band finishing playing the Australian folksy anthem.

Dio's speech went fine, and predictably Carmen burst into tears when he thanked her so warmly for her excellence as a wedding planner. Carra's bottom-lip trembled when he paid loving tribute to her.

There was a brief pause and the catering manager came to the top table and spoke to Carmen. She went off with him. Cal, who'd being listening to a joke being told to him by Father Bryan, jumped to his feet and followed as soon as the punch line was delivered.

"The top of the cake has fallen off," Dio whispered.

"You idiot. The cake's down in front of us on a small table," Carra replied. "Thank you for those wonderful words you said about me. I wish I'd been asked to speak."

"If you're not asked, you have to ask," Dio replied, and then turned away to listen to something Philip was saying.

Dolores beckoned Carra and Dio to come to her. She handed Dio and envelope. "This is my wedding present. It is for your honeymoon. In that envelope are two return tickets to Argentina. Go as soon as you wish. There is a voucher for three nights at a hotel at Lake Bariloche in the south and then you have two nights at the seaside resort, Mar de Plata. Then you shall fly across to me for a few days then go to Buenos Aires and stay at the fine hotel there of which I am principal owner."

"Oh, what a wonderful present, grandmama. Thank you thank you," Carra gushed, hugging her.

"Truly – it's magnificent, so generous of you," Dio said. "I can't wait to get to your ranch or estancia as you people say."

"I want you there to experience something of our family tradition as well as to have you in my home."

Walking back to the top table, Dio said, "Oh hell."

"What, what's wrong?"

"I told her at the hotel I could ride."

"Well then, you big fat liar. You have been caught out and she will laugh at you."

"No, I've had a crash course on dancing lessons. I'll ask Carmen to give me a crash course on horse riding."

"You idiot, mama hasn't really ridden for years, although she did get on a horse a couple of times when at grandmother's four years ago. She said she was not comfortable at all. You're in it up to your neck, Dio. Sorry, but I can't help you."

"Ladies and gentlemen from Argentina and you other lot," Rod said, after calling for silence. "We have someone who promises to head butt me unless I invite her to speak. Speak lady." He passed the microphone to Carra who'd come up beside him.

"Grandma – Dolores – thank you for coming all this way with your entourage for our wedding. It pleases us greatly. My other grandparents from Melbourne, It pleases us greatly that you and the family entourage have joined us as well.

"Daddy – you are out there somewhere – thank you for being one of the great fathers in this land and for providing the endless flow of money for this stupendous occasion. You have given me the dream wedding that every romantic girl desires. Mama – you are also out there somewhere – how is it that one's parents are never around you need them? What can I say," said Carra, bursting into tears. "I have been blessed to have a mother like you."

The sobbing began to die.

"I'm sure glad that I took you to that film, The Wedding Planner! Shona, Tina, Mike and Ronnie and you too, Father Bryan. Thank you for what you have done for Dio and me and this our greatest day together. That's all I wished to say."

She stood there, and there was silence, apart from the clinking of wine glasses.

"Except to add that I during recent years I sometimes wished a real man would come into my life and capture my heart. He did; I love you hopelessly, Dio."

She rushed him and they kissed, everyone rising and clapping.

A dark-hair man in a morning suit strode down to the band, and said something to the drummer. He then spoke to Rod, who handed him the microphone.

"Ladies and gentlemen from Argentina and you other lot," he said, drawing laughter. "I am Desmond Finnigan, owner of Lakeside Manor. Your hosts, Carmen and Cal Fleming, are old friends of mine and more recently my new wife Shay. Against my better judgment the Flemings have convinced me to allow them to pay tribute to Carra and Dio this evening in a most unusual manner. Away you go, Cal!" he shouted.

There was a loud drum roll.

A searchlight on the Lady Lakeside shone up to the top of the nearby hill, illuminating Cal standing on the small platform. Cal had a link to the sound system. His deep voice rang clear.

"This is dedicated to Carra and my new son-in-law Dio. Dio introduced Carra to this poem and it is now enshrined in our short history as a family foursome. You are not going to be told why, but Carra and Dio – this is for you. It's based on a poem, The Man from Snowy River, by Banjo Paterson, published in 1895.

"Some of you will know it. Some of you will have seen the film. The poem is too long to recite to wedding guests itching to get up and dance and interact in other ways, so I will basically describe the poem and recite only one verse.

"A colt from a successful thoroughbred race winner had broken away and joined a pack of wild bush horses. Riders – mostly station hands – from near and far away gathered to have a crack of bringing back the colt and taking home the reward being offered. One of the riders was the famous Clancy of the Overflow of whom it was said no better horseman ever held the reins. Then a chap turned up from the Snowy River by Mt Kosciusko on a brumby that looked so slight and weedy that the opinion was neither rider nor horse should take part, but Clancy succeeded in turning aside that opposition, saying mountain men and their horses were a hardy breed. The riders tried to wheel the wild horses to bring them home, cracking stock whips to gain dominance. But the mob broke through and at the top of a mountain charged down the other side, the horsemen pulling up in fear – except one, the Man from Snowy River. He went down that terrible descent and came up behind the mob as they climbed the next ridge, cracking his whip."

Cal paused and a horseman rode up beside the tower. Caught in the searchlight the horse reared, with the rider cracking a stock whip. The horse lunged forward and came down the steep slope at a reckless speed. There were cries from the wedding guests, and a few women screamed.

Cal recited the second last verse of the 'Man from Snowy River', his voice booming through the speakers. Before he could finish his recitation the horse slid to a stop at the bottom of the hill, not far from near where the guests were gathered.

The rider dismounted and hugged the horse affectionately, with the guests cheering wildly and Cal finishing his oration.

"Look at grandma!" Carra called to Dio.

Dolores had kicked off her shoes and was running to the rider whom she hugged and removed the rider's hat.

The rider was Carmen.

Carra was screaming excitedly.

"How did Dolores know?" Dio yelled to her above the din.

"Some riders can recognize other riders by the way they sit on the saddle."

The lodge owner picked up the microphone again and said, "Ladies and Gentleman. Wasn't that something! I give you Carmen Fleming and up there on the tower, Cal Fleming."

"What's wrong – why aren't you excited?" Carra asked.

Dio pointed to the horse being led away.

Carra slapped her stomach in shock.

Leading the horse was the tall grey-hair man she'd thought was her mother's seducer. She knew then that Carmen had been going to that stud farm that backed on to very steep hills, to hone her riding skills!

Dio hugged her, saying, we're glad we didn't confront her, aren't we?

Carra looked aghast: "Terribly glad - oh mama, Princess of Las Pampas."

That caused Dio to chuckle and to turn slightly provocative, saying: "Or daughter of the Ogre of Las Pampas who turned out to be a really hot woman!"

"What are you going on about, Dio? You're not making sense."

It was time for Dio to bail out. He could see the lights of a four-wheel-drive vehicle coming down the less formidable northern slope of the hill, probably with Cal aboard.

"I tell you about when we're alone. Let's go to your grandmother – your parents will be joining her soon."

The thought of a magnificent honeymoon was on his mind. "When shall we go to Argentina, Mrs Wellington?"

"Ooh. My new name! We should leave as soon as we can get on a flight. Emilio, who is traveling with grandmama, is arranging it as his business interests include a travel agency network.

"But we can't go next week – you have to first learn to ride a horse!"

THE END