My Journal, This is my Life

Things have been a little strange since the spring semester ended. It's strange enough that it ended so far into summer. I was really disappointed that I only got a C in the class. I was really hoping that my dancing would earn me a higher grade. Even Chad said that he gave me high marks for participating in the relaxation techniques that we had been doing and allowing him to train me.

Chad is so cute the way he is always concerned if I am alright. I have to admit that there have been times that I have had second thoughts about being naked in front of him and I sometimes feeling like I have become somewhat of a recluse since I haven't left my apartment in months. I often wonder what it will be like to wear clothes again. The only thing that I've worn recently has been the collar that Chad brough for me to wear. I think that it is nice though that Chad is always concerned with my feelings though, but it sometimes makes me feel bad when he talks about, "a girl like me". I know that he means it in a nice way but he makes it sound as if I was conceited before.

I suppose it is possible that I was a little conceited. I mean, it is true, I probably never would have dated Chad before the quarantine. I'm not someone who would have let many guys see me naked. That has sure changed. The number of guys who watch me on my web cam is over a hundred now. The number of guys really went up after I started masturbating for the guys who asked me to. I still mostly enjoy dancing but apparently its really important for the people watching me that I try other things. Chad really encourages that. He says I get a lot more tokens when I get creative.

I guess the fact that I am still dancing in front of the web cam now that I've completed the class is a little weird. Its not like I am still getting any extra credit for doing it. I guess I just like keeping my rating high. I know that the tokens are really just a way to keep track of how well I am doing, but Chad really wants me to keep earning as many tokens as I can. I guess Chad is really the reason why I am still dancing in front of the web cam. It makes him happy and I have found that I really like it when he is happy.

Chad has seemed a lot happier since the end of the semester. Unlike me, he got a A in the class. He really seems to enjoy spending time with my younger sister, Ruth. Ruth hasn't started college yet but I started sharing my relaxation videos with her. She really likes them, but they haven't worked quite the same way with her. She is normally somewhat shy and less outgoing than I am but very intelligent. I guess that is why Chad likes her so much. They are very much alike. Chad must have really done a good job preparing her for her first visit to my apartment since this all started. I was expecting her to be shocked to find me crawling around on all fours naked all the time.

That part has changed a little. Chad still prefers that I not wear clothes, but he says its not practical for me to stay on all fours constantly. Now that is just an evening thing after I am done cooking and cleaning and attending to Chad and Ruth's needs. I have a lot of time to myself since Chad takes Ruth out a lot. I'm really happy that Ruth seems to enjoy spending time with Chad and I am happy if I am helping with that. I was expecting her to go back home after visiting, but I think that she is going to stay with Chad in my apartment for a while. Luckily Chad seems to have a lot of time to spend with her and somehow doesn't seem to have a problem with finding the money to buy Ruth nice things.

I am a little jealous of Ruth at night. When I hear the sounds of them making love in my bedroom in the middle of the night, I can't help wondering why Chad never had sex with me. I've been naked in front of him for months, and many times I thought that he wanted to, but he never did. Now that my sister is here, they have sex every night. I know that it is just me being selfish, but I sometimes feel a strange feeling of resentment in the morning when she calls me into the bedroom to change the sheets. I guess part of that must be because I haven't spent a whole lot of time in my bed in the past few months and now that my sister is here I am making the bed every day.

I really have to work hard at not letting that resentment grow. I really love my sister, and for that matter I seem to have grown quite an attachment to Chad. I want them to both be happy, and I love seeing them together. I confessed to Chad how I was feeling. He told me that it was alright and even gave me a hug when I told him. He told me that when I get like that to just let him know. He said that he would punish me when I needed it to help prevent me from feeling resentment. I suppose it has helped somewhat.

This seems to be my life now. I don't know how long it will go on like this for. Chad and Ruth might ask me to eventually move out since they seem to be getting along so well. Hopefully as long as I keep getting the chores done and making sure all of their needs are met they won't ask me to leave. I will try to keep earning tokens by dancing and performing in front of the web cam since Chad really encourages that. I don't know when I will ever wear clothes again. I feel especially naked when I am doing laundry for Chad and Ruth but I suppose Chad will let me know when he wants me to wear clothes. He says that when he starts sending me on dates he will let me wear clothes to go out in. He still says that he doesn't think that I am ready for that. It doesn't matter, he says that he likes having me around to take care of him and my sister. I guess that is all I really need. Their happiness is all that really matters.