All Comments on 'My Angel Was No Angel'

What a piece of shit

Sounds more like a story outline than a story. Could be fleshed out a lot more

I'm always curious what the writer was thinking when I read something like this. Did you honestly believe this was worth posting as it was? Did you bother going over it? Is this something you can honestly say you take pride in?

Here's what your story tells me the reader.

You don't give a shit about your audience. This sloppy pointless mess is proof of that. Why you bothered to post this is beyond me.

...I guess at the beginning it should be "where her ´husband´ of 8 years had been sleeping"..

With some work...Okay a lot of work this could maybe be a decent tale.

Maybe

no rating

As a writer you are too lazy, and you don't care enough about your readers to bother making this readable.

People's names are Capitalized.

Another waste!

It was more of an outline than a story. It needs more flesh on the bone. I did get the feeling that both characters were sort of unsophisticated simpletons, confused and bumbling through life. That in itself is a good basis for the plot. I know a lot of bumblers and have been one myself at times. A lot of stupid hurtful behavior can be chalked up to acting out of fear and desire rather than intellect an love. Keep writing, expand, use scene descriptions to set the mood and character descriptions and their internal dialogue to tell us about who they are. At some point they should have some self awareness, some kind of epiphany. That should lead to a decision to continue to grow together or to grow apart. They can also be left to bumble on in unconsciousness and suffering. It's up to you.

I agree with twocrows, this reads like it was written in about 5 minutes. So called writer is too lazy to put any work into his story. He obviously cares nothing for his readers so why should we care about him. I sure don't. One star for a lazy, half hearted attempt at writing.

But where? cannot tell with the format it is presented... first of all writer... write your story THEN READ IT OUT LOUD... you will see some of the mess you left for your readers... sorry Charlie no tuna today

A new baboon

to say a new low in authors, then it hit me this is standard fare now for this site.pure garbage

BUT......

Even if just an outline, there was still something here. The other commenter who thought calling Tony a boyfriend of 8 years was a mistake, didn't read carefully enough. But see, it isn't really his fault. When you write in the outline style format:

i.e. this happened, then this happened, then this happened, then this happened etc.

ALL that does is make a reader want to skim. A story will be judged on the beginning and the end MORESO than the middle. So dropping off the ending, like you did here, makes the skimming reader feel like this was incomplete, you didn't do your job, this wasn't fully realized, you couldn't figure out how to end it, you were too lazy to try harder, and etc.

Sorry to say that your efforts will be scored accordingly. And that many of your detractors won't be wrong. Except the ones who tell you to give up. Not too many people will be offering you advice on how to improve. But, I will try to offer some very basic and general suggestions.

1) keep this outline, but realize what it is: ONLY AN OUTLINE

2) Seperately, write a page about each of your characters Tony, Sarah, Mike, etc.

what makes them tick, what are their physical traits, what are their jobs, what do they want out of life. Basically, write up character Bios. Then when you rework the story, you have a resource of details, well planned and thought out beforehand, from which to cull from.

3) ask yourself, where do we go from here, with these two? You introduced the conflict, namely she had cheated in the past. You casually suggest that she has the desire to be submissively punished for it. Now Tony, who has never done anything like this before, has to become a Dom? OK, that COULD be an interesting hook, but NOW you have to write the rest of it. How does it turn out? Does he make mistakes? Does he take revenge while she is in submission and damage HER trust in him? Do they heal eachother and become closer BECAUSE of BDSM experimentation or IN SPITE of it? Do they do it for a while, and abandon it later? IS it the roles of Parenthood that ultimately provide them with fullfillment, so that as they mature, they abandon the need to create artificial roles in the bedroom?

4) Many critics WILL ask you: What is the point? or What were you trying to say? You HAVE to be able to answer this question with your story. Before the story is over, ask yourself if you have CLEARLY answered these questions for the reader. Fill out your outline and add to the character development by using dialogue. Get and use an editor. Use plenty of descriptive words, to embellish setting. Use imagery to fuel the plot. Tell us what your characters are thinking, as well as what they are saying. Reveal rising action by SHOWING what your characters do instead of just TELLING us. Think like a movie director. Would you want to watch this on the big screen?

5) Stay patient with yourself, and don't rush out your work to post prematurely. Read it over 100 (literally) times, and many of those should be outloud, with an audience.

6) Good Luck!

Terrible.

Did you even do an outline?

just say I gave you a 5! Good story! you really pissed him off. Congrats!

why not go some place else and where you can take the garbage with you dick head? If you don't like the stories on here fuck off, go find another place to bug and piss off people. And we'll all be happy!!

even monkeys don't stay where they aren't welcome. So fuck you in the heart. I gave it a 5

Oh look at that bonnybitch commenting as annony cause she really does agree with the rest of us, but can't possibly tell you how positively terrible your writing, if you can call it that is!!! If I could give this shit a minus score I would.

Good story, A blow job isnt really cheating , Is it? Im glad he fucked her ass dry

from his asshole comments I would Gave it another 5

So you know what I'm not as writer I do like to right spelling sucks never use punctuation so what this site is a hobby for most not a job so wtf lay off people will get better with more they do constructive criticism is cool but bashing is stupid the story did have decent flow liked it but needs to improve that will happen in time and effort so anoys back off till you write something

I'm happy to take any heat for the way I wrote this, I wrote it in under an hour, I didn't want to write this stuff down and think about these intimate details, it helped a lot to have a narrative in my head. Im not an author never plan on writing anything else. This is what happened to me in real life I found out less than 3 weeks ago and am going through some shit. I don't have all the facts of what happened when I wasn't there. I just know two bjs and emotional affair. I know most of the people involved and I basically just needed to fill in the gaps of what i didn't know with what would be the most logical based on the people. I grew up with literotica being my source for porn, haven't been to the site in years. And apparently it's influenced me. The story ended abruptly because it's as current as it can be

For some odd reasons, many come to this "Loving Wives" category only to spew hate for the stories here that match the description of the category. Ignore the haters.

Good story. 5 *

Thanks

I get the feeling that the author posted because he could, just as a lot of cheaters do it because they can.

This story is a hot mess. (And I don't mean that it's hot. It's just a mess.)

I started to read it, but stopped after a paragraph, wondering why this site has such loose standards. Then the author added that this is a true story, and curiosity got the best of me.

These two have children?? SMH. Good luck, kids.

I can tell you with absolute certainty, you are married to a cheater that will always be a cheater. If you stay with this woman, she will cheat on you for as long as you are together. My best guess is that it will be with multiple men, but as she gets older she might find a long term affair. Your story shows yet again, a cheater is always a cheater. I don't care if she kisses another man romantically, she's cheating. A blowjob? Cheating. Don't think she can't give you a disease by blowing you after having blown someone else. She obviously feels guilty afterward but the rush she gets when she is doing it pushes her to be a serial cheater. DO NOT STAY WITH THIS WOMAN.

I caught my own wife years ago sucking another guys cock, my best friend. His fingers were on her clit and as I walked in, they both started cumming. The leapt up and my wife began crying, saying how sorry she was. She knew what she did was cheating. My own children were very young just like yours are and I wanted to stay with her only for the kids. So I stayed with her but moved into a spare bedroom. There was no way I wanted to catch something she had.

Now, 15 years later, we're together but we've never had sex again. I assume she's getting it elsewhere although I've went without. We are room mates and little else and when my little girl graduates in a few days and leaves in the fall for college, I'm going to have her served and divorce her.

I'm still trying to figure out what the hell I just read. I think it was about a guy who was with a girl who likes having sex with guys whose name starts with M. I don't know, but this story dropped it big time. If it is based on a true story, then I feel bad for the kids. I hope that that author just threw that in there to make it more interesting.

In the future I suggest running the story past someone before you post it. I think there is potential in the plot line for a decent story. It may be a cliché story line and won't be a Hall of Fame story, but it will be par for the course on this site.

The idea behind the story is good but it requires some serious editing. Get a good editor and resubmit this story. 2*

Are there some people out there as dumb as the hubby! I like how she comes to bed and he gets spanking stuff and clothes pin. No wonder the bitch is cheating. Um, how about eating her pussy and ass and fucking her??? The author and the main character are really very stupid.

Though the use of speech by the protagonists would have pepped it up.

Trashing others for daring to have a different opinion is a far better definition than what seems to be rattling around in your head.

<P>

Objectively, this is poorly written and indefensible. For example, there are run-on sentences, poor capitalization (e.g., proper names), dialogue that’s not punctuated/written as dialogue, and so on. Forget the subject matter, anyone, ANYONE, past the age of 10 should be embarrassed by this poorly written mess.

Dear LoathesMe

Like others here who have contributed their thoughts, I thought this was a mess, and those who called it an outline rather than a story described it well.

However, your contribution among the comments explains how and why it is what it is. It's probably one of the best examples of story writing as therapy on this site. (Assuming that it is your version of something that actually happened and your comment about writing it down immediately and in an hour is true.)

If it is therapy, I hope it works for you.

L

To paraphrase Truman Capote "This isn't writing, It's typing". Or "word processing" if you want to be more current.

This was all over the pace, with fractured sentences, tense changes, bad punctuation. The constant lack of capitalization of names was irritating. Please proofread your stories and get an editor.

Her character isn't plausible...In one moment she doesn't care about or love her boyfriend, even finds him sickning, the next moment she loves him and cries because she cheated him...Then again she return to her lover, then again feeling sorry...At least the children are his...2* only because of that...

I guess if the author has admitted he wrote it in an hour to get some angst over his relationship out it's understandable just how bad it is. Perhaps we should have another category called "therapeutic" as he's not the only author doing this.

To the author: I hope things work out for you in the future.

you don't fuck where someone else has fucked, you don't know what you will get in the disease hotel. 1*

....she deserves a womanizing putz, dependent, leach, live-in boyfriend, not a faithful, loving supportive husband.

Your story was weak at best and your imagination in creating the story was not working well. The ending left me thinking "Is That All There Is?"

the author needs an editor in the worst way. Also, the story needs to be fleshed out more, and brought to a better conclusion. The characters need to spend more time sharing the inner battles which are alluded to, but only grazed. My advise is to find a good editor, rewrite it completely, and repost it after removing the original. Good luck.

Ok, there was cheating so you aren't off-topic. And I do like the way a 'righteous woman' can become a little sex-hungry. But that's it? There is simply no ending! Come on,you gotta do better!

A PUSSY HUBBY STORY WITH A CUCK RAISING THE BULLS SEED.

It was stupid. Real people don' t behave that way. NO STARS. Suck it .The Bear does not even remotely approve.

The BEAR

Very poorly written story which also makes it difficult to understand at times. Need to a serious rewrite and republish.

This story is so poorly written it is difficult to read. The “newspaper article” style affords no immediacy or emotional experience; the characters have zero presence. This author has little grasp of how human beings actually behave or relate. 1*