by Sexadict2000089
I appreciate the feedback. I promise the next chapter will be more spaced and longer. I am new to this so I need as much help as I can get.
Hi
Your story has alot of promise but it felt rushed...you put too much info in this short chpt....so much so, that felt like a summary with a bit of dialouge thrown in....
Advice to you... use this same chapt and flesh it out... the info you have here can be used for 2 or even 3 chapters.... make the story more realistic...... if you want you can email me since im an editor so i could help you
I like the potential in this story but I feel like it was just too short for a first chapter. Had you slowed down the pace of this first installment a bit I think the story would have been much stronger. In the future take the time to introduce the characters and provide more background information about the plot. It had a rushed feeling throughout the whole story and I had trouble getting invested with the small amount of information available.
As I said before a good start but this story could be really great if you flesh out out a bit more. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.