by hafnium10
Love it so far! Now i'll nitpick a bit, she was dressed when he left her snd he went straight to lie down a jack off, then she shows up undressed and in a silk robe? That was fast! Is a silk robe standard guest room fare? (Well if I was single it might be, hehe;). Just picking for fun!
Looking forward to future chapters!
To those who have sent/written comments so far, thank you. The silk robe thing actually is explained in part two so I could see how it got confusing in this part. As for the scotch at the coffee place problem.. you are right I did forget the scene change. Thanks for reading and commenting. I do appreciate it.
Forget about what all the others have said about your story, if they don't like it then they should stop and read another story.!! Myself I thought it was a good build up to a very romantic story in the next chapters and you got a 5 and a 100 from me. I read to enjoy the story and not nit-pic.!!! Thanks. JAG/TSO
I agree with the comments by Nicely Done. It was a good start. You did have less grammer errors than most writers.
I once heard a comment by a published author, which makes a
lot of sense and that was "to let the story sit for a day or
two, then read it for small errors."
A few comments. Where in the world did the silk robe come from? How can she be so lucid after passing out only five minutes earlier? Drag it a out a bit more and develop the scenes, the first ones were nicely done, you began rushing after that. Use spell check, maerial, material perhaps.
That was a nice start for the series. I can hardly wait to see what how you continue the story with Kyle and Stephanie in the next chapter.