All Comments on 'My New England Volleyball Cousin'

Interesting for sure.

Weird

Somewhat metaphorically confusing; jumping between scenes to quickly for this old man.

However, I got the jist and chose to WANT the cousin too .

What was that?

[sigh] Where do I start? 😪

The first problem that I came across was the flipping back and forth with the point of view. Example:

"Jessica is a hot cousin known for her ass swelling out of her daisy dukes during New England's above-ground pool summer parties. Every Fall I go back home to Florida to dream for weeks of her ultra-white ass jiggling through clouds of Marlboro Lights to the echoes of John Mellencamp."

* so the easiest correction would probably be "Jessica is my hot cousin...", but still an annoying mistake.

The next issue that I had was with their dialog. When you're talking to your fellow relatives, you very rarely if ever address them by their relationship to you. If you do call them by something other than a nickname or proper name, it's usually to place emphasis on something in relation to the connection between the two of you. But it's not something that you address them by repeatedly. Example:

"Slide that bad boy in cousin," Jessica said."

* you have already pointed out in the opening that they are cousins, so every single bit of dialog between them doesn't need to have cousin used repeatedly. The audience already knows!

The single page brief snippet of a story was also disappointing. 😕

These aren't all of the issues that I had, but I'm too tired to go into more details. 1/5

HOT 5 STARS