My Journey into Spiritual Sex Ch. 02

I got to a point where I was too upset to continue but by then they had heard the main reasons why my life is a mess and what a mixed-up woman I am underneath. More importantly I had heard it all too and that is exactly how this 'therapy' was supposed to work. I was crying hysterically and rolled over onto my side and curled up in a ball like a child. I would have liked to just cry myself to sleep at that moment.

Now what followed was a very profound and amazing experience. What happened in all the grounding sessions had followed a similar format and so I knew roughly what to expect next but what I did not know was how intense that was going to feel and how reaffirming it would be for my confidence.

Sylvia leant over and said to me that I was perfect. That I was exactly as I should be. I was exactly as I was meant to be. That I should not feel guilty. That I was on my path, being me, living my life. That I was 'pure'. That I had to go through everything exactly as it happened to be who and what I am today.

After a little time with Sylvia stroking my hair and forehead she said, "Do you feel able to sit up now and receive the love of the group?"

Receiving the love of the group had been what these grounding sessions had been about, so I knew this phase was coming. I slowly sat up on the bench (which I remind you was more like a single bed) still sobbing. I used my fingers to clear some of my tears. I could feel the sweat on my brow. I heard everyone getting up and moving to surround me which was how these sessions worked. I reluctantly opened my eyes and looked at them all smiling at me lovingly.

I felt so completely vulnerable like a young child. The tears all welled up again and I sobbed hard. Under Sylvia's direction I was being 'honoured' and 'loved' by the group. Shakti took one of my hands and held it and then Lesley took the other. The group were crowded around me stroking my hair. I was pleased to see that Soraya had come in and joined them. One of the guys, Andrew, took hold of one of my feet and started to stroke it. Another guy, Mark picked up my other foot and began stroking it. They removed my sandals and cradled and stroked my feet. They gently stroked my forehead, and hair. I knew what would happen next and knew that I would love it. Sylvia began removing my arms from my robe, and pulling it slowly down off my shoulders. The group carefully stripped me of my robe and then laid me back down on my back naked on the bench. I closed my eyes and felt their hands and hair flowing over my skin.

Sylvia repeated, "Feel the love and support of all of your friends here. You are loved. You are alright. You are OK. You are perfect. Be easy on yourself. Accept yourself. Be natural with yourself. Be who you really are. Make friends with yourself. Be in love with yourself. Love yourself Rachel. Love yourself."

Some of the group were now saying like a chant, "We love you Rachel."

I remained with my eyes firmly closed and felt their hands sliding over me, their lips kissing me all over.

Sylvia said, "Give yourself to our love Rachel. Feel our love and connection. We give you our positive support and energy. We give you our compassion and immerse you in our loving kindness. Accept the redemption and healing from the group."

Shakti was repeating, "We bathe you in our love. We adore you Rachel. You are lovely Rachel. You are lovely, lovely perfect Rachel."

I opened my eyes and attempted a grateful smile. It was clear they were submerging me in their love, and kindness and unconditional approval. It was as you can imagine a wondrous emotional blissful experience. My heart surged with love for them all. I saw a sea of faces surrounding me. They were all looking at me intently and concerned like I was a seriously ill patient. Maybe that is how they saw me. They were bathing me in their adoration and love.

Sylvia bent over to kiss me lovingly on the lips and not just a peck but for a few seconds. This was the signal to the group to open the flood gates. She said in my ear, "Feel the love Rachel. Love yourself. You are truly beautiful and perfect Rachel. You are free. Your spirit is free and pure."

I knew this was going to be a profound life changing experience that I would never forget.

What followed some readers will see only as sexual and depraved but please dear reader believe me that it was not. It was something very different. Very sensual and intimate yes but much more emotional than sexual. I look back on it as something profoundly sacred.

I felt their lips, their hands, their fingers gliding all over me and caressing me. I felt overcome and overwhelmed and began sobbing again with my eyes closed. Sylvia said, "Let it go Rachel, let it go. Let it all out."

Several of the others copied her and were chanting softly, "Let it go Rachel", over and over again.

As I lay there Sylvia placed a folded towel over my eyes. It was dark anyway and definitely an advantage of having your grounding at night. Maybe just one or two of them at first softly ran their hands over my tummy and then down over my breasts and my thighs. This built up to a stampede, a tsunami of touch, and hands were running over my inner thighs and vagina. They gently parted my legs. Sylvia must have been aware of what was happening and this must have all been considered part of the process. She must have approved and condoned this intimate touching by everyone. I felt delicate and careful fingers delving inside me. I could feel I was really wet down there. They never hurt me once despite the intensity of their assault on my senses. I began to wriggle and writhe in pleasure still sobbing as I gave myself completely to their loving care and kindness. I lifted by bum up with my legs in a V to give, whoever it was, better access to play with me. I knew I should not be so wanton probably but that is an automatic reaction is it not? It is with me anyway. I was in a completely powerless submissive state. I kept my eyes closed and had no idea who was inside me. I preferred not to know. It did not matter as I knew this was a group of like-minded friends many of whom were to become part of my life going forward in ways that I did not yet know. The probing and touching had got this intimate in some of the previous groundings before though, so I was not the first. I suppose you attract it depending on how you respond. I was reminded of that night in the hotel room with the six boys on the training course that I wrote about in Rachel Reveals More and Rachel Reveals All when I was intimately fondled and massaged by a group on a bed. What was happening to me this time though was like that but with so many more participants and with a more worthy and noble objective. To heal me.

I remember not wanting to cum in front of them all. I resolved not to orgasm in such a public setting. But it was a vain hope. I had no control whatsoever over what was happening. They could have cut my heart out and sacrificed me to the gods like some ancient pagan ceremony. I could have done nothing about it. I could have been ceremoniously taken by the village cult leader with everyone chanting! But instead of all that I could just feel an orgasm approaching with all the attention I was receiving. I kept involuntarily repeating, "I'm cumming, I'm cumming," as it approached. When I approach orgasm I say, "I'm cumming," in a sort of pathetic submissive way that says, 'Don't stop, don't stop', but also says, 'don't worry, I will not resist. I will obey. I will surrender myself obediently to the sword of orgasm." When I actually started to orgasm, it changed to incoherent cries of pleasure-a sort of, "Errrgh, Errrgh, Errrgh" from deep in my throat. And then I announced my final capitulation loudly with a final, "I'm cumming. I'm cumming," and I really was this time. My crying quickly changed to real hysterical crying and emotional release. As I writhed and heaved around in submissive ecstasy, they firmly restrained me to prevent me falling off the mattress. Throughout all of this time Sylvia was saying to me and the group things like, "Let your shame go Rachel, let your regrets go Rachel, let your guilt go Rachel. You are now free Rachel. We release you."

The group were repeating what Sylvia said.

My grounding was both heaven and hell at the same time. Hell because of the pain of confronting the denial of my chaotic, out of control, life and insecurities, and heaven because of the overwhelming physical pleasure, love, support, approval and affirmation I was receiving from this group of kindred spirits. I was getting a real taste as to what spiritual sex was about. This all carried on for ages until I was visibly exhausted with writhing and wriggling and becoming unresponsive. Please dear reader, do not see this as anything sordid or depraved. It was overwhelmingly beautiful and sacred. This was truly a spiritual experience and a day that I will never forget. I just hoped the healing process worked for me.

Sylvia then began to close the session speaking on behalf of all of them wishing me well in my journey of spiritual exploration and discovery and once again showering the love and positive energy of the group on me. She struck the meditation bowl signalling everybody to softly and quietly drift away.

I was left in the temple with just Sylvia and interestingly Joshua stayed behind. I felt bewildered, dazed, confused, and overwhelmed. I sat up just sobbing and incoherent. I did not know what I felt really. Had this process been good for me? I had no idea. Sylvia assured me that it would be and I would feel the benefit and be re-energised, cleansed, and free tomorrow. She said that we have to break you down to rebuild you or something like that. I could not respond. I was completely physically and emotionally drained. The two of them helped me to my feet and put my robe back on. I sat on the edge of the bench and they each put one of my sandals back on.

I mumbled to them, "I do not want to see anybody else again tonight. Please just help me back to my room."

They complied without any further comment. They knew I was unreceptive to any more discussion or persuasion. They walked me slowly back to my room each holding an arm to support me. On the way I passed some of the group. They just tried to give me a reassuring smile. They could see I was visibly shaken. Nobody spoke to me thank God. In fact, before the groundings had commenced yesterday Sylvia had said that no one should discuss anyone else's grounding with them afterwards unless they brought it up. When I got to my room, I asked Joshua to come in and just see I was alright for a moment. I knew him well enough to ask and better than Sylvia who I did not wish to see anymore that night. Joshua was very happy to look after me and Sylvia disappeared after recommending that I try and get a good rest. When I shut my bedroom door with just Joshua in the room it was such a relief after the overwhelming intensity of what I had been through. I collapsed on the bed and curled up in a ball sobbing.

Solace and Comfort with Joshua

Joshua sat next to me on my bed and tried to put his arm around me and give me a cuddle. I really needed that. He held me for what seemed ages while I sobbed. I did not know specifically what I was upset about really. Just in a state of shock I suppose.

Joshua kept trying to calm me down by telling me it would all be alright; that this reaction was normal. Joshua said it was how the grounding process worked. Joshua also began to stroke my head and forehead. I was enjoying it and it was helping calm me down. The last thing I felt ready, willing or able to do was discuss what I had just been through.

After a while Joshua asked, "Would it help you do you think if I gave you a little calming massage?"

I was not expecting that, and it took me by surprise. I thought about it and decided that it might but if he was going to massage me it had to be as a friend and not as a bloody professional service. I had, as you know, had a few massages from Joshua and we knew each other well and I considered him a friend already.

I chuckled and replied a bit bluntly, "That would be lovely but I am not paying you for it."

Joshua looked hurt and said, "Of course not. That was not what I was saying. It is up to you. Just offering."

I knew I had offended him. I said, "I'm sorry. I did not mean that. It would be lovely Please do. I think it might help me recover."

I turned over onto my front and closed my eyes. Joshua went back to his room briefly and came back with some oil. He started by raising up my robe at the bottom and massaging my feet and legs. I was so familiar with his routine but I was too tired and exhausted for it to go on for an hour or more.

I said, "Joshua, I am so knackered. Can I just have a shortened version please. Just go for it."

So, Joshua progressed quickly up my legs and thighs. I hastened it along then myself by undoing my robe and taking it off completely. I laid back down on my front naked again eager for the familiar pleasure of Joshua's magical touch. Joshua quickly advanced to some long flowing strokes that travelled the whole length of my body down my back, over my buttocks and down my legs. He was careful to keep it all proper and not wander into anywhere too intimate. After a few minutes I turned over myself onto my back before he asked me too. I was taking the lead.

I said, "That was lovely. Now a bit on my front please."

Joshua was standing by the side of the bed now and began massaging my front starting on my legs again and then up my sides. I was still in a daze. But I needed comfort and this felt nice and was helping. He was avoiding massaging my breasts and pubic area. I do not know why as he had never held back before! He was not sure what I wanted, I suppose, and was behaving as a professional. I just needed a friend though tonight. After a few strokes I grabbed his hand and clamped it firmly against my vagina and held it there. I needed to feel his magic touch, and to be honest I still felt stimulated and aroused from the intimate attention I had received during my grounding.

Joshua switched to his usual technique of an all over intimate full body treatment albeit a shortened version. I raised my head onto another pillow to lift my head up and closed my eyes again whilst Joshua did his magical stuff. I made it clear that more internal probing and frigging would definitely be very welcome. You would have thought that after the momentous orgasm I had just had at the end of my grounding I would have had enough but sadly not. I was still aroused as hell.

So, there I was again lifting my bum up off the bed wantonly and squirming around. I was in a funny state after my grounding. Just wanted to feel something, I think. Not to feel numb and dazed anymore from the ordeal. Things were moving very fast as I wanted and needed them to do. I clasped Joshua's wrist again hard so that practically his whole hand was inside me. I started sobbing again. Boy I was in a mess that night. Joshua was doing his best working frantically on my clit and inside my vagina.

I was desperate to cum again but could not get there. After a few more minutes, I grabbed his hand again and looked into his eyes and said, "Joshua I need to feel you next to me tonight. I cannot sleep alone tonight. Please would you stay with me and look after me just tonight as a friend. Please don't leave me on my own." I sounded pathetic and helpless.

Joshua looked very surprised. He knew this could or would change our relationship, but I was not thinking about that. I just needed comforting and some solace. I did not know if Joshua had a partner and if he did what the relationship was. If he did have a partner, I prayed he could forget them tonight.

Thankfully Joshua said, "OK I will stay with you if you think it would help."

I climbed out of the bed and put my arms on Joshua's hips and gave him a peck on the lips. I am not sure if I had ever kissed him on the lips before, only ever on the cheeks when I was greeting him.

"Thank you, Joshua."

I went for a quick pee and then climbed back into my bed under the duvet.

Joshua also had a pee and slipped off his robe. I was surprised to see that he was wearing pants underneath his robe. He slid into bed beside me still in his underpants. I turned out the light and said, "Thank you for staying with me and not leaving me alone."

He felt lovely and warm and cosy next to me and I loved his masculine slightly sweaty fragrance after a long and busy day.

He gave me a peck and said, "Sleep well Rachel. You will feel better in the morning."

I knew he had always liked me. He was behaving like a professional and a gentleman. After a couple of minutes in the dark I wriggled around and put my lips to his to see what response I would get. I was not disappointed. We kissed passionately for a while and I snuggled up to him, our fronts touching, and wriggled against him. I could feel his erect penis through his pants pressing against me. The warmth of his body felt so cosy.

After a minute or two I said to him, "I have to say I am very surprised to see that you are wearing pants under your robe. This is supposed to be a naturist retreat. Didn't you know? I thought you told Soraya that you weren't shy!" and with that using both hands, I pulled his pants down to release his prick. It was rock hard and I grasped it and gave it a gentle tug. I thought that would focus his attention.

I said, "Joshua I need you to make love to me. I don't want any foreplay. I am too tired. I just want you to fuck me please. I want to feel you inside me. I just want you to stick the bugger in me. I want to feel you lying on top of me, and to feel helpless."

Joshua whispered, "Are you sure you want this. There will be no going back."

I was still sobbing a little and said, "I am totally sure. I want you to make love to me. But after this I am never paying you for a massage again! OK?"

Joshua sounded a little miffed that I had brought that up again and mumbled," OK I get that. Fair enough."

Just at that moment there was the sound of two or three of the others going down the corridor past my door laughing and joking.

Joshua pulled his pants down over his legs and feet and threw them out of the bed. He rolled over on top of me and I put my arms around his back to hold him close. I was not going to let him get away! With the absolute minimum of further wriggling he slipped into me and I held his buttocks to make sure he entered me up to the hilt. He felt gorgeous. I felt I had waited for that moment for a long time. I had always thought it might happen one day. I also felt some emotional relief immediately. I was feeling something again. I would come through this and who knows maybe it really will be for the better. And a relationship of some sort with Joshua? Who knows?

But soon I was no longer able to mull over such thoughts as Joshua thrust away. He knew I only wanted it gentle and loving and that was what he gave me, but it was perfect. Thankfully he lasted more than long enough to make sure I had a sublime orgasm under his skilful care. I dug my finger nails into his back as I shuddered and writhed in pleasure underneath him. You cannot get better than being fucked by a professional sex therapist! When I was done Joshua took his own pleasure but again was gentle and not rough. I was already dropping off when he came.

When I awoke in the morning and started to become conscious, I had that familiar thud on the back of the head where you suddenly remember that something awful happened the night before. I remembered my grounding, and the pain, how I had wantonly availed myself to the group, and the embarrassment. Everyone in the entire retreat had pawed me. And there was Joshua lying next to me naked. And I had had full sex with him and cum wildly. I had only been away from home for three nights for God's sake and already I have slept with another man. 'Oh God!'