All Comments on 'My Little (BIG) stepsister; Natalie'

One thing that is confusing is the switching between first person and narrator style writing, sometimes within the same paragraph. Stick to one or the other. But am interested to see how the story progresses.

Good Lord, where did you learn to write???? This offering is horrific!! You constantly flip from first person to third person, change facts (is she 6' 1" or 6' 3"??) and just, basically, are clueless on story construction. Your ideas and concept aren't too bad (a bit silly, but not too bad...) but you truly need to find an editor to help you with your story construction! I think you might have some real talent, but just need a bit of guidance on story construction. Don't give up! I'll be looking for the continuation of your story and hope for you to develop into a really fine writer.

Good premise.

But ALL backstory. Not even a hint of anything sexual/erotic.

And you really need an editor/proofreader.

Three stars.

No wonder all the stories sound the same. I prefer to read complete stories; even multi-part ones.

OK, it's own now!

Half finished fetish story

Good start! Really excited for part 2. This is hot

This is definitely an interesting story, much better than any other story I've seen here. I can't wait to see part two.

Very difficult to read with the narrative vs first person. Sometimes a switch between these would leave any readers wondering what had happened. Totally irregular in writing !

Names are names BUT Tristan is quite effeminate; just my take on that.

Repetitiously boring; restating far to many details really drags down the cadence most writers strive to maintain in their work(s). This could have been delivered in half, or less, of the length utilized.

Hey guys, thank you for the feedback. Please keep in mind, I posted this for fun. I understand there are errors and I jump from 1st to 3rd (something I'll try and work on moving forward). There are several parts that are coming soon. I wrote this story off and on over a long time, so there are certainly going to be a few inconsistencies, but I'll try to do better proof reading prior to posting.

Great start! Hope to read more.

tcbubblebutt: "Hey guys, thank you for the feedback. Please keep in mind, I posted this for fun"

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Let me paint you a picture here. Imagine you're out and about and realize you're hungry. So, you look around, spot a bakery, and start towards it. On your way, you start to think about what you could eat, you get excited about it, and are happy upon the prospect of having your hunger stilled.

But then you enter the store and realize that every piece of pastry you see is basically charcoal. And when you then tell the people running that store that you don't like charcoal and were hoping for something to eat, they give you a line about only baking for fun, and over a long time, so of course everything is inedible.

How would you feel about that?

Would you just shrug your shoulders and move on to another store? Or would you give in to your justified disappointment upon having your plans ruined and your hopes crushed, before leaving the store in a huff?

Writing for fun is one thing. But then don't post it on a site where people have clear expectations, and then play those down when they are disappointed because your work was sub-par.

If Tristan is still around 100 lbs, Natalie will easily kick then spank his ass

Havent read it, let me guess, the gjrl dom is an uncaring bitch. Thats like 95% of all femdom summarised, yawn, boo