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Click hereA smile here, a blush there, and he lifted his pretty hair to give me a clear path to his neck. My fingers briefly brushed his skin, him sighing as I had done so, and then I slipped the fuchsia tinted ruby necklace onto him, the heavy pendant dipping into his deep red corset. I clasped the diamond chain and released it, Trevor gasping as he marveled at the jewelry.
"I really, really love it, but I still can't believe that you bought it; I would have loved anything from you," he whispered.
"Now you tell me," I teased but laughed as he lightly pushed me away in jest.
"Thank you, Gemini," he said.
I moved to kiss him and he accepted gleefully, his lovely painted lips meeting mine as the hour turned and the large grandfather clock had alerted us that it was the holiday morning; us starting it just right.
-- Epilogue - The Boss and Her Wife --
A gruff man invited the cold, spring snow along with him as he opened the large doors to a lodge he had not seen in few years. He nodded at the patrons as they continued with their business, raising their glasses and congratulating each other after a hard day of work.
"Hey, Boss," he said as he knocked his large knuckles on the lacquered dark wood of the bar counter. "It's mid April and still snowing in these mountains."
I turned my attention to him after handing several large mugs to the man behind him, only to widen my eyes as I recognized him.
"No way," I nearly shouted at him, expressing my excitement by nearly jumping over the counter top. "I can't believe you made it here...what's the occasion?"
The whole bar watched as I hugged the human man that mirrored my height and hair color. He laughed as he patted my shoulder and gave me a squeeze that has been owed to me the years he was gone.
"Heard you got yourself a wife and your mother told me she is going to immediately set up shop in Lavillarah," he said as he gave me a huge high five.
"You two are obsessed with that town," I said with a smirk.
He followed me as we walked back to the kitchen, him admiring the place that he had left long ago. "So, where is your little lady? Your Mom gave me an earful of how you two met before the holidays, but she also won't stop complaining about the two of you," he said.
"Is she still going on about the wedding? It's been over a month," I laughed as I rolled my eyes.
"You know how traditional she is when it comes to that wedding stuff, and she always said she wanted to throw a huge one for her daughter in this very lodge, surrounded by a giant group of friends, family, and decorations," he said with a grin. "You earned this one, there Gemini! She wanted to see your spouse walk down the aisle, at least."
I laughed while picturing Mom on a tirade of complaining. "Well, when I asked Trevor to marry me, he thought it would be fun to be sneaky about it, but he also did not want to wait. Asked Mom to watch the bar, left before she could question anything, got married in the next town, and announced it to her the next morning! The look on her face was priceless; she was so mad. I love her, but she knew I was going to find a way to skip a large wedding."
"You two are troublemakers," he laughed.
Lorelei and Trevor were making pies in the kitchen when my Dad and I entered.
"Dad, this is my wife! Sweet wife, meet my Dad!" I nearly cheered.
"Great to meet you," Trevor said with a kind smile. "Gemini's mother is still mad at us."
"She's something else; but she's still very happy for the both of you," he said with a wide grin before noticing a new pocket watch chain that was clipped to my pants. "That's rather new. Can I see that?"
"Oh, sure! Trevor got it for me on the holiday; check it out," I said as I unclipped it and handed it to him.
"Ah, that one's pretty nice," he said, marveling at the visible gears and little train that adorned the middle.
"Yeah, it was an amazing gift," I said, giving Trevor a huge smile.
"You're a good one, Trevor; you know her well," he stated, handing the watch back to me.
"So, you already selling your own set?" I asked.
"I don't think I'm ready to sell my watches yet, but your Mom really admires the ones I finished last month and has been badgering me to get them in the shop she owns here," he said.
"That's great, Dad. Your hard work really paid off," I said.
"So, you two got time to hang out after work?" he asked.
"Obviously," I said, nearly being drowned out by some guests cheering in the back.
Dad took a seat and ordered some soup from Lorelei as I took Trevor's hand and embraced him within the kitchen.
"Hey, what's this for; we got a bunch of people out there," he said, erupting into giggles.
"What, I need an excuse to hug my beautiful wife?" I asked with a grin.
He set his pretty hands on my face and tenderly kissed me; I was still bewildered that he had married me so quickly.
"I love you, Gemini," he said with a wide smile.
"I love you, Trevor," I said while squeezing him and rubbing my face in his delicate shoulder.
The noisy lodge with all of its patrons and all of its smells of pastry and beer was our home, and I was elated that Trevor wanted to be a part of it.
- COMMENTS
SweetAlienover 3 years agoAuthorHello bkr,
Thank you for your words, I am glad that you still liked the story regardless of its more unpleasant flaws. :)
To answer your question regarding editing: yes, much of the current editing flaws, incorrect words placed by my hurried choice with auto-correct, and missed grammar are all due to running into the deadline. What originally was planned to be a quick romance turned into a story three times its size with character development and me wondering how I was going to make it. To be honest, the sex scene and the ending were cut short before submitting the thing at the last minute. Yes, I agree, the more outstanding flaws are quite distracting even for me when I re-read it.
I do admit that I got my point across in the story but I had since gotten ideas on how to extend it and what sort of themes or feelings I wish to explore with these two.
Interesting point on the ending; I had at first worried that it was hurried but later believed it to be an elegant way to wrap it up. This caused me to worry that changing it would be equally disappointing to the readers. Now that you have mentioned it, I feel a bit more allowed to change it. In the case of the epilogue, a few months have passed at best. Hopefully will get to editing this month; I've been plowing some heavier hours into work and not sure when this will occur.
As for the passive voice goes, it was more used to avoid repetitive words. I have seen it utilized best when there is an element present that excuses it.
Haha, I admit that I like the vocabulary used in this case but that is purely of my personal bias. I find myself rarely enchanted by language and mannerisms that are written to mimic human history as I find them to be either too reserved by nature or simply unrelatable from a personal standpoint. It's not wrong, just not preferred for me. You guessed it - I intended to mix a sort of growing technology along with an inherently magical world and manage to condone this by utilizing the concept of a different planet. When overall choosing this style, I had already weighed my options and considered how oddly it may be received based on that alone - but I like it and accept the consequences of that overall decision.
Again, thank you for your words and encouragement. Future work will be better planned and given the appropriate time for editing on my part to ensure that it is released with a quality that even I approve of. With that said, I cannot promise perfect fidelity from mistakes (even my favorite books have few of them immortalized in print) and there will likely be amateur flaws present on my part. But yes, future work will boast a higher quality, so thank you for looking forward to more. :)
-SweetAlien
bkr12kover 3 years agoSweetAlien,
You have a very engaging story here that is good. It would be very good with some editing for proper word usage, grammar, and spelling. As is it was written, it was fairly distracting for me. It looks like your comments indicate you wanted to edit it so maybe you were thinking of that already. Consider also looking into passive voice and how to avoid it. "My hand did XYZSomething" is a common one you had throughout. Perfect example of passive voice. You did something, your hand did not.
You could also do with a little bit of adjustment to the flow- some parts were disjointed and the continuity of the story was off somewhat.
I truly enjoyed the characters, the romantic nature of this, and the hints at the erotic urgency of their budding relationship. Very well done on that aspect. I think the ending was a complete letdown, unfortunately. It felt very "wrap it up" to me and could have used more development. The way I read it, Gemini expressed her feelings before the holidays and immediately afterward her father was there congratulating her and Trevor on their wedding. If something was supposed to indicate some time had passed beyond just a few weeks, I missed it entirely. A little more background in the epilogue could very easily clear up the confusion. I was just getting excited about where their story was going to take them and it abruptly ended. Perhaps that was a deadline thing; I think you have a lot of potential to continue developing this and remove the epilogue entirely or fill in the space between.
This is my own bias as someone who doesn't genre blend much but mixing the fantasy setting with steampunk and a lot of "modern" vocabulary and mannerisms just felt off for me. Some people like it and you shouldn't necessarily change on my account but consider whether it was your intent to mix genres or not. If not, then maybe rethink some setting choices. If so, you've done a good job mixing the genres in a reasonable capacity, I think.
All that said, I'm adding you to my favorite authors list to watch for more from you in the future. This was an excellent foray into crossdressing and gender-fluidity (and storytelling in general) that I really liked. Keep it up.
-bkr
SweetAlienover 3 years agoAuthorJoshana, thanks for reading, and thanks for commenting!! I really appreciate the words from a seasoned writer, so it makes me happy that you liked it! Ah, that scene was pretty incredible, and I especially loved writing how jarred Gemini was when the Ferris wheel ride had ended. Honestly, writing any kind of sexual tension is really fun, so my next will have plenty horny adventures. :)
Joshanaover 3 years agoThis is a very impressive first story and quite a meaty one for being a first upload! There is a good amount of world building, setting up a sense of place rather than going full bore into the sex. Trevor's story was very well done and something that very easily could be a myth from our world. Plus the playing around with gender is something I always approve of and was done very well here, in a much different way than I usually do but it's interesting to see.
And the super horny but restrained scene on the Ferris wheel was oh so very good. Consider me interested to see what comes next if your first story was this strong.
