My Journey of Discovery Ch. 01

This begins a new story about a young doctoral candidate who decides to study submission by becoming a submissive. It contains bondage and discipline, oral and lesbian sex, sex toys, public masturbation and exposure. For the purposes of this fantasy, STD's do not exist. It is a work of fiction, though some places are real for authenticity purposes, though no person is. I hope it's enjoyed by as many people as seemed to like my other work.

My Voyage into Submission, Ch. 1

An Advertisement in the Newspaper

Coming up with an idea for my doctoral dissertation for my psychology degree was a headache. Every time I had a glimmer of an idea, it either fell apart because I was unmotivated to actually study it, or the subject had been researched to death. I would eagerly check something I was interested in to see what had been published on a particular subject and would find reams of articles and papers covering the topic, everything from dream interpretation, to drug therapy to causations of most neuroses and psychoses. Was there nothing new to study which fifteen other persons or teams of researchers had not thoroughly covered in the last ten years?

If there was nothing published in recent literature, it was because the subject bored me to tears and too bland to inspire anyone to write a grand dissertation on the subject. I had been paging through my textbooks for days, looking for something I would care if anyone read.

Finding nothing, I had given up and determined my next step would be consulting with my doctoral advisor to see if together, we could forge a new path. I got along well with Dr. Kline and trusted we might find something worthy of my efforts working in concert. Unhappy I was unable to arrive at something myself, anything was better than this vast void of ideas I faced. Already too late to phone Dr. Kline for an appointment, I set a reminder on my phone to call him first thing in the morning and set about reading the newspaper, an activity greatly enjoyed though sadly neglected the past few days.

I perused the news, world, national, state and local, skipped sports, read the comics and set the crosswords, cryptoquips and sudoku's aside to work on later. I enjoyed sports myself, primarily running, bicycling, swimming and tennis, but organized team sports had no interest to me, therefore news about it did not pique my interest. I was about to trash the rest of the paper when I noticed a large advertisement on the back page of the want ads. Usually that space was filled with the latest and greatest automotive ads, or home appliance sales sheets, so the fact it skipped all the usual focal points for advertising might have been the first thing which drew my attention.

'WANTED' in big bold letters which almost begged for the words 'Dead or Alive' after it. But those were not the words which followed. In lettering almost as bold, it said, 'SUBMISSIVE'. I had to read further.

WANTED SUBMISSIVE:

Mature Dominant Male seeking Submissive Female for year long cruise around the world on board a luxury motor yacht. Nudity and Sex Expected. Various forms of confinement, punishment, exhibitionism and humiliation will be a regular part of your experience and treatment. If interested, please direct inquiries to ... and gave a phone number in New York.

It was a full page ad and must have cost over a thousand dollars. Since I lived in Gainesville, Florida, I wondered how many newspapers the ad had been placed in, or if he was just targeting Florida. But for the first time in days, I felt I had an idea for my dissertation, but needed to check how thoroughly the topic had been studied.

I looked. I looked for hours. Masters and Johnson and Kinsey had studied human sexuality and done a lot with it. The multitudes of human sexual interactions had been identified and categorized, but not all the individual parts were researched in depth. Sadism and Masochism had been analyzed in more detail than Dominance and Submission. There was quite a bit on the different forms domination and submission took, a lot on the psychology of dominants, some things written by self described dominants which identified the characteristics they prized in a submissive. Most of what was done was superficial, but really nothing from the point of view of the submissive. I didn't know if it was because they were too submissive to discuss their own needs and desires, or there was some other reason they got short shrift from the studies.

After looking over the research, I thought it would be wonderful to examine Dominance/Submission from the point of view of the submissive. I could, of course, do what most researchers do; questionnaires, detailed interviews, personality profile testing, but the advertisement pointed out another way to do the research. I could respond to the ad and if chosen, really gain insight into the mind and psychology of the submissive in the relationship.

It was almost 4 AM now, and I decided to grab a few hours of sleep before discussing my idea with Dr. Kline. I took off my clothes and climbed into bed. Despite my weariness, I found it hard to sleep. If I did do this; what was I letting myself in for? I pictured myself naked, a man making use of me whenever he wanted. Confined, punished, exhibited and humiliated; what did all that mean? I'd better know what I was getting myself into. I was awake for another hour before I finally fell into a fitful sleep.

When I woke up the next day about ten, I was still groggy from my lack of sleep but I called and made an appointment with Dr. Kline for the following day at four. I figured I would call the number in the ad and get more information. No point in going into this without the maximum amount of data. I dialed the number. I got a recording.

"If you are calling in response to the ad and would like more information, please leave your name, phone number and address. More information will be mailed to you along with a questionnaire. If after reading the provided information you are still interested, please fill out the questionnaire and return it by May 1. The dominant will read all of your responses and pick out ten for personal interviews which will be conducted in New York City on May 19. All expenses will be paid for the applicants. At the beep, please leave your information."

There was a beep.

I hung up. I don't know what I was expecting, but this wasn't it. Was it a scam? A way to get people out of their houses on a known day? Hell, I was a student! What they could get from me was not worth what it would cost to bring me to New York. I suppose I could move anything I felt I couldn't afford to lose to someone else's place on the 19th. When I stopped to think about it, though, it wasn't that crazy. Whoever he picked would be with him for a year. He should have someone he could tolerate for that long. I would like to meet him in person before deciding if it was something I would do. What if he was psychotic, disgusting or ugly? Would I be willing to spend a year being dominated sexually by such a person?

What the hell was I thinking? What made me think I would be picked? If he was putting ads in a multitude of different newspapers, he would get hundreds, maybe even thousands of applicants, just on the possibility of a free year long cruise around the world. I was aware of my strengths and weaknesses. I couldn't get this far in my chosen field without undergoing psychoanalysis myself. I knew my mental and psychological profile well, but what about the physical appearance he might be interested in.

I looked at myself in the mirror every day. I knew what I looked like. It wasn't bad. My sports activities kept me slim and fit. My stomach was flat; I didn't carry any fat. I was stronger than most women my age. I was 25 with toned arms and legs, fairly short hair in a bob, attractive enough but not model beautiful. My boobs were firm and perky; between a B and C cup depending on the bra. I could get by without one if I didn't mind looking slutty.

My best asset was probably my ass. You didn't run, swim, cycle and play tennis without maintaining a tight ass and mine was very tight. But if the dominant would be choosing between hundreds of women, I was reasonably certain I wasn't going to be the best looking one to apply. Hell, I might not even make the final hundred.

Well, no way I would get picked if I didn't apply so I called the number again and left my name, address and phone. I needed to do a little preliminary research to see what I was getting myself into. Getting back onto my trusty computer, I did a google search for BDSM clubs in the local area. I found a place in Orlando called 'The Woodshed' having something called the 'Submissive Safe Space' on April 14. It might be a good place to speak to a number of different submissives all at once. I made sure I could just walk in and attend.

Locally, they were having something called a 'Munch' in Ocala on the twelfth. Ocala was closer than Orlando. Apparently, members of the fetish or BDSM persuasion got together for a meal to chat. In order to attend, I had to attend a new member orientation and since time was critical, I sent an e-mail to request the orientation before the next Munch. I got a quick reply, asking why I was in such a rush. I explained what I was contemplating; submitting to a dominant for a year and how I was new to submission and would like to discuss the implications of a year of submission with others already in the life. It took a little longer for a response to come back, but I received a reply saying I could meet several members of the orientation committee tomorrow at nine AM at a restaurant I was familiar with. I informed her I would be there.

Lastly, if I wanted the best chance to be chosen and I was reasonably certain it wouldn't be exclusively on looks, I had to find some way to be more emotionally and mentally attractive; more submissive if you will. Considering I knew very little about it, I needed to learn a lot more fast. I started printing out a lot of what I could find to get a basic understanding of the D/s lifestyle. I printed twenty articles discussing it in some way to read before my meeting tomorrow. One of the things I found was by a self-professed dominant expressing what he felt were the eleven most important aspects he evaluated when determining if a submissive was right for him. I was surprised at some of the things he put on his list, although some were self-evident.

SUBMISSIVENESS

This Master asks for nothing less than complete surrender of will. It is not the submissive's pleasure or desires she must think of, but his. She must not only accept that, but take her pleasure from it as well. Disobedience, as a form of play, is acceptable but disobedience to test his patience on the other hand is unacceptable and reason to discontinue the relationship. On the other hand, the submissive 'doormat' is even less desirable than the demanding one. There are few Dominants who wish to own an animated 'blow-up doll' who has no mind of her own. Submission does not mean stupid.

HONESTY

A submissive must be honest with her master, or the relationship will soon sour for both. This honesty must begin from the very first meeting, and continue without break throughout the relationship. While honesty is important in a vanilla relationship, it is vital in D/s, if only because we are constantly testing our boundaries, pushing our limits, and testing ourselves. SET HONEST LIMITS! Honesty goes much farther than this, of course. There is never a wrong time to ask questions, to let your Dominant know that you are uncomfortable, or that, with his permission, you would like to try something new. Assume nothing, since everyone, including Dominants, are different in their likes and dislikes you should be willing to ask what he likes, even how he likes his coffee in the morning. Honest questions about these things will not make you appear ignorant; on the contrary, they will show him the depth of your submission to him.

ACCEPTANCE

It is truly amazing how many submissives, good ones otherwise, are unable to truly accept the complete surrender of will that is required by a Dominant. Once all negotiations are over and the submissive has chosen to give herself to him, she must, from that moment on, be willing to accept any and all desires and commands he may impose on her. Acceptance goes beyond her desire to please or her submission; acceptance is just that, the acceptance, whole-heartedly of his will over hers.

INTELLIGENCE

As has been said, submission does not mean stupid. Barbie dolls are fun to play with, and doormats are useful for keeping one's feet clean, but a submissive has not relinquished her mind along with her will. Intelligent conversation and an imaginative sense of humor will make up for many other shortcomings, while a lack of them will only emphasize all other faults. It is the job of the Dominant to take the lead and make decisions, but there are times when he wants to know his submissive's opinion. There may even be times he wants to indulge her for the simple joy of doing so. Think for yourself, even when submitting to his will, and you will please him far more than you know.

COMPATIBILITY

The varieties of people in the D/s lifestyle are even more varied than those in the vanilla world. For that reason, compatibility between a Dominant and submissive is incredibly important. Even the ability and enjoyment of conversation can be a problem if one likes it and the other does not. Spending time with a potential D/s partner, both in sexual situations and outside of them prior to committing is the best way to know if you may be truly compatible in a relationship.

SELF-RESPECT

Humiliation, both public and private, can be a source of pleasure for many submissives, and their Dominants as well. This does not mean that the submissive should truly consider herself to be of no value, worthless, or simply a toy for her Dominant to use and abuse. Self-respect, the knowledge that you are your Dominant's most prized possession, his greatest joy, and the thing he chooses above all else, are the things you must remember about yourself. No matter how you are treated in role play, remember that you are a person, a valuable human being whose needs and hopes are not only valid but important. If your Dominant does not remember this, don't be afraid to give him the address of a good pet store and look elsewhere for someone who understands this.

SELF-KNOWLEDGE

Know thyself is more than just a proverb, in D/s it is a must. Knowing what you like, dislike, are willing to try, and what you will not tolerate will make you not only a safer submissive, but a happier one as well. You need to know these things or you will be unable to communicate them to your Dominant. Knowing yourself will also let you grow and evolve, because your limits may change, and your needs can change as well. You are not exactly the person you were a year ago, because your experiences have changed you in subtle ways, and the person you will be a year from now will be slightly different for the same reason. If you are not aware of these changes you will not be the completely happy and fulfilled person you should be. Think about your Dominant and get to know him, but think about yourself as well.

COMMUNICATION

A good Dominant can read the subtle clues given by his submissive most of the time, and will do so, however, Dominants are not psychics, cannot read minds, and are not born with an innate ability to know everything about a submissive. It can be frustrating to constantly experiment to learn what a submissive likes or dislikes, and guessing such things lead to failures and misunderstandings. I very much enjoy having a submissive tell me her fantasies, not only for future reference, but because the simple act of telling her fantasies often causes a submissive to become incredibly turned on, particularly when the fantasy is something she considers 'forbidden'. But the communication should cover more than just sexual situations as well. Even your taste in food, books and music can be communicated. A good dominant will want to know what his submissive likes even if he chooses to ignore them.

CONSISTANCY

Few things are more frustrating than to have a submissive be meek and docile one day, a bitch the next, and a bottom topper another time, all without warning or context. Be yourself with your Dominant, don't try to anticipate too much. He chose you based on what he thinks your personality, quirks, and needs are. Stay with those and you will not go wrong. Change and you will only confuse and irritate him. Remember, HE is the Dominant and can be irrational, inconsistent, and capricious. You are the submissive; it is your job to be what he expects you to be every time, all of the time.

IMAGINATION

It is vital for the submissive to respond appropriately to any situation and that takes imagination. Much of what takes place is not part of scene, and so it is left up to the imagination to fill in the blanks. Learn to emote your feelings and actions, put a picture in your Dominant's mind that will last longer than for one scene. Find new places your Dominant might like to go to. Don't necessarily explore it first, you can do it with him and it will be much more fun, but finding someplace a little different may be just the thing to put a spark in an otherwise dull day.

PATIENCE

Patience is one of the most important qualities a submissive can possess. Dominants are often cranky, demanding, selfish, angry, or in any of a dozen other less than stellar moods, and a submissive must remain steady and patient through it all, never complaining or reacting in any but the most compliant of manners. Even on your worst day, when you feel you are unable to tolerate even the slightest irritation, you must continue to smile and serve your Dominant with your entire being. You must always be happy for him, tending patiently to his needs, accepting his anger with joy. He will reward your patience eventually, and you will know you have given him a gift beyond value.

SERVICE

If you can fulfill at least the majority of the above characteristics, this one should be almost automatic for you. Service to him includes learning what makes your Dominant happy and doing your best to provide it. Never making your Dominant remind you of his preferences, not having to make him wait longer than is absolutely necessary, being observant to his wants and needs, studying his habits, these are all things that make your submission to him special. To submit is not always to serve, but to serve you must submit, this is an old maxim, and one that will always be true. Serve him without thought of your own desires, and you have given him a gift beyond all measure.

I was surprised honesty, intelligence, self-respect, self-knowledge and imagination made it to his list. My idea of domination and submission is the submissive did what he/she was told, period. A lot of the reading material talked about an exchange of power.

Submission was not like slavery in that the submissive was granting the dominant power over him or herself, but it was not absolute. The submissive has a safe word which is sacrosanct and never to be violated. To continue past a safe word was the ultimate taboo in the D/s world. Once said, all power reverted back to the submissive, so despite the submissive granting much of their power to the dominant, the submissive held the ultimate authority of whether to continue or stop. If I was to be chosen, it would probably be because I could surpass other applicants in these five areas, not for any particular physical asset or other facet of submission, because I had no experience in those areas.

By the time I was finished reading everything, it was nine and since I hadn't gotten much sleep last night, and had to leave early to make it to Ocala by my appointment time, I decided to hit my bed early. Despite my best intentions, I still found my rest troubled by visions of my naked submission to a master. It was several hours later before I finally found my sleep.