All Comments on 'Mrs. Carter - Alternate Ending'

The writing is fine but no one speaks casually like this

But unnecessary. There are tons of stories out there that need an ending - BEG for an ending. FTDS made a career from finishing stories. But this particular story by BiGGuy33 wasn't one of them. The original story was a completed story with a reasonable ending. Whether people liked it or not is another question. But the story didn't leave us hanging. So choosing to write an alternative ending to this story seemed odd. Find another story and try again. This wasn't interesting or entertaining.

Sounds like a sequel to another "Ending"

Short and to the point, those who cheat and those who facilitate have their reward waiting for them.

To short for more.

BIGGUY33 is an underappreciated author on this site. Thanks for expanding on one of his better stories. I saw a few small types, you instead of your...

Keep this going and keep writing.

BIGGUY33 is an underappreciated author on this site. Thanks for expanding on one of his better stories. I saw a few small types, you instead of your...

Keep this going and keep writing.

BIGGUY33 is an underappreciated author on this site. Thanks for expanding on one of his better stories. I saw a few small types, you instead of your...

Keep this going and keep writing.

This was not perfect, but it was pretty darn good. By far the best story posted the last couple of days. Please continue, as it would be interesting to read what Mrs.Carter does with the new information.

I found this to be more realistic. No husband can respect his wife if she allows him to keep a sex toy in the house. Once the wife betrayed him, the husband's path forward was decided. She was inclined to rationalize everything to her own benefit, so wanting to kick the other wife out of her role is almost inevitable. Good job!

Not bad for a first attempt, but the dialogue was stilted and clumsy. People don`t talk like that. They use abbreviations constantly . Do not - don`t . Will not - won`t . Can not - can`t, etc. It flows much better, and sounds more lifelike and natural. BUT, like I said, Not bad. As Chytown might say, `Thanks for the read.` .

More of a continuation than an ending.

Nobody talks like that, for me unrealistic dialogue kills a story quickly. Remember that you and your characters more than likely live in the 21st century.

Congratulations on publishing your first story. It takes guts to put yourself out there like that. I look forward to reading your future efforts.

Since your opening seemed to imply that you were looking for feedback, I hope you won't mind a small bit of advice. Use contractions in dialogue. It helps the "sound" of the conversations, making them "feel" the way people actually speak.

Good luck and keep writing!

Not a bad effort, and I thought the concept was OK.

My real problem (actually, the author's real problem) is that the language is far too stilted and it detracts from the story.

This is NOT how people speak in real life and it makes the story seem like something written by a school kid. May I suggest you go through your next story and read it out loud, and then change EVERY instance where two words could be shortened to one apostrophized word. For example:

"Do you mean you have been spying on her….”

should be:

“Do you mean you’ve been spying on her….”.

“I have been maintaining audio surveillance….”

should be:

“I’ve been maintaining audio surveillance….”

“I am so sorry Trish. I did not foresee this for you."

should be:

"I’m so sorry Trish. I didn’t foresee this for you.”.

And so on.

I know that writing the initial draft with apostrophized words is hard, and often an author wants to write quickly to get the story down while it’s fresh in his mind, but it’s really easy to go over it later and tidy things up at your leisure.

And thanks for having a go at writing a different ending to this story.

But more real.

Does this idiot really think he's written something worth reading.A five year old could have done better.still if you cannot do, copy those that can.

I think the dialogue needs a little tweeking.

Not sure any female would say "sleep in your marital bed with you."

Keep writing!

Thanks.

Mrs. Carter goes home and shoots both cheating bastards then turns the gun on herself.

Our poor old cheated on husband sits down lights the last of his good quality cigars, smiles and says, "I love it when a plan comes together."

Another writer on here who, though wrote an almost good story thinks its cute to leave it unfinished. It was a good continuation to BG's story but you really didn't finish it so 3* for effort. I didn't see anything wrong with the writing as far as spelling etc is concerned, maybe a letter left off here and there, but it was much better than some of the writers on here who have multiple editors.

As some others already said short and to the point...4*

Not bad Not bad at all! ....Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what ya gonna get! 5 Stars ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ WOOF!

wasnt much to go on, i slightly remember this story. u did provide info so ppl can make their own decision to re-read bigguy's story, i probably should have refreshed it. been a while since i read his stuff but in a grammar way it was a lot better than most thats for sure lol. the only thing i can think of is maybe make a link to his story in ur author's notes, bc ppl can be really lazy lol

This is your first story and I hate to shit and run but this is what struck me.

A woman, in the middle of an emotional breakdown, does not say "I have no doubt that our relationship has cost me Henry and my marriage. I feel like I have lost so much. It is killing me inside."

You might as well have added 'how did we arrive at this confluence of unfortunate but utterly foreseeable events?"

It goes something more like 'Oah Gahd, I lost him, I lost him, I lost him!'

Both sound like college deans channeling Regency Fiction.

Dial it back just a touch.

It appears that in addition to this being your first story, it is also your first attempt at experience of any kind. Henry's inability to project any depth of feeling can only come from an autistic perspective.

The original "Mrs Carter" is a favorite. I enjoyed the dialog, but the ending left me flat. I like your gut punch to the awful woman who helped end Henry's marriage,

First, as others have said, the lack of contractions in the dialog.

Then, this: "Don't you want to have me in your future? Don't you want me to be here for you for you forever and ever?" This is in total opposition to what we have been told, NOT just from Mrs. Carter, but by Trish herself, that she loves her husband, and was only doing it to help the Carters. Turning her into a mercenary bitch is quite a bit of revisionist history.

The dialogue was far too robotic and stilted to flow naturally. People simply don't speak like this.

I and a lot of other people don’t do alternate endings so I did not read.

Agree with Pencarrow and others that the dialogue is stilted as all get-out. We only hear from Mrs Carter and Hubby, and hear nothing directly from Sweetie. This means tat We-The-Readers have a very limited insight into Sweetie’s personality. Thus, Sweetie getting greedy and uncaring about Mrs Carter, perhaps dangerously so, is plausible. The probability of that, however, feels low, not from anything we know directly. We do know that Our Hero, Hubby, is an successful and insightful guy, who figured things out early-on. He is depicted as being likely to have been able to figure out Sweetie’s avaricious side, if she had one. So, I’d say the premise of the tale is shaky.

Shorter, but certainly better than the original.

Dialogue is not “natural”.

Good idea though. Just for that 3-stars

This is a great add but there are also gaping holes that could and should be filled. you could have had a meeting with the Carters and Trish in a lawyer's office to explain to Trish that hubby ain't coming home and then had another lawyer come in and serve both of them divorce papers and have Mrs. Carter present the conversations. Some of this page just feels rushed. On the flip side of that coin though, I did not see any mistakes with grammar and punctuation so it was readable. One thing I have noticed about most all the author's on this site is that they are approachable. Ask one of them to read a submission and get some feedback and before anyone else mentions it, get an editor, just in case.

keep bringing the pain. Anything is better that all the cuckold drivel that is written on this site.

.... but there should be a sequel with the downfall.

Sorry for writing as anonymous. I'm trying to activate my account since July 2019, but i don't get help from lit in any way. If someone wants to help me: infosauger@gmx.at.

Thanks for taking the effort to write and submit this alternative ending.

It reflects life... as soon as there are lies, and as soon as there are emotional connections where there shouldn't be, this is the natural result.

I can see lots of pain for the ex and the asshole, and his wife in the future, and all... well deserved.

In the end, this is the nuts and bolts of betrayal. Once you start sticking your snout in the trough, if it comes back to bite you... you deserve everything you get.

A little stiff in the dialogue, but great intent.

Good effort and interesting alternative ending. Just needs to be longer.

Excellent ending, much better than the original.

I find it to be as plausible as the original. Bigguy33 has a nasty tendency to leave his lead male characters up the creek without paddles. Not to say that he can't write - he can and very well at that. But his creek is full of cuckolds and fools and sometimes it just gets irritating that he doesn't save them more often than he does. This is certainly a possible "save" situation. But it really does nothing for Henry. He's still getting a divorce and losing his wife. Will there be some satisfaction for him if Mrs. Carter divorces her husband? I guess. But since most States are no-fault, John will still come away with a pot of money and still have Trish. What will Henry have? That's the same ending as Bigguy33's. Henry is still left holding the bag, up a creek, without a paddle.

Had alot of potential but too short. Another one bites the dust. Seems like this site and her stories are going down hill so fast. LydiaWarren

you gobsmacked that ending dude!! loved it.

Excellent sequel to the original story. Definitely worth 5/5

Love it. Thanks

This need a epilogue, xe n,eed to see the aftermath.

Dialogue is dry but I really appreciate your alternate ending to Biguy33's usual cuck tale.

LOL I like the way you think.

Now if someone has fixed Blow Job Bet of Of All People", please let me know.

As to Biguy33 being underappreciated, it's true he's a very talented writer. It's also true, there's something very wrong with him.

I can only repeat what I said a year ago: This COMPLETELY changes the characters from what they were in the original story.

It's a better ending to Mrs. Carter's machinations than BigGuy's - but there is still no resolution/revenge against the slut and the asshole.

Better than the original. However, IMO Henry was far too passive and defensive in his efforts to divorce his wife in the original story. It is his overall demeanor that dragged down the score of the original story.

However, BlackHeart93 doesn't provide any reason as to why Henry continued to record his estranged wife's conversations.

More importantly, Henry could not have known that Mrs. Carter would ever come to visit him in his office. But that completely coincidental visit provides him an opportunity to reveal the recordings to her. If that was his ultimate goal why didn't he take the initiative and send them to her? The storyline doesn't hold together very well.

Nice to see lying schemers get comeuppance.

She stopped at her lawyers place of business for a chat as the basis of a plan had started to come together.

You see the only reason her husband worked for the company was that he was her husband. He owned no part of the company. She was the majority owner at 60%. The other 40% were owned by her uncles and aunt. Her uncles and aunt did not like John in the slightest and did not want to put him in charge of the family company at all but allowed Mrs Carter her way.

So what was Mrs Carters plan. Well she wanted to sell 11% of her company to Henry (for 1 dollar) and at the next board meeting have him propose the removal of John as Manager due to bringing the company into disrepute with his long term affair with Trish. Mrs Carter would then announce that she was complicit with the affair and would be abstaining from the vote. The fact that now 51% of the company's shareholders would vote for the removal of John would mean that he was out of a job.

The problem was that the company would not have a manager until someone else could be appointed. Seeing as no share holders could hold a managerial position in the company (This was written into the companies by-laws when her father had set this up) then Henry was out. UNLESS.

Well the lawyer agreed to look into this idea. Mrs Carter then approached her uncles and aunts and they readily agreed with the plan. The company lawyer came back 3 days later and said as long as Mrs Carter abstained then there was nothing illegal about the plan.

Mrs Carter then approached Henry and he agreed and paid her the 1 dollar immediately. 2 days later the transfer of 11% of the company became fact.

1 month after this the board held its quarterly meeting where the manager had to give his report to the board.

John was surprised when he saw Henry at the meeting as was Trish. John demanded that Henry be removed but was shocked when told Henry owned 11% of the company as compensation as to the destruction of his marriage.

John then grudgingly told the board about the state of the company. After his report questions started to be asked about his relationship with his PA. John was flustered and looked imploringly at his wife. She just shrugged her shoulders and left him to explain.

When the conversations were played to the board there was shock to be had everywhere.

It was at that point Henry made his move and proposed that John be removed as Manager. Mrs carter abstained from the vote and the motion was passed.

John was informed that effective immediately he was to vacate his office and security would escort him from the building.

After John had left the meeting Henry proposed that he would immediately sell his 11% back to Mrs Carter for the agreed amount ($110000) and he would leave the meeting.

After Henry left Mrs Carter suggested that Henry be appointed interim manager until such a time as a permanent manager could be appointed. The other board members agreed wholeheartedly as they had already checked Henry out and approved of the decision.

Henry was called back into the meeting and told he was now the interim manager. Henry let them know that in 3 months he would have to return to his original company as he only had 3 months off work.

After the 3 months Henry was asked to take over permanently as manager as he had very quickly improved the company's bottom line by removing deadwood and people who were too close to John (including Trish) as they were hindering the improvements. Henry actually spoke to his old boss about this and the old boss agreed he should go for it as he had heard good things about what Henry had done in the short time at the helm. Henry agreed to take on the role permanently and the company took off and after 5 years became a market leader in their field.

After John was dismissed Trish was moved sideways as Henry would not work with her. In her new role it became obvious that the only reason she kept her job was that she was sleeping with John. She was quietly let go with a damned good severance package that set her up for a long time if she was careful.

John and Trish never married as she realised that he was not what she wanted in a husband after all. She eventually found a reasonable paying job and stayed there until her retirement.

John tried to find work at the same level he had been at but was unsuccessful. He eventually accepted a lower management job about 3000 miles away. He did not last long there as no-one liked his bragging about what he had been when he ran his wife's company. He was dismissed before his probationary period was up. He eventually found a minimum wage job in a Walmart and eventually retired and lived a reasonable life in retirement (not the life he imagined but still he was comfortable).

Henry stayed with Carters for many years and at the age of 65 he retired a multi-millionaire having led the company through many years of expansion until it became a multinational company. He enjoyed his retirement with his second wife and having raised 3 children he was happy and content with his life.

Mrs Carter lived well into her 90's and left her share of the company to Henry's 3 children as she had had none of her own to leave them to and did not want to leave them to her nieces and nephews.

4 stars and went in complete different places.

She cheated and suddenly wants a LOT of payment.. Changed her character a lot

Still enjoyed 4 stars

jtwheels

No offense... But you don't have a good handle on the flow of how people actually talk... Your dialogue needs work..

-jaye-

Read the character's dialog out loud to yourself and then ask yourself; Does this sound like the way anyone talks in real life?

Ha. Great ending. 4*

DIDN'T GO FAR ENOUGH. WHAT WAS THE OUTCOME?

The facts are that the wife has been cheating on the husband for a while, so I seriously doubt that she has that much "love" for the man. Another fact, per this ending, is that she is in love with Mr. Carter and WANTS to be the next Mrs. Carter. So, this statement/lament from Trish, "I no longer have the love and affection of my wonderful husband," just doesn't fit in the story.

AWESOME END!!!

TOO Short, but good.

Best sequel by far, short p, sweet and to the point⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Damn good story,short and straight to the action.

Maybe not perfect, but still the way the story should go.

Nice try, but too short and not vindictive enough.

@Pencarrow - I agree with you on the contractions, but I find some of the phrasing odd: "I didn't foresee this for you." Why not, "I didn't see that coming."

/

@vickitvohio, it was shorter because it began at the end,

Very good story line but get your tenses right. Your past and present tense follow each other in the same sentence! 1) "I TOLD her that the envelop CONTAINS" etc. etc. 2) ---" I HOPED that she would use what she HAS learned ---" etc.,etc.

A much more realistic (and ironic) ending than the original. The idea that those two would go at it at length without their relationship evolving beyond “just sex” was pretty iffy. Mrs. Carter needed to get burned too.

Promising start for a new author.

Shot his load too soon. Next wife will be unemployed needing alimony.

very beautiful Blackheart suite.

5⭐

Once her marriage is lost, Trish is not going to stay in the boss's old mistress relationship. She's lost too much and is absolutely going to want a refund.

From this point of view, your story is very credible.

Thanks for sharing your talent.

Wow! 5 stars...

Good appropriate and realistic ending without unnecessary pomp.

I don't understand why this story did not score 4.6 or higher. It was a very good truly realistic ending to the original, actually more believable than the original. So why?

Still love it.

What goes around, comes around...

Great sequel- now a sequel to a sequel is needed to find out what Mrs. Carter does to her husband Jim Carter!

Revenge is always best served cold! Nice one.

U reap what u sow

EXCELLENT!

Hoisted/own/petard.

Not bad for a first entry and sans an editor to boot. Looking forward to more from the Spicy Rum man.

Revenge is always best served cold! And damn was it cold blooded..........Nice 1st story

OK, now, your ending needs an ending.

Oops, never mind, Vandy finished it!

Still a dumb ending, and no not in the it needs and ending.

It just was a very by the numbers follow up.

As for the non-ending...those are the limp dicked omega boys who need to get their testosterone levels up in a failed attempt at feeling manly because they cant manage it in their own lives.

These endings are fine, some of us arent laughably bad Alpha wannabe wankers, so the boring divorces and shoot/stabbing/midnight muggings wanted by the weak little boys isnt needed.

💥💥💥💥

Very good job!

Much as I like this, other ending, I feel it’s stopping to soon.

You pretend you write endings but you do not have one. Moreover, what you have are usually lame simplifications, just like the one you have here.

I read the original and assumed that something like this might happen and was a little disappointed with that author that it didnt. So reading it here was good and it was well written but it was too short and didn't finish off the new situation it wasn't an alternate ending just an alternative scenario. But it was good enough for me to want to read more of your work. BardnotBard

A fine addition. Trish is pure evil.

it needs a little more of what happens next ??

sorry needs more to the ending

Very cool MC!!!

Interesting take from the original story. I really like the direction you took the story in. As I’ve said previously regarding one of your stories - you left a lot of story on the table. I think the same about this story. Many think it’s chic or trendy to leave the outcome of a story up to the mind of the reader. I’m sure that some readers enjoy this. I’m not one of those. What plotting and planning is Mrs Carter going to undertake? How is her plan executed? What is the reaction from her husband John and his lover Trish? Does Trish remain with John when his finances and life are flipped on their heads? You heard it in the recording. Trish wants all the prestige and trappings of the good life. What happens when those are taken from John - and by extension - Trish? Is she still going to give herself to her rapidly aging paramour? It would have been interesting to find out. Quite deserving of a 4/5. BRB

Nice ending.

Ed

I'm with Kernow2023, needs more ending. I would love to see both cheating assholes get totally fucked over. I did give you 4 stars though.

I like a full story I have neither the imagination or the memory to make my own ending

falta un epílogo

Just a bit abrupt on the ending. 4*