My Obsessive Crush

"I don't know what to do Kat. I don't have a car, so travel would be difficult living here. I know there's buses, and the train, but I have all my gear to cart around.."

She snuggled beside me as we sat legs curled beneath us on her bed. "I simply don't wanna lose you."

"Yeah, I feel the same way, but I gotta go back home. I have to pay rent, utilities. We were hoping once the albums out we might be able to build on it, do a tour, grow our fan base."

"Yeah." She sighed pensively. "I get all that, and I agree. Once the album is out, and fresh. That's when you gotta push the hardest, the release will give you a lift. You have to build on it."

"That's what we thought. See if we can get it played."

"Student radio, the internet. You girls don't have much of a following, simply because you haven't tried. That's where you need the push. You need a proper dedicated web site. Somewhere fans can go to see your tour schedule, new music, and above all else. You need some video's."

"Yeah, we don't really know anybody who does that shit."

"If you're up for it. I have some friends at tech who are good with video." She pulled up her own web page on her phone, and played me some video clips her friends had made for her.

"Jeez girl, these are good." I mumbled appreciatively. She pointed out how many followers she had, and how many views her page had. She was way ahead of us. "Shit, you're onto it, these are so rad."

"It doesn't cost much, but it's what people are looking for these days."

We made love that night languidly. Unhurried, driven more by love than lust. The frenetic build to orgasm took longer to arrive. We cuddled, kissed making out with a simmering slow bubbling emotion.

We were on the last stages of recording the track, with only the mixing and then mastering stages left. I showed Andi and the girls Kat's web site, and they were a little surprised. Especially when they saw the site visits. "God, that's exactly what we need." Blaire said with a hint of admiration.

"Yeah, look at the bloody video's. She's got heaps of them. Must've cost a bloody fortune."

"Nah, they were made and produced by some of her friends at tech who're really good. It's their forte." I offered.

"We need to find someone with those skills." Andi, added effusively.

"If you are interested, Kat, is off at Tech and she's talking to her friends. If we can hang around for a few days, we may be able to get something put together."

"Jesus, she must like you after the way Andi treated her." Poppy muttered.

We recorded another couple of tracks, and were just stopping for lunch when Kat strolled in. I felt my heart flutter, and the warm glow I was becoming used to spread up through my body. Kat walked straight up to me, and we shared a kiss. Her wonderful comforting arms wrapped around me.

"Jeez, you two..." Poppy giggled.

As we separated, Kat said to the group. "Can I talk to you without getting put down?" She spoke to all of us, but her eyes settled on Andi.

"Yeah, course yah can." Blaire stated firmly. "We wanted to talk to you as well."

"Sweet, well, I caught up with some mates at tech this morning, and if you girls are interested in hanging around for a few days. We could shoot some video clips to promote some of your better songs."

Andi, surprisingly joined the conversation. "We would love to, but it's the money. We don't have any to spend."

"I got that from what Roz, told me, but the girls would do it as part of required learning for their studies. So the filming and shit wouldn't cost you anything. The only costs would be their editing, which would be done at Uni. You gotta pay for the equipment use."

"How much are we talking?" Andi, asked, almost politely.

"It cost me two hundred bucks for all the content you see on my website. I tell yah, it's worth every cent. It's paid for itself a thousand times over."

Poppy glanced around and said forcefully. "We gotta do it. We have too."

"I agree." Andi added just as powerfully. "We just need to get a few more gigs."

"Yeah, about that." Kat said. "I've phoned around, if yah want them. I have managed to find you six gigs over the next fortnight."

The collective silence said it all. Eventually Blaire said. "How'd you like a gig as our manager. Shit, how did you do that?"

She shrugged casually. "I've been living here my whole life. I know every venue in town. I've chased them all at different times."

"You know how hard we have to work to get that many gigs?" Blaire muttered.

"Seriously, If you wanna get ahead, you live in the city. It doesn't have to be Wellington, but, I gotta say. There are some good venues here."

Kat glanced quickly at me, realising we needed time to digest what she said.

It was pretty obvious, a no brainer as they say.

"We can do it." Poppy said. "What's back in Featherstone for us anyway? If Kat can get us gigs that easy, and we wanna make it as a band. I say we gotta stick this out. Give it a chance."

"She's right." Blaire replied.

"Yeah, I agree." Andi, added, glaring at me said. "No sense asking you what you want is there."

"No, I think it makes sense. If we go back home, then we have to drive all over the district to get gigs. If we live here, then we can actually try to make it work."

That night, Kat asked. "So, are you going, or staying?"

"Staying, if you'll have me. Guess I'm more uhaul than I thought."

Kat laughed hysterically. "Yeah, I guess so."

It was an intense moment in my life. So many things happened. It was like my very own big bang moment. I discovered, I'm gay, in only my very first romance, I met somebody I really cared for.

As a band, we finished our first album, and we found a way to make it work. More importantly for me, I broke Andi's spell. Yeah she was pretty, and I guess deep down inside, I was attracted to her, but it was no longer an obsession, merely a fading infatuation.

We were only going to stay two weeks, but with the album finished, we focused on the videos. They were so much fun. Kat's friends were amazing. They already had all these weird ideas about where to shoot, what locations worked.

We filmed little segments around Victoria gardens, the old government buildings. The museum, the zoo. They raided the tech for costumes, they came to gigs. It was just sensational.

Kat stuck with us, and she was able to find us regular gigs. We were having so much fun, our two weeks turned into months.

The band, 'My Obsessive Crush', gained some traction, the wheels were in motion. It was our web site, which Kat was almost single handedly responsible for, that kicked off the next phase. Our songs were getting played regularly, we were selling albums, and we were getting recognised.

Gigs started to back up, we got requests for gigs up and down the country and Andi suggested we put a whole bunch of them together and turn it into a tour.

It made sense, the only sad bit was leaving Kat behind. I begged her to come, but she was dedicated to getting her degree, which I supported.

My Obsessive Crush, with a van full of gear set off south. We had like six weeks of continuous gigs organised. We played almost every night. Big city gigs, in Christchurch, Dunedin, Invercargill, Nelson. There were all the little towns along the way. It was full on.

It was a pressure point. Living together in a couple of hotel rooms every night. It was tough. I missed Kat like crazy, like my world was imploding. That's when I realised, I didn't like Kat. I loved her.

We were in Queenstown the night that realisation flashed wildly across my vision. We were on stage, and playing, that day I hadn't been able to get her out of my mind, she was all I thought about.

There I was on stage, ripping a guitar solo, and I said it. "I love you." It felt so right.

That night after packing down, the girls were off chasing boys. There were plenty, and they didn't have to chase them hard. It was more a case of letting the boys catch them... Every gig was followed by a party somewhere. I went to a few, but all I really wanted to do was find a quiet moment and phone Kat.

With all the girls off at the party, I had the hotel room to myself. It was late, one forty five in the morning. I hit dial feeling guilty.

"Hey, Roz, is everything okay? You know it's nearly two in the morning, right?"

"Yeah babe, and I'm sorry for calling, but I had too. I just had too."

"Why." She replied hesitantly through her yawn.

"I have to tell you something, and it's gonna sound crazy, and mad, but I gotta say it."

"Okay, what's so important it couldn't wait till morning?"

"I needed to tell you..." I sucked in a big breath and swallowed. "I love you. I love you so much. I miss you like crazy."

I heard her gasp, then a sexy purr. "You love me?"

"Yeah, madly, incredibly."

"I love you as well, Roz. I have wanted to say that from the very first moment, but I was scared of chasing you away. I knew that it was a new experience for you. I love you, and I miss you more."

"Goodnight babe. Sorry I woke you."

"I'm not. You just made me the happiest girl in the world."

I stripped off, and climbed into the shower. Then with my hair dried, I climbed into bed. I felt lighter, happier. Almost asleep, I heard the crashing and banging.

"Are you awake girl?" Andi called loudly.

"I'm in bed, can you keep it down please?"

I was sharing tonight with Andi. We'd been changing it around to make it more fun.

The lights came on and Andi rocked me. "Hey bitch, get up. There's somebody here who wants to meet you."

"Piss off Andi. I'm trying to sleep. Please, go away."

"Nah, get up babes, he's really cute. You're gonna love him."

Suddenly a couple of guys staggered into the room. "Whoa, you're fucking hot." The long haired tattooed one said. "We got booze, and some wicked fucking weed. C'mon out and party with us."

Andi tried ripping my blankets off. "Yeah get up bitch, don't play all innocent and shit."

Her eyes, looked wild, glazed over and milky. "You're wasted Andi. Fuck off. I'm not getting outa bed."

She threw the blankets back over me and turned to the guys. "She'll be out in a minute. Lets have a party."

I heard the music kick on, the bottles and glasses clinking. I tried to drown it out. I pulled the blankets up over my head, but it was to loud. In the end, I jumped up and screamed. "Will you fuck off. I'm trying to sleep."

Andi, in nothing more than her underwear pressed between the two guys stared at me. She was gone, barely conscious. "You guys better fuck off, because if you aren't outa here in two minutes, I'm calling the cops."

"Ah, don't be like that." The blonde one said. "There's enough to go round. I can show you a good time."

"One minute left." I said lifting up my phone. "Leave now, and there'll be no more trouble. Stay and I call the cops."

Andi, mumbled incoherently. "Don't be a stick in the mud. We can all do it, I'll lick your pussy babe."

"Oh fuck yeah." Mr tattoo said, trying to hold back a scream of Yahoo. "Don't worry, we'll all lick it."

Raising my phone to my ear, I dialled. "Hello, is this the police? Yeah, I'd like to report a case of sexual assault. There's two guys in my room and they won't leave."

I glared angrily at them, and the guys started to stagger around as they pulled up their pants.

"You fucking stuck up bitch." Andi snarled. We were just gonna have some fun."

"That's not fun." I growled bitterly.

The guys left, and I turned off my phone. I would have to explain to the hotel why I rang their desk at two in the morning.

With the guys gone, Andi started. "I can't fucking believe it. Jordy, was lovely. He was at the gig, and wanted to get with yah. He wanted you."

"I didn't want him. I have a girlfriend, who I love. I'm not looking for sex, especially not with fuck heads like them." I walked away, back to bed turning out the lights as I went.

Sleep was almost about to take me when Andi came and crashed on my bed. Still clothed in only her underwear, she curled up against my back. "Why you gotta be such a stuck up bitch? What harm would a good fuck do. I told yah, I'd get you off."

She was asleep before me, and was still there in the morning. I left her to sleep it off, as I packed up my clothes and took them out to the van.

Blaire and Poppy were loading in their shit as well. "What was all that god damned noise last night?" Poppy muttered complaining.

"Andi, brought a couple of guys back to the room."

"Two." What a greedy bitch." Blaire said laughingly.

"It's not funny." I snarled bitterly. "I was trying to sleep. She literally tried to get me to sleep with one of them. I had to threaten calling the cops before they'd leave. That girl is off the rails. God knows what shit she was on, but she was wired to the max."

"Trouble in paradise huh babe."

"I'm sick of it. She gets worse all the time. I'm not sharing a room with her again. I'd rather sleep in the van."

"Where is she now?" Blaire asked.

"In bed, crashed."

"I'll go and wake her." Poppy mumbled unhappily.

It burst our happy little bubble. Everything had been going so well, now their was this air of tension between Andi and me. It was a shame, because, we were becoming something of a success. We had to print off more albums, the streaming was delivering and there was a growing surge of interest in us.

We got back to Wellington exhausted. Most of the tiredness was driven by the arguing and antagonism between Andi and I. The girls tried to play it down but even they were getting sick of her bullshit.

"Hey lover." Kat yelped as she rushed into my arms. "God I've missed you." We shared a luscious kiss, as our arms found something to hold onto. She helped me unload, and said hi to the girls. Andi wouldn't even acknowledge her.

As the van pulled away, Kat asked. "What the fuck was that all about?"

I explained the situation, and she sighed. "I'm sorry babe, that must have been awful."

"Yeah, we've done nothing but fight ever since."

"Are you gonna be able to stick it out?"

"Maybe, but I'm never sharing with her again."

It wasn't just her disrespect over the that night, her attitude towards me became increasingly antagonistic. If I made a suggestion, she shot me down. If I offered a counterpoint to a suggestion she made, she jumped on me vitriolically.

It was ripping the band apart as well. The girls tried not to take sides, play the go betweens, but even they were getting sick of Andi's antics.

It was the next phase, our tour up the north island, that built even more pressure. We needed more room in our little van. It was Blaire's father who found us a great little closed in lockable trailer to store all our gear in. That left the van to store clothes and stage costumes. Personal items. It made all the difference.

We started off the tour around our home district of Wairarapa. Which is really lots of small towns, without having a big city. It was nice to get home, and catch up with Mum and Dad. I wanted Kat to be there to meet them.

She couldn't make it though, she had her own gigs, and of course her studies. It broke my heart having to leave her behind again.

"Don't worry Babe. We can still talk every day, and you're only going to be gone three weeks." She said to me, as I put the last of my suitcases in the van. We hugged and kissed, while the girls loaded their shit.

The girls all started singing, and playing their favourite tunes, as we headed up the Rimutaka hill. I sat in the back feeling miserable. It was okay for them, none of them had partners, they were free. Every time we left part of me remained with Kat.

The first night we played in Featherstone, at the pub. It wasn't a great music venue. No actual stage, no proper sound system. It meant using ours, and of course that meant lots of carrying gear. It was tiring, luckily some friends came out of the woodwork to help out.

The gig was fabulous, the pub overflowed with fans. Yeah, we had fans, and people came out in force to support our homecoming gig.

Andi, got shit faced, completely off her trolley. Her old boyfriend filled her full of tequila trying to impress her. Not sure what drugs she took, but she was out of it.

Poppy and I carried most of the vocals, as she danced and weaved around the stage playing rock goddess.

We missed the keys while she played queen of the world. It left a bit of a sour note, especially when she was that pissed, she couldn't help with pack down. At least we didn't have to listen to her play porn star, screaming the walls down as the headboard smashed against the walls.

She went home with her boyfriend, strangely. I wasn't the only one happy about that.

"God, she driving me nuts." Poppy complained. "Who the fuck does she think she is?"

"Yeah, she thinks she fucking Adele, or some shit. Her fucking ego's about the same size." Blaire fired in.

I bit my tongue, I knew if I got started I wouldn't be able to stop. It's not like we were angels. Blaire and Poppy both had guys chasing after them, but if they did hook up. They went to the guys room. They didn't force us to listen to it. Okay, that's not always the case, sometimes, they'd hook up with a fan who couldn't go back to their place, but at least they weren't screamers.

"Yeah, that's not real." Blaire muttered in irritation one night while her and I shared a bed. She was supposed to be sharing with Andi, but got chased out by the noise. "No way is that shit real."

"Nah, Poppy called from the other bed. "I don't know what's got into her lately. It's like she's playing a role. Trying to prove to every guy she's the best, like when she's on stage. It's all bullshit."

"Maybe she just loves sex. She's always been loud." I added.

Blaire laughed before replying. "If that shits real, then I want some of that."

Poppy blasted Andi the next day, really tore a strip off her. For the next few nights, Andi improved, she helped out with setting up, and packing down. Stayed reasonably sober, and didn't hook up.

It was nice having a few days without arguments.

It reminded me what the band used to be like when we were starting out. It was all about the fun. Now it was a job, still a fun job, but we depended on it for income, and our lives were so tightly dependant on each other.

Kat and I found a couple of times every day to talk, or facetime chat. There were hundreds of texts as we tried to maintain our relationship.

Hamilton was the breaking point for me, everything changed, my world crashed around me, and it was as much my fault as anybody's.

The first gig, was in Claudelands, and it was a big one. The crowd was out, the pub burst at the seams with fans. There was a real atmosphere of party on. Nights like that were the fun ones. The dance floor was just a mass of swirling bouncing body's. They heaved and throbbed as one. Like a mass of human flesh all jammed onto a dance floor.

It fired us all up, and Poppy in particular lit up the stage. I loved it when she was like that, she always bonded with me, dancing in front of me, her long hair flying as her head rolled around and around.

It was my favourite thing sharing a mic with her, it was like we were kissing. Only the power of our voices holding us apart. Sometimes, she backed up to me, her arse settling against mine and we gyrated and rubbed.

The crowd loved it as well, and it always got whistles and cheers.

When it fired Andi up to join us, that's when it got hot.

She could be a force when she felt like it. That night she joined Poppy and me in a swirling threesome of gyrating dancing energy.

The three of us sharing the mic, screaming to be heard.

Blaire always managed to fill the gaps with thundering pulsating rhythms. Singing her heart out trapped behind the kit.

At the first set break, we crashed into the green room, dying for a break."Holy shit. What a crowd. They're awesome." Poppy gasped.