My Priority

"Did you want to try those on now that you could have a dressing room handy?" I asked.

Trevor happily took the offer, us going into a shop and being greeted as we entered. He had fun showing me a menagerie of dresses that ranged from expensive to discount, and I was impressed how much of the morning it had taken to do that.

We quickly found ourselves eating pancakes at a shop, and me really enjoying the out of season strawberries that adorned them.

"You act like you never get food outside of the lodge," he grinned at me as I poured syrup all over the fluffy breakfast that I had been lucky were still being served.

"That's because I don't; there's often no reason to. But these are good; I missed this," I stated.

"Maybe I need to learn to make pancakes for the lodge!" he said.

"That would be awesome, but probably best for weekends. Many of the guests rely on the soup and bread to keep them going until lunch," I said.

"Well, perhaps we can find a way to make them heavier?" he asked.

I glanced at him, noting how positive his whole demeanor was regarding it.

"You know, I think we can try that at some point," I said with a wide smile.

"So where are we going next; anything you wanted to look at during my day off?" I asked.

"Well, we need to go to the clock tower but I would prefer to do that later; under the moonlight," he said.

"Moonlight," I repeated with a blush. "That sounds romantic."

"It is, but the place really is amazing during that time; so is it OK if we wait until then?" he asked.

"Sure, but what did you want to do in the mean time?" I asked in confusion.

Much like the night of the festival, we were in a covered carriage that carried us to the edge of town while Trevor grinned at me.

"I'm sure we could have walked," I stated with a grin.

Soon enough, we arrived at our destination; which was the large train that carried coal from the mines further up into the mountains to the surrounding towns. You would think that I would have seen it more often, but the thing was often departed in between the times that I had come to look at it.

"It's been a few years," I said, noting the wear that the train had taken since.

"You had sketched several trains in your books, especially near the tales that depicted them," he said with a smile.

"You are rather thorough; guess I underestimated how bored you were that day," I said with a grin.

"Well, I like to read,and it's not like I was snooping in your bedroom or anything," he practically cooed.

"That's adorable," I said to him, drawing him into a hug from behind. "But you know quite a bit about me at this point; what about you? What does Trevor like to do in his free time, hm?"

"You already know that I like to make little games for myself; it kept me company on my travels," he said, smiling up at me. "Shopping is a guilty little pleasure of mine, but I like to always try new hobbies; no matter how bad I am at them! If it's fun, I will usually continue until it's not anymore. It almost made me feel like I was missing an identity because of this; because most people gravitate towards something. But I can't seem to stick to one thing for forever; I eventually put it away for other things."

"Well, then that's you; that beautiful girl that loves to try new hobbies," I said squeezing him in my arms. "But you are also that beautiful girl that works hard, that is always learning better ways to do her job, and just makes you feel special by simply clinging to your arm."

"Thank you," he said. "I also love jewelry, makeup, and cute socks."

"Cute socks; you are too adorable!" I said, making him laugh as snuggled him within my arms.

The two of us looked about the train and sat on the bench as we watched it take off towards the top of the mountain to be loaded with its export. According to the information available, the train never stayed at that station too long; mostly doing so to get any sort of service handled and the staff aboard that were sure to accompany it.

The carriage took us back to the town and Trevor shopped for a little longer, apologizing to me for being boring, and me explaining to him that I was happy to watch him have so much fun.

After a time, he tried on some jewelry and he finally asked as his hand caressed the pretty stones that adorned his skin.

"You always wear men's clothes, why is that?" he asked.

I grinned at his pretty reflection as he stared into the mirror. "I already told you, they are just not my style. I mean, I have a women's top or two, but this neutral look with just a little cleavage is, well, my thing."

He smiled and shifted his weight within the chair as he bundled his hair and placed a silver comb within it. "I'm glad that you seem to like my gift, at least."

My hand felt behind my neck to touch the silver hair pin and blushed. "Yeah; you managed to get one that I really like."

He smiled and winked at me, seeming quite happy with himself.

"So, is it OK if I ask a question?" I said, smiling at him.

"You already did, but go for it," he giggled.

"Why do you want to dress like a women but also be addressed as a guy? Just curious why that's your preference," I asked. "You don't have to answer but I have been wondering."

He took a breath, gave me a large smile, and fluttered his lashes. "It just feels right. As a merfolk, I can shape shift into whatever I want to be as long as I have enough magic that day to do so; so it's more than easy for me to change my name, be addressed in any fashion I wish

and dress the way I like for the day. I even spent a whole week looking like a dragonkin; could you imagine? It was fun! Either way, this is something I have done many times. But as I traveled, I started making an identity for myself, accepting that I love to dress however I want and look as close to my original form as possible. By appearance, people have told me it was odd that I wore guys clothes, had a guys name, but looked and sounded like a women; they were even more confused when I donned the dress. But I had found that it makes me happy and many of the people here don't even bat an eye. And you know? The greatest thing is, I always have a choice; I always can choose to go another path if I so wish. I still look like a half-elf in order to prevent any alarm, but I really learned to love me over the years."

It was easy to feel happy that he felt safe enough to live the way he wanted. "You are amazing, Trevor. I knew quite a few people in the world that struggled with their identities; I am happy for you."

---

We wondered to a museum and found a few art pieces to stare at before the day was over and the moonlight was bright. Trevor gleefully lead me to the clock tower and managed to ascend the stairs before me within his excitement.

"Trevor, what gives?" I asked, laughing.

"You are slow," he gleefully replied, sticking his tongue at me.

"Slow but I can keep up just fine," I said with a grin.

But his liveliness was subdued as he gazed up at a tall crystal window at the top of the tower. The window was amazingly thick and withstood the test of time; wind, rain, and snow were sure to pelt it. The design appeared to splay bright shards of light all across the small room and the heavy clock gears that moved behind us.

"It's design almost looks like it was shattered; but it was intentional," he said as he sat in one of the stone benches.

"It's beautiful," I stated, marveling at the room around me.

"This city felt amazing to me the first time I set foot here; making me feel that I was home after so long. I explored the town and looked at everything; breathed in the aromas, visited the worksites, and loved every minute of it. However, I could never explain why. I could never look up and know exactly why this felt right," he said.

I shifted lightly and drew my arm around him.

"But then I came here one night and saw this. This is when I knew I was home, and everything felt right to me. I knew what he was talking about," he stated.

"What who was talking about; you are being so vague right now," I said with a snicker.

He sighed, reached into his pocket, and handed me a folded paper. I unraveled it and stared; it being a beautiful star chart ripped out of a book with a part that seemed to unnaturally shine; grabbing the viewers attention.

"This is where you got that story, didn't you? I'm guessing you knew the traveler," I said.

"Well, yes. I am the traveler," he said.

"Wait, what? You mean, you were nearly eaten by that demigod?" I asked, stunned.

"Yup, and he was scary! He really did want to eat me just for waking him up; that all really did happen," he said in a bit of a giddy tone. "I've been traveling for ten total years, going to lands that never were met for me to see. I have gotten so lucky each and every time. But I met him in between that time, and he just understood everything. He was also one of the reasons why I'm so happy being me, because he seen me for who I was and questioned why I was trying so hard to be anything else."

I sat there, wondering what I was to say to all of this; but stunned beyond all belief. "You really did live here before. That's amazing you were able to know that."

"Yes, I came back to my roots. Some would probably not take such joy in that, but it makes me whole," he said and sighed. "I've been here for months, doing odd little jobs before meeting Boss. I was still wearing my traveling clothes and hood, and I was amazed when I came into the lodge and watched you work. I stayed in one of the rooms here for a few days, but you talked with me a few times; and all could think was how amazing it was that there is someone out there so content with the work they do. I was inspired by you."

I blushed, scratched the back of my neck, and smiled at him. "I don't find myself very inspiring, but thank you, beautiful."

"You are welcome," he said sincerely.

"So, how was this room so significant to you?" I asked.

"Oh, because I know that I had built it or designed it in some way within my other lifetime. I will never know fully, but this room fills me with so much joy; I felt like I had returned. The demigod was right; I have always been seeking this place," he said.

"Thank you for sharing this with me," I said, squeezing his hand as the bright lights shined all around us.

My heart pounded and a part of me wanted to tell Trevor something important, but I withheld; allowing a great feeling of unease to fall all around me as I squeezed his hand.

-- Chapter 4 -- My Priority --

A few days passed with Trevor and I working and spending time together. We read quietly and cuddled on most nights, while another was spent modifying our silly game. Trevor mentioned that he never had the urge to build more star charts but kept the one from the demigod close to him. He had decided to try painting for a little while, buying watercolors and proudly placing them all over his bedroom wall.

The holidays were approaching and Mom was sure to board the carriage and leave the lodge to me for a few weeks or longer.

"Mom, I'm surprised you just don't buy a small house there to stay at whenever you visit," I snickered as she watched the drivers toggle her luggage.

"A lady has got to pack well in order to stay plenty comfortable," she said with a grin. "So, you and your girlfriend going to be OK with the bar all to yourselves?"

"Yeah; but..." I hesitated, blinked for a bit, and hugged her. "I'm going to be fine, not something I'm worried about."

"Don't lie to your mother before she skips town," she said in a bemused tone.

"Well, there is lots to do," I said, but she was sure to spin me around and look me in the eyes.

"Gemini, I'm going to say this now; I'm glad you met Trevor. You have seemed less unsure of yourself ever since; but you have been a little off for the last few days and I was hoping you would come to me about it before I left. However, you always fail to surprise me, keeping this sort of stuff to yourself. You are never too old to get advice from your mother."

"Well, I'm still trying to figure it all out," I stated.

"You love him. What's there to figure out?" she said nonchalantly.

"Geez, don't say that out loud! I have barely admitted it to myself!" I huffed, trying to whisper to her.

"What in the world are you afraid of? Is it simple rejection?" she asked.

"It didn't work out with Eliza; we fought and failed because she thought she wanted to be a part of the lodge, she thought she wanted to be here for good but quickly found she had felt trapped. We divorced and she couldn't skip town fast enough. I...I thought I was good with liking someone from afar; Samantha was so flighty that it felt safe to love her because she drug it out so long. But now there is Trevor, and it's only a matter of time before he can't stand the lodge anymore; before he has to live apart from me. He loves this town, but could he really deal living with this place every day? And seriously, I'm going to be unable to deal with losing him."

"When did this all happen?" she asked.

"Our last date; I felt it...it scared me," I stated. "I don't know how else to describe it, but our relationship is way too new to feel it this badly."

She sighed and leaned against the carriage, making it a little difficult for the drivers to continue with the collection of her many trunks and cases. "You will have to choose to let him love you back; to trust him. That's all there is to it. If it does not work out, you are going to have to learn to let go and move on. It sucks but it's worse than refusing to love and hurting those who have a chance of loving you back. Trust me."

"Not really nice to pry with your magic, but yeah; I have a lot to think about lately," I stated dryly. "He will eventually tire of this place."

"That is his choice, but is it any better to leave him out of all this; to give him no choice in the matter at all?" she asked.

Her carriage departed after I had hugged her and told her to greet Dad for me. But her words were heavy in my heart.

---

The holidays were to occur very soon and the lodge slowly went quiet as they approached. People went just a little lighter with their partying, and some of the guests welcomed people they have been waiting to meet there while others communed with the rest, enjoying the warmth of the heath and conversing about their families living far away.

The broken hearts, the lonely souls, and the contractors that were a whole week's travel away were all quite moving to watch. I usually spent the holidays with the guests staying at the lodge that year, listening to the minstrels and telling tales.

I had found it difficult to carry on as normal and it was all too evident that Trevor had picked up on my change of behavior; it being so hard for me to hide. Working later or making excuses to be just slightly less available for two whole days was an unfortunate way to show someone that you loved them.

"Did something happen to you guys?" Emmie asked as I had walked her home on the night before the holiday; Hunter being unavailable to accompany her.

"Whoa, wait, Trevor said something to you? He seemed mostly OK today," I stated.

"You are kidding, right?" she asked a little condescendingly. "I mean, he's doing a good job at acting it, but yes, he is worried about something and all of us could put the pieces together."

A groan escaped my lips as rubbed my forehead. "I have to fix this; but I...well, I fell too deep."

The cold wind attempted to push us over and snow fell consistently, the whole town smelling of the fire that burned within everyone's hearths and came up through their chimneys.

She crooked her eyebrow and gave me a nervous chuckle. "Look Boss, it's a little strange that you got into a relationship and did not expect to fall in love, but your situation is quite absurd. Who does this?"

"Heh, apparently I do; and I'm not Boss," I said, rolling my eyes. "While we are getting so personal, did you fall in love with Hunter?

She smiled, her cheeks turned rosy, and she bit her painted lips. "Don't tell the rest of the lodge team yet, but Hunter and I eloped about a month ago."

I stared at her in complete disbelief. "You got married, and you did not tell Jeramin? You guys used to tell each other everything when you cleaned the rooms."

"Yeah, we still do; we're still old friends," she said with a chuckle. "But not this time, Hunter and I planned to reveal it after the holidays so the news did not make it to my parents prematurely."

"Fair," I stated.

"Well, I'm taking a carriage out of town tomorrow morning, so I guess it will be only you to the lodge," she stated. "Have a great holiday, and thanks for letting Hunter and I have time off."

I wished her well and waved, feeling defeated by own feelings.

"I was supposed to be treating you as my priority, not running away from you," I said to myself, finally making a decision to fix this mess I had created.

My feet quickly brought me to a familiar shop that was relatively new in town; and thankfully they had remained opened late in the attempt to attract as many buyers before the end of the night as possible.

Later, the gift I had purchased and placed within a shiny purple box sat in my pocket as I walked swiftly home, the plush pillows that held it prevented it from rattling around. It was purchased without expectation; with the purpose in mind for giving it and accepting that the future held no guarantees.

---

"You are back," Trevor said with a tiny smile as I entered the apartment.

The hearth made the whole apartment feel warm with a light, smokey smell. Trevor had brought various treats from upstairs, adding pastries and bread to the aroma.

He curled his legs up to make room for me on the couch but did not make any move to get close. I inhaled, closed my eyes, and accepted my feelings and all that could possibly come with it.

"Trevor, I had so much fun with you these last few weeks; it's been wonderful," I said, taking his hand into mine.

"What has been up with you the last day or so; it's been weird. Are you upset with me?" he asked. "You avoided me all of the sudden, and I get it that you could be dealing with your own thing, but...I worried that you were angry with me and I was just going to give you a little space until you were ready to talk about it."

I slid close to him and wrapped my arms around his tiny shoulders. He gave a little smile and leaned his head into my clavicle.

Wanting to laugh at myself, I felt I finally had to come clean. "This shouldn't be so hard; but I guess I make everything complicated for myself, so here it goes: I fell in love you...it's been a long time since I had felt this way about anyone and I guess I have been avoiding this sort of feeling for a few years."

He stared at me, wide eyed and his face entirely ablaze with a deep red blush. It was adorable to watch him but something deep inside me had told me he was certain not to return my feelings.

"I know it's sudden; I know we have been only dating for a short amount of time," I continued. "But I love you; which is risky for me. I'm boring and to be with me is to accept committing your life to the lodge. But you know, even if you may not be here for forever, I'm still going to love you."

An odd smirk crossed my face; my big, complicated secret finally revealed and I had felt lighter because of it, once again proving Mom right.

Before he could respond, I fiddled with the box within my pocket and brought it out in order to open it up in front of Trevor, him gasping and giving me a slightly worried look.

"Gemini; this is expensive. It's too much...you did not have to..." he stammered.

"I wanted to. It's the holidays and everything...I just want to make it clear that you don't owe me anything; that I just wanted to get my girlfriend a pretty gift. I wanted to tell you how I really feel," I said.