All Comments on 'My Name is Jasmine Pt. 01'

Very different. I loved it. Yes, please do part 2

Reminds me of my wife’s sister. I’ve given her two children. It’s our little secret.

Please continue your story.

Imaginative account of how a seemingly practical way of solving a dilemma can turn into something quite unexpected when passion takes over. What happens next?

You wrote an amazing and fantastically detailed story l. I can’t wait to read the next part.

Way too much monologuing.

Amasing, can't wait for part 2

What a surprise. A new author and such writing talent!

First, I applaud the choice of the storyline. There are a lot of directions the story could have taken after the intial premise of the fertility problem. This is an extremely rational direction to go and adds to the effect of the story because it can be belived. (The reader finds it easier to slip into the thinking as well as the situation described.)

Second, it is hard to believe that so much detail of the intimacy was compressed in two pages. And, I don't mean details in the sence of descriptions of the event, but in terms of the emotional and physical elements that make it erotic literature. This is a wide exploration of the inner working of the wife in particular, but the reader has a strong sense of the charcter of her father-in-law. Mature, responsible and thoughtful.

I do not think I could suggest a change that would make this better, but in a future story, perhaps more description of the physical features of the wife. That is to say, the appearance as though the reader were seeing the scene.

Lastly, while a second chapter is surely of great value here, I more strongly wish this author to apply her talents to new story lines, perhaps with the same female point of view and similar relationship components. This character is an intellegent loving wife and a sensual woman and that is a fantastic basis for Literotica!

-- Mike

Verbose. Did conception occur?