All Comments on 'My Asian Sister Ch. 01'

Chapter Two of "My Asian Sister" is submitted and approved, and will be up live on Literotica on the morning of Saturday 29 October. We're hard at work on Chapter Three now (and yes, Jeong Park 11 will be finished soon).

lovely work so far I can just see poor little Shan gagging on cum.

Hi Chloe

As a mature Whiteguy with a lifelong case of yellow fever ....... great story. I look forward to the next chapter

Liked this piece (long for first chapter) largely because I like your work, Chloe Zhang, but this first chapter of a collaborative effort is a let down: Overly repetitive at all levels with possible exception of sex. And even the sex is average for you maybe because the two of you are trying to say too much “over the top” of the erotic element. Still looking forward but with less enthusiasm.

Just my opinion, but this collaboration with Hardleo doesn't work. After the fourth page, it was repetitive and boring and I stopped reading. Chloe is a brilliant writer on her own. Her writing is engaging and enthralling. This collaboration story doesn't tick those boxes.

I tried to deal, but I get no thrills from being forced to experience the inner thoughts of a cuck. Not my kink, not why I read incest stories. It's well written technically and grammatically speaking, but it has absolutely no appeal for me. I was excited when I saw you'd posted a story, but now instead of aroused I'm slightly nauseated. Cuck POV and cuck in general is definitely not my kink.

that pattern of Chinese girls being White Cock Sluts is more than outdated, even boring - no matter how often this is repeated in that story.

Sorry Chloe, but your stories were much better before that cooperation

Saw the name ChloeTzang and knew I had a new favorite story.

This was a bit much, the repetitiveness of thoughts, the looping effect of repeating prior dialogue, and the overly long sex session descriptions wore on me not long into the storyline. Somewhere through it, the mind needs a mental break from all those sexual fantasy stimulations. I found myself skimming after a while, Not something I like to do, but it was that or bailout of the story.

Hardleo And Chloe, how did you guys miss throwing in a 'Doug' name in the middle when she was lap dancing for Paul? That part caused a head jerk for a few seconds, a what the fuck moment, thinking I'd been hypnotized and missed another guy getting a pole dance session.

It was filled with lots of 'meat' but really short on substance. Better luck with the second one, this one seemed a bit off. Still, I gave it a four-star, just barely.

⭐⭐ Way too repetitive.

This is amazing, I think the Asian community would be a lot happier if playful and honest and sexy discussions about WMAF were more common. Although part of what makes it exciting is the shamefulness…

Hmmm, pretty good and it goes smoothly, it's not jarringly obvious it's written by two different writers which is a plus and it doesn't deserve the negative comments already posted here.

I am now off to read the second part which I will comment on later...

What do you have against California?

Legit: Fun fact, ChloeTzang is a legit white nationalist. Best guess is that he got a taste of Yellow Fever back in the 90s when California was still turning blue, then moved away to a less melanistically inclined place.

- California? White Nationalist? rotflmao. Actually, I have cousins in San Francisco, stayed there quite a few times when I was living at home and we visit every now and then. Love Chinatown there, but parts of SF have slid downhill a bit, depending on where in SF you go. Love the "Old Ladies" too - those old houses are soooooo beautiful!

- Points taken on repetition and thx for drumming on that one. Leo and I worked stuff in together and we need to get a bit better at that. Will aim to smooth that out for #3 I'll probably do most of the writing and Leo will look after theme, consistency and editing.

- One point to make is, it's NOT a cuck story. Leo gets his thrills from WMAF, and Tiffany isn't his girlfriend at all, and Leo isn't Tiffany's boyfriend. They both get off on WMAF sex, and Kirk has yellow fever, and Chapter 3 will largely explore that thru Leo's POV, while it will be Chapter 4 before Shan becomes the main character.

Anyhow, hope you enjoy the next chapter - and Jeong is coming too

California is a big place. While a few small parts have "slid downhill", the state as a whole is thriving. We recently beat out Germany as fourth-largest world economy and are catching up to Japan. Our budget is one of the only ones in the States to produce a surplus, and Newome recently passed a bunch of actually well-considered laws aimed at fixing the housing and homelessness issues. I'm proud of my state, and hearing out-of-towners constantly parroting AM Radio shit-slingers' smug predictions of our sudden but inevitable implosion gets old.

The Painted Ladies are beautiful though.

de gustibus disputandum ...

Kind of hard to follow who was saying what at points. I also think it feels like two separate stories happening simultaneously, and sharing the same page count.

Also, apart from what's happening inside the characters heads the only sex scene in a raceplay WMAF story was an AMAF one.

Loved the first part about shan

Wow! There's more? I really want to read all about the post prom WMAF action after the prom is over.

more plz

Working on #3 in my (not so copious) spare time. To spare you the suspense, I usually work on multiple stories in parallel - just finished one that's being published as a novella on Amazon ("Draft Deferment") altho not quite sure when the ebook publisher will be putting it out, but hopefully soon. #1 right now is Jeong 11 and Jeong 12. #2 is another novel I am co-writing with a fairly well-known Sci-Fi author for a mainstream publisher and obviously that has a pretty high priority. Real money. LOL. We all gotta pay for ou coffee. #3 (which basically means when I need a bit of rest and relaxation for the other 2, is My Asian Sister 3. So it's being actively worked on and when Jeong 11 and 12 are done, it will jump to #2. And #4 is my Geek Day story, which is half done. I also have 2 more stories to write for Literotica events I am organizing - this years "Hammered" and the "Heroism - the Oggbashan Memorial Event 2024".