All Comments on 'My Wife is a Lying Cheating Bitch'

Congratulations on posting your first stories. May I suggest that you try to tell as much of the story as possible via dialogue? It lends intimacy to the story and helps the reader identify with the characters.

fucked up ending, getting back with his ex-wife for sex, earned you one star.

Silly story

So she hasn't change, then?

She's still happy to fuck anyone who's not her husband.

And he's like the dog that keeps returning to his own vomit.

I think you mean Iraq not Iran. Iran tends to arrest all Americans that they find on their soil as either spies or terrorists.

So he turned out to be a cuck after all

pity

This story is okay if it also lacks feelings. Your protagonists don't really come over to me. Everything seems so clinically sterile. Like a treatise in a log book. What I didn't like at all, that he has the slut as a friend with sex. How can someone touch a piece like that, let alone have sex with her?

Meh! 3 stars

Read like an outline. Why the cheating and disrespect? She married to get away from parents and i guess doesnt love the guy but why the humiliation? After that he forgives and is FWB?

A 1 star story.

Short but sweet

Not a bad story but needed livelier wording and dialogue. It was like listening to a mumbler tell a story.

Pretty much a by the book cheating wife story. Not much intrigue or excitement to pull your readers into your story. Thanks for posting. Your story is still better than 90% of those posted lately.

2 tours in the Middle East, when you get out, truck driving school.

Why even get married?

I admire your courage posting story here, but other than a general outline of a plot the story is lacking. Your writing skills are not developed enough produce a narrative that engages us readers. You use a lot of short, simple sentences that only convey a single, and at times, partial thought by the characters and/or situation. There are a lot of GREAT writers in this genre, as good as any in print (and some here are that as well), so read their stories and try to assimilate some of their styles and methodologies. Once you up your game a couple levels, get an editor who is willing to work with you to get to the next level. I know you perceive my comments as disheartening, but that isn't my intent. You took the biggest step in posting, the rest is achievable and I encourage you to keep trying.

I liked the story. The writing was blah and I had a hard time identifying with the protagonist and didn't feel anything for the wife or her lover. However please keep going and posting I would like to see more.

Three stories in one day? Slow down. This was awful.

He had PDS? Pgment-dispersion syndrome? Oh, OK.

I loved the story, but as in previous comments, it lacks soul. It's choppy, too matter of fact, and needs to be fleshed out. Too many statements and no development.

I get it, you told the whole story, but it reads like a barely fleshed out outline.

Yeah, Iraq, not Iran. No biggie.

Otherwise, a mighty fine story which shows potential. You just need to read the story again and again, edit, edit, and edit. Then get a reader and/or an editor. I'll help if you'd like.

Average. A 3. This new writer goes over familiar LW territory, kind of on a surface level. Still the writing's good, so there may be promise here. For what it's worth, here are three constructive criticisms:

1. In the second paragraph, it should be "Iraq" not "Iran"

2. In the tenth paragraph, it should be "renter's insurance" not "home owner's insurance"

3. The ending would have been more satisfying if he was happily married, instead of becoming FWB with ex.

More or less boring!

Some where in that verbal upchuck there was a story, an average story, but a story. Slow everything down and tell the story. Details, details, details. What does your ex look like, what did she and her lover say, what kind of truck does your friend have, Details.

Good story but stiff, relax the flow and maybe add a little dialouge..

Your pen name Oneminute is accurate. It took you about one minute to write this story. It has more holes than a colander.

First off slow down with your story. Go into a little detail and tell the story not just outline everything. "i found this."....and tell something that would take days or weeks to do but you just magically did it.

The protagonist found John not only was spending each evening at his house cheating with his wife but had 5 more women on the side. And that was after following him for just a few days. How did John manage to handle all that and work at the same time? Does not make sense. John had a motel room pretty much on permanent rent. Why? Was he married and could not take the women to wherever he lived? And he did all five in a couple days. Plus the women were immediately identified so their spouses could be notified. That is just a few things about John.

The protagonist is going to start driving a truck but accepts another position with his company. Again makes no sense. He rents another apartment and gives notice for his own lease. But then you say he cancels his home owners insurance. A contradiction. Plus you had him cancel his auto insurance and then buy more. He isn't going to keep his car? Plus when you have paid the policies they remain in force until they expire or you sell. Then you might get a refund.

You touched on the bank stuff because you had seen that in other stories. Before you even talk to a lawyer to have them served? The guy must have saved up a bunch o f money. He bought spy cams to put in his house the motel, bribe the motel cleaner, send his wife to the spa for the day. She doesn't work? What does she do, just sit around all day? But you used that ploy to make sure she was not home when his buddies came to help him move his stuff. If she's not working, she must be out spending his money.

Your guy does too much in too short a time. The telling is too abrupt. I commend you for trying to write a story. So tell it next time.

Read worse than a middle school essay. Very poor writing. And the plot was boring as hell.

2**

I think you mean PTSD not PDS.

A very sterile story that ended with zero respect for Bob the idiot.

No angst, no passion, nothing at all - generic boiler plate tale with characters that generate no empathy or sympathy.

3/5

Poorly written. Was hard to read.

The FWB angle at the end buried an already dying story.

This cuck story is so bad I cant even rate it. Zero stars.

One

In the future, do a little research before you finish writing your story.

I watched my apartment.

I canceled my auto and home owner's insurance and went to a new company and got new insurance just for me at the new address.

Living in an apartment, you have renters insurance not home owners. Why if he was going to be a long haul trucker did he get a new apartment for two months?

I called the utilities and asked them to change my account and to shut off the utilities at the end of the month at my old address.

In an apartment, the utilities get transferred back to the apartment owner until the next resident moves in.

Would've been better without the sorta raac ending

the main character needs to be fleshed out a bit more and no way would a FWB outcome happen here

A little rough, but you had a good idea in there. Polish your writing, get an editor, and keep writing.

Standard operating procedure. Nothing new here. Very predictable. Thank god it was short. You need some character development and while doing the revenge thing, have a hiccup or two to make it interesting.

You served a tour in IRAN? Republican Guard or Al Kuds force? And what's PDS syndrome? Also, the biggest flaw was the psychologist was legally obligated to notify his superiors and subsequently law enforcement when MC admitted to being dangerously homicidal. The upside of your story is that you managed to include every LW cliché, trope and meme in just 2K words! Bonus points for 'aged 10 years in 5'. You need dialogue and structure. Slow down and show with word imagery; don't "tell" us but show us. It's the basis of all writing. Use a proofreader to avoid huge factual errors, like the psychologist, Iran and PDS. 3/5

story is good but need more showing than telling but good work

What a stupid ending. What? There are not other women for him in that town? *

Get an editor!

He's kinder at the end than I would have been. My ex can burst into flames in front of me and I wouldn't piss on her to put it out.

1 star - this author needs a lot more practice, as well as finding someone to edit the stories.

ONCE&DONE - NO second chance - especially for a planned, long-term affair.

I don't care how many times, or with how many men, his wife had sex with - there is no way in hell any man would ever want to have sex with a slut like this one, especially after divorcing her.

Both are miserable, pathetic examples of broken people. Nothing at all to learn, enjoy, or feel here, other than disgust.

I think you mean PTSD syndrome. Pigment dispersion syndrome (PDS) happens when the pigment rubs off the back of your iris.

Really? Rhonda wasn't just a whore, she was a mean whore. I wouldn't trust her around my food and certainly wouldn't have sex with her. Who knows what STDs she has after all those years. By the way, if he did a tour in Iran, it would no surprise he was shot at since we haven't sent anyone to Iran since 1980 and that didn't go too well. I would have thought they would send him to Iraq, maybe he's not good with directions.

Not too bad for your first go around. It doesn't flow to well, seems to be jumbled up somewhat. Suggest doing an outline/timeline, before putting pen to paper, and strongly suggest an editor. Question: How did you get (PDS) Pigment Dispersion Syndrome because of your time in the service? I think you meant PTSD perhaps? Editor! Good luck and keep writing! 😉

Yeah

I don't know if I would trust the cheating cunt either. Well he got away, that's a good thing, and all the other cunts were divorced, also. Fucking prick should just die himself.

Actually really pretty bad. I couldn't find anything in this that i would tell folks its worth reading for.

Ive read worse, but with the drivel in LW lately thats not a high bar.

This is a fair start. Keep at it.

So you had homeowners insurance on an apartment? I mean normally the owner of the apartment building would worry about that, but sure. Must have pissed them off when you canceled it. It's just one of the many plot holes in this one. Try using an editor. All the best writers use editors. Plenty of people on here will do it for free too. Hell, I'll help edit your story if you want. I can't promise it will be any better, but I'm always looking to help new writers.

Author, you ought to win an award for best bullet statement story writing! But...IMO, that's not good story writing skills...

I didn't dislike this story for the story plot, and your ideas were good.

You just didn't flesh out enough in the story, who did what to whom. For example who beat shit outta John, and kept doing so? Who castrated the worthless wife seducing bastard SOB?

Seems your MC had some principals and morals and acted upon them, all through the divorce and revenge/retaliation.

So why, years later, would he ever take her back, or even buy her dinner, after the way she so horridly cucked him for such a long time, bad mouthed and mistreated MC, who was a good husband and provider for her and paid her meal ticket as well?

They wind-up FWB? I just don;t see that happening...not to a guy who made sure somehow, though you never told us how, he got revenge on the wife seducing bastard fucking his wife, or his cheating slut whore of a wife!

With very little story expansion, you couldn;ve had in back in town after being on the long haul routes for a one night drop a load and next morning pick up a new load to haul across the country, and in the meantime, castrate the wife seducing bastard and be out of town with another load, well before anyone knew he was back in town, or in another twon a few miles distant...

Your story had lots of interesting possibilities, but in your hurry to keep it moving fast, and in your bullet statement writing style, there was no chance for that...

Still...I liked the plot and premise of this story, so if you could stop the staccato bullet statement writing problems and flesh a story out a little better, for us next time...

At least this wasn't at all another miserable limp-dick cucked wussy husband story, which I think are so sick and deviant! Reason I hate all of those cucked spouse stories where the spouse is turned into a slave, cuck stories I find in this LW category, where I feel, they damned short don't belong!

This husband found his cheating wife out, figured out what he had to do, then set about doing it, got the job done and done well! Just what they trained him to do, in the military!

I would like to see what other story plots and premises, you come up with! So, please keep writing!

Pretty good. Definitely needs more dialogue rather then full narration but thats personal opinion, I don't fell pure narration stories flow as well. Not a big fan of the ending, being FWB with a woman that was that cruel and disgusting with him seems odd even ignoring whatever STDs she might have picked up banging the boyfriend who was banging 5 other women. If she hadn't been so cruel, if John had did the toilet stuff on his own their minor reconciliation might have worked better. Overall not bad though, gave it 4 stars.

Dreadful. PDS Syndrome? That’s an eye pigment condition. Homeowners insurance for a rental? Sloppy. This isn’t a story, it’s a plot outline. Not a single original idea in the story. I hate to be negative, but I couldn’t find any real reason to read this, except the title.

Meh, its pity what passes for good here, while the good stuff gets trolled. Keepb

trying. And try to remove at least half of your 'I' usages, way too many of them. Rephrasing around that should help your story flow.

You have to start somewhere, somehow. You have a long road ahead of you, if its meant to be it will be. Good luck.

And thanks for the effort.

Not much better than 22 1/2 Year Chuck. At least it was short.

You have potential. The stories are there, but need some more development. When I saw you post three of your first stories on the same night, the first thing I thought was this may not work out well..

Posting a first story tends to be trial by fire. So many "oh shoots" amazingly reveal themselves after hitting the "Submit" button. What you learn from the first stories usually helps in future writings. Posting all three didn't give you a chance to incorporate the feedback and tips the commenters provide. Yes, even the PIA anons can provide insight. 😁

So congratulations on posting your first stories. 40+ comments shows you can at least attention. There plenty of stories on LW that less than 10. You'll be amazed who much your writing will progress as you apply what you learn with each subsequent posting. Good luck!

eh the FWB the only problem i would have is the danger of it. i have seen a lot of that happening though so its believable. for the rest what t8nt said and a little more fleshing out ur characters with a bit more emotion maybe more than just anger

That was one of the best revenge for me very doable. I just don't know what to think about having sex with ex-wife, love might crop up again or her entitlements might rear its ugly head again. Thanks oneminute2 I enjoyed reading this amidst a pile of new cuck stories. I hate cuck stories.

Awful writing and run-of the-mill plot.

PTSD perchance? I haven't read comments and probably won't but I doubt I'm plowing new ground. Dialogue is your friend. Narrative isn't a story it's the outline and you fill it in with actions and words. You'll hear this a lot. "Don't tell me what happened, show me." I'm certain there will be some hard-core BTB fans that will love this as it fits their most liked structure, whether it's an actual story about people with emotions, strengths and weaknesses, or not.

one stupid man.

Yup read it hate it

So, we know why she married him but, how fucked up would her parents have to be to create this bitch? One who could do the things she did and allow the things she allowed to happen? Man, I wouldn’t touch that skank with somebody else’s dick on a ten foot pole! And now she’s a nurse? Yikes!

Not happen in’, unless other things happened to lead to it. Maybe she was long term engaged or married, the divorced or widowed. Something like that.

Those must be some tough hate fucks with her. An old coworker said he found his wife was cheating for years on him . He sorted everything out for his move also. On a Saturday they were drinking heavy and getting high while fooling around. His friend who she disliked came over and in a very drunken high state they both fucked her a few times . As he put it they treated her like a low class whore. In her defense she was high but at one point he was pounding her in the ass pulling her hair head back as his friend bent in front and put his ass over her face so she could rim him. Toward the end of it they pissed on her face as she laid all fucked out . He regrets it and they did make up with her years later as she was the mother of his kids .

I sort of understand the ending of FWB, but it felt like more of drop in that took away from what was a good story

Shiity character buildup, documentary type story from a child's book..

After reading several of your stories I think you should flesh out the parts where the MC finds out what is said and by whom. In other words instead of saying she said what a noob he is put it in her and her paramours words. Currently I would liken the story to a report. Give it some emotion on all the players parts. Don’t stop writing, I think you can and will improve. Also bare in mind that if a comment is from anonymous just disregard it, if they are not wanting to leave their name they are just trolling.

I was all with you until you took the slut back

I laughed out loud several times at how preposterous this story was :D.

Why would he want to have sex with some shriveled up old skank that did to him what she did? There's have been plenty of available pussy in that town that didn't come with all that baggage. We'll crafted and appropriate until that point.

this was a bit amateurish. Too simple and FWB ending was lame sorry try better next time THX for the effort

Didn’t care for the ending, and pissing in the toiletries was too lenient. He inconvenienced Rhonda, but otherwise caused her no pain. At the very least, he should have sent each of her parents their own flash drive of Rhonda’s hit videos.

I wouldn't have fucked that cheating slut , with any other guys dick.

The story line was good, but your writing is not yet up to par. I suggest taking a couple of writing courses. Keep working at it, you'll get better.

I know writing is difficult but please consider these points.

.refrain from using a simple sentence to write your story. If you read it aloud it reads this: TED AND SUE RAN. THEN TED RAN TOO. I THOUGHT IT LOOKED LIKE FUN AND I RAN AFTER THEM.

Also, real people treated as you character was WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN GRACIOUS. Blythly using that old horse is both a waste of the readers time and be yours.

What did I think of this story? Well sorry, but not a lot! IMHO it is neither fish nor foul, but in that it tries to be all things to all men, it quickly loses it's soul, well no actually, it never really has one to start with!

High school drop-out, working 2nd shift (whatever that is?) AND going to Truck-Driving School (3-weeks), had TWO tours overseas, one tour in Iran AND 1 in Afghanistan. BUT didn't do any fighting BUT did get shot at a lot. Had a stray space shuttle land on his head, then got arrested for damaging it?

When he "came-home-early" (having borrowed his wife's headache?) his finely-honed extensive military training that he had when he didn't do any fighting, kicked-in when, alerted by the noisy wife and lover loudly `Dissing' him, he stayed outside, so as not to kill them both, with all that fighting that he never learned nor used in the army! and on, and on, and on, and ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Truck driving PUSSY MOTHER FUCKER! lol

Why do these talent less idiots bother

Well, I have to agree with the comments. After what she did, and how she fell why would he even go near the skag? What happen with Keiiy the maid at the Motel? Not good enough, but a cheating wife that hates his guts is ok to fuck? Sorry, good start, bad ending. Maybe you should get a different pass time.

XYZ

Despite following international affairs closely, I didn’t realise that America had a military base in Iran. It just shows what you can learn from yarns on Literotica. 2 stars for trying, but the author needs to work on writing quality and plot development. Thanks for sharing.

Perhaps a writing class or improved alacrity with the English language?

Maybe just an EYES OPEN world view.

PDS? I won't even mention the first three things that come to mind! Learn the English language, some grammar and mater that old dubya-dubya-dubya for researching things like "PDS".

An editor would help!

4

I won’t go into the composition or editing. Plenty of grammar Nazi’s on Lit already. Let me give some of my insight, on what you need to write a good story on Lit.

#1. Emotion. Regardless of the angle on the story, it must elicit emotion from the reader. Anger, Sadness, Happiness, Disgust, something.

#2. Build up- Story must have a build up, as to what happened. Readers need to know why, the martian slut ray, took the wife.

#3. Closure- Just like the build up, there must be some closure. The closure should contain key elements of what happened to those involved, and it must be believable.

#4. Believability- As I mentioned in #3, the readers need to be able to believe it. Look at it like this- If you are trying to seduce a middle aged woman, who is 40 pounds overweight, you don’t start out, by telling her she is gorgeous enough to be a Playboy centerfold. You don’t tell a woman with A cup boobs, they are the biggest you have ever seen. Your readers want to be seduced, they want to forget about life, and become engrossed in your story. It needs to be believable, for that to happen.

Good luck, and keep writing.

Overall, your story read like a stock market report.

Loads of errors. The term is PTSD and no one goes to a psychiatrist 3 times a week and definitely everyday. Research yours better

Why get back with the bitch at all, load of fucking bollocks

Great story!!! So badass!

That sucked! What makes ex hubby think, he isn’t sticking his dick in a cesspool? Not a very good ending....

I know it’s already been commented on, but seriously he got “PSD”, Pigment Dispersion Syndrome, from his tour of duty! Hahaha! How about when he ”moved the Curtanas” so he could install the camera…a Curtana is a an unpainted sword! Weird that they would have a Curtana in a hotel room. I’m not trying to be a complete dick about it, but you have to admit that you didn’t put a lot of effort into this story, not the plot or the research of some simple terms. Try again….try harder! Zuzus_Petals

Not a bad Tylenol. However, the expression needs work! I’m sure you’ll get better the more you’re right. I enjoyed the story.

Really a shame as this was a good retribution fantasy. But talk about blowing credibility who did tours in Iran?

Thank you. I enjoyed reading it. Keep writing.

Sorry but the ending was just plain stupid!

This unfortunately reads like a report of what happened, but not a story about human beings. No conversations, no motivations, no emotions, no descriptions, just a bland, pro forma summary. It could serve as an outline for a story, but as it stands, it is not a story. The old writer’s maxim “Show, don’t tell” applies here. Oneminute2, go turn this nice outline into a real, emotionally gripping story.

Hmmm ok, first we fought ii Iraq NOT Iran second it's pts Not pds third Not even Realistic jeez dude

My ending is better... He ducked out of the restaurant and stuck her with the check.

100% never served PDS lmao

What the fuck was this? Jill went up the hill to get a pail of water? Terrible.

I liked the story. This is a rarity for me I held back scoring this a five for a story I liked. The burn was fine. The ending didn't bother me. If man wants to bang his ex, more power to him. Although, he should not expect fidelity especially if she is doing the scumbag five nights a week.

What had me hold back was the delivery. If scumbag is seeing the slut every night her husband is working, when does he have time to shag other women? The prose itself seemed stagnant. It seemed more of an outline than storytelling.

Maybe the author could consider collaborating with a literotica version of a ghostwriter similar to how FTDS wrote there story. It may wirth the shot. 4 stars (still a bump from the average.