by MausAss
This has become one of my favorite stories. I sure wish there was a sequel but it's superb in its own right. The dialogue and thoughts are pitch-perfect. And Lauren is truly awesome.
You've got a pretty noticeable grammar error early on "At six foot one, Tyler was a little taller than I" should be "taller than me."
The story itself is well written and paced, but as other commenters have pointed out, the ending is rather anti-climactic. I love the sexy description of Lauren. I wish she had a bigger part in the story! 4/5
This coulda been the winner for the contest but it seems you rushed this story, it was well thought, but not finished. The two characters should have gotten to do more with Lauren instead of jack off to her.
This was a trip through the mind of an immature guy being very immature. Not enjoyable.
Well-written and very sexy. Not finding out who Jason was a buzzkill though.
It's killin' me here. You can't do stuff like that and just leave me (the reader) hanging... If there is no sequel, I am going to hound you by sending you a PM every day asking you, "Who's Jason? Who's Jason? Who's Jason???" *grins*
Think carefully if you would rather invest time and effort in a continued story, or utilize your "ignore" feature.
P.S. I could always create an ALT just to ask... WHO'S JASON?!?" :D
Obviously, I want to read more. ;)
Good stuff.please have a continuation.looking forward to it
you have captured realistic and plausible emotions and interactions very well. Hot read, looking forward to a continuation.