My Obsessive Crush

"Relax, chill. Everybody's cool in here okay." She gave me a curious glance. "You are gay, right?"

I shrugged. "Maybe, I don't know."

She looked at me as if I was a weirdo, and she definitely looked confused. "Bi" She asked, with eyebrows arched high.

"Kat, I don't know." I replied flustered, embarrassed, and a little irritated.

"Sorry, I assumed." She replied.

"Look, I'm not sure about my sexuality okay. I haven't been with anybody. I'm like, on the fence."

"Right, I get it. Been there. Took me a couple of years to figure out who I am."

"Yeah, and who's that?" I asked.

"I'm gay, not bi, not curious. I'm a lesbian, and proud of it. I'm sorry if I've been a bit forward. I thought I saw something in you. I might have misread some of your signals."

"Nah, I recognised your interest. In the past, I've tried to push people away. Not because I didn't like them, just because I wasn't sure about myself."

"Roz." She said in barely a whisper. "Have you never kissed a girl?"

Nervous, and apprehensive, I replied. "No, never. I haven't kissed a guy either but."

"Wow, holy shit. A real virgin." She said with a giggle.

Confused, I went to snatch my arm from hers. "If you're gonna make fun of me. I might leave."

"Whoa, slow down babe." She said trying to placate me. "Shit I weren't making fun of yah. I was just teasing. I'm impressed that you waited. Lets get a drink aye."

At the bar, she ordered, and we wandered over to a standing lean on table. A DJ spun discs off in the corner, the strobe lights flashing brightly. The room swimming in the flashing laser beams. The place was packed, there were lots of couples. Men and women, snuggled together in dark corners kissing, dancing sexily. There were small groups, and I noticed Kat waving to a few.

"You know you can go and talk to your friends. You don't have to hang with me." I muttered.

"Don't be daft babe, I want to be with you. Maybe we could dance, ease the tension?"

"Dance.,,"

"Yeah, you know, like move to the music. Surely people dance at your gigs."

The music pumped, the floor full of bodies rocking out. Gyrating sweaty body's bounced moving as one, aligned and in synch.

Kat and I spun and swayed to the music, her hands on my hips from behind, guiding then spinning me. Her body pressed against me. It was all up tempo, sweaty grungy drum and bass.

We moved back to our table in need of our drinks.

"You're a beautiful creature. Roz, I like you a lot."

"Not me." I spluttered unbelievably. Her compliment surprising me. Her hand slid over the table, to pick up mine. She squeezed, as her other hand moved to cover it. That hand trailed up my arm, her nails leaving tingly sensations as they raked lightly over my skin.

She moved around the table, her hips rubbing mine, taking her hand from mine, she turned my face, so I stared directly into her eyes. "Would you be upset if I kissed you?" She whispered. Our faces so close, I felt her exhaled breath. Her head moved slowly closer, expecting an answer, but my mouth as dry as it was, wouldn't work. No words would come...

Closer her face came, her head tilting, her moist lips parting. God, it was like time stood still, like everything went quiet, was everybody watching?

I felt the little beads of perspiration, my skin burning... She was going to kiss me. It was happening, this gorgeous sexy being was going to kiss me.

Our noses caressed lightly, she moved her face, the point of her nose rubbing over mine, gently, softly, time...

Then I felt that first sweet touch, my eyes closed, my mind stopped, her lips grazed softly. The velvety texture dragging across mine. I heard myself moan, I couldn't hold it back.

Her fingers caressed my face, moved up ruffling my hair. Our mouths opened in unison, like we had done it a million times. The kiss, oh god, my first real kiss. Her tongue slithered snakelike into my open mouth, swirling, coercively, tempting, encouraging.

Then nestled slowly with my own. It was everything I had ever dreamed of. Luscious sexy full lips crushed on mine. Our tongues dancing, frolicking playfully. My breathing stopped, my heart stalled, skipped heavens knows how many beats.

The music, the hub bub around us, came back into mind. I felt the eyes staring at us. Kat, broke the kiss, and I felt the cold destitute feeling of loneliness, as our lips broke contact. My eyes opened to find her there, right in front of me staring at me, longingly.

"Wow, that was amazing." She sighed breathlessly.

"Fabulous." I said with a wistful exhale. "Delicious."

"Oh god yeah. So beautiful. Roz, I really like you, I was instantly attracted to you. Does that scare you? I don't want to frighten you, or make you feel self conscious."

"Yes, if we're going to be honest with each other, that's my first real kiss. I like you Kat, but I'm not sure I'm ready to go, like to bed with you or anything."

She frowned, "Hey, that's okay you know." Her face softened. "There's no pressure. I'm not gonna jump you, or force you. I just wanted to know how you felt."

"I like you, the kiss...I mean wow, it was lovely."

"You wouldn't mind if I kissed you again?"

"No..." I answered uncertainly. "I'd like it."

"You would?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I?"

She leaned towards me, and this time, I felt myself reciprocating, leaning towards her. The touch of her lips, flavours, aromas from our earlier meal infused the kiss. More aware, and able to breathe, I allowed myself to sink into it. Absorb the flavours, the curry, sweet yet biting. I opened my mouth, sucking on her lips, feasting on her, delighting in her passion.

I heard giggling behind us, Kat broke the kiss to turn and greet her friends. "Hey Linda... Jane. This is Roz, she's here in town recording an album with her band."

"Recording huh. Seems like that's not all she's getting." Linda said perhaps not accusing, but definitely more than a tease.

"Cut it out." Kat sniggered.

"Sorry." Linda said with a flirtatious giggle. "How's the recording going?" She asked focusing her big brown eyes on me.

I nodded, not knowing what to say. I sensed something odd. Kat, glancing curiously at me sighed.

"Linda and I used to date. We split months ago."

"Oh, sorry to hear that." I muttered, understanding the tension hidden behind the giggles.

"Nah, it's all good." Linda responded. "It was only casual. It's not like we were married or nothing."

I felt Kat's hand caressing my knee, stroking and massaging me through the cotton culottes. The conversation went around, pleasantly, but there was an uncomfortable, forced edge to it.

"I think I'll get going, sorry. Early start in the morning." Linda said mostly to Kat.

"Yeah, me too." Kat replied, as she turned to me. "I'll walk you home." To the other girls, she said. "Next time, aye girls. See yah."

Outside, we fell into stride together. As we crossed over Cuba street, she said. "I'm sorry about that. Linda and I. It was a bit stressful, Yah know. She was more into it than me."

"Yeah, she seemed bummed. What happened?"

"Nothing dramatic. We were just in different places. She wanted to move in together. I was more looking for something casual. I liked her, but it wasn't love."

"Is that what you're looking for? Just casual sex."

"Whoa, shit girl. I like you. I said that already. I get a feeling that there's more, but we need to see where that takes us. The kiss was amazing, and that says a lot, but I'm not pushing."

"Sweet, because I'm not looking to be another plaything or throw away toy. I feel an attraction, but I need to experience it, explore it."

Her hand slipped into mine as we walked. "Small steps, baby gay."

"What?"

"Sorry, I was teasing, it's not an insult. Just a term used in the community, it means somebody who's feeling their way. Unsure, inexperienced."

"Okay, guess that's me."

We walked on in a comfortable silence. Leaning against each other fort warmth. Outside the backpackers, we stopped at the front door. "The other girls and I are sharing a dorm room. Sorry, I can't invite you up."

"Nah, no worries. I'm getting a goodnight kiss though, right?"

The feel of her lips was this time far more urgent, impassioned, and I was happy to be sucked into the swirling vortex. Her body moved, pushing me back against the door, her hands on my hips. Unbalanced I folded my arms around her shoulders holding on for support.

This kiss was so different, still sweet, still wonderful, but I felt her need, her desire. She wasn't alone, I felt it as well, with her body crushed against me. Her breasts crushing mine. Her hips undulating, grinding on me.

I didn't want it to end, I would have happily died in that moment. As we parted, she held me tight. "See you tomorrow."

"Are you gonna be at the studio?"

"I wasn't scheduled, but now I'm definitely gonna be there."

The girls were all in bed when I walked in. Andi playing on her phone, looked up querulously.

"Where the fuck have you been?" It sounded very accusatory.

"Went out for dinner with Kat, it was really nice."

"Oooh, in love are we?" She snapped sarcastically.

"We're just friends, you don't have to be snarky."

"Oh fuck off. Your first actual date. It was more than dinner. Be fucking honest."

"Yeah, whatever. It's none of your business anyway."

"Touchy aren't we." She hissed, and the teasing edge had completely vanished. "Whadda they say about protesting too much?"

"Why do you care Andi?"

"I don't, you just piss me off. I've heard yah talking with the other girls about who and how often I date. You think it's okay to call me a slut."

"Nobody said that." I spluttered.

"Liar, I've heard yah."

"Whatever, just stay outa my business."

I climbed into my bed, still wearing my clothes. I could see Andi staring at me even in the dark.

The next morning, Blaire and Poppy were just as bad as Andi, although they were at least their teasing was in good spirits. Andi, for whatever reason remained immersed in her toxicity. Her comments were all nasty snide biting little digs.

"For fucks sake, Andi. Give it a miss." Poppy complained. "She's allowed to date whoever the fuck she wants. Get off her back."

At the studio, we had a quick chat with the producer, who reminded us, if we wanted to make the most of this chance, we needed to focus, we were burning valuable time fighting. He reminded us that the studio charged like twelve hundred dollars per day. If we couldn't finish in the allotted time. We would either pay extra, or walk away with nothing.

His words stung, there were some grimaces as we all exchanged looks of concern. We finished our coffee, and in a group huddle, Andi Said. "Guess we better knuckle down. Sorry I've been a bit over the top. This means more to me than I realised."

"No need for apologies, we've all been suffering under the pressure, he's right though. We don't have money to throw at this. If we don't finish in time, we're gonna walk away with nothing but regrets." I replied.

"Yo..." Blaire added. "We better put aside the ego's, and just do it. We agreed on arrangements before we arrived. Let's just do that."

"I'm in." I added."

We walked into the studio proper, Blaire, heading for the little drum cubicle, me for the Guitar cubicle, and Poppy for the bass rig. I wondered if that wasn't part of the problem. We were all separated into these tiny sound insulated cubicles to limit sound bleed and give the engineers more control. We couldn't see each other, the only sounds we got came through headphones.

We could all see the control booth, and Andi who remained in the main studio.

Tuning up my guitar, I took some time to warm up my vocal chords. When I glanced up, there was Kat. She stood in the control booth with the engineer, coffee in hand. They talked, and he pointed to the desk. Clearly their discussion was technical, as the engineer, went over controls.

She may have been talking to him, but her eyes were glued to mine, she gave me a little wave, and the sexiest smile. My heart did that silly pause, skipping several beats. My tummy tightened, and flip flopped, making me wish I'd eaten before coming into the studio.

Guitar strapped on and tuned, vocal cords all warmed up. I was ready, all I could hear was the thunder coming from the drum booth as Blaire warmed up. She needed more time to get her body prepared. I don't know where the rhythm she played came from, but I started playing along.

I found a nasty grungy distortion filled guitar riff that fitted her rhythm. The engineer must have patched my sound into her headphones, because suddenly we were in synch. It wasn't just me either, my headphones came further alive, the fattest gruffest bass line powered over both of us. We weren't warming up, we were jamming this great little number that materialised from nowhere.

Andi was quick to pick up on what was happening, and she found the melody line, matching the keys to my riff. It sounded pretty amazing and the band unified as one. It brought out all the best of why we ended up together in the first place.

A moment of clarity, we were good together, with the ego's buried, and the only thing binding us being the music. Some joy and energy flowed, the surface tension rippling harmoniously.

It carried on for ten minutes, and by the end, we were savagely united as one. The engineers voice cutting through the headphones. "Sorry to break up the fun, but we need to get started. For your info, I ran some tape, that was frigging awesome. Lets carry that energy into the session proper."

What can I say, for the first time in a long time, we played with a merged unity. No ego's, no bitchiness. We let the music win.

By lunch time, we had three songs down. Kat slid into my arms as we walked into the control booth. "Wow, like fucking wow. You girls had it going on, like holy shit, so good." Her kiss, oh damn her kiss. It melted me."Get a room." Blaire said laughingly as she walked past.

Poppy, gave Kat a quick hug, but Andi... I didn't get it, for no apparent reason. She'd taken an instant dislike to Kat. Wouldn't even acknowledge her.

Kat, slipped out of my arms, and Blaire was already pulling on her jacket. "What say we go and get something to eat. I'm famished."

"Yeah, lets do it." Poppy added.

"Do you mind if Kat, tags along?" I asked.

"Nah all good." Blaire said, cutting Andi, off.

The girls wandered off up the street in a tight bunch. Kat and I meandering along a metre or so behind them.

"Roz, you were great today, oh my god babe. That guitar sounded so good, and your voice... You should sing more."

"Andi's, the vocalist."

"You've got the better voice, she sounds so thin. Don't get me wrong, it's a nice voice, but she doesn't have your power."

"Maybe, but I like to be able to just play guitar sometimes. With Andi out front, I can do whatever I want. Play... sing... She's the star of the show."

At the little cafe, we ordered some food, and sat down to eat on the little table on the footpath.

"If you girls want a couple of gigs, I think I could get you in at the Empire, tomorrow night?" Kat remarked casually.

"Awesome!" Blaire replied. "I'm like scraping change up from the bottom of my purse."

"Yeah, we pretty much poured everything into this trip. I could use some cash." Poppy added.

Andi, bit her tongue, she was in no better position financially than we were.

"Choice, I'll see if I can set it up." Kat said, pulling her phone out of her pocket. "Hey bob." She said turning away from us. "How would you like to have this hot as fuck girl band play Friday, Saturday night?"

"Nah mate, they're not locals, but they won the battle of the bands, I'm telling you Bro. They're hot as fuck."

The conversation, which we could hear only one side of. Went back and forth for a few minutes.

"What say we call it three grand for Friday and Saturday night?" She glanced at us, not knowing if she had said the right thing. She got the thumbs up from Blaire, and Poppy.

With our confirmation she sealed the deal. "Done, both nights. You all good with that?"

Poppy reached over the table and kissed her on the cheek. "Thanks chick, that was really awesome of you."

"Yeah, we could use another couple as well if you know somewhere."

"Well, Wednesday is ladies night at the Holdsworth. I warn you though. It's a gay club, but they pay well. When I play there, I get six hundred plus drinks and a meal."

"A gay bar!" Poppy gasped with a smirk. "We've never played a gay bar before."

"Best club in town, especially Wednesday nights. The place goes off. Lots of straight chicks as well, they go because it's safe. No nut jobs foaming at the mouth hitting on you, no testosterone fuelled fights."

"We could do that." I jumped in before the others answered. "We could definitely use the money."

"There are some other clubs around as well that have live music. If you want, I'll get in touch with them?"

"Fucking choice, yeah do it." Blaire responded enthusiastically.

Andi, sat not exactly fuming, but her annoyance was clear and obvious. Thankfully the other girls had accepted Kat, and were burying her in questions about the other pubs and clubs. As well as personal questions.

The day passed quickly, and we had two more tracks down. We were back on schedule, and the feeling was fun and warm. We were back...

That night, as we were pulling on jackets and getting ready to leave. Kat sidled up beside me. "Wanna get something to eat?"

"Yeah, that'd be nice. Where are we going?"

"What about my place. I can cook you know."

"Sounds nice, don't you share with some students?"

"Yeah, but they'll all be gone. We'll have the place to ourselves."

"Okay." I giggled.

"You might get lucky." Blaire laughed cheekily as she walked past.

"Yeah, you might finally lose your virginity." Poppy threw in.

I blushed, Kat giggled. Andi just walked out, her nose in the air.

Her flat wasn't far, as we walked up the hill. Her hand slid happily into mine, leaning into the steep climb she said. "Andi doesn't like me aye!"

"Yeah, she's got a real snit on. I'm sorry, I don't know what it's all about."

"Come on Roz, you can't be that clueless. She doesn't like the competition."

"What are you going on about... What competition?"

"You dumbarse. She's into you, big time."

"Like hell, she's into guys. Jesus, she sleeps with enough of them. She's never showed any interest in girls."

"I don't care, I've been queer my whole life. You'll understand after a while. You'll learn to pick up on signals. Andi is into you, or maybe she just doesn't want anybody else to have you."

It made me tremble, as we huffed and puffed our way up the hill. Nah, she's wrong. Andi was no way into girls... No way.

Her flat was a bit of a dump. An old Villa separated into three flats. It was rough, but they'd dressed it up nice. Kat broke out a bottle of wine, and I helped her prepare dinner. It was fun working beside her in the tiny kitchen. We kept banging into each other, and she stole some cheeky kisses.

We laughed about our childhoods, and shared some stuff. I still found it embarrassing opening up about my confused sexuality.

"You dated guys then?" Kat asked.

"Nah, I wouldn't call them dates. More like friends hanging."

"No fumbling kisses?"

"Nah, I was never comfortable with guys. Don't worry, Andi and the girls set me up with heaps. It just didn't feel right."

"What about now, does this feel right?" She asked, pressing me back against the counter top.

"Yeah, it feels good." I said trying unsuccessfully to stop the flushing burn. "I like you."

With nowhere left to run, I felt her body writhing, squirming against me. Her face right in front of me, so close I felt her breath wafting over me. She reached behind me, placing her glass on the counter, taking mine from my hand she placed it beside hers.