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Click hereThat comment sent me over the top. I couldn't let my pride be trampled by a bunch of teenagers. "Fine! You want to go Natalie, let's go! But if we do this, don't think I'm gonna go easy on you, just cause you're a girl! No! Far from it, I'm gonna go hard. And you're gonna be sorry you ever challenged me!" I yelled, trying to make sure my voice didn't squeak. "So how do we wanna do this?" I asked confidently.
Natalie, thrilled upon hearing me agree, smiled and said, "Okay then, you and me, one on one! Whoever wins gets the basement room!" She looked around at her friends and asked, "Can someone record us making this deal on their phone? That way, when I beat him, the little twerp can't weasel his way out!" One of her girlfriend's volunteered and started recording with her phone.
Natalie, standing tall, took command, and started laying out the rules. "Okay, so Tristan and I here have decided to have a little competition to see who get's the big basement room to live in this summer," She walked over and stood next to me, capturing both of us in the viewfinder. "Whoever wins get's the room! Do you agree big brother?" I looked up at her. She was looking at me so condescendingly, I couldn't stomach this. No. I wanted the basement room, but I also wanted to humiliate her, just as much as she was humiliating me.
Feeling somewhat humiliated, I made a gamble. She needed to pay for all the ridicule. I smiled and replied, "I agree with that, however, I think we should make things even more interesting. Whoever wins gets to spank the loser, bare ass over the winner's knee! It's time you learned to respect your elders little sis!" I said, proud of myself. The crowd went quite with this stipulation. Natalie stood for a moment pondering what I'd just said. "That's the best idea you've had yet, short stuff! Finally, after all the shit I've had to put up with, you getting me grounded, and all your wining and complaining, I'll finally be able to spank your fat ass, right over my lap!" She said, crouching down so she was right in my face.
I stared back, hesitating a bit, not sure if this was a good idea. Our friends were getting rowdier by the minute. Sean started saying I was a wuss and a coward. Suddenly, my determination returned and I shook Natalie's big hand. "You're on! Fight for the basement room! Loser get's spanked bare-ass!"
End of part 1
- COMMENTS
Anonymous8 months agoHavent read it, let me guess, the gjrl dom is an uncaring bitch. Thats like 95% of all femdom summarised, yawn, boo
Anonymous12 months agoIf Tristan is still around 100 lbs, Natalie will easily kick then spank his ass
OverconfidentSarcasm12 months agotcbubblebutt: "Hey guys, thank you for the feedback. Please keep in mind, I posted this for fun"
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Let me paint you a picture here. Imagine you're out and about and realize you're hungry. So, you look around, spot a bakery, and start towards it. On your way, you start to think about what you could eat, you get excited about it, and are happy upon the prospect of having your hunger stilled.
But then you enter the store and realize that every piece of pastry you see is basically charcoal. And when you then tell the people running that store that you don't like charcoal and were hoping for something to eat, they give you a line about only baking for fun, and over a long time, so of course everything is inedible.
How would you feel about that?
Would you just shrug your shoulders and move on to another store? Or would you give in to your justified disappointment upon having your plans ruined and your hopes crushed, before leaving the store in a huff?
Writing for fun is one thing. But then don't post it on a site where people have clear expectations, and then play those down when they are disappointed because your work was sub-par.
tcbubblebutt12 months agoAuthorHey guys, thank you for the feedback. Please keep in mind, I posted this for fun. I understand there are errors and I jump from 1st to 3rd (something I'll try and work on moving forward). There are several parts that are coming soon. I wrote this story off and on over a long time, so there are certainly going to be a few inconsistencies, but I'll try to do better proof reading prior to posting.
Anonymous12 months agoVery difficult to read with the narrative vs first person. Sometimes a switch between these would leave any readers wondering what had happened. Totally irregular in writing !
Names are names BUT Tristan is quite effeminate; just my take on that.
Repetitiously boring; restating far to many details really drags down the cadence most writers strive to maintain in their work(s). This could have been delivered in half, or less, of the length utilized.
Anonymous12 months agoThis is definitely an interesting story, much better than any other story I've seen here. I can't wait to see part two.
Anonymous12 months agoNo wonder all the stories sound the same. I prefer to read complete stories; even multi-part ones.
Anonymous12 months agoGood premise.
But ALL backstory. Not even a hint of anything sexual/erotic.
And you really need an editor/proofreader.
Three stars.
Anonymous12 months agoGood Lord, where did you learn to write???? This offering is horrific!! You constantly flip from first person to third person, change facts (is she 6' 1" or 6' 3"??) and just, basically, are clueless on story construction. Your ideas and concept aren't too bad (a bit silly, but not too bad...) but you truly need to find an editor to help you with your story construction! I think you might have some real talent, but just need a bit of guidance on story construction. Don't give up! I'll be looking for the continuation of your story and hope for you to develop into a really fine writer.
Falstaff6012 months agoOne thing that is confusing is the switching between first person and narrator style writing, sometimes within the same paragraph. Stick to one or the other. But am interested to see how the story progresses.
