My Journey into Spiritual Sex Ch. 02

Soon Joshua stirred and as soon as I could I dumped my fears and regrets onto him, but he was lovely and reassured me that my grounding was absolutely normal, that I had not embarrassed myself, and that he for one was glad we had slept together at last and had enjoyed it very much. He then followed this up by saying, "I have to be honest Rachel, when I have been giving you those massages, I have more than once thought about having sex with you one day and hoped we would. And it was as good as I thought it would be. So, I have no regrets that is for sure."

'Oh well. No problems then I thought!'

We did not have long to freshen up before the morning meditation. With Joshua with me I felt a lot more confident. I actually did start to believe and feel that the grounding had had a positive effect on me. All that affirmation, love and support from the group had been pretty awesome. I felt I could be my own person more. More confident in my own skin. More confident with who I am. I would live my own life with a new resolve. Be me. Be who I am. Exhibitionism and all. Maybe a bit of a loose woman. Maybe a bit promiscuous. So what! Get over it! I really was OK. I had to smile. I had made a good start I thought- I had already slept with my masseur!

On the way to the temple we met a few of the others including Shakti, Lesley, Andrew and Mark. Everyone greeted me and treated me completely normally. Nobody mentioned my grounding. Even if they thought about it everyone was discrete and sensitive enough not to bring it up. They all would have known what a challenging and potentially upsetting process it is to go through. By the time I arrived at the temple I was feeling a new sense of freedom and empowerment. The new empowered Rachel had arrived!

An Even More Sublime Evening Meditation

On the Wednesday evening we had all gone to the temple at around 8 o'clock for the evening meditation expecting it to be the same as it was on the last two nights. However, when we arrived, we found that Shiva was there with Soraya as well. I knew by now that anything Soraya was involved in was going to be good and was embracing the unexpected. When we were all there Soraya welcomed us and then said, "We usually try to hold one evening meditation during the week down on the beach if weather permits. This evening the weather is perfect so we are going down there this evening. It is about a ten-minute walk down there so if you would all like to follow us down the path."

It certainly was a beautiful evening and we were all excitedly chatting and speculating what the format of this was going to be when we got down there. We followed Soraya and Shiva out of the temple and out past the main house onto the lane that continues on down from the centre. This was a single-track lane that would also be used by the public on a summer day but on an evening in May when it was getting dusky it was unlikely that we would meet anybody else. When we got down to the beach, we found that the retreat technician had already been down and had set up an amplifier. We were welcomed by the usual Indian sounding mystic meditation music to complete the setting. The beach was a small but beautiful sandy cove. There was a basket to place our shoes as Soraya was encouraging us to walk barefoot on the sand. Several of us began walking through the shallow wavelets and getting our feet wet. She urged us to really feel the sand and waves through our feet and to 'connect with the earth.'

Shiva then asked us to prepare ourselves to begin the meditation. By now I knew that was code for removing our clothes. I had been hoping this was going to happen. Very soon there were eighteen of us unquestioningly undressing and standing stark naked. They had also taken the yoga mats down to the beach in a van so we all picked one up and laid it down on the sand. I looked at our group, all completely naked, and it all seemed perfectly natural. So much so that clothes would have made the situation less pure and innocent somehow. I was so excited; I was loving it. As I say I felt I never wanted this week to end.

As we laid there relaxing and breathing in the cool evening air Shiva put on some music. This time it was an excerpt from Peer Gynt by Grieg if you know it. I know this piece -it is called Morning and is the piece most people know when they hear it. I am no classical music buff. But I do know this is an emotional, soulful, sad, moody orchestral piece that immediately makes your eyes water but still conjures up optimism from deep in our soul to confront the worst that life can throw at us. There that is me done being poetic. Anyway, the choice was perfect to accompany the sun setting over the ocean on this perfect late Spring evening. The moment was just an unforgettably perfect one. The sky turned crimson -a Son et Lumiere arranged by nature. We lay there in silence when it finished stunned. No body wanted to break the spell. Eventually Shiva started a very brief meditation mainly just repeating our standard core affirmations. He added some about being at one with the universe, and seeing the beauty that is all around us. Soraya then said that she wanted us to finish by sharing love and emotion with each other. We were to find a partner and just hug each other and laugh or cry or anything that felt right for us. I paired up with Heather who was on the next mat to me. Tears were never far away from Heather and that was the direction that our cuddling session took. But I was still feeling upbeat, and empowered from my own grounding.

When we broke up, I could not resist paddling in the waves again in the fading light. Most of the women did the same.

Sylvia Reveals the Tantric Spiritual Retreat

Thursday began with the usual sunrise meditation followed by a big revelation over breakfast.

As seemed to happen every day Sylvia joined us towards the end with some information about the programme for the day. There was going to be a mix of yoga, and a talk on a healthy diet and some other stuff. And then she said, "Some of you have been asking about what other retreats we run here and have heard about a tantric version of this retreat from people who have been here before. It is true that we run a tantric version, but we insist that participants have been on this introductory version first, and enjoyed it. You can understand that it is essential that participants have enjoyed this naturist meditation retreat first and that they, and to be honest we, are sure that they will benefit from and fit in at the tantric version. So, the tantric retreat is not a secret or anything, but we do not advertise it until you are familiar with this naturist meditation retreat and the centre and what we are about in general. This tantric version will take you into the techniques of tantric sex and teach you more about how to practice spiritual sex."

Of course, I had already had a grounding in tantric massage from Joshua so had some idea what tantric sex was about.

Sylvia continued, "So I wanted to let you know that we are running a tantric version of this retreat in about six weeks in June. We actually call this event a 'Tantric Spiritual Retreat', but it is a continuation of the naturist meditation theme combined with teaching about tantric spiritual sex. June is a lovely time of the year to be at this beautiful place, but I warn you we only have six places left on the next one. We are running the Tantric Spiritual Retreat again though after that in August. I have put a list up on the notice board for those of you who are interested to add your names. I always have a chat with everyone who attends an event here at the end on your own in private to review how you have found it here. If you have expressed an interest in attending a Tantric Spiritual Retreat then we would discuss with you then, whether you are ready for such a retreat and whether it would be right for you."

As soon as Sylvia had finished, I knew what I had to do. I was blown away by this news that there was a more extreme and erotic version of this retreat. I was loving this place so much I did not want to leave. I could not wait to return, and this even more interesting version just sounded irresistible to me.

Immediately after breakfast I shot straight out to the noticeboard in the corridor outside the office. I was of course the first there, and nobody else seemed to be rushing to sign up like I was. I picked up the pen and added my name to the list. I was never so sure about anything. I could not wait to come back for this tantric version, and I had not even finished this retreat yet!

Thursday was a nice day not because anything amazing happened but more because it did not! I was struck by how we were all in the routine and how quickly the extraordinary had become the ordinary. We went through the routine of the meditations, the yoga, some talks, and some time off relaxing in the afternoon. Some people spent the time in the hot tubs, some in their rooms and some walking the grounds and down to the beach. I was struck by what a hot house of flirting and intense sizing up this week had been between the participants. I suppose by the nature of the retreat it would be bound to be that way. It was a highly charged atmosphere. There were though only five males on this retreat (six if you include Joshua) between thirteen women so they were in big demand! The two I liked were of course Joshua and Mark. The only obvious successful pairing that seemed to have occurred though was Simone and Andrew who had hit it off since the first day. They were always to be seen together. However, two of the women, Brenda and Alice, seem very close and I would not be surprised if they were also a pairing. They were both on this retreat for a second time and about the same age and were at least bisexual or maybe gay.

Reflections and Enlightenment 1

Friday morning began with the usual Sunrise meditation in the temple. It was noticeable and even quite amusing that by now everyone was in the routine. No one was questioning the daily regime. We were all loyal followers! Everything that had once seemed challenging and outside our comfort zones had now become our normal.

After breakfast I felt completely exhausted and laid on my bed in my room and collected my thoughts. I know I have said it before, but this week had seemed like a month. When I get home, I am going to just collapse in bed for twenty four hours! I decided to skip the next session which was more yoga. I was feeling 'yogad' out to be honest. I decided to grab my journal and make some notes about what I had got from the retreat so far. I still prefer to make notes in writing in a pad rather than typing them on a lap top of tablet in the first instance. I find that much quicker and easier. I wrote the following:

1. This retreat, this group of people, this way of life, these beliefs so resonate with me. I am home, amongst my own kind in a way that I have never felt before. I have found my Mecca, my Nirvana. This is so me. I never want this week to end. I cannot believe how much I have loved this retreat. How it has fitted me like a glove. How it was made for me. I am already obsessed with coming back for the tantric version in June. I will be thinking about little else when I get back to Bristol. I no longer feel guilty or weird. I truly accept myself as I am.

2. Another thing that struck me was about the naturism and nudity. By now as predicted by Soraya we were all so used to it, it had all become so normal, and we were all so exhausted that nobody, and certainly not me, appeared to notice it or think about it. It really can become so normal you really do have to wonder what all the fuss is about with exposure of the human body. But at the same time, I was continuing to enjoy being naked during the daily activities and was always aware that this opportunity was going to come to a shuddering halt very soon when the retreat was over.

3. Everybody at this retreat was fully accepting of everyone else. It did not matter how screwed up anyone was or how fat, thin, young, old, firm or saggy! There is a complete absence of any judgement and that was good for engendering a healthy confidence and acceptance of ourselves.

4. One thing that had really struck me over the week had been how powerful ritual and ambience can be in engendering spiritual feelings and emotions. Basically, if you want to 'believe' and if you are motivated and want to feel something, then you can and will allow the ritual to wash over you. I guess this is the same in all religions. It really does not matter that at one level we know that such props as lights, music, effigies, figures, and chants are artificial. If you want to feel those warm, cosy, comforting and affirming feelings flowing through your body then you will, and all the ritual will work if you let it. During this week there had been countless occasions when I felt the positive energy, and felt inspired and full of new resolve and that these feelings of contentment and peace would stay with me. And the most powerful ingredient off all to this is the feeling of belonging to a group of like-minded kindred spirits. At this retreat they had made wide spread use of such pseudo religious ritual and in the group situation it was all the more effective. I wrote down the word 'Tinkerbell'. I did this because I always remember when we took our kids to Disneyland and at the end of the day the fairy Tinkerbell flies through the sky across the park in the dark to the top of the castle in the Magic Kingdom whilst fireworks and music fill the sky. Nobody can simulate 'magic' quite like Disney and although you know it is not real at that moment it feels very magical and it sure as hell is real for the watching children.

5. My grounding session had shaken me hard just as it was intended to do. Just as Sylvia had predicted I did not need to be told what was wrong with my life. I heard myself telling myself what at one level I already knew. I was sleepwalking. In denial. It was time to square up to the really big questions in my life i.e. where does my life go from here? I have been deeply touched by this retreat and started to question my life back home. I have been away on my own without Andy and Tony this week and it had been inevitable that this was going to cause me to reflect and evaluate my life. Am I fed up of being Andy and Tony's sexual plaything? Am I worth more than this? Do I want to continue living a life with two 'husbands'?

6. One thing I confirmed about myself is that I will never get tired of being an exhibitionist and naturism. I will always be a lifelong nudist and always enjoy taking my clothes off and being naked in front of other people. I just love it and can never get enough. This week has been truly great for that. This week has just confirmed what I already knew about myself.

7. My relationship with Joshua? Was there one? Should I have done it? Where will it lead? I was wondering why he had not tried to sleep with me again after Tuesday night.

The Naturist Meditation Retreat Last Night Party

By the time Friday evening arrived we were all exhausted. It was the last night and there was no evening meditation. The idea was that instead after supper we should have an hour or so off to pack and then glam ourselves up for a closing party in the temple. I suspect party was a bit of an exaggeration for such a small group of us, but we were all demob happy and up for a bit of fun. I heard that one of the young guys, Oliver, was leaving for home before the party. Oliver had been the one who had declined having a grounding. I do not think this retreat had been his thing. That was a shame as it would only leave five guys (including Joshua) for all us girls to fight over unless Shiva was coming although I could not imagine him bopping around. Although it could well be that most of the girls were fighting over each other! You could never predict with this group. Only the women who had been before had known to pack anything at all glamorous for this party of course. I had nothing with me other than the clothes I travelled in. The rest of what I brought was loose fitting yoga trousers and T shirts, some other gym/ exercise type stuff, and my swim suits none of which I had worn or needed! I wish they had warned us. I did have some evening clothes that I never wore but they were very plain and boring. I had not really known what I would need and hoped to be naked a lot of the time anyway!

But I did have make up in my hand bag, so I took some trouble with making myself up and putting on some perfume. In the end I opted for the yoga trousers and a T shirt I had with me. At least the T shirt had some pretty splashes of colour and was a little bit feminine. I did not wear any underwear and the shirt showed my nipples quite well actually.

We started gathering in the temple about eight o clock as it was getting dark. The lights had been dimmed and there were candles around the perimeter on small round tables. There were many opened bottles of wine and nibbles. It was at first very awkward and many of us were pondering whether we should have just headed off back home. I began by just chatting with Mark in a corner. I had first met Mark you remember when we intimately cuddled each other naked and blind folded at the start of the session on naturism and nudity. Not long afterwards he got to know me again from close range when he was responsible for holding one of my lower legs and foot during my grounding and orgasm! So not the most conventional of meetings! Mark kicked off our conversation with the old joke about not recognising me with my clothes on. I laughed of course and we set about pouring ourselves some white wine. Mark had come in his bloody robe. I got my own back on him by saying, "Your costume is very imaginative. I can see you made a big effort!" He was forced to laugh at his pathetic effort himself.

I said "Seriously Mark, I am sorry that I had so disgraced myself at my grounding. And you had to witness it from such close quarters."

He was having none of that and said, "Absolutely you did not. I was much worse at mine!"

I said I was sorry that I was not there. Mark was on the retreat for the second time and they do not repeat the grounding unless you want it. I said, "To be honest Mark, the groundings of you chaps that I have witnessed this week have been much tamer than those of the girls. You guys are much more restrained and altogether and none of them have degenerated into the group masturbating you to an orgasm. Why is that? It is a but unfair!"

Mark replied, "Yes I can see it looks that way. I do not think it works as well for us guys. We are not as open to it as you girls. More guarded."

Mark continued, "When I went through it, I did not really open up as much as I should."

I replied, "Well maybe you should have done it again this week after all."

Mark replied, "Yes maybe."

Shiva was coming around topping everyone's glass up. It was getting more relaxed and noisier in the temple. I have a good chat with Mark for about fifteen minutes and was enjoying it but then Sarah joined us. Sarah was still very shy and awkward so it kind of brought our chat to a halt whilst we concentrated trying to bring her into the conversation.

Eventually things had warmed up enough for Shiva to venture some dancing music. He began with 'YMCA'. I have no idea whether that had any significance. Anyway, it worked and we all felt primed enough to start showing our moves. I could see immediately that Soraya and Shakti were both fantastic dancers. So elegant and natural. Of the guys Andrew was pretty impressive. We were all dancing individually. This was followed by Michael Jackson's 'Billie Jean'. This had everyone giving it their all including some impressive moon walking from Soraya would you believe. Are there any limits to her talents? Later when he played 'We are The Champions' we were all joined hands and were dancing in a circle. This was followed by the Beatles track 'Hey Jude' which is another great rousing song that unites everybody. It felt very appropriate for us to be holding hands and holding each other around the waist during these tracks as it represented the bonds we had formed this week. We carried on in a kind of giant group hug singing along with the Beatles 'All You Need Is Love'.