All Comments on 'My Neighbour Bill Ch. 01'

Southern hemisphere - July is midwinter...

Well, to start off this should not have been in the romance section. Erotic couplings would be ok. You may get mad, but here goes. You need to proof read the story. I saw a few minor errors like 14DD cups. Maybe you meant 34DD. If you are writing romance you must develop the characters more. In romance, the build up is important. Have them get to know each other and some good dialogue (or banter) would go a long way to letting the reader get interested in the story. Also, the emotional part should not be neglected. It is another important part of the story. The reader may be looking for the sex part, but you want them along for the rest of the story also. This is your first story on this website so I would imagine you are learning. Kudos to you for getting yourself out there. It is not easy to put yourself in front of strangers. Finally, write for your enjoyment. Don't worry too much what the assholes say out here. Most of them are too scared to write. This is all my opinion, such as it is. Good luck and keep writing.

July is in the middle of winter in

Australia - so the hot temperatures don’t exist.

Interesting story but spoiled by errors. July in Australia is mid-winter. a "14DD" is unbelievably small - Did You mean "34DD" or "44DD?" There are several spelling and grammar mistakes, and your punctuation sucks: "bout" should be "about," "fencer" should probably be "fence," "dad's out his out camping" could be better phrased "...dad's out, he's out camping ..."

The irritation caused by these errors detracts from the thrust and messages in the plot. Once these have been corrected, the whole story would be greatly improved.

She needs to spend the time her family is away fucking Bill.

The story wasn't that bad, but certainly could have been improved technically. What I found most amusing was the "Would Benefit ..." commentator's ramblings about bra size. If he / she had bothered to check, they would have found out that 14DD is not an uncommon bra size in the sizing system used in Australia and New Zealand. It corresponds to 36DD in the US and UK, 80E in many places and 95E in parts of Europe.

Reads like a 14 year old wrote it

Probibly the coldest month of the year.

Did not get far enough to see where it is set, but maybe he means the dry season in northern half of australia. Not summer, but no rain. Oh heck, can't be that because wrote storm clouds and rain coming. Don't get that in the dry season.

So must be winter, but not a cold winter. To some people 25C is hot, and we can get this here in winter.