My Journey into Spiritual Sex Ch. 02

Sylvia then said that for those of us who were here for the first time that this retreat was not for everybody. If you find in a day or so that you are struggling or uncomfortable please come and talk to me about your feelings. She said that if eventually you want to leave us you are free to do so, and they would only charge pro rata plus a small admin fee. But she said that in the years that they had been running this retreat she could only recall two people leaving. But in the first instance she said for goodness sake come and see her first because she absolutely understood that some of the challenges of this retreat can be quite intimidating or unsettling.

She introduced the rest of her team of organisers and coaches and then said that she did not want to go into any more detail that evening. Instead she said that dinner was now being served in the restaurant and then we should maybe try a glass or two of the 'fruit juice' and maybe a hot drink back here in the library and then retire early because we would be commencing with a sunrise meditation in the temple before breakfast at 0600. If anyone wished to jump in the hot tubs again, they were free to do that after dinner.

By the end of that talk I was feeling positive, optimistic and excited that this mysterious agenda could actually be a big fit with me, and I could actually have stumbled into something very intense and cathartic; life changing even. I started to realise that I was going to absolutely love it here. I would be in my element. It was going to be just divine living in just a robe and being naked underneath for a whole week and with lots of naturist activities thrown in. I felt so excited anticipating the week ahead. I could not wait to get started.

Over dinner I sat with Joshua and also got chatting with a woman called Amy, who had been before and told me a lot more about what to expect from the retreat. She was full of life and bubbly and told us she was separated from her husband and living on her own in Cheltenham. That is not too far from me and I hoped she might perhaps become a friend.

After dinner I went back to my bedroom tired but excited that this retreat was really going to be up my street in a way that nothing else ever had. Some of the others retired to the library to socialise but I had had enough for the first day. I was glad I had come but wanting to get further into it. Not to be so green and such a newbie. I wanted to know the ropes more. I looked out of my window and sure enough there were still some people crammed into the hot tubs chatting and giggling. I was tempted to go down and join them. Tomorrow night, I thought, I will definitely go in them. The grounds and garden looked very pretty all lit up with a generous sprinkling of lights. My bed looked very inviting with a crisp clean white sheet and duvet, and luxurious fluffy pillows. I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

My First Naturist Meditation

There was a knock on my door early the next day which was the Monday. I heard someone going down the landing knocking on all the doors. I remembered we had our first meditation, the Sunrise Service, at 6 o'clock. I put the light on. I am someone who wakes up immediately in the mornings, so I was happy to jump out of bed. I was feeling very eager and excited and full of curiosity as to what this was going to be like.

I still wondered about what was de rigueur to wear for the meditation. I knew that at some point they would suggest you were au naturel for these meditations but this was the first one, it was chilly, early in the morning, and people did not know each other yet. I did not know what to pop on. In the end I decided to go donning a white bra and panties set and the fluffy white robe that was hanging on the back of the shower room door. The robe I noticed was rather nice with the centre's logo on the chest pocket. By dressing this way, I thought, I can always take something off if that is what everyone else is doing. I gingerly came out of my room about ten to six and nervously mingled with a group of three others all women. One of them knew the way so off we marched. We had to go out of this main building and walk along a path lit by low lights on little posts. The early morning air was cool and bracing. The path of lights looked very pretty stretching out across the ground and then up some steps ahead to the top of a mound. It was a bit of a stiff climb up and I felt a little breathless. At the top stood a modern square wood and aluminium framed building that was mostly glass. It had a flat roof with railings around. I thought this must be the Zen deck that was also used for open air exercises when warm enough. So, what they called The Temple looked nothing like a temple from the outside but was really just a modern ail glass structure.

I went inside with the others. I discovered that the fourth side was not glass at all but a solid wall that contained what looked like a central shrine flanked by various Indian carved wooden figures of Goddesses and Buddhaesque effigies. One of the glass sides had a breath-taking panoramic view across the rolling hills down towards the cliffs and sea.

The Indian guy, Shiva, was inside welcoming everybody. Shiva was sat in the lotus position in front of the shrine. He welcomed us to the Sunrise meditation Service, and asked us to take a rubber yoga mat and towel and find a space on the floor to lay down on our backs in rows. It had been chilly walking through the early morning crisp air outside but inside the temple it was comfortably warm. Warm enough to strip off I thought. I felt excited at the prospect that some people at least, and definitely me if that is really what really happens, were going to partake in this session naked. I could not imagine it at the moment; everyone was here dressed exactly the same as me in their robes. It looked like everyone had come and they had a full turnout. No one was having a lie in and risking upsetting Sylvia!

When Shiva had counted that everyone was here, he got up and turned the lights off. They had timed this so that the dawn was coming up through the glass wall and during this session the sun would rise above the horizon and stream into the room. Shiva turned on some relaxing gentle background Indian music. I was being charmed and seduced by the ritual and ambience of the situation.

Shiva began in a slow reassuring tone, like he was comforting his aged grandmother, "You should now make yourself as comfortable as you can. Wear what you feel will allow you to connect with the universe and be your simplest being. If you wish to remove the trappings of the modern world to connect with the natural world, we find that discarding your clothes can help you achieve that connection. We are all together but you are also on your own. There is only peace, love, freedom and acceptance here. You are free to just be here at one with the universe and go deep within yourself to find peace, contentment and harmony."

He paused for a while and this was the cue for about half the group to roll onto their sides and remove their robes. They were mostly completely naked underneath except for about six ladies (including me) who were wearing underwear. The men who removed their robes were all already completely naked. Shiva himself had also discretely removed every stitch in a deft movement that was obviously well practiced. He was back in the lotus position. I had waited for this moment with great anticipation, and was excited that it was turning out to be really happening. I whipped off my robe and folded it under my towel and lay there in my underwear.

Shiva began the meditation asking us to concentrate just on breathing in and out deeply. He encouraged us to close our eyes. This went on for a few minutes and he kept softly encouraging us to relax and just be, whilst his hypnotic voice washed over us. It was so cosy and pleasant. After a while I opened my eyes to have a peep and found that by now all but about three of us had removed all their clothing and were lying naked on their mats. I knew then that more than ever before in my life I was amongst likeminded friends who had the same views on clothes and being naked as I did. As Shiva continued to lead the affirmations in his soft hypnotic voice, I slid my panties down my legs and over my feet as discretely as possible and tucked them under my towel. I then unclipped by bra and removed that and also tucked it under my towel. I rested my head back on my towel and laid there feeling elated. I felt a slight chill as I parted my legs and arms as wide as I could like a star fish. I felt gorgeous and the whole situation felt delicious. I saw the sun rising above the horizon and the dawn breaking through the glass wall. I was so happy in that moment. It was truly a perfect moment. This was sheer bliss for me lying there naked, arms and legs apart, stretched out in a room full of other like-minded souls. I resolved there and then that I would endeavour not to put any underwear on again until I was dressing to drive home at the end of the retreat. This was a naturist retreat and I was going to make the most of it. I was fairly sure now that that would be possible. From now onwards I was going to try to just live in their robe. I remember now that Joshua had told me before we came during the drive down that you do hang out in a robe most of the time; so much so that they actually exchange it for a clean one half way through the week. I understood what he meant now.

I now needed to get my head in the right place to really connect with the meditation. I wanted to really notice and feel everything and get to the state of expanded consciousness and higher state of awareness and mindfulness that Shiva was endeavouring to take us all. Shiva was talking to us slowly and deliberately with conditioning messages about peace, and love, about being calm, and content, feeling that we have enough, and acceptance. His voice was very seductive, and it was hard to resist drifting down into a deeper state of relaxation. His style was a blend of meditation and hypnosis. At one point he asked us to stretch out sideways and hold the hand of the person on each side of us and to stay like that. I had women each side of me, neither of whom I knew yet, but I did this and it felt so natural, so right. So, for the remainder of the meditation everyone in each row remained connected. Shiva said something about letting our energy flow through each other and about feeling connection to our collective spirit. My sceptical side thought this sounded like a lot of mumbo jumbo, but I have to be honest that at another level it did feel right and I did have emotional feelings welling up in me of belonging to something greater than me. Something happened to me, but I did not know what. I think the thing I kept finding throughout this week was how powerful the effect of ritual, ambience and atmosphere on the mind can be. You have to believe for the magic to happen.

Shiva asked us to chant with him some affirmations. We repeated after him, "Peace, love, harmony, friendship, compassion. I am love, I am at peace with myself, I love myself, I am good enough. I am at peace with the universe and everybody. I am a part of the universe. I am the universe." And so, it went on, a long stream of positive affirmations. You dear reader may react with cynicism about this, and I would not blame you. I would have reacted in the same way before I experienced this for myself.

It turned out that these same set of core affirmations were repeated at every meditation morning and evening throughout the week and sometimes they played a recording of them set to soulful music.

I left that first meditation in a haze. It felt like I had been drugged. I felt bathed in good feelings-good energy as they would say.

I walked back to my room chatting to one of the women who had been next to me and I had been holding her hand. She was called Lesley, about my age, and had not been before to this retreat but was a practising Buddhist. She lived with a guy, but she was here on her own. I told her my situation was similar. She told me she had visited India and Bhutan a few times and been to some retreats out there although none like this one. We were both very excited about what was to still to come this week.

After a shower I ventured down to breakfast. I went just dressed in the robe with nothing on underneath and just some red feminine strappy slip on sandals on my feet. There was quite a buzz in the restaurant. I sat with Lesley and two other women I had not met before called Heather and Simone. I noticed that Joshua was eating with Sylvia.

Signing Up for the Grounding Sessions

When we were getting near finishing Sylvia stood up, and said that she would like to say a little about the programme today. This is more or less what she said in her own words.

"Well Good morning everyone. Well done to all of you for getting up early for our sunrise meditation. I hope you enjoyed it. As I said last night, we have a packed schedule of workshops this week which I trust you will find helpful and enjoyable. One of the things I did not talk about last night which is a central element of the healing process at our retreats here is something that perhaps sounds a little daunting at first that we call 'grounding' sessions. These are sessions where we ask you to open yourself up to the group one at a time as a prelude to your workshops here. After you have bared your soul to the group, you will receive the love and support of the group in return. We have found that by doing this you will get the most out of this retreat in self-improvement and personal development. This is a very powerful tool that you should try to embrace with an open mind. Those of you who have not been before are strongly recommended to go through this process but any of you who have been before and would like to do it again are also very welcome.

I had been listening intently to Sylvia. I, like many of the group was already worrying and nervous about going through this process. Joshua had not warned me about this probably deliberately. At the same time, I was intrigued and for my own part would have to admit that my own personal life was a mess and that I needed help and therapy as much as anyone. I was a prime candidate. But what on earth was this 'receiving the love and support of the group' all about? I was all agog to see that happening!

Sylvia continued, "The plan will be to offer everyone who wants one a grounding session over the next three days. If necessary, we will hold some after dinner in the evenings in order to get through them all. You do not have to attend everybody else's grounding sessions, but it would be appreciated if you would come to most of them as receiving the love and connection of the group is an important part of how it works.

"I will not pretend that some people do not find this a painful and a challenging process, but it is also a very powerful and effective process and almost everybody tells us it had a dramatic and positive impact on them. It is not, of course, compulsory but we strongly recommend it to those who have not been before. Remember that everything that happens here is in total confidence, and stays here. The rest of the group are on your side and only want the best for you and in reality, are only here to hold a mirror up to you so you can see yourself with a new clarity. This is a totally safe environment.

"After breakfast we are going to begin with some advice about naturism and nudity and then mid-morning, we are going to start with a couple of grounding sessions before lunch. So please would you have a word with me if you would like to add your name to the list. We aim to arrange the programme for about six of you each day to have your slot and these can even take place after dinner in the evening in order to fit them all in. OK that's it. Our first session will be held by Soraya in the temple who is going to talk to us about naturism, nudity, and exhibitionism."

I could not believe how much this retreat seemed to be a bull's eye for me. Like it had been specially designed and targeted at me. Everything seemed to be exactly on my wavelength and so relevant. I could not help but feel more and more excited. But I was nevertheless anxious about enduring this so called, 'grounding'.

As we were leaving the dining room, I found Joshua and asked, "Have you been through one of these groundings then?"

Joshua smiled at me and replied, "Yes, I have actually although a couple of years ago. I know it sounds weird, but it does actually work. I got quite a lot out of it."

I said, "It sounds terrifying."

Joshua replied, " Don't worry. It can actually be quite fun. It is not as horrendous as it sounds. I've watched a lot of people going through it here and they all say afterwards that they are glad they did."

I asked, "Do you think I should do it then?"

Joshua replied, " Well only you can decide that. But I warn you if you do not sign up, Sylvia will put some pressure on you to persuade you. And from what you have told me about your personal life, don't take offence, but I would not have thought it would do you any harm."

I had to accept he was right. I went to the notice board in the corridor outside Sylvia's office where the programme was displayed every day. Sylvia had left a form pinned up. I picked up the pen and added my name to the list. There were already five names on it.

I walked back to my bedroom on my own grateful for a bit of space and to take a breather. I thought about the bloody 'grounding' session that I had just put my name down for. I wondered what it would be like. I felt a bit scared about it. I contemplated going back and scrubbing my name out. Back in my room I had half an hour before the next session. I surreptitiously checked my phone. I felt naughty and thought better not let Sylvia see me doing that! Nothing from Andy or Tony. I was not surprised. They both thought I was off with the fairies coming here. That I was getting weird. They were both leaving me to it. Leaving me to get all this weird stuff out of my system. Except I increasingly felt that was not going to happen. Maybe it was them I was going to get out of my system. I laid on my bed and closed my eyes. The early start was catching up on me.

All too quickly it was time to return to the temple. During breakfast they had left an updated version of the day's programme in my room. The next session sounded interesting. To be honest everything sounded interesting. I was lapping this all up. Gulping it down. It described this next session as 'the truth about naturism and nudity'. It said that 'in this session we will give you new healthy ways to think about naturism and nudity and dispel many of the modern myths and negative conditioning statements that you have been brought up on.'

Soraya and the Truth About Naturism and Nudity

When I arrived at the temple there was a new woman welcoming us that I had not seen before. She was stunning, tall and thin, aged about mid-forties and had the most amazing long flowing curly red hair that reached half way down her back. She was beautiful and wrapped in a magnificent flowing maroon and mustard coloured Indian sari. She had the most amazing crystal green eyes. She looked ravishing. A veritable goddess. She came across as a bundle of energy just like Sylvia had done.

We were asked to sit down on the floor on a yoga mat around the edge of the temple leaning with our backs against the glass walls. The glass felt a little cold.

The coach introduced herself as Soraya and said that she was going to talk to us about how we are conditioned to view naturism and nudity and the reality. I imagined that Soraya was not her real name but one she had adopted for her spiritual coaching work. She sounded British to me.