My Wife is a Houseplant Pt. 01

As I laid on the couch, staring out the window, I couldn't help feeling completely at peace. The sun was shining. Wind rustled tree leaves outside. It was a beautiful day, and I was grateful to be alive and enjoying it. I noticed the sun gently coming in through the window and lighting up the peace lily in the corner of my living room. Everything was just too beautiful not to get a little aroused at the pure joy of life. I felt my cock stir in my jeans and thought, "Why not?"

I stared at the sunshine highlighting the green of the peace lily's leaves as I unzipped the jeans and pulled out my cock. It was the perfect relaxing activity to cap off an already relaxing Sunday morning. I jerked off lazily on the couch, letting the sensations build until I could feel an orgasm coming on. At that point, I stood up and walked over to the potted plant. I'd been ejaculating into plant soil since I was a kid. It was an easy way to hide the results of masturbation. Usually, the leaves hid the evidence until the soil absorbed it all—as long as I aimed it into the soil—plus, I figured the nutrients in the cum were good for the plants.

Of course, that required getting my dick pretty close to the plant, but I'd gotten used to the cool caress of green stems. I stuck my dick deep into the shadows under the peace lily's leaves and felt my balls tighten as the orgasm rolled upward and out of my body. The cum shot into the shadowed depths to be cleaned up by my houseplant. As I pulled my cock out from the stems, I felt one of the leaves caress my cock. Some of the cum still hung dripping from the end of my cock, so I grabbed that leaf and used the underside of it to wipe off the dripping cum. It was the perfect setup. No clean up, and no one ever knew what was in the pot. I sighed and laid back down on the couch, closing my eyes.

The next morning, I got up for work and walked into the living room. Maybe it was my imagination, but the peace lily really did look bigger and healthier today. The stems stood up straight and strong, and the leaves looked especially green. I knew some people would think what I did was weird, but it really did seem to be mutually beneficial.

When I got home from work that evening, I felt fired up from a good day and couldn't even wait to get into a more relaxed mood. I took off my shoes and pants and went straight over to the plant. My cock was already pointing upward. "I know you're just a plant, but you have made my life so much better. You keep me relaxed." I'd heard that it was good to talk to your houseplants.

I started jerking off into the plant pot, and the leaves kept brushing against the back of my hand. That gave me an idea. I grabbed onto one of the broad, smooth leaves and wrapped it around my penis like a tamale, and I jerked off with the plant's leaf encompassing my cock. It was a whole new level. I couldn't believe I'd never thought of this before. The plant's cool leaf put a layer between myself and my hand. It was almost like I wasn't jerking off at all. I started thrusting my hips forward into the leaf, holding my hand in place. I wasn't just jerking off into the soil. I was having sex with my houseplant. That phrase echoed in my mind. I'm having sex with my houseplant. Am I some kind of freak?

I couldn't think of it that way. It felt too good, and all I could concentrate on was how quickly the orgasm was building up inside me. I thrust my hips forward one more time, and cum shot out of me, but thrusting as I was, I hadn't been able to aim the shot like usual, and my cum splattered against the wall behind the peace lily. "Shit."

I let go of the leaf and whipped off my shirt, using it to wipe up the wall. The funny thing is, I swear the plant looked droopy after that. Maybe it had become dependent on my cum for nutrition. I felt ashamed at that thought. Houseplants aren't supposed to live on cum. There's no way that's natural. Is it?

I mean, animals probably came in plants in nature...No, no. Animals had sex. They didn't go around masturbating and releasing their seed all over the place. No. I was pretty sure humans were the champs when it came to masturbation. This wasn't right. I needed to stop coming in my peace lily. That was it. It wasn't good for the plant.

The next day I came home from work in a good mood. Then I looked over at my desolate plant, its leaves hanging limply, and my good feelings vanished. I sat down in front of the TV and didn't get horny even once. I was a disgusting human being, and I knew it. The next morning, I tucked a fertilizer stick into the soil and watered the peace lily. I resolved not to get sexy with my houseplant anymore.

But it was so hard to masturbate with nowhere to put my cum. I was accustomed to jerking off on the couch, and that seemed inconvenient without the plant to suck up the cum. I tried a couple of techniques I'd heard other guys used. I covered my dick in a sock. My sock was rough and scratchy. It was nothing like the cool, smooth leaves. It only made me think about the plant more. I finished—once—but it was more like a punishment orgasm to torture myself. I cried afterward.

Another time, I got a towel ready beside me, and when I came, I pointed my cock up toward my own belly. I was horrified as I watched the cum shoot out onto me. It seemed unnecessary. I immediately grabbed the towel and started wiping the mess up, like I figured a normal man might do. The cum just stuck in the hair on my torso, and it felt like I was just rubbing the mess around rather than getting clean. It was awful.

I spent the next few days orgasmless. I was miserable. I had to do something about this.

So I downloaded a dating app and swiped right on every woman I saw who looked as desperate for sex as I was. Turns out it's not that hard to find a hookup. I took Ainsley out for drinks and brought her back to my place. Things got heavy on the couch, and she pulled out a condom, telling me to put it on. It'd been so long since I'd had sex with a woman, I honestly hadn't thought about condoms. I slid the sheath on over my cock, and it almost felt as cool and smooth as a peace lily leaf. That made my cock swell to its maximum size, which Ainsley seemed to appreciate. I didn't need to tell her it wasn't her that had my dick throbbing.

As the woman was moaning beneath me, I shot a glance over at my peace lily and came into the condom. I tried to keep going for politeness' sake, but it didn't take long after that for my dick to shrink back to its flaccid state. Ainsley was pissed and told me off. I couldn't blame her. Didn't matter much to me, though. I didn't need her.

Besides, my mind was on other things. For one, the peace lily was really starting to look sick. It had been fine when I left for drinks with Ainsley, but after I had fucked the woman on the couch, the plant definitely started looking wilty. After Ainsley left, I gave the peace lily some water, and then I went out and bought a whole pack of condoms.

The condoms worked much better than the sock. And I could focus my attention on the peace lily. I'd named her Sadie. I started masturbating every night on the couch, staring at Sadie and imagining that the condom was her bright green leaves. Of course, the brightness had never really come back into them. Not like they'd used to be. I guess I'd really messed her up, ejaculating into her all that time.

That didn't stop the plant from being the object of most of my waking thoughts. One night, I was trying to jerk off into a condom, but my dick couldn't get more than semi-erect. I glanced over at Sadie. What the heck. Nobody needed to know what I did in my house but me. I wouldn't come in her. I needed to let the plant recover. But I could have safe sex with her. The same way I had with Ainsley.

I got up from the couch with my condom-covered cock and stood in front of Sadie's pot. Just being close to her made my dick get harder. I started masturbating under the shadows of her leaves. It felt good. And I swear Sadie started to perk up a bit, too. She'd just needed some attention from me. I came into the condom, threw it away, and brought Sadie a glass of water. "Good girl," I said to her.

The next morning, Sadie was looking more like herself. I gave her a wink and went off to work, and when I got back that night, I once again jerked off into a condom under the comforting camouflage of Sadie's leaves.

The night after that, Sadie was really looking great. So healthy again. Her stems were long and firm, and her leaves looked so bright and perky. I stuck my safely wrapped cock near her pot, and as I jerked off, a thought came to me. I gently held one of Sadie's leaves and tenderly wrapped it around my sheathed cock, like old times. I couldn't feel the coolness of her leaf, but just knowing it was there felt amazing. Like we were doing this together.

I held Sadie's leaf firmly around my shaft, part jerking off and part thrusting into her. My eyes rolled back in my head. It was the best sex I'd had in years. I slowed my thrusts, wanting it to last forever. I kept one hand around Sadie's leaf as I leaned forward and held myself up with one hand against the wall behind her, my body hunched over Sadie's beautiful flowers. I could feel the tips of the petals brushing lightly against my chest hairs as I thrust into her. Almost like they were reaching up for me. I closed my eyes, enjoying the sensations.

I imagined that the condom wasn't there between us, and I guess it was my mind playing tricks on me, but it really felt like her broad, smooth leaf was once again wrapped around my cock without the protective layer keeping us apart. That put me over the edge. I arched up onto my tip toes and shot my load into the condom. So much cum. I could feel it shoot out in three separate loads, each one as big as the last. I don't think I've ever come so much in my life. Afterward, I let go of Sadie's leaf and leaned forward, bracing myself with both hands and letting my forehead rest on the wall. My body pressed into her leaves and flowers, and I forced myself to stand up so I wouldn't crush her.

As I smiled down at Sadie, my smile turned to a look of shock. The condom had come off while I was fucking her. It lay there like a sad, limp little piece of shed skin. And my load was all over Sadie's soil. How had this happened? I'd had a grip on Sadie's leaf the whole time. In fact, as I looked down, I saw that her leaf was still wrapped around my cock. I must've squeezed so tight that she'd gotten stuck to my skin.

I backed away to pull my cock away from her leaf, but it didn't let loose. So I reached down and gently tried to pry the leaf away from my dick. It was stuck.