My First Year with Austin Ch. 04

When I looked back at him, he was crying.

That broke my heart, I immediately kissed him.

He took some time to speak again. He was thinking. He must have been thinking about this for a while.

"If only I knew, Ty. You're the only one who has ever made me feel this way. It's tough to... to put words on how my brain, my cock or my heart works."

"Sorry, Austin, I did not want to push you, I..."

"No, no, you're right. Look. What I can tell you is that in no way you are some sort of sick experimentation for me. I care way too much about you for that."

Damn, we were going deep.

"I think I know that." I told him.

"The thing is, I did not even think about having sex with another dude or dating any guy before meeting you. When we fooled around in College, I did not think twice about it. I mean, guys do that you know! A quick handjob, even a blowjob, bros being bros. No big deal."

I rolled my eyes.

"I did not even care that people might think that I was gay, I just had never considered it for myself. But when I... When I started to feel something more for you, it fucked me up a little. I was fucking girls but I would never feel the same attachment to them. Still, I had always pictured myself ending up with a woman, with kids, living in a big family house."

I wiped the tears from his cheeks and let him talk. It seemed like he needed to say this as much as I needed to hear it. Probably more, actually.

"This is why I told you that I could not picture myself with you back then. I feel so bad about the way I have handled it at the time but I truly thought that I could not love you the way you were loving me and... I guess I simply did not want to hurt you."

"That's fine, Austin... I... I know how difficult it is to try to figure yourself out."

He had never been this vulnerable with me. I felt more connected to Austin that I had ever been in the ten years we had known each other.

"After you left, I just kept dating girls in College. I was having rough kinky sex with them. The rougher, the better actually. But there was no feeling there. Well, until I met Cassie. She was perfect. Like, she filled all the boxes. I still had my weird sexual kinks but I thought, eh, it is time to settle down now. We got engaged, you came to the wedding... Tyler, the way you looked at my wedding. You looked so accomplished, so grown up."

"I mean, I was a big shot therapist at the time." I said ironically.

"Basically, yeah! And you looked damn good in that suit."

I blushed; this was ridiculous.

"You know, Austin. The day you got married, that was the day when I finally accepted to move on from you. All those years, I was sort of hoping we might reconnect but seeing you walking down the aisle... I... I thought it was time to let you go. And I did. I met Griffin 24 hours later."

"We have never been very good at aligning our schedules." Austin said semi-laughing and semi-crying.

"We are aligned, today."

He smiled at me.

"A year in the marriage, I started cheating on Cassie. With girls at first, and then, probably trying to recreate what I had discovered with you, with guys. And sure, I loved to be a dom and having a dude blow my dick, but there was always something missing. Cassie and I were no longer working out. We disconnected slowly; you called me from freaking prison around the same period. As the year went by, I thought it was only fair to end it with her. I did try until the very end to save the marriage but we both knew we were done."

"I'm sorry, Austin. I mean... I'm sorry I never even asked you about how you were feeling about the divorce... I am so caught up in my own shit sometimes."

He kissed me.

"I did not divorce her to be with you, but to figure myself out. I guess that approaching 30 made me think about my choices, what I wanted to do next in life. And you were stuck in that awful place. I was thinking about you, all the time. I was worried about you. I was so mad about the way Griffin had treated you. I just wanted to protect you. And at some point... I... I realized that I should try to stop looking for an ersatz of what we had lived together in College and maybe instead, I should try to live the real thing again."

I was not too sure if this was the most romantic or fucked-up love declaration ever, but I kissed him full mouth.

"I love you, Austin."

We were two messes trying to live our true-selves, we were making a ton of mistakes along the way but we were caring for one another deeply. What else could I ask for?

"I love you, Ty."

We had sex, or rather, we made love on the couch, our lips glued to each other the whole time. I was sitting on his cock. I felt complete once again.

I guess that bursting the bubble at the beginning of a relationship is not always a bad thing.

[MORE TO CUM]