All Comments on 'Mum's Hotel Ch. 02'

Super 5 Stars

Looking forward to the next chapter 5/5

Super story and great sex

Very Hot and Spicy 5 Stars

Dr beulahthemick; I'm sorry, but a story with great potential is spoilt by abysmal development and editing. It seems to be written by a twelve year old, sorry, but not every women has massive tit's nor do they have a clit the size of half a finger, ( I know, I've licked plenty). A tip, slow down, think a bit before you write anything down and please, please, get an editor.

Get an editor, please.

This -> “.” is called a “period” or end stop. It’s a piece of punctuation used to denote the end of a complete thought, often called a “sentence”.

I’ve a feeling you missed those lessons in school. I’ll assume you were home those days, wanking off into your Granny’s knickers.

Keep notes on characters. Several times you lost track of what they said or did. You had the lead have sex, then he's a virgin. Especially with multiple characters. It's hard to remember if you stop, then pick-up at a later date. Plus dialogue is not as people generally speak. Even prim and proper.

Some of the worst dialogue I’ve ever read. This is not the way people talk.

Was Barry called Jack in a previous life?

Love this story line but be careful. Your cast is getting so large that it is hard to keep track of who is who. Also, I suggest getting some help with punctuation. It makes for an easier read.

Could it be that the story line is the same Jack1107 is using for his stories, Mum, lawyer, wine, etc etc? When you have read his stories there is nothing new here …..

I am enjoying the storyline but beware, your cast of characters is getting too big to keep track of everyone. I would have given you a 5 but you need to work on your punctuation.

Good story! I like the way the plot is going. I'm having to re-read alot though. Puncuation is lacking. Several thoughts and topics are ran together and making the read slow. I think a proof reader would elevate your wonderful story and increase readership.

I’ll go with the 5 *, just once more, but I echo the two Anonymous commenter (too intimidated to us a real name or screen?) mine is my real name and you punctuation needs some serious work. And even John Holmes exaggerated his numbers and you’re getting there. Incest/Taboo gives you leeway, but so far I’ve see neither excepting the mentioning of threesomes with ‘A’ mom/daughter. Also, too many mental defects fliating stound

The other commenters are spot on. The content is pretty good. However, the punctuation needs work. Try this; once you have a subject and a verb, use a period, rather than a comma. Short descriptive sentences are way better than several sentences crowded together.